


Bled Dry

by ahopper84, themayqueen



Series: Pieces Fit [1]
Category: Hanson, The Moffatts
Genre: BDSM, Biting, Butt Plugs, Dom/sub, F/M, Heavy BDSM, Humiliation, Incest, M/M, Past Drug Use, Past Incest, Piercings, Punishment, Rimming, Rope Bondage, Scratching, Sibling Incest, Spanking, Tattoos, Threesome, Threesome - M/M/M, Verbal Humiliation, Whipping
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-01
Updated: 2016-03-03
Packaged: 2018-02-19 13:40:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 27
Words: 99,390
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2390381
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ahopper84/pseuds/ahopper84, https://archiveofourown.org/users/themayqueen/pseuds/themayqueen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Scott Moffatt goes to a Hanson concert as a joke, and ends up turning his, Taylor’s and Zac’s lives upside down. In the aftermath, all three will be forced to confront truths about themselves and what they need and want.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Sep. 26, 2013. House of Blues, Los Angeles, CA.

_**Scott** _

Well, that was… something.

It’s funny how some things never change; people get stuck into a role, and they never get out of it. I’d just spent the last hour and a half witnessing that fact. At a Hanson concert. They were still teen idols… minus the ‘teen’ part. Not to say they weren’t talented; they definitely knew how to play. I’d known it was true back then, and I’d just seen that it was still true. But they also knew exactly how to whip the bitches into a frenzy, especially Taylor. That guy was _born_ to be desired. He had the look, the moves, all down to a science, and hell if it didn’t work like a fucking charm.

I looked around at the throng of sweating females, all looking like they just had a record-breaking fuck. I couldn’t believe how many there were; Bob had told me they were still pulling a hell of a crowd, but I didn’t think he’d meant standing room only. Now that the show was over, there was room to move, so I made my way to the side of the stage; a quick badge flash, and I was in. I adjusted my shades and ran a hand through my hair, mentally preparing myself. Standing in the crowd listening to these guys was one thing; facing them was a whole different challenge.

The green room was buzzing, people laughing and talking all over; I did a quick scan before making my move. There were a few buckets of beer scattered around, so I grabbed a bottle and popped the lid. I’d had to fork over an almost painful amount for the ticket and pass, but at least the booze was free. Then I saw him, leaning against a wall and sipping a brew; he looked about as happy to be here as I felt, or at least how I’d felt a couple hours earlier. He’d changed a lot since the Mmmbop days, the long flowing locks chopped short, and a few wrinkles around those trademark baby blues. Yet the fans still drooled over him, and not without good reason. He’d been an attractive teen, and now he was an attractive man. Anyone would have to be blind not to see that.

“Well well, if it isn’t Taylor Hanson, the man, the myth, the legend. All grown up and still as pretty as ever.”

He looked around for a second, before his eyes fell on me.

“Well, if it isn’t… some random guy,” he shot back, one eyebrow raised.

“Scott Moffatt.” I slipped my shades off and hung them on the front of my shirt, then held out my hand. “You’re taller than I thought.”

He stared at my hand for a second, like he thought it’d bite.

“Am I supposed to know that name?”

“My brothers and me had a band back in the day,” I explained, shrugging. “Record companies tried to compare us all the time; I think we had a lot of the same fans.”

“You… were the Canadian ones, right?”

“Yeah, that’s us. The _Canadian Hanson_. Trust me, we were way cooler.”

“…I’m sure you were.” He looked me up and down, one eyebrow raised, looking about as condescending as I expected.

“The Moffatts, if you didn’t remember yet.”

“I think I recall the name, vaguely. So what happened?”

“You know, shit happens. Wasn’t working out, so I split. It’s cool though; I was born to solo anyway. Just put out an EP last month, actually. You should check it out.”

“I’ll get right on that.”

I downed the rest of my beer; so what if he didn’t remember us? It wasn’t like we’d ever actually met. Still, it was a sting I was all too familiar with and frankly getting pretty sick of. We had hits, we toured the world. We had millions of fans… a decade or two ago. I could be pissed, but honestly I didn’t blame him. The solid truth was, we were a boy band that was popular during the age of boy bands, but that wasn’t who we wanted to be. And unfortunately, it was either get with the program or get out; we opted for the latter.

Whatever. I had a solo career now, and even the twins were making a name for themselves… among other things. And Dave… I didn’t really know what he was up to. I hadn’t heard from him in a while… we didn’t exactly part on the best of terms. I was young and stupid; not that I was any less stupid now, but at least I had more experience to back it up. Still, I wondered about him sometimes… But now wasn’t the time to be thinking of my brothers, not when I had my very own teen idol to play with.

“But hey, you guys are still going strong. Still leaving them wet in the aisles, eh?”

“I… I’ve never put it exactly that way.”

“Doesn’t surprise me,” I snorted, backstepping to the cooler, where Zac was just cracking open a fresh bottle. I snagged it from him and handed him my empty, then moved to sit on a couch a few feet away. Taylor stared at me, jaw hanging, then looked over at his brother, who looked halfway between shocked and pissed. Taylor threw him a look, and he grabbed another bottle and stormed off.

“Dude, that was… wait, what? What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing.” I downed half my beer, smirking at how easy it was to get him riled. “So, I read somewhere about kids at home; rock star _and_ family man, how do you do it?” I draped an arm over the back of the couch, but he just stood there.

“So what, did you Wikipedia us or something?”

“Didn’t wanna fly in totally blind. Then what would we talk about?” I gave him a sly grin; I was starting to have fun with him, even if he wasn’t giving me shit to work with.

“Well. At least you did your homework. And yes, I do have a family. They’re all at home now, so…” He shrugged, shifting uncomfortably. “It’s not that hard. There’s home, and there’s tour.”

“Gotta keep ‘em separated,” I said, smirking. He finally decided to have a seat, granted a good distance away from me, but progress is progress.

“It’s just too much to deal with. Gets too crowded bringing everybody along.”

“How much is ‘everybody’?”

“All together? Three wives and nine kids. Two each for Zac and Ike, and five of my own.”

“Jesus!” I cursed, almost spitting out my drink. “Five?!”

“I got an early start,” he explained, eyeing me.

“I guess so. Well damn, someone’s been busy.”

“Guess you could say that.”

“You save any of that for the tour?” I laughed. I couldn’t believe he was the same age as me with five kids.

“Um, you did hear me say I was married, right?”

“Yeah? And?” I shrugged casually, but if I was honest, I was probably getting a little too interested already.

“Not like it’s any of your business,” he said, shaking his head and turning away. I just grinned; that was more of an answer than I’d expected, and it was all I needed.

“Ah, so the rock star does play… interesting. Question is, does he stick to just one team? Seems to be a lot of rumors floating in your general direction…”

“Did I say that?” he snapped, glaring at me, but the truth was all over his pretty face.

“Didn’t have to.”

“I thought you did your homework,” he said, rolling his eyes and looking away again. “Sounds like you just read a bunch of gossip sites.”

“Fan sites, actually. Gossip sites are shit. But the fans… they’re smarter than folks give ‘em credit for.”

“Yeah, well… our fans have too much free time.” He glanced at me, looking almost embarrassed; obviously he caught my meaning.

“Oh believe me, I know,” I laughed. “Quite the creative bunch, aren’t they?” I’d done a fair share of browsing, and it turned out the fans loved to pair Taylor up with pretty much every other male celebrity, myself included. And some of them got really into it, hardcore, x-rated. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t read any of them.

I gave Taylor a knowing grin and nudged his knee with my own; he practically jumped like I’d burned him and scooted away. I rolled my eyes; the whole hesitance thing was cute at first, but it was starting to get on my nerves.

“I don’t bite, you know. Not on the first date, anyway.”

Taylor coughed, having just taken a swig of beer. “Wasn’t aware this was a date… seemed more like you crashing our green room.”

“Never said it was. I may be easy, but not that easy. Besides,” I added, giving him a long look up and down. “You’re not exactly my type.”

“Good to know,” he answered with a glare.

“Not that I have much of a type…”

“Of course you don’t,” he muttered, and I raised an eyebrow. He shot me an innocent look, and I just smirked.

“So who’d you marry, some little blondie?”

“No?” he replied curiously. “Why does it matter?”

“Jeez, can’t a guy make conversation? You know, I paid good money to hang out with you, and this is the thanks I get? I might just have to take off, you keep this up…” I smirked at him, loving the way he looked suddenly guilty.

“I’m just curious why you’re so… curious about me. And I can’t help feeling a bit mocked.”

“Yeah, I get that reaction a lot,” I said, shrugging. “What can I say? We have a lot in common, background-wise.”

“Do we.” He looked thoroughly unconvinced.

“Well,” I began, trying to be serious for once. “We both started young, with our brothers. Got pigeon-holed into the corporate bullshit idea of being teen idols. Got shit on for trying to do music our own way. Only difference is, you survived; we didn’t. Why shouldn’t I be curious?” Admitting they’d succeeded where we failed hurt, but if I wanted to get him to open up, apparently I’d have to do the same.

“Okay.” He eyed me, still seeming unsure but not as condescending. “So what’d you play, anyway? You were obviously the front man.”

“Guitar, duh.”

“Yeah, figures,” he snorted, nodding.

“What can I say? Chicks dig guitarists.”

“Not all of them,” he shot back with a smirk of his own.

“Touche. Still, don’t need ‘em all.”

“Anyway, Ike was our frontman to start with. The record label kinda pushed me out front… the ‘pretty one’,” he mocked, rolling his eyes.

“And you’re still pretty, sweetheart,” I teased. He rolled his eyes again, mumbling a sarcastic, “Thanks.”

“You always take compliments like they’re insults?”

“Do you always _give_ compliments like they’re insults?”

“So, quite the party,” I said, looking around. “Bit tame for my taste…” Zac paused nearby and set his beer down, typing on his phone; I smirked and grabbed the bottle, taking a swig before he even noticed. “But at least the service is good.”

“I take no responsibility for the ass kicking you’re going to get if you keep that up,” Taylor sighed, shaking his head. I just chuckled, taking another sip and watching as Zac looked around for his missing drink.

“He’s a drummer, he’ll get over it; just tell him to go bang a groupie for a couple hours.”

“That’s… he’s… yeah, that’s not going to happen.”

“Ooh, another ‘devoted husband’?” I asked with air quotes. “Or are his tastes as up in the air as yours?”

“His tastes are none of your business,” Taylor answered, sitting up straighter.

“Aw, protective big brother. How cute.” I killed the beer and set it down, then pulled a flask from my jacket and taking a swig.

“But for your information, yes, he is a devoted husband. He’s a good guy.” Taylor’s eyes followed the flask; I held it out to him, but he shook his head.

“I’m sure he’s plenty good.” I looked back at the drummer; he’d changed most, from the scrawny, spastic kid to a muscular power rocker. His shirt barely contained the bulging muscles in his arms, and his hair fell in soft waves, begging to be touched. He’d obviously won the genetics lottery, maybe even more than the other two.

“That’s my brother you’re talking about,” Taylor growled. I turned to face him; it was adorable, him trying to look intimidating. He looked about as threatening as a kitten just learning to hiss.

“Easy tiger,” I laughed. “I ain’t after him.”

“Good.” He blinked, seeming to rethink what I said, and I almost laughed again.

“So, how long you guys in LA for?”

“Um, couple days. We’ve got a show in Anaheim, and some festival thing this weekend.”

“I might have to make another appearance.” I took another sip of whiskey, feeling the slight warmth start to spread.

“Yeah, you do that.”

“What, you don’t like my company?” I gave him a hurt look, trying not to smirk. “And here I thought we were getting along just fine…”

“I’ve had worse company,” he said with a shrug. “Just can’t seem to think of any…” He gave me a tiny smirk, and I knew I was getting to him.

“Yeah, I get that a lot, too. Can’t imagine why…”

“Right,” he snorted. “Because you’re just so charming.”

“Charming enough when I need to be.”

“Keep telling yourself that,” he replied with a blank stare. I grinned, leaning closer and lowering my voice.

“Sweetheart, if I turned it on, you’d never know what hit you.”

“If you say so.” He eyed me, scooting back, and I smirked. I took another long swig from my flask before putting it away, then leaned closer to Taylor, crossing my legs towards him.

“So, what do you do besides play rock star and house?”

“Because that leaves so much time for anything else?”

“Gotta make time for fun. All work and no play, ya know…”

“Five kids and a career,” he said, looking down. “You do the math.”

“Seriously man?” I felt a little sad for him; suddenly my life didn’t seem to suck quite as much. “You gotta get out sometime.”

“Didn’t say I didn’t. Just… doesn’t happen that often.”

I looked him over, thinking about what I’d expected versus what I was facing. It didn’t take me long to make a decision. I stood up, holding my hand out.

“Come on.”

“…Okay.”

I was a little surprised how quickly he agreed, but that just made it better. I pulled him to his feet and threw an arm around his waist.

“We’re getting the hell out of here. Find ourselves a real party.”

“Yeah… sure…” He rolled his eyes, but I spied a hint of a smile as he let me drag him away.

“Don’t worry, I’ll have him back in one piece,” I called to Zac, giving him a quick wave as we headed out. The night had taken a totally unexpected turn, or it would have if I’d gone in with any expectations.

Taylor Hanson… not a bad guy. A little run down, but with five kids, who wouldn’t be? He was going to be loads of fun to play with, so easily ruffled. There was more to him than he was letting on, that much was obvious. And while I never paid too much attention to rumors, I had a solid feeling I was on the right track with him. Something about the way he carried himself, the way he looked at everyone… the way he looked at me. He was interested, even if he didn’t want to admit it. It was like I told him; once I turned on the charm, he had no idea.


	2. Chapter 2

Sep. 27, 2013. Sunset Trocadero and The Standard Hotel, Los Angeles, CA.

_**Taylor** _

I was not  _nearly_  drunk enough for this.

I always get myself in trouble in California. It’s just a given. Trouble just finds me on the west coast, even when I’m not looking for it. This particular night, trouble just so happened to be named Scott Moffatt. I’ll admit, I didn’t even realize he was still alive until he showed up at the concert. He was a bastard and I didn’t want anything to do with him at first, but… there was just something about him. Aside from the funny accent.

I couldn’t explain it. All I knew for sure was that I needed more alcohol, and I had no doubt the club he’d practically drug me to was more than willing to supply it.

“So, her sister walks in and of course we’re right there, both stark naked…” He said, laughing. “I tell her to close the door and join the fun, right? Just screwing around. I was sure she was gonna try to beat my ass. And then, and then… she like scowls at me, but goes ahead and does it! Starts stripping down right there, waits her turn, and everything. Even got ‘em to make out… now that was something.”

“I… umm…” I stuttered out, my eyes feeling as wide as saucers. I hadn’t been listening to much of his story, finding myself much more captivated by the way his eyebrows wiggled and the strange way he formed his vowels even after, apparently, not having lived in Canada for a decade. That part of the story, though, caught my attention and left me speechless.

“Twins, man…” he said, still laughing. “Okay, your turn.”

He motioned for the waitress to bring us refills and I played innocent. “My turn for what?”

“Story time, man…” he replied, grinning. “You gotta have at least one.”

I felt myself blushing and I braced for the laughter I was sure that would cause. “Umm… not really, no.”

He gave me a knowing smirk. “Come on… strictly off the record.”

“No way could I even come close to topping that story anyway,” I replied, shaking my head. I may have had a few stories of my own, but nothing quite like that… and nothing I felt comfortable sharing with this guy who I was certain was still, on some level, mocking me.

“Not about topping…” He shrugged, then gave me another smirk. “”Less you’re into that, but you don’t look like the type.”

That got rid of my blush. All the blood seemed to drain from my face, leaving me deathly pale and sputtering incoherently at him. “I… umm… I mean…”

Scott leaned across the table. “Come on, Tay. We’re hanging out, we’re having a good time, right? I’m not that bad a guy, am I?”

“I haven’t decided yet,” I replied honestly, bristling a little at the way he so easily called me by my nickname.

He sighed. “You don’t have to stay, ya know… I didn’t kidnap you.”

“It’s this or sitting in my hotel room alone,” I replied with a shrug. “You’re not… that bad.”

“So?” He asked, just the tiniest ghost of a smirk crossing his lips. “Talk to me, man.”

“About my sex life? Seriously?”

He shrugged. “Or whatever.”

“You assume there’s actually anything interesting about it… honestly, even if I  _did_  have any decent stories…” I was rambling and stalling, and the way Scott rolled his eyes told me that he knew it.

“For Christ’s sake, just fucking talk already.”

I didn’t. A part of me was still so certain that I was just a joke to Scott. Even if we had started out similarly, he wasn’t anything like me now. He might not have truly become the hardcore rockstar he so obviously thought he was, but he was close enough to it that he could laugh at a guy like me. If he knew even half the truth about me… he’d have plenty more to laugh about.

Or so I thought. I watched him carefully as he sipped his drink casually, his eyes roaming around the club as he did so. When he caught someone’s eye, I instinctively followed his stare—and his wink—and choked on my own drink when I realized the person he was flirting with was another man.

Scott’s eyes snapped back to me when I coughed and sputtered. “What?”

“Nothing,” I said, shaking my head. “Nothing at all.”

He just smirked. “Right. So, about that story..?”

“What story?” I asked, adopting an innocent face even though I knew he would see right through it.

“The one you didn’t wanna tell me ’cause you thought I’d judge you for being bi.”

“I didn’t… you… what.” I knew there was no use denying it any longer, but it was just my natural instinct. Less than a dozen people knew, really  _knew_  without any doubt, and I hated that Scott was so sure he was one of them.

“C’mon man,” he said, chuckling. “You honestly think I didn’t know? Had you pegged from minute one.”

I scowled. “Well, I’m glad it amuses you so much.”

“It’s kinda cute, yeah.” He grinned.

“Cute?”

“Did I stutter?”

“No, I just… how is it cute that I’m—that you think I’m.” I cut myself off there, and somehow managed to still take a long sip of my drink around the foot I’d crammed down my throat.

Scott was still chuckling. “Not that, dumbass. It’s cute how shy you are about it.”

“Yeah, well,” I replied, feeling myself pouting a little. “S’not like it’s something I go around talking about, okay?”

“So you are then.” He grinned.

“Even if I told you I wasn’t, would you believe me?”

“Not for a second.”

“Okay then.”

“So, story time,” he said, smirking. “Or are you having fun listening to all my sordid tales?”

I shrugged. “They’re… something else.”

He grinned, but only for a second. When he saw that I really wasn’t going to tell a story of my own, he sighed. “Okay, fine… but this is the last one. Then it’s your turn, got it?”

I sighed and rolled my eyes slightly. “Fine.”

“Hmm… okay, got it. So this was about… seven or eight years ago, after moving to LA for the first time. I met this guy at a club in Long Beach… Nice guy, kind of a pretty boy, but more towards the skater style. We hit it off real quick, one thing leads to another, and we wind up at his place.”

“Okay…” I replied, raising an eyebrow. Compared to his earlier tales, this seemed fairly tame.

Before continuing, Scott motioned the waitress over and ordered refills on our beers along with a few shots. “Well, I end up staying there a couple days, and things get kinda deep. Turns out he’s into the lifestyle, and he’s lookin’ for something more… permanent. Now, I’d never had a full-time sub before, but I’d thought about it.”

I felt myself blushing and quickly downed one of the shots I’d ignored the first time he ordered for me. Maybe I could blame my flushed cheeks on the alcohol. Scott couldn’t possibly have known that I was into that sort of thing, too, could he? It didn’t seem possible, but he had already proven that he could read me like a book. Maybe I could still play dumb. I was good at that. I felt his eyes on me and glanced up to find him shaking his head.

“Sorry… you know what I mean, right?” He asked, smirking. “I forget sometimes not everyone’s into that.”

“I… umm… I can figure out what you mean, yes,” I replied, certain that I was blushing from head to toe.

“Right,” Scott said, his eyes still on me and his lips still turned up in a smirk. “So we agree to give it a shot… and man, it was a disaster. He had issues like you wouldn’t believe. Didn’t wanna listen, didn’t wanna obey, then got pissed off when I tried to discipline him.”

“Mhm…” I managed to mutter around the edge of my glass of beer.

“Funny thing is, he said I wasn’t being hard enough on him… that, and he got into some bad shit. Shit I knew was a dealbreaker for me.” Scott paused then and sighed, and for a moment, I thought I saw a hint of real emotion in his eyes. It intrigued me. “So that was that… still, we had some good times.”

“It… sounds like you did,” I replied, trying not to let my curiosity show.

He smirked. “I could go into specifics…”

“T-that’s… not necessary…” I sputtered.

The waitress arrived with the latest round of drinks, setting down three in front of each of us. If I wasn’t drunk enough to handle Scott Moffatt yet, it wasn’t going to be long before I was.

“Yeah, well,” he said. “It’s your turn anyway. Shot first?”

“Sure,” I replied, giving him a slight glare, but downing the first shot anyway.

Scott tipped back his shot glass before I’d even set mine back on the table, and I found myself watching the way the muscles in his neck flexed and the way his tongue darted out to lick the stray drop of tequila on his bottom lip. When he caught my eye and smirked, I was certain I’d been caught staring. More to distract him from that than to satisfy his curiosity about me, I began telling what little bit of a story I was willing to share.

“I may have, umm… I mean, m-my… this guy I was with, he was kinda into stuff like that, too.”

“Yeah?” Scott asked, an overly eager grin on his face.

“Y-yeah…” I replied, glancing away.

Scott nudged my second shot toward me. “Okay, so what happened?”

With a heavy sigh, I downed the shot. “He was just… kinda kinky or whatever. I mean, he wasn’t like… into ‘the lifestyle’ or whatever. Or if he was, we never really… talked about it.”

Scott nodded and downed his second shot.

“So, you know, we just… I dunno, kinda played around with that sort of stuff, I guess. Whatever.” I hadn’t said much of substance at all, I knew, but it still left me in need of another drink. Without Scott’s prompting, I picked up my last shot and swallowed it down.

“Wow, Tay,” he said, staring at me blankly. “Spare me the graphic details.”

I rolled my eyes. “I don’t… exactly talk about this kind of stuff very often, alright?”

It was true. No one I’d slept with knew the sort of things I thought about, the things I wanted but never quite let myself give in to. Once I’d gotten a taste of it—of what it felt like to be tied up, restrained, beaten—I tried to get that feeling back, but no one could really satisfy that need. Natalie tried, but she could only do so much for me. So I just kept quiet about it.

“Yeah, I see that,” Scott replied. “Worried I’m gonna call the National Enquirer?”

I gave him a stare. “You might. No offense, but I don’t know you well enough to trust you yet.”

Scott threw back his last shot and slammed the glass down so hard it made me jump. I stared blankly at him, not sure what I’d done to elicit that sort of reaction.

“You know, I thought you might be cool to get to know. I figured we had some stuff in common, we could talk, joke around, whatever. But you obviously aren’t in the mood, or  _whatever_. So you know what? Forget it.”

Having delivered his monologue, he started to stand up. I had this sudden urge to stop him, even though truthfully, I still hadn’t decided whether I liked him or hated him. All I knew was that I couldn’t let him get away from me on such a sour note. Panicking a little, I reached out for his arm.

“N-no… I mean…” I sighed, willing my heart to stop racing and my words to stop getting caught on my tongue. “I’m just not used to… talking about this stuff. And frankly, it  _did_  seem like I was just a joke to you at first. You can forgive me for just assuming my life is a joke to a lot of people, can’t you?”

Scott eyed me, and I could practically see the gears in his mind turning, weighing my words and looking for the truth in them. After a brief moment, he smiled a bit and sat back down. “I guess so.”

“I’m sure you get that reaction, too,” I said.

He gave me a slight glare, then shrugged. “Not really… that’d require people to actually know who I am. Well, was.”

If I didn’t already understand, it became clear in that moment why he seemed so bitter and jaded. It wasn’t even about me… at least, not entirely. The world had turned its back on both of us, but I still had many of the things that had been taken away from him. I couldn’t really fault him for hating me a little.

“Sorry I didn’t know…” I said, pouting a little and grasping for some way to get back in his good graces, even though I didn’t know why I cared. “But I think… didn’t one of your brothers come to a concert a few years ago?”

He nodded, the smirk that was already becoming familiar to me slowly returning to his face. “Yeah, that was Bob. He’s actually the one that got me to check you out. Told me he couldn’t believe the crowd you were pulling.”

“I remember now,” I replied with a little smirk of my own. “I think his wife’s a fan. They came backstage, but I didn’t talk to them much. He’s… was… the drummer, right?”

“Yup.” Scott nodded. “Clint played bass, and Dave was on keyboards. Clint and Bob are still together, actually.” He paused, snorted and shook his head. “They play together… they’ve got a two-man band out of Nashville.”

I nodded slowly, sensing something a little off about his words, but unable to figure out what. “I think Zac talked to Bob a lot… you know, drummers…”

Scott grinned. “Yep. Honestly, I think Bob was pretty jealous about you guys still going.”

My smile fell at that. “Well, it’s not like it’s been easy. And it’s not… like it was.”

“Never is…” Scott replied, nodding.

I nodded, too, giving him a little pout. “So, forgive me for prying but… what happened with you guys? I didn’t really… keep up.”

Scott sighed and stared down into his beer, and I regretted asking. But if he could pry into the dark parts of my life that I didn’t want anyone to see, then he could answer a few questions about his career. Finally, he spoke. “Just got tired of the bullshit, mostly… sick of trying to be something we weren’t. We never wanted to be pop stars.” With a snort, he added, “Oh yeah, and Dave came out.”

My eyes widened a little, but I tried not to let my surprise show… much. “Well, the rest of it sounds pretty similar to us. I mean, we always said it was pop music but… that means something different to the labels than it used to.”

“Yeah… well, we wanted to be more than that,” Scott said, grinning. “Rockstars, man.”

I gave a little laugh. “Yeah, well. I don’t think we’ve got that in us. Zac, maybe.”

“Hey man, you got plenty of rockstar in you.”

“Do I really?” I asked, raising an eyebrow and grinning.

He smirked. “Hell yeah you do. You know how to move, how to work the crowd. 90% of it’s in the attitude.”

I nodded, my grin spreading. “Yeah, well… I try.”

“Oh sweetheart, you do more than try and you know it. Don’t bullshit me.”

“And what’s that supposed to mean?” I smirked.

“It means you know exactly what you do to those chicks.”

I snorted, but didn’t stop smirking. “Yeah… maybe.”

“Yeah, yeah…” Scott chuckled. “Maybe my ass.”

“Well…” I said, the word getting lost in my own laughter. “Just takes practice. Although it doesn’t seem to take much to make those girls scream.”

“Not really, no,” Scott replied, still chuckling. “Just gotta know how to work with what you got. Guitar, mic stand… harmonica…”

At the last word, he winked, and I snorted with laughter. “I have been told that I do really obscene things to a harmonica… and a mic stand…”

“I’ll say…” he replied, nodding and eying me. “Damn near made me jealous.”

I coughed and sputtered for a moment, then pulled myself together as best I could. I wasn’t sure if he was flirting or just trying to get under my skin, but either way it was working. With a little smirk, I replied, “Shoulda seen me with Tinted Windows, then… no keyboard, just me and the mic stand…”

“It’s called YouTube,” he said, grinning. “And yes. Very nice.”

He was definitely flirting, and I was definitely blushing. I tried to cover it with a smirk, but I was sure he could still tell how flustered I was.

“Thanks,” I managed to mumble.

To my surprise, Scott didn’t tease me for the blushing. Underneath the table, he nudged my foot, but his face showed little to no sign that he even realized he’d done it. I tried not to acknowledge the move, unsure whether it was an accident or not, but leaning toward  _not_.

“So…” he said. “Feel like elaborating on that story yet? You were just getting to the good stuff.”

I put on my innocent face again. “Hmm? What story?”

Scott snorted. “The one about you and the guy getting kinky.”

The blush that covered my face then made it feel roughly like I was on fire from the neck up. “Oh, umm… well, I mean, there’s not that much to tell. Just, you know… handcuffs, scarves, whatever…”

I mumbled the last few words, but Scott’s wide grin made it obvious that he’d heard them all. “Right, whatever… call it a wild guess, but… sub?”

“I… umm.. maybe,” I mumbled, glancing away.

“That’s a yes,” he replied, and even out of the corner of my eye I could see his grin. “Okay, so… a little bondage fun, huh?”

I nodded, pouting a little as I thought about it. I had good reason for not telling Scott any more of the story, but he was going to keep prying. The whole relationship had been a mess from beginning to end for so many reasons, and I was not going to get into  _that_  with Scott, no matter how much he pried.

Scott tilted his head to the side in what I assumed was confusion, but there seemed to be a hint of genuine concern, too. “What happened?”

I blinked a few times, trying to snap myself back to reality and realizing I was more than a little drunk. I fumbled for some sort of excuse for my sudden bout of melancholy. “Oh… nothing. This is just amusing you too much, that’s all.”

Scott’s smile fell. “Sorry?”

“S’alright,” I replied, shrugging. “I’m starting to get used to you, I think.”

“Aw, shucks… ya mean ya like me?” He asked, giving me a goofy grin that I would never, ever admit to finding adorable.

I rolled my eyes and made a face at him, but I couldn’t stop myself from laughing. “I didn’t say that, did I?”

Scott just laughed and patted my arm. I looked down at his hand, a mixture of amused and surprised that he let it linger so long. It stirred up… something… in me, and it made me want to open up just a tiny bit more.

“Anyway, so umm… we just played around with it or whatever. Nothing… serious. And then we broke up. So, end of that story. Sorry it’s not as…  _interesting_  as yours.”

I glanced up and saw Scott’s smile fall. “Sorry man. What happened?”

“Just… didn’t work out,” I replied with a dismissive shrug.

He nodded knowingly. “Yeah, that happens… especially with that kinda relationship. It’s tough to find someone you mesh with just right. Lord knows I’m still lookin’…”

“Like I said, it was just…” I said, fumbling for the right words to tell him just enough about that doomed relationship to sate his curiosity. “I mean, that was just play. But I guess we were… looking for different things. The… sex wasn’t the problem.”

Scott smirked. “Well if it was, I bet it was his problem, not yours.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Just that you seem…” Scott said. He paused and seemed to contemplate his next words for a moment before shaking his head. “Nothing, nevermind.”

I stared at him, my eyelids heavy but still blinking rapidly as I tried to understand whatever it was Scott wasn’t saying. Coming to no conclusions, I mumbled, the words coming out in one slurred jumble, “Thesexwasfine.”

Scott just chuckled, and I glanced away, embarrassed but too drunk to shut myself up.

“Better than fine…” I added, my voice even softer. Scott raised an eyebrow and smirked, but to my surprise, he didn’t say anything. With a tiny smirk of my own, and my eyes not quite meeting his, I asked, “So… is that a good enough story for you?”

He shrugged and grinned. “It’s a start…”

“Somehow I just had a feeling you wouldn’t be satisfied yet…”

He gave a loud snort of laughter at that, and I felt inordinately pleased with myself for a successful innuendo. He cleared his throat and smirked, his eyes on me in a way that made me a little nervous. Once again, he nudged my foot, and I was certain this one was on purpose.

“Takes a lot more than that to satisfy me…” he said.

“Needy, are we?” I asked, taking a risk and nudging his foot back. “Why am I not surprised…”

Scott chuckled and shrugged. “Nothing wrong with knowing what you want… and going after it.”

He gave me a pointed look then, and even in my drunken state, I knew what he meant. I held his stare for a moment, but that was all I could take. It was too intense.

“Well, sweetheart,” he said, downing the rest of his beer and sighing. “It’s been fun, but I better get you home safe.”

I gave a tiny eye roll, finishing off the last of my own beer. “Think I could make it on my own…”

“Nope,” Scott said, shaking his head. He stood up and held his hand out to me. “Promised your brother I’d get you back in one piece. Wouldn’t wanna piss off the drummer, now would I?”

I giggled and took his hand in spite of myself. I expected him to laugh at that, but he didn’t. He pulled me up with a strength I didn’t really expect from someone so much smaller than me, and held my hand for just a moment longer before letting it drop and guiding me out of the club.

The club wasn’t too far away, so the walk back to the hotel wasn’t especially painful or long. It was long enough, though, to highlight just how drunk I was. Sometimes you don’t realize it while you’re still sitting down, but the second you stand up and start to move, every single drop of alcohol you’ve had in your entire life seems to hit you at once. That was how I felt that night, but somehow we made it back to the hotel in one piece.

As we walked down the hallway toward my room, I felt my body giving way to the desire to pass out. I leaned heavily against Scott, more than I probably should have, but he just held loosely onto my waist and somehow managed to keep me upright. I sighed happily, feeling strangely comfortable next to him. I was sure that was just the alcohol talking.

“What number are you again?” He asked, rubbing my back slightly.

“Umm… 1307. I think,” I said, giggling.

Scott gave a little snort, but steered us toward the right door. He let go of me then, leaving me to wobble unsteadily in the middle of the hallway, and leaned against the opposite wall.

With a grin I could only describe as seductive, he said, “Here we are, then.”

“Mhm…” I replied, blatantly staring at him and the way he just… leaned there, like he owned the whole damn hotel.

He beckoned me a little closer. “You know, you’re alright, Taylor Hanson.”

“You’re not so bad either… Scott Moffatt,” I replied, giving him a little smile as I closed most of the distance between our bodies.

“Depends on what kinda mood I’m in,” he replied. Straightening up to his full height, still quite a bit below my own, he put his hands on my hips and raised an eyebrow as if to dare me to question him.

I blushed, but didn’t pull away. “Oh, I’m sure you could be… very bad…”

Scott’s eyes darkened. His voice low, he said, “And yet, oh so very good…”

In spite of myself, I began to tremble. I didn’t want Scott to know the effect he was having on me. Nothing good could come of giving him the satisfaction of knowing he’d gotten under my skin. As though it could stop me from trembling, I bit my bottom lip hard. Scott’s eyes darted to my lips and I watched him lick his own before meeting my eyes again.

A second—if that—passed, and Scott let out a chuckle that only made me tremble more. He grabbed a fistful of my hair and pulled me down to his level, crushing our lips together.

I let out a muffled whimper, but I didn’t pull away from the kiss. I couldn’t. He was probably strong enough to hold me there if he wanted to, but it didn’t matter. I was in no condition, mentally or physically, to resist him. His lips never leaving mine, he pushed me back until I hit the door to my room. My hands clawed at the back of Scott’s shirt as I kissed him back with all the intensity I could manage.

Scott pulled back and I was prepared to whine and beg him to kiss me again. Before I could, he jerked my head to the side. His mouth just… hovered there, barely millimeters above my neck, but not touching it.

“Scott…” I gasped out, trembling.

With a soft chuckle that I could feel through my whole body, he planted a feather soft kiss on my neck. And that was it. He let go and backed away. I whimpered and pouted, desperately wanting more, but unable to even ask for it. My body went limp against the door as Scott drew further away.

He gave me a wide grin, then pulled his sunglasses out of the front of his shirt and slid them on, even though we were inside and it was night—or more accurately, early morning.

“Told ya, I don’t bite on the first date.”

I could do little more than pout and stare, wishing I could still see his eyes but not sure I would like what I saw in them.

Scott just shook his head and grinned. “Sleep tight, sweetheart.”

With a wink, he turned and walked back down the hall toward the elevators. Slack-jawed and still trembling a little, I watched him as long as I could, until he disappeared around the corner without so much as a single glance back at me. I wasn’t sure what I wanted from him, but whatever it was… he hadn’t exactly delivered.


	3. Chapter 3

Sept. 27, 2013. House of Blues, Anaheim, CA.

_**Zac** _

California… when we were kids, it was one of my favorite places to go. But as time went on, the reasons to dislike LA started piling up. The biggest downside, though, was having to keep an eye on Taylor; the city of angels was full of anything but for my brother. His lowest moments all happened either in LA, or because of it. The drugs, the alcohol, the girls… the guys… and now there was a new problem on the horizon. 

I thought about the night before all through sound check. I didn’t know who that guy was; all I knew was that he’d walked in like he was top dog, stole my beer (twice), and then dragged Tay off til four in the morning. And as much as I hoped I was wrong, what I heard hadn’t sounded like a simple goodnight. Tay had seemed pretty out of it all day, not tired or hungover exactly; more like lost in thought, and I had a pretty good idea what he was thinking about, especially given the goofy smirk and the perma-blush.

Things had been good for him lately; the last thing he needed was for something, or someone, to screw it all up. I tried to tell myself that maybe last night had been a fluke, a one-time thing with no lasting damage. He’d had a few of those over the years; I didn’t like it, and I usually bitched him out, but he never let it go too far. There was something different this time, though. I remembered the last time he’d looked this way, and it hadn’t exactly ended well.

I sighed as I walked into the green room; my life was stressed enough right now; I didn’t need to add “protect my brother from an emotional train-wreck” to my to-do list, but I couldn’t just sit by, either. I looked around the room, gathering my thoughts, and the first thing I saw was a six-pack of beer on the table. I didn’t remember having that brand on our rider, but when I took a closer look I saw a note attached. _To Zac, thanks for the brews last night. Scott._ I was going to say some choice words, but Taylor walked in, smelling of cigarettes and sighing like a lovesick fangirl. So much for no lasting damage…

“So his name’s Scott?” I asked, not trying to hide my distaste.

“What? Oh, yeah. You know, Scott Moffatt?”

The name sounded familiar, and it took me a second to realize why.

“Bob’s brother?” I remembered Bob coming to one of our shows a couple tours ago; he’d seemed a little bitter, but nice enough otherwise.

“Yup,” Tay answered, smiling and nodding. “That Scott Moffatt.”

“Huh…” I broke off a beer and cracked it open, taking a sip. “Didn’t know you knew him.”

“I didn’t… not until last night.”

“Wait, what?” I stared at my brother, and he blinked dumbly at me.

“What?”

“So, he just waltzes in like he owns the place, and you’ve never even met him before that?” I added another item to my mental list of reasons not to like this guy.

“He’s just… like that, I guess,” Tay pouted. “Why?”

I sighed; sometimes he was a real idiot.

“So where’d you run off to, anyway? The fans were pretty disappointed.” It was a bit of a dig, but kind of a useless one, since the fans were always disappointed when he didn’t come out after shows. And even when he did, it was never long enough to keep them happy.

“Oh, um… we just went out for a few drinks…” The way he looked away told me more than I wanted to know, but I tried to ignore it.

“Ours weren’t good enough for him?”

“Just wanted to get away from the crowd, I guess.” He shrugged and looked around, his eyes falling on the six-pack (minus one). “Are those… did he really…?”

“At least he made up for it.” The beer wasn’t bad, really, and it was a more expensive brand than what he’d swiped… That didn’t mean he was off the hook completely, though. Taylor giggled in his anything-but-manly way, and I rolled my eyes. He was such a girl sometimes.

“He’s… something else…”

“That so?” I eyed my brother. I knew that look; it’d been a while since I’d seen it, but still, I knew it all the same. Taylor caught me staring and blushed, glancing away again.

“I mean, he’s kind of an asshole, really, but it was… interesting getting to know him. Seems like we should have met those guys years ago, you know?”

“I guess. Bob said something about us being compared a lot.”

“Mmhm. Don’t you remember, we used to get asked about them all the time? I don’t think I ever even listened to their music.”

“Not really,” I answered, shrugging. “I think Bob said he does country music now, him and…” I struggled to remember the other moffatt’s name. “Clint?”

“Yeah. And Dave… um, I’m not sure what he does now, actually. Scott still does music too, a little bit.”

“That’s cool, I guess.” I tossed my empty can into the trash and grabbed a bottle of water. “So what time did you get back?”

“Um, kinda late, I guess…” The blush was back, deeper than before, and my suspicion was confirmed.

“Must’ve been… I went out for a smoke around three and you were still gone.”

“Oh,” Tay said, his eyes widening. “I… I didn’t realize it was that late. Um… oops?”

“Just didn’t know the bars were open that late.” I knew they weren’t, but I wanted to see what he would say.

“Well, we were at like… kind of a club, I guess. It was pretty wild, but we were just… drinking, talking…” He trailed off, staring off at nothing.

“Sounds like fun.”

“It was alright.”

I stared at him, but he might as well have been on another planet.

“What?” he asked finally, blinking back into focus.

“Nothing,” I grumbled.

“I, um… it was just a few drinks. I mean, I’m barely even hung over.”

That was about all I could take. I lowered my voice; we didn’t need anyone else knowing about this.

“Cut the crap. It’s not about the fucking drinks and you know it.” 

“Then what is it about?” He tried to look innocent, and maybe if I hadn’t known him my entire life I would’ve bought it. But unfortunately for him, I could read him like the Sunday comics. I let a growl slip as I pushed off from the counter, pacing in front of him.

“I don’t like him. He’s bad news, Tay.”

“Zac… he’s fine. I think his bark is worse than his bite, honestly.”

I stared at him, wondering how someone so talented could be so stupid. Was he really not able to see that this was exactly like before? I shook my head; either he was really that dumb, or he wanted to be, and I didn’t know which was worse.

“Fine, whatever. Don’t say I didn’t warn you, though.”

“Seriously,” he sighed. “It’s fine. I mean, I probably won’t even see him again after we leave LA. But I think he’s harmless enough.”

“I don’t know… Guys like that are bad news, and you know exactly what I mean.”

“Guys like what?” he asked, a bit defensively. 

“That whole ‘fuck the world, I do what I want, nothing can touch me’ attitude. Guys like him go after what they want, and to hell with the consequences.”

“Well I don’t see the problem with his attitude,” Tay said, standing up and grabbing a beer.

“Yeah, I know,” I shot back, giving him a pointed stare. “And that’s exactly what’s gotten you into trouble before.”

“Yeah, well…” Taylor frowned, looking at the floor. “That was a long time ago,” he added, quietly.

“Not that long.” Not long enough for me to forget what it was like, watching my brother fall to pieces. Not long enough to stop wishing painful STD’s on the asshole that hurt him.

“You know,” Tay spoke up, looking at me through narrowed eyes. “I really don’t need you trying to tell me what to do. I can take care of myself, Zac.”

“Keep telling yourself that,” I replied with a snort. 

“You don’t know anything about it, okay? I can handle myself just fine.” He scowled at me, and I wondered if he realized how much he sounded like a sixteen year old girl.

“Excuse me for caring. I just don’t want to have to pick up the pieces again.”

“Pick up the pieces? Excuse me?”

“You know what I mean, Tay,” I said, softer. His scowl fell into a frown, and he took a step back.

“It’s my life, Zac. You don’t like Scott, fine. You don’t have to be around him.”

I looked at him for a minute, sighing. I didn’t want him to get hurt again, but he was right; it was his life, and if he was going to make the same mistake again, there was only so much I could do to stop him.

“Just be careful, man. I don’t trust him, and I don’t think you should, either.”

“I just met the guy. I barely know him, but… I don’t know. He’s just… different.” He sighed again, with a faraway look, and I knew it was pointless trying to argue. I just seriously hoped my gut was wrong this time.

****

_**Taylor** _

Even though I was out late, far from sober, I didn’t feel hungover the next day. In fact, it was the best and most energized I could remember feeling for months, if not years. I could lie and say that I didn’t know the cause of that feeling, but I did.

It was Scott.

Of course, I would never have admitted that to him, because I couldn’t have handled how smug it would make him. I hoped that, if he was there, he didn’t notice how much I scanned the crowd to see if I could spot him. I didn’t, but I was still in such high spirits from the night before that I didn’t let it get me down. He had to be there. He just _had_ to be. Even if only to spite Zac. I couldn’t explain it, but I wanted to see Scott again. Zac couldn’t understand; he thought he knew all about my history, but he didn’t. And he was wrong about Scott, of that I was sure.

After the concert ended, I hurried to shower and change clothes, then join the crowd in the green room–a crowd that was missing the one face I really wanted to see. I decided to drown my sorrows in a beer, and had downed half of it when Scott’s already familiar figure came into view. 

He strode into the room like he owned it, giving a fistbump to one of our roadies, who wandered away looking utterly confused. I stayed in place, waiting for Scott to crane his neck and finally spot me. 

When he finally did, he chuckled and shook his head. He walked over to me quickly. “Miss me, sweetheart?”

“Hey!” I said, realizing how overly eager I sounded, but unable to stop myself.

Scott just smirked. “Hey. Sorry I missed the show; heard it was good.”

“Oh… you just got here?”

He nodded. “Fashionably late.”

“Right, of course…” I said, cursing myself for the little giggle that followed my words. Apparently Scott was turning me into a girl. Normally my feminine characteristics didn’t bother me; I hardly even noticed them unless someone pointed them out. But I certainly didn’t need to give Scott any other reason to make fun of me. 

Thankfully, my giggle passed by him unnoticed. His eye was caught by someone else, a smirk still planted on his lips as he lifted his hand and waved at whoever it was who had distracted him. 

It was Zac.

The only recognition he gave Scott at all was a glare that wasn’t at all subtle. Without a single word, he stalked off. 

I cleared my throat to draw Scott’s attention back to me. “He’s umm… not really in a good mood.”

“Didn’t like his present?” Scott asked.

“Umm,” I stuttered out, since I hadn’t thought far enough ahead to come up with a reason why Zac wasn’t in a good mood–a reason other than the truth that he just didn’t like Scott, that was. I decided just to ignore the question. “No, that was alright, I guess. Kinda nice of you…”

“I try,” Scott replied, shrugging. “Mostly didn’t want him tryin’ to beat my ass when I showed up tonight.”

“Yeah, well… you’re probably still not totally in the clear there…” I replied honestly.

“Yeah, well… let him try if he wants.” Scott grinned. I wanted to point out that Zac was twice Scott’s size, but thought better of it. Even if I’d wanted to say it, Scott quickly followed his statement with a disarming smirk and a question. “Sleep good last night?”

“Yeah…” I sighed, unable to resist the power Scott already seemed to have over me. “Or passed out, I’m not sure.”

He chuckled. “Lightweight. What am I gonna do with you?”

I rolled my eyes. “Guess I’m out of practice. Been off tour for a while.”

“You don’t drink at home?” Scott asked, his tone more than a little teasing. His questions and comments about my personal life got under my skin, but I knew that was why he did it. I had also learned that it was just easier to answer him so he would move on… and find something else to ridicule me for, no doubt.

“Not as much as I do on the road,” I replied.

He grinned, seemingly finding this an acceptable response. “Well, that’s what it’s for.”

“Yeah… I guess…” I replied, laughing lightly. 

The implication behind his words bothered me, but it wasn’t entirely wrong. It wasn’t like we constantly toured just to get away from home, but for some of us–namely me–it was an extra perk. I hated even admitting that to myself; it wasn’t like my home life was miserable. It was crowded and chaotic, though. Once upon a time I had thought I wanted a big family, since it was all I had ever known. I had since learned that if you aren’t happy to begin with, adding more and more children to the equation didn’t fix things. It only amplified the problems. Even after around twenty four hours of knowing me, Scott seemed to understand so well the escape I needed from the happy home I’d tried to build.

After a moment, when it was obvious I wasn’t going to say anything else, Scott asked, “So, there’s this party down in the valley; you wanna check it out?”

Just the words _party in the valley_ took me back a decade. Zac wasn’t wrong about the awful things I had done in California when I was younger, but he was too quick to pass judgment. He had found comfort in Kate and religion when our world was going to shit, but the latter didn’t work for me and the former wasn’t an option. I had to seek comfort elsewhere, mostly in illicit substances and parties with people who supplied me with the former. When Natalie got pregnant, I had to give all–or at least most–of that up, but it still hung over my head all the time, taunting me.

“Umm… yeah sure,” I finally replied.

Scott’s eyes flickered over to Zac again. “Wanna bring baby bro along?”

“Umm… he really doesn’t do parties.”

He raised an eyebrow at that, then shrugged. With a wink, he said, “Oh well; his loss. Just means I got you all to myself.”

I rolled my eyes at that, but I couldn’t wipe the grin off my face. For all his attempts to seem like a real hardass, Scott could be pretty cheesy with his flirtation. It might have all been a big joke, if it weren’t for that kiss that I could still feel on my lips.

“You cool to blow now, or do you gotta be seen some more?” Scott asked.

“I should probably stick around, but…” I shrugged, still grinning. 

Scott laughed and clapped me on the back. “Yeah, yeah… let’s roll.”

As we walked out of the room together, his hand stayed on my back, but crept farther down. His touch was just light enough to seem friendly to anyone who might have noticed, but I knew better.


	4. Chapter 4

Sep. 28, 2013. Mulholland Drive, Los Angeles, CA.

_**Scott** _

I almost laughed at how easy it’d been to drag Taylor away this time; it was clear I had him hooked already. I didn’t know where the night would end up, but I was feeling pretty optimistic as I led him out to the parking lot.

“Damn,” I heard him remark as we got to my car. It was one of the few things I owned that I was really proud of; a fully restored 1978 Challenger I’d bought myself when I turned 18. I’d done a lot of the work myself; it’d been something to keep me busy when things were falling to shit.

“Yeah, she’s a beaut. Just got her out of the shop this morning; had to touch up the detailing.” 

“It’s… wow. I’m impressed.” 

I unlocked the door for him, but he stood there a couple seconds longer, admiring it. I got in the driver’s seat and pulled out a pack of smokes, offering him one. “My pride and joy. So what’re you rolling in? Besides a tour bus.”

“A Suburban,” he replied glumly, taking the cigarette.

“Sorry, man. That’s just…” I tried not to chuckle, but the image of him driving a soccer mom’s car was just too funny. I lit up and took a drag before starting the car.

“Five kids,” he said, shrugging and pouting a bit. “What did you expect? I had a blue Mini, but we kinda… outgrew it.”

“A Mini?” I cocked an eyebrow, throwing him a teasing smirk. Taylor was a good half a foot taller than me, and I could barely fit in one of those without feeling like a Shriner.

“Yes?” He asked innocently, as if it was totally normal for a six-foot-two guy to drive something the size of a clown car.

“You’re something else,” I just laughed, shaking my head. We made small talk as I drove; the more I talked to Taylor, the more I realized there was more to him than he liked to let on. He played everything close to the chest, careful not to give away too much… which was pointless, because his actions told me way more than his words. 

For someone with his reputation, I expected him to be a lot more jaded, or at least not as sensitive as he was turning out to be. I wondered if maybe I expected it because that was how I’d turned out. Sure, he had walls; they’re pretty much a requirement when you’re famous. But where mine were three feet of cinderblock, his were more like a picket fence. 

It didn’t take much longer to reach the party; it wasn’t anything too crazy, but the two-story house looked pretty well packed when we got there. I pulled a bottle of vodka from behind my seat and grinned at Taylor; he looked a little nervous, but it’d probably been a while since he’d partied with this kind of crowd.

“You ready?” I asked we climbed the front steps, thumping music coming from inside. He nodded, but didn’t say anything; I made a mental note to keep an eye on him. 

A beefy jock-type answered the door and bumped my fist as we went in; I handed off the bottle of booze and stripped off my jacket, tossing it on a chair loaded with coats and other articles of clothing.

“Good crowd,” I yelled over the noise to Taylor. “Drinks?”

“Um, I… yeah.” His eyes were darting around, and I wondered just how long it _had_ been. We made our way through the throng, finally finding the kitchen where a giant cooler of jungle juice sat on the counter. 

“Now this is a party.” I ladled up a cup and passed it off to Taylor, then got my own.

“Yeah… looks like it.” He took a sip and smiled, but it didn’t look totally genuine. I hoped the alcohol would help him loosen up so he could have some fun.

“Let’s make the rounds,” I suggested; he nodded, and followed me back into the living room. I said hey to people I knew, and some that I didn’t but wanted to, but I kept glancing back at Tay. He was making an effort, but he still looked pretty uneasy.

“Hey man,” I said, nudging his arm to get his attention. “You okay?”

“Hm? Yeah, I’m… I’m fine.”

“You sure?” I didn’t buy it; he looked anything but fine.

“Yeah,” he answered, nodding. “Just, you know, crowds. I’m… not that good with them. Go ahead and laugh,” he added after a second.

“Why would I laugh?” 

“Because I’m always surrounded by people and I’m not good at crowds? Wrong career to get into if you get claustrophobic… Just seemed like that would amuse you.”

“I’m not _that_ much of an asshole,” I said with a shrug. “Anyway, not like you chose it.” 

“I did, though; the career, anyway. I just didn’t… think about the crowds. I mean, usually it’s fine.”

I looked around for a minute; if he knew he wasn’t good with crowds, why did he agree to come to a party with me? Did I really have him that hooked already? It felt damn good, but at the same time I felt a little like a jerk. Sure, I had no way of knowing, but still…

“Follow me.”

“Okay,” he answered without hesitation. It still amazed me how much he trusted me, after just one night. I was better than I gave myself credit for, apparently. I led him through the crowd, up the stairs, and into an empty bedroom. Once the door was closed behind us, I took a seat in an empty chair.

“Better?”

“Yeah,” Taylor sighed, sitting down on the bed. “Yeah, thanks.”

“Anytime.” I smiled at him, trying not to think too hard about him being on the bed. “So, what else is new?”

“Not much. Just, you know, touring, new album… all that fun stuff.”

I nodded, taking a long sip of my drink and leaning my head back. It’d been a long time, but not long enough to forget.

“Yeah, I remember those days… good times…” I smiled, but it wasn’t exactly happy. 

“Yeah,” he echoed, pouting a bit. “Can I confess something?”

“That’s what I’m here for,” I answered, looking up. He blinked, surprised by my words; it was cute.

“I, um… may have googled you. Well, the whole band.”

“Oh yeah?” I grinned slowly; this could get interesting. “Find anything good?”

“Maybe…” His lips curled into a tiny grin that was one part sweet, two parts hot. “Some… interesting concert videos.”

“Oh jeez, here we go…” I snorted, rolling my eyes.

“What?” He played innocent, but I remembered some of our shows getting pretty wild.

“See anything you like?” I eyed him, smirking. 

“Saw some stuff that… has _never_ happened during our concerts.”

“Such as?” I laughed, trying to guess which antics he was talking about. He shrugged, trying to keep a straight face, but I saw the smirk tugging at the corners of his mouth.

“Some stripping… some very obscene moves with a guitar… you know, the usual.”

“Gotta keep it rock star,” I said with a grin.

“Yeah, I guess…”

“I’m guessing you mean that one show in Spain, when we covered Shine?”

“I think that’s the one.”

“Yeah…” I chuckled, thinking about that night. “Pops wasn’t too happy about that, but the chicks dug it. Got me laid, anyway.”

Tay’s eyes widened, and his cheeks turned red.

“How old were you then? I mean, we’re like… the same age, aren’t we?”

“Fifteen, I think? Yeah, sounds about right. You’re what, 30?”

“Mhm, turned 30 in March.”

“Yeah, same here. I think you’re like two weeks older or something.”

“We were… nothing alike at 15,” he said, laughing. The smile didn’t last, though.

“So I got an early start, no biggie. Hell, that wasn’t even my first by a longshot.”

“Oh,” he coughed. “Well. Good to know.”

“Twelve,” I said with a smirk. “If you’re curious.”

“I wasn’t, but… okay.” He was looking nervous again, but the good kind. I wondered what he would do if I pushed a little harder.

“How about you?”

“Ummm, sixteen,” he admitted, blushing.

“Not bad,” I said with a shrug. I didn’t even try not to picture sixteen-year-old Taylor having sex, or to hide the grin the thought caused.

“I guess… it’s not twelve…” His cheeks were still adorably pink, but he tried to cover it with a smirk.

“Wasn’t anything to write home about. Two kids with no idea what to do,” I added with a chuckle. It’d been pretty bad; the girl must’ve thought she was auditioning for porn, the way she screamed and moaned. Really it’d been more of a distraction than a turn-on, and eventually I had to tell her to just shut up. I felt bad afterwards, but she told me she liked being yelled at… the start of a pattern, I’d later realized.

“Yeah, emphasis on _kids_ ,” Tay spoke up, jarring me out of the memory. “I mean, my oldest is almost…” He trailed off, then shuddered, scowling. I shook my head and got up, sitting next to him on the bed.

“Yeah well, not exactly a normal childhood though, was it?”

“No, not really,” he sighed.

“Not kids anymore though, are we?” I said, lowering my voice. 

“No…” He eyed me nervously, but didn’t back away. All this talk of sex and jailbait Taylor was getting me in a playful mood, and he didn’t seem to be complaining.

“Sure as hell know what we’re doing now.” I looked him up and down slowly; he was trembling just a bit. “Cat got your tongue?”

He shrugged, blushing again.

“Lucky cat.” I winked, laying back on the bed. It was a cheesy line, but it worked; he rolled his eyes, then laid next to me, not close enough to touch, but not far off. “Do I make you nervous?”

“What do you think.” He stared me down, as if I should’ve already known the answer. Of course I did, but that wasn’t the point.

“I’m askin’ you.”

“Of course you do.”

I smirked at him, then pulled a cigarette from the pack in my pocket. I lit it and took a long drag, then handed it over.

“I swear I was trying to quit like… last week…”

“Don’t bother,” I said with a chuckle. “Gonna die anyway, might as well enjoy the ride.” I took it back and took another drag. “So, why?”

“Why what?”

“Why do I make you nervous?” I stared at the ceiling; I figured he’d be more likely to answer if he didn’t have to face me. He sighed, and I felt him shift; a glance showed he was looking away, distancing himself even further.

“You’re just… different. Kind of an asshole. Not really… what I’m used to”

“That it?” I turned my head to face him, and he did the same.

“The fact that you kissed me in the hallway of my hotel might have a little something to do with it, too.”

“A little something, eh?” I couldn’t keep from grinning; knowing I was getting to him was one thing, but making him admit it was a whole other level of fun.

“You’re just… Well, I don’t think forward is a strong enough word for you.”

I rolled onto my side to face him fully. “Is that a problem for ya?”

“Not especially.”

“Good.” I leaned over and kissed him, not trying to be gentle. He whimpered, but kissed me back. I let him have it for a couple seconds, then rolled over again and took another drag of my cigarette. I heard him panting, and could feel him staring, but I only glanced at him. “Kill it,” I said, handing him the rest of the smoke.

“Thanks.” He took it with slightly shaking fingers, inhaling deeply.

“Why do I really make you nervous?” We were circling the truth of it now, and I needed to hear him say it. He sighed heavily and looked away; when he spoke, his voice was almost too quiet to hear.

“Because… because you are _so_ bad for me…”

“Is that so?” I chuckled, more at how hard he was fighting it than anything else.

“Seems that way, yes.”

“Maybe bad’s just what you need.” That got his attention; he glanced at me skeptically. “Seems like you’ve got a whole world full of ‘good for you,’ and it ain’t doin’ jack to make you happy.” 

It seemed obvious to me, but it was weird how he couldn’t see it. He had all the trappings of a perfect life; dream career, wife, kids, fans… wasn’t that what drew me to him at first? Jealousy, bitterness about him having everything I should’ve had? Well, I could do without the wife and kids, but the lifestyle… But getting to know him, it was clear as day that in spite of all that, or hell, maybe _because_ of it, he was completely miserable. And for whatever fucked up reason, I felt like I needed to fix that.

“Maybe you need a little bad.”

****

_**Taylor** _

Scott’s words echoed in my mind, the mirror image of Zac’s warnings about him. Zac had been adamant that Scott was nothing but bad news, capable of nothing but dragging me back down into the depression Zac had watched me suffer through years ago. What he didn’t understand, though, were all the root causes of that depression. Did my coping mechanisms make it worse? Probably. But they weren’t the cause. Scott, unlike Zac, understood that following all the rules and doing everything I was supposed to do didn’t magically make everything okay. 

With a heavy sigh, because it still pained me a little to admit that Scott was right, I said, “Yeah, well… maybe.”

“I ain’t gonna force you,” Scott replied. With a thoughtful look on his face, he added, “Unless you’re into that… if so, we can talk.”

That was followed by a wink that left me blinking and stammering. 

Scott eyed me for a moment, then smirked. “Thought so.”

“I didn’t say I was into that…” I protested, even though by that point, _I_ didn’t even believe me. Scott just gave me a look, his head lowered slightly to make him look more serious and his gray-blue eyes boring straight into me. Feeling my lips jutting out into a pout, I said, “Don’t look at me like that.”

“Like what?” Scott chuckled.

“Just… like that.” I poked his cheek for emphasis.

He backed away slightly, and although he was still chuckling, there was a definite threat in his voice when he said, “Watch where you’re poking, sweetheart.”

I adopted my best innocent look. “Or what?”

“I just might poke back,” he replied, the words coming out in a bit of a growl.

Before I could think better of it, I giggled. “Oh really?”

Scott growled louder, one hand suddenly appearing on my thigh, its grip firmer than I expected. I gave a very undignified, un-manly squeak then. My whole body was already trembling, but I hoped it was subtle enough for Scott not to notice.

No such luck, if his smirk was anything to judge by. Tightening his grip on my thigh, he asked, “What’s the matter, sweetheart? Thought you wanted to play.”

“Didn’t say that,” I replied, shrugging in a manner I hoped was more casual than how I really felt. “Didn’t say I didn’t, either…”

Scott chuckled and shook his head. Trailing his hand up my ribs slowly, like he was counting each one, he said, “Better make up your mind. I’m not a patient guy.”

“I haven’t left yet, have I?” I asked, eying his hand carefully.

Rather than reply with words, Scott snatched my wrist quickly and rolled me into my back. As he did so, he pinned the other wrist. He was small enough to make our positions comical, really, but I could feel his strength and sheer dominance, and it made me tremble harder. He stared down at my shaking form and asked, “Question is, how far are you in the mood to go? If I let you go, you gonna move?”

“N-no,” I answered honestly, if shakily. 

He gave my wrists a squeeze, as if in warning, then let go. Sitting up and watching me carefully, he asked, “How long since you subbed?”

I could have continued to play innocent and dumb with him, but I knew there was no point. It would only delay the inevitable, and probably annoy him enough to earn me even more punishment than I thought I wanted. Not meeting his eyes, I admitted, “Umm… I, I mean I haven’t really like… I’ve just played around.”

“So I’ll go easy on ya.” With a smirk, Scott leaned back and put his hands behind his head. “I’ve done most of the work so far. Let’s see what you’ve got.”

I stared at him and stammered out a few not-quite-words. Without being as blunt and crude as I’d become accustomed to, he had finally made me blatantly obvious that this wasn’t just a friendly encounter. Somehow, that surprised me; there was still a part of me that felt he was toying with me, and not in the fun, BDSM way that he kept referencing.

Scott raised an eyebrow. “You’re not gonna disappoint me, ya know. Just do whatever you’re cool with.”

I stared at him blankly. Did I want him? Yes. I couldn’t deny that, at least not to myself. Admitting that to the guy for whom my entire existence still seemed to be somewhat of a joke wasn’t something I was ready to do, though. As I hesitated, Scott sighed and slumped in clear disappointment.

“I’m sorry,” I sighed out. “I just… I don’t know, I’m just thinking too much.”

Scott eyed me again for a moment, then sat up fully. “I can take you back if you want. I just thought we could have some fun, but if you’re not into it, whatever.”

Once again, he had called my bluff, and as much as I wanted to hate him for it, I knew my best course of action was to capitulate–and quickly. He was right; he wasn’t a patient guy. I couldn’t toy with him and lead him on until I was sure we were both ready for everything he was implying. If I wanted him, I wasn’t going to have very many more chances to have him.

“I’m not _not_ into it, I just…” I sighed heavily again, still unsure exactly how to ease Scott’s mind while maintaining some of my dignity.

He cocked his head to the side as he looked over me, obviously lost in thought. I wasn’t sure what to make of that at all. Finally, he leaned in close and smirked. His voice low, he remarked, “Man, you really are a sub, aren’t you?”

I raised an eyebrow. “What do you mean?”

He wasn’t wrong, really. The fact that I was so willing to do whatever necessary to keep myself in his good graces, when he’d done little to get in mine, really said it all. And it was the fact that he could see through me so clearly and understand those hidden parts of me that made me willing to give into his whims.

Rather than answering my question, because we both knew an answer wasn’t necessary, he simply gave me a serious, not-to-be-questioned look and said, “Get over here and kiss me.”

I blinked up at him for a moment, because I still couldn’t resist the urge to be a bit of a tease; it had always seemed to serve me well in the past. I crawled across the large bed until I reached Scott and placed a gentle kiss on his lips.

With a growl, he pulled back. “That the best you can do?”

Wasn’t I supposed to be the sub? But maybe that wasn’t what he meant when he said _sub_. That was fine. I could take orders, too. I leaned in and kissed him harder, hard enough that I would worry about bruising him if I hadn’t already learned that he was much, much stronger than his size implied. As if to further prove that fact, Scott growled against my mouth and tangled a hand roughly in my hair. In spite of myself, because I didn’t want to seem _that_ weak, I whimpered at the feeling.

Scott’s response to that was to grab my wrist and guide my hand, more than a little harshly, to his thigh. I pulled back and stared down at my hand, lying just south of the very obvious bulge in Scott’s jeans, then stared up at Scott. 

He snarled and squeezed that wrist that he still gripped. “Don’t play blondie with me. You know what I want.”

“I’m not… playing…” I said, the words little more than a pathetic whimper. And I wasn’t; my hesitation hadn’t been because I didn’t understand what he was asking for. It was because a part of me still didn’t fully believe that Scott could want someone like me, and seeing the obvious, throbbing proof that he did was a shock to my system.

“Don’t leave me hanging here, sweetheart,” he said, leaning in close enough that our lips brushed as he spoke. He punctuated the sentence with a quick nip at my bottom lip.

I moaned at that, and decided it was time to stop fighting the desire that was becoming increasingly obvious–on both of our parts. I inched my hand closer to that bulge, giving it a gentle, but firm squeeze. Scott moaned against my mouth and nibbled more on my lip, and that only urged me on. I gripped him tighter, his jeans too snug to give me room to do much more. 

My reward for that was Scott bucking up against my hand. His own hand, which had moved from my wrist to my hip, now slid across my lap until it found the bulge in _my_ jeans. As soon as it made contact, I groaned and gave a pathetic shiver. In spite of Scott’s teasing and insinuations, I did my best to be a faithful husband. I hadn’t had anyone’s hand–but my own–on my body since leaving for the tour a month prior. Even before that, things had been scarce; I had been busy jetting from place to place promoting the album and Natalie had still been self-conscious about her post-fifth-baby body. The end result of all of that was that just one simple touch from Scott had me teetering on the edge of an embarrassingly premature orgasm that I didn’t think I would ever live down.

Not seeming to notice or care how worked up he had me already, Scott kissed down my neck, one hand still firmly planted in my hair to keep my head turned just the way he wanted it. I let out a small whimper, doing my best to stroke him through his jeans. His teeth grazed my neck, and I took that as a sign that I was doing something right.

“Scott..” I gasped out.

“You want it?” He asked, the words such a low whisper that I was barely even sure I had heard him correctly.

I nodded as resolutely as I could, considering how hard I was trembling.

“Say it,” Scott said firmly.

My voice was weak as I replied, “I… I want it, Scott. Please…”

“Good boy,” he said, and I swore I could feel him smirking against my neck. Biting down hard on my neck, he tightened his grip on my cock. Even though there was still a layer of denim between us, I moaned loudly as a massive wave of pleasure rolled through my body.

He shoved me back until my body was pressed against the mattress. Leaning over me, he nibbled at my neck again, slowly stroking my erection. He was just teasing me now, and we both knew it. I wanted to beg for more, but I could do little more than moan as my body went entirely limp below him. My silent pleas were reward, though. Scott popped the button on my jeans and slowly lowered the zipper. I hadn’t bothered to wear underwear that day, so bare flesh was revealed to him, and Scott lowered his head to nip at it.

“Scott…” I gasped out, wanting to beg for more, but still betrayed by my body.

“Hmm?” He asked, pulling back to look up at me.

I shook my head, deciding not to reveal just how needy I was. “N-nothing.”

In response to that, Scott sat back and peeled off his t-shirt. He was thin, but there were muscles lurking under his clothes that I hadn’t fully expected, even as many times as he had shown his strength to me. I bit down on my own lip as I watched Scott toss the shirt aside.

He glanced back at me and smirked. “See something you like?”

“Maybe…” I admitted, attempting to sound coy.

Just as Scott opened his mouth, no doubt to make some smartass comment, my phone began to ring. It was almost comical, Scott’s mouth open to speak as Tom Petty sang about Mary Jane. I knew who that ringtone belonged to, though, and that made the scene far less humorous.

“Shit, Scott… I… I gotta get that.”

He blinked at me. “You’re shitting me, right?”

“No?” I pouted a little, hoping to look cute enough to negate the massive cockblock that was my younger brother.

It barely seemed to work, but in spite of his snarl, Scott _did_ sit back on his heels and give a little wave of permission. With a heavy sigh, I fished the still ringing phone from my pocket.

“Hello?”

“Where the hell are you?” Zac asked, not even bothering with formalities before jumping into accusations.

“I’m… I’m at a party,” I said. A little angrily, since he _had_ interrupted things, I asked, “Why?”

“Did you forget that soundcheck is at nine in the morning?”

I groaned. “Maybe.”

“And it’s three thirty now, so that gives you all of five and a half hours, including getting back from wherever the hell you are. Jesus, Tay.”

“Are you my fucking babysitter now?” I growled, choosing to ignore the mixture of concern and amusement on Scott’s face. The amusement seemed to be winning, anyway.

“No, I’m not your fucking babysitter!” Zac shouted, forcing me to hold the phone away from my ear a bit as he continued. “I’m your fucking brother, and I don’t know where the fuck you are, or when the fuck you’re coming back. Just get your ass to the show; ‘til then, do whatever the fuck you want.”

A dull beep let me know that Zac didn’t feel the need for a reply to that tirade. I ignored Scott’s chuckles as I stared at my phone and the ended call fading off the screen.

“Umm, I…” I stuttered out, my eyes flickering to Scott. I didn’t have any good explanation for the argument I was sure he had overhead. I didn’t even fully understand it myself.

“Yeah, yeah…” Scott said, his laughter fading just a little as he reached for his shirt and yanked it back over his head.

I kept my eyes down as I pulled my pants back into place, buttoned and zipped them. Softly, I said, “I’m sorry.”

“It happens.” He shrugged. “But hey, early show tomorrow, right?”

I nodded. “Y-yeah… and we don’t leave until pretty late the next day…”

“So, what do you say to dinner?” Scott asked plainly.

I glanced up quickly, surprised he had actually taken the bait. Another tawdry encounter in a hotel hallway or someone else’s bedroom was all I had really hoped for, but this… this might be an actual date. Finally, I calmed myself enough to casually reply, “Sure.”

He grinned widely, offering a hand to help me off the bed. “And then… see what happens?”

“Y-yeah… okay,” I replied, perfectly understanding the grin he’d given me. 

I accepted his hand, anyway. What was the point in denying that we were both in it for sex? If there was more to it than that… well, I would worry about that if and when it turned out to be the case.


	5. Chapter 5

Sep. 28, 2013, Foxy’s Restaurant, Glendale, CA.

_**Taylor** _

I was a liar. I was such a fucking liar, and if I wasn’t so good at it, I probably would have stopped years ago. There were only two people I knew who could easily see through my lies. The first was Zac, who I was certain knew that I wasn’t doing any “networking” this evening after the festival. The second was the guy sitting across from me, sipping his beer so casually that I still wasn’t sure if this was meant to be a date or not.

“Yeah, once you get away from the tourist crap, it’s gorgeous,” Scott said, his eyes lighting up, for perhaps the first time in the few days I’d known him, as he raved about the years he’d spent living in Thailand. “Totally different world out there, man. You can really get an idea what the place was like thousands of years ago, before we came and fucked it all up.”

I nodded and smiled softly, more at Scott’s animation than at the actual contents of his monologue. “I’d love to go back there sometime, take some photos. I’m not that great, but it’s kinda fun.”

“Hey, at least you’ve got hobbies. Music’s pretty much all I have. Well, that and borderline alcoholism.” At that, he lifted his glass and took a long sip.

“Music’s a good thing to have, though…” I said, my smile turning a little bittersweet. I’d come close to losing my music years ago, and I knew enough to realize that Scott had been even closer, and maybe even had lost his for a while.

“Yeah,” Scott agreed, nodding. His own smile took on a sad tinge. “Saved my life, anyway, for what that’s worth.”

I felt myself pouting at his casual self deprecation. “Well, I’m glad it did. For whatever my opinion’s worth.”

Scott eyed me for a moment, trying to gauge, I suppose, how sincere I was. When he spoke again, there was a sincerity to both his smile and his tone of voice that was new. “Worth enough to me.”

I returned his smile, feeling my face heating up with one of my ever present blushes. My “rosy cheeks” were one of those things the fans constantly waxed poetic about, and one of the things I disliked most about myself.

“Never met a guy who blushes half as much as you,” Scott said, chuckling softly.

I scrunched up my nose in disgust. “It’s a… bad habit, I guess.”

Leaning forward to pat my arm in an act of comfort that was marred a bit by the fact that he was still laughing, Scott replied, “Don’t sweat it… it’s kinda cute.”

That didn’t make me blush any less; if anything, it worsened the condition. I pulled another face at Scott, this one no doubt even less attractive than the first, and it just made him smirk.

“Yeah, you’d definitely be the chick in the relationship.”

Choosing to ignore the fact that he just implied a potential relationship between us, because thinking about that would probably cause my head to explode, I gave him an exaggerated scowl. After a moment, I sighed. “Yeah, you’re probably right.”

“Nothing wrong with that, sweetheart.” He winked.

In response to that, I stuck out my tongue and crossed my eyes. “You keep calling me that.”

“Yeah, so?” He laughed. “And don’t stick that thing out ‘less you plan to use it.”

“I wasn’t complaining… much. Just seems a bit soon for pet names.” I gave him a tiny smirk, but otherwise ignored the second half of his statement.

Scott ignored my comment as well, choosing instead to shrug and down the rest of his beer in one long chug that left me staring shamelessly at the muscles in his neck. He slammed the empty bottle on the table hard enough to make me jump a little, then waved two long fingers in the air to attract the waiter’s attention. 

While Scott signed the check, I finished the last of my beer. Sitting the empty bottle back on the table, I asked, “So… where to now? Another party?”  
As he tucked a few extra dollars under the napkin holder as a tip, Scott gave me a slow smirk. “You could call it that…”

I raised an eyebrow nervously. “And I have a feeling that’s all you’re going to tell me.”

“Well, this party’s pretty…” He leaned in closer and winked, “exclusive.”

Somewhat in spite of myself, I shivered. “Oh, is that so?”

He nodded. “Pretty short guest list…”

“Sounds… fun.” I grinned slightly, not wanting to look too nervous or too eager for what I was now certain Scott had planned for us. 

“Pretty sure it will be,” Scott replied, nudging his foot against mine under the table.

Fighting the urge to express my surprise that he could reach, I simply grinned and asked, “So what are we waiting on, then?”

I walked out of the restaurant a few steps behind Scott, both to avoid looking too eager about what was to come and so that we didn’t look like a couple. The latter wasn’t a huge concern, because we looked so mismatched that I doubted anyone would look at us and think _boyfriends_. The former… well, I just really didn’t want to give Scott the ego boost.  
We didn’t talk much during the short drive to his condo. That was fine by me, because I really wasn’t sure what to say right then. Before too long, Scott had parked in front of a small, modern looking building with lots of weird angles. He walked up the drive quickly, and I followed closely behind, not worried about how we looked then. 

“Not as fancy as you’re probably used to, but it’s home sweet home,” Scott mumbled as he unlocked the door. With a soft laugh, he stepped inside and held the door open for me. “Least the plumbing works.”

I followed him inside and took a look around. Although the outside screamed modern, the inside was much more nondescript, with white walls and beige carpet. It wasn’t dirty, but it was messy in the way that only bachelor pads can be; notebooks, guitars and a few stray plates and glasses made the living room look lived in. 

Realizing Scott wanted some sort of reply, I gave him a slight smile and said, “It’s fine. I’m not some spoiled rich boy, you know.”

Scott didn’t dignify that with a response, and I had to wonder how self-conscious he actually was about the difference between my life and his. I decided it probably wasn’t a topic of conversation worth pursuing. I just followed behind him as he headed into the kitchen. It wasn’t a chef’s dream, but it was neater and cleaner than the living room. 

He pulled a bottle of Jack from the pantry he’d apparently turned into a liquor cabinet, then snatched two shot glasses from the dish drainer. A sly look on his face, he asked, “Little something to get the party started?”

“Sure…” I replied. Being a little tipsy for this didn’t seem like a bad idea, all things considered.

I watched Scott closely as he poured the shots. He stepped in close to me, close enough to feel his body heat and close enough for the hungry look in his eyes to make me blush, and pressed the shot glass into my hand. I tossed the shot back quickly, perhaps a little too quickly, and smiled sheepishly as I handed the empty glass back to him.

Scott took the empty glass from me, our fingers brushing in a way that felt very deliberate, and sat it to the side. He tossed back his own shot just as quickly, his glass clinking against mine as it joined it on the counter. 

“Tasty,” he remarked.

“Mhm,” I agreed. Between the alcohol and Scott’s closeness, my entire body felt like it was on fire.

Yet that was just a tiny spark compared to what I felt when Scott wrapped his hand around the back of my neck and pulled me down into a kiss. The suddenness of it made me whimper and my knees buckle; the latter, at least, had the side effect of bringing me a bit closer to Scott’s height. I simply wrapped my arms around his waist, more to keep myself upright than anything else, and kissed him back with as much force as I could muster, which was still no match for Scott’s.

He backed me up against the wall, grinding against me. I barely even registered that the loud moan I heard had come from my own mouth. My hips, too, bucked practically of their own accord, attempting to match each of Scott’s thrusts. His hand slithered between us, easily finding my erection and giving it a hard squeeze. He pulled back from the kiss to stare at me, his hand wrapping around me through my jeans and stroking. My head rolled back against the wall, my mouth falling open but no sound coming out. I was vaguely aware of the fact that I was putting on a bit of a show for him, but it was all genuine. 

In any case, Scott’s lust seemed to match mine. He leaned in again and nipped at my lip while his hands found their way up to my shirt, tearing at the thin material of it so much that I feared the shirt wouldn’t last much longer. I let out a whimper that was meant to be a plea that he relax and tried to undo the buttons myself. My fingers trembled, and Scott grew impatient. He backed up a bit and yanked my shirt open, buttons clinking uselessly against the floor. 

I wanted to be angry with him for ruining a very expensive shirt, but when I saw the way his eyes roamed up and down my chest, the words died on my tongue. As he licked his lips, I could do little more than smile back at him, biting down softly on my bottom lip in anticipation of what Scott might do next.

Without a word, he began to walk backward out of the kitchen, peeling his leather jacket and t-shirt off as he went. I didn’t have to guess where he was going; he paused at the stairs, waiting for me to follow him, and I scurried after him.

Scott took the steps two at a time, and I was still a little unsteady on my feet, so by the time I reached the bedroom, he was waiting at the foot of the bed. I closed most of the distance between us, and Scott closed the rest by gripping my hair and pulling me in for another rough kiss. While his tongue probed my mouth, his fingernails raked up and down my back. With a strength I still didn’t quite anticipate, he tossed me onto the bed, a dark smile on his lips.

“Damn,” I gasped out, staring up at him.

His grin widened. “Oh, we’re just getting started, sweetheart. Why don’t you get that pretty mouth over here?”

As if the words weren’t a strong enough clue, the fact that he was slowly unbuttoning his jeans as he said them told me exactly what he expected me to do with my mouth. Having learned my lesson about keeping him waiting, I crawled quickly across the bed, coming to a stop less than a foot from his body. 

Scott unzipped his jeans, then let his hand fall into my hair, not pulling but still a very definite, firm presence. “Think you know what to do from here..”

I nodded, because I most definitely did know what to do, and if I was honest, it was one thing I thought I was pretty damn good at. So good, in fact, that I couldn’t resist the urge to be a little bit of a tease. I leaned in close and wrapped a hand around the base of Scott’s dick. My tongue darted out to wet my lips, and then I ran it along Scott’s length. I was rewarded for that with a groan, and a quick glance up revealed that his head had rolled back in what I could only assume what pleasure. Spurred on by that, I slowly took him into my mouth, inch by inch. 

Scott chuckled, a sound that left me confused and nervous. A quick glance up revealed a very serious look on his face. He thrust his hips forward, forcing his dick all the way into my mouth, and I knew then that the time for teasing was past. I relaxed my jaw, only whimpering a little when Scott tightened his grip on my hair and began to pull my head back and forth, setting his own pace.

As much as I had wanted to show him my skills, I had to admit that this was enjoyable, too. I let out a moan that I was sure vibrated all the way through his body and stared up at him as he continued to fuck my mouth. 

“Yeah, you like that, huh?” Scott asked. “Fucking sub, you know who’s in charge.”

I let out a whimper, but managed to nod in acknowledgement of and agreement with what he said. My hands clawed at the sheets below me just to try to anchor myself in some way.

Scott pulled my head back and smirked. “And just who is that again?”

“You,” I breathed out, my chest heaving as I stared up at him.

“You like being my sub?”

I nodded eagerly, too caught up in the moment to be sure if this was just dirty talk and roleplaying or something more meaningful than that. Either way, I wasn’t sure if my answer would have changed.

Scott blinked slowly, seeming a little surprised at my response. After a brief pause, he said, “Alright, then. Show me what you’ve got, and if you’re good, I just might give you a treat.”

I gave him another little nod of acknowledgement and understanding, my lips curling into a smile. If he thought I wasn’t up to that challenge, he was sorely mistaken. I sucked his entire length into my mouth easily. I set a fast pace, similar to the one he’d set for me, and applied just enough suction to almost hurt–but not quite, since we’d established _I_ was the masochist here, not him.

Scott finally seemed to relax, his head back and his eyes closed, although he was clearly still in control. His voice low and husky, he said, “Yeah… you’re pretty good at this, sweetheart.”

My lips curled into as much of a smile as I could manage, considering the fact that Scott’s dick was still down my throat.

He gave me a little smirk, and before I could even guess what his next move might be, he had pulled me off of him and shoved me onto my back. It was sudden enough to nearly knock the breath out of me, leaving me gasping for air but smiling in anticipation of Scott’s next move.

Scott stepped out of his jeans, then motioned to mine. “Off. Now.”

He didn’t have to tell me twice. Still breathing heavily, I fumbled with the button and zipper, then wiggled out of jeans and boxer briefs all at once. I had worn underwear in the hopes of not seeming _too_ eager for sex, but as I tried to get the tight briefs down my legs, I really regretted that choice. Scott’s patience was tested again, and he lunged forward when I finally managed to lower the pants and underwear to my ankles. He pulled them the rest of the way off, then crawled on top of me. 

I watched him closely, not even trying to guess what he would do next. He had proven that there was no way to anticipate his moves. Once he had crawled all the way up my body, he leaned down and crushed his lips to mine, his hand snaking between us to wrap around my dick, finally without anything in between our flesh. It felt better than I could have imagined, and I shamelessly bucked my hips upward, trying to get closer to him somehow.

For that, I was rewarded with a hand in my hair, yanking my head to the side and baring my throat to him. Scott’s teeth pierced my neck hard enough that I wasn’t sure he hadn’t drawn blood, but I was sure that I didn’t mind either way. 

“Fuck…” I moaned out, not capable of being any more eloquent than that.

“Getting there.” Scott chuckled, pulling away from me and sitting back on his knees. “Hands and knees.”

I tried to hide my disappointment at that; apparently I really was the chick, because I was immediately displeased that I wouldn’t be able to look at him while we fucked. Nevertheless, I knew better than to disobey one of Scott’s orders. I turned around as gracefully as I could manage, jumping a little when I recognized the sound of a bottle of lube being uncapped. My arms shaking a little as they supported me, I twisted my head around to watch Scott. Sure enough, there was a small bottle of Astroglide in his hand.

“How long’s it been?” He asked softly, his eyes trained on mine in a way that made me blush.

“Umm… a couple years,” I answered honestly.

“Good,” he replied, smirking. 

It wasn’t the gentle encouragement I was hoping in spite of hope for. Neither was the hand he ran softly over my ass. His other hand wielded the bottle of lube, squeezing a fairly generous amount between my cheeks. He massaged it in, but didn’t even come close to penetration. Just teasing. I had earned that, I supposed. I moaned softly, my arms trembling harder and threatening not to hold me up if Scott didn’t get this show on the road.

As if he’d read my mind, Scott pressed the tip of one finger against me. There was just enough pressure behind the motion to remind me of his strength and his dominance, but it was still teasing, even hesitant. Maybe he was trying to gently prepare me. My body took exception to that, my hips rolling back against his hand as if to beg for more.

“Hold still,” he said, giving my ass a warning smack. His voice a little softer, he added, “Trust me.”

And in spite of all the reasons I had not to, I did.

I nodded and turned back to face the headboard. “Okay.”

I felt him toss the bottle of lube aside. The hand that had held it came to rest on my lower back, as it to steady me. With his other hand, he applied more pressure until my body stopped resisting and allowed one finger to slip inside. 

I let out a slight hiss of pain, followed closely by a moan. The two sounds seemed in conflict with each other, but there was no denying that I enjoyed any number of things that caused me pain.

“Shh, you’re okay,” Scott said softly and soothingly. “Trust me; I ain’t gonna hurt ya.”

He held completely still for a moment, giving me time to adjust to the intrusion before slowly beginning to thrust his finger in and out, never quite drawing it all the way out. My entire body trembled as it remembered all at once just how good this felt and how good what was yet to come would feel. 

After a few minutes, or maybe as little as a few seconds–I was already too far gone to tell–Scott eased a second finger into me. He rubbed my lower back as he slid it in, meeting a bit of resistance once again. In that same low, soothing tone, he said, “You got this, sweetheart.”

“F-fuck…” I moaned loudly. 

“I said you got this,” Scott replied firmly, the soothing tone completely absent. “Now quit your whining and take it.”

“Okay,” I replied in a bit of a whimper, not bothering to point out that I really hadn’t been complaining about the pain.

He gave me another short moment to adjust, then began to thrust his fingers again. I exhaled slowly as my body adjusted to the rhythm of it. 

“Damn, you’re tight,” Scott remarked, twisting his fingers to punctuate the statement.

I let out a loud, low moan in spite of myself. I hung my head, really not feeling up to a conversation about how long it had been since I’d given in to the desires I was giving in to right then.

“Loud, too,” Scott added. “Might have to do something about that.”

He dug his fingernails into my hip as a warning, and I did my best to muffle my next moan. I clamped my mouth shut tightly, biting down on my bottom lip as I tried to ride out a wave of pleasure without a sound. 

“That’s a good little slut.” Scott chuckled.

As if to reward me for that, he forced a third finger in beside the first two. It was almost too much, but I braced myself to take it and not make a sound. I nodded vaguely in acknowledgement of his statement, not even ashamed to agree that I was a slut. Right then, it was exactly what I was, and I was far past the point of shame. I wanted Scott. I wanted whatever he would give me, pleasure or pain. It didn’t make a difference to me. I just wanted _him_.

“So eager to obey…” he continued, talking more to himself than to me. “You’d make a hell of a slave. Shame you don’t have a master.”

A master.

 _That_ was what I wanted.


	6. Chapter 6

Sep. 28, 2013. Acacia Ave., Glendale CA.

_**Scott** _

Tay’s reaction to my offer was almost instant. He glanced back at me with those big blue eyes, and suddenly it made sense. He didn’t just need someone to control him; he needed to not be in control. It was like he was holding on so tight to everything else, that he needed to let go of something, or crack under the pressure.

“You like that idea, don’t ya?”

“Maybe,” he said quietly, blushing harder than ever. 

I curled my fingers and gave his ass a slap. “Maybe’s not an answer.”

“Y-yeah… yes,” he finally said, hissing at the pain. 

I leaned over him to whisper in his ear. “You want a master?”

He didn’t answer with words, but hung his head and nodded. This was a turn I hadn’t expected. Sure, we’d been having fun, and it was obvious he was a total sub, but the thought of dominating him in the broader sense… I pulled my hand back and lined myself up, teasing his entrance with the tip of my dick.

“I asked you a question. Do. You. Want. A. Master?”

“Yes. Scott… please…” His whole body was shaking, and to be honest he wasn’t the only one. My twisted mind was coming up with all sorts of scenarios now, and not all of them involving sex. I tried to focus, pushing just the tip inside of him; I had to figure out how much of this was just dirty talk.

“You sure you can handle it? Living to serve, to please?”

“Yeah,” he answered, nodding eagerly. “Yeah, I can.”

I hesitated; this was getting serious, _way_ more than I’d planned, not that I’d had much of a plan to begin with. If he was implying what I thought, it wasn’t something I wanted to dive into lightly. I’d been burned before, my impulsive nature biting me in the ass. But if he really was into it, the idea was tempting, to say the least.

“Think you can handle being my slave?”

He glanced back at me, his brow furrowed; apparently he could sense the weight of my words, and the shift in tone from pillow talk to an actual question. He thought for a second, before nodding again. “I… yeah.”

“You sure?” I asked, sliding an inch or two into him. “I’m pretty demanding…”

“Yes,” he half-whimpered, half-moaned. “I’m sure.”

I grabbed a fistful of his hair, turning him to face me. He felt _way_ too good for me to concentrate on heavy shit; there would be plenty of time after, and really it was better to discuss that kind of thing without distractions. I stared him down while thrusting the rest of the way into him. “You got it.”

His eyes went wide and he moaned loudly, cursing. I didn’t miss a beat, driving into him hard and fast as he whimpered beneath me. He really was a gorgeous thing, writhing and gasping like that. It was something I could definitely get used to, I decided. I reached around and wrapped a hand around his dick, stroking to the same rhythm as my thrusts. I dragged the nails of my other hand down from his shoulders to his ass; he hissed, arching his back.

“Ya like that, slave?”

“Yess,” he whined, nodding eagerly. So he liked pain… I pulled him upright, sinking my teeth into his shoulder. He gasped and swore, tightening around me.

“Fuck, I’m close…” It’d been a while since anyone had gotten me worked up so fast. I didn’t know if it was how good he felt, or the sound of him moaning my name, or the thought of _owning_ him that was doing it the most, but whatever it was, it was working.

“M-me too…”

“Better not come first,” I warned him, amping up the speed. He made a tiny whimper, biting his lip hard. I growled, slowing down but thrusting with extra force. Within seconds he was panting like a dog and shaking like a leaf. “You ready for me, sweetheart?”

“Yes,” he replied, nodding quickly. I let out another growl, thrusting as hard as I could as I let loose inside him. “Your turn, baby,” I whispered in his ear, and the tender pet name seemed to be the last straw. He moaned loudly, his head falling back against my shoulder. “Fuck…”

“That’s it, that’s a good little slave,” I whispered, slowing my hand as he came down from his climax. I kept my voice low and soothing as I lowered him down onto the bed, rubbing his back with one hand and reaching over to the nightstand for a few tissues with the other. He curled up in a ball, still shaking as I helped him get cleaned up.

Once he was taken care of, I slipped away to the bathroom for a second; when I got back he was right where I’d left him. I smiled and slid into bed next to him, rubbing his back.

“You’re alright, Tay. You’re fine.” It seemed to help a little; he wasn’t trembling as bad, at least. I kept a hand on him as I grabbed a smoke off the nightstand and lit it. 

“I… um…” He stammered, watching me closely; I just smirked and offered him the cigarette. He sat up and took it with a shaking hand, taking a long drag.

“Keep it,” I said when he tried to offer it back. “You probably need it more than I do.”

“Oh… okay…”

“You want a water? Or a beer?” I got out of bed, throwing my jeans on. I had a feeling we’d need to talk about what was said in the heat of the moment, and I knew a drink would help me, at least.

“Um, water’s fine.” He gave me a tiny smile, and it was almost too adorable. 

I padded down into the kitchen and got a beer out of the fridge, downing half of it right away. Had he meant what he said? Had _I_ meant it? I sipped my beer, leaning against the counter; it wasn’t a horrible idea. Somehow, life had always made more sense when I had a sub; it’d only been a few short affairs, but every time, the constant hole I felt seemed less empty. It probably had something to do with control issues, but I never stopped to question it. I’d always wondered, though, what it would be like to have a more… permanent situation.

I shook my head and killed my beer, then grabbed Tay’s water and headed back upstairs. It really depended on what he wanted; if it’d just been foreplay, there wasn’t any point in stressing over it. But if he meant it, if he wanted to be my slave, then we’d have to discuss that together. I took a deep breath as I climbed the stairs; strings weren’t always a bad thing, I reminded myself.

“Here ya go,” I said as I passed him his drink. He seemed to struggle to get upright; it was a huge ego boost to know I’d made him that weak. I chuckled, pulling him into a sitting position; for being so much taller, it’d been clear for a while how much stronger I was.

“S-sorry,” he muttered after taking a sip of water. “I’m kinda… my bones are all jello right now, I think.”

“Don’t sweat it,” I chuckled. “I know sub drop when I see it. And you’re not even the worst I’ve seen.”

“I just… I mean, you know stuff in theory, but when it happens…”

“Yeah, it can be pretty bad if you’re not used to it. Just relax though, it’ll pass.” I rubbed his shoulder lightly, and that seemed to help. He sighed, taking another sip of water.

“I’ve never really… gotten far enough for it to get this bad, I guess.” He leaned into my touch, not shaking anymore; I wrapped an arm around him, scooting closer.

“So what you’re saying is, I’m your first?” It was a teasing line, meant to distract from the tension, but the thought of popping his cherry felt damn good, too. He rolled his eyes, blushing again.

“Um… something like that?”

We both chuckled, but it didn’t last long. We were dancing around the elephant in the room, but there was no point avoiding it any longer. I gave a sigh and he looked over, his eyes intense and curious.

“I know things can get pretty intense, and people say shit they don’t always mean later. So if you wanna leave it at that, that’s fine by me. But if not…” I was being purposefully vague, but I seriously hoped he wasn’t too blonde to catch my drift. 

He blinked, still staring up at me… he was really gonna make me say it again.

“If you’re really lookin’ for someone to be your master…” I smirked at him, hesitating; was I really about to go after this? Did I really want to put myself out there, to offer a commitment like that? To Taylor Hanson, no less; a guy I made fun of at best, and bitterly envied at worst… although the bitterness was all but gone by now. Five minutes with him had cured me of that.

I’d been jealous of Taylor Hanson the pop star; the guy staring up at me now, the one who’d screamed my name, the one I was having way too many non-sexual thoughts about… That was a completely different guy. A guy I wanted to get to know better, and see a hell of a lot more of, in more ways than one. But the question was, did I want to tie myself down to that guy? A million thoughts ran through my head at once, but in the end I concluded that yeah, I really did. 

“I wouldn’t mind throwin’ my name in.”

****

_**Taylor** _

I stared at Scott, waiting for the punchline. There was an undeniable smirk on his lips, but the closer I looked, the more I could see other emotions lurking in the depths of his eyes, emotions like sincerity and even the slightest hint of vulnerability. I decided the latter was just me projecting my own feelings onto him. Then again, maybe not. When I was certain that at least he wasn’t going to laugh and tell me he was kidding, I decided to go with honesty. 

“Oh… yeah,” I said. “I meant that. I do. I do want that.”

Scott blinked slowly, then chuckled, and I was certain I heard the other shoe drop. This was it. He was going to tell me it was all just a joke.

“What’s so funny?” I asked.

“Nothing,” he replied, shaking his head. After a deep breath, he added, “So… you’re serious about this, huh? ‘Cause I take this very seriously.”

“I… yeah. I am.” I nodded slowly.

Scott eyed me again, no doubt trying to assess how serious I was. It seemed neither of us was quite ready to accept that the other really wanted the same thing. Had I not been floating on a strange, euphoric cloud that I only barely understood, I would have been experiencing a lot more self doubt and fear that Scott was just playing some twisted game with me.

After another moment of scrutinizing my expression for any signs of insincerity, and evidently finding none, Scott replied, “You know I’m talking full time here, right?”

“Yeah,” I replied, then heaved a sigh. 

I _did_ want it, but Scott’s words reminded me that this wouldn’t be easy. Cheating on my wife was one thing, and I was sadly no stranger to that. Carrying on an actual relationship, especially a Dom/sub relationship, behind her back… that was something else entirely. Yet it was something I was positive I needed. 

Scott stared at me again, and I feared he could sense my inner conflict and would call the whole thing off. Instead, he stood up wordlessly and walked to his closet. I watched, confused, as he dug through various boxes that looked like they had been shoved into the closet on moving in day and never looked at since. Finally, he found the one he seemed to be looking for and pulled something out of it. Although I saw a glint of metal, I wasn’t entirely sure what it was until Scott sat down next to me.

“Found this in a little shop in New York a few years back… thought it might come in handy someday.” He opened his hand and revealed a chainlink band with a small padlock. “You trust me? ‘Cause that’s the only way this’ll work.”

Staring down at what I realized was a collar, I nodded slowly. “Yeah… yeah, I do. God knows why, but I do.”

Scott chuckled softly, but for once, it felt like I was in on the joke. He leaned in to wrap the necklace around my neck and I bowed my head to help him. I felt myself trembling a little; this was a big commitment to jump into and so what was a fairly innocent touch compared to other things we had done that night suddenly felt very, very intimate. Scott secured the padlock carefully, letting his fingers linger on my neck for a moment, his lips turning up in a genuine smile. It faded quickly, replaced by a smirk.

“Guess how you take it off.”

“I… I don’t,” I replied, realization dawning on me. “I mean, there’s a key, right?”

Scott’s only response was to smirk again.

My lips quivered as I attempted to smile. “That’s… that’s kinda cool.”

“Like I said, the first rule is trust. You gotta trust that I know what’s best. ‘Course, we’ll need a safeword…” 

I fingered the padlock while Scott seemed to be considering his options. This was getting very, very serious very, very fast, but it was too late to back out. And truth be told, I didn’t want to.

“I got it,” he said suddenly, his lips curling into a cheshire cat grin. “Mmmbop.”

I rolled my eyes. “Somehow, I doubt I’ll be using _that_ safeword very often.”

Scott ignored the eye roll, his face stony as he said, “If something does go too far, just tell me, okay? I can’t fix what’s wrong ‘less I _know_ something’s wrong.”

“Yeah… yeah, I will,” I stuttered out, a bit unnerved by how serious he seemed. 

“That’s the next major thing,” Scott continued. “Communication. Gotta be able to tell me shit, got it? Doesn’t even have to be about _this_ … if something’s goin’ on in your life, I need to know. Good bad, whatever… my job’s to take care of you, but I gotta know what’s goin’ on so I can do that.”

“Yeah… yeah, that makes sense,” I replied, even though truthfully, so little about this made sense. As an afterthought, to let Scott know I grasped the gravity of what he said, I added, “I will. I promise.”

He gave me approximately half a smile. “Good. Don’t worry, sweetheart. I’ll take good care of ya.”

“Thanks,” I replied, giving him a smile of my own in return.

“‘Course, it runs both ways… you gotta keep me happy too.” The hint of a smile turned back into the smirk I already knew so well.

“Right…” I felt myself blushing; I could only imagine what ideas he had in mind for just how I could keep him happy. 

“You’re too cute, ya know that?” Scott laughed. 

My blush deepened until it felt like my entire face was on fire. I buried my head in my hands, half to cover my embarrassment and half to cover my grin at one of the first real compliments Scott had given me, and groaned. My voice muffled by my hands, I replied, “A fucking woman is what I am.”

Scott chuckled. “Yeah, right… tell that to the chicks in line after your show.”

I gave a little snort of laughter. “Pretty sure they’re all lining up for Zac these days.”

“Yeah, well… can’t say I blame ‘em,” Scott said.

I lowered my hands and scowled at Scott, who just smirked back at me, then chuckled.

“What, you can call him hot, but I can’t? Doesn’t seem fair to me…”

“I didn’t say he was… just that the fans…” I sighed. There was no point in debating it with Scott, since it was clearly just an offhand comment, one of his strange little jokes.

“Don’t get your nuts in a bind. I’m not after him,” Scott said, rolling his eyes. Toying with the padlock on my neck, he added, “He’s not my slave, is he?”

My scowl began to soften a little, even though I was hardly any happier. “Well… no.”

He leaned in closer and lowered his voice. “He’s not the one who just got his ass rammed, is he?”

“N-no…” I whimpered, trembling involuntarily at the fresh memory of what Scott had so crudely described.

“He’s not the one I want bound to me.” As he spoke, Scott stared straight into my eyes. He leaned in so closely that I could practically feel his words, and the emotion behind them, on my own lips.

All I could do was smile at him, my entire body trembling at the intensity of what Scott had said. He didn’t speak another word either; instead, he grabbed the chain and used it to pull me to him and crush our lips together. I let out a soft whimper of surprise at the suddenness of it, but I kissed him back readily. 

After a moment, he pulled away and laid back, looking completely relaxed except for the smirk on his lips. “So don’t worry about Zac. And for Christ’s sake, don’t let him get so uptight about you.”

I scooted closer to Scott and curled against his side. “Easier said than done, but… okay.”

Scott wrapped an arm around me tightly. It was a more comforting gesture than I expected, and I felt completely at home in his arms. With that smirk still turning up the corner of his mouth, he remarked, “Shouldn’t be that hard. He’s your brother, not your boyfriend, right?”

“That’s just…” I huffed, scrunching up my nose in disgust at what Scott was implying. “That’s not even funny.”

“Yeah, it is.” He chuckled.

I huffed again and mumbled, “S’not my damn boyfriend.”

“Whatever you say, sweetheart,” Scott replied, still chuckling softly.

I let the subject drop then, preferring just to curl up in his strong embrace and let myself drift off into some of the most peaceful sleep I’d had in ages.

****

_**Scott** _

I woke up slowly, one arm tossed over my face; I didn’t know what time it was, but the sun was high enough to make the room way too bright for my taste. I cracked one eye open and looked over, and smirked when I saw Taylor watching me. Watching me sleep… some people might find that creepy, but I thought it was cute.

“Mornin’, sunshine.”

“Morning,” he replied, blushing; he did that a lot, but I loved that I could get that reaction from him. I chuckled, hooking a finger around the chain around his neck. I stared at the lock; this was a big decision, and part of me still wasn’t sure what’d made me do it. But it felt good; it felt _right_.

“How’s it look?” Tay asked, smiling.

“How’s it feel?” I shot back, cocking an eyebrow.

“Different… but a good different.”

I didn’t know what the hell I’d gotten myself into, but I wasn’t about to do it half-assed; if this was going to work, I had to take the reins fully, with no room for doubt. I pulled him by his necklace and gave him a deep kiss; he whimpered, but relaxed against me and returned it.

“No regrets?” I said quietly; if he wanted to back out, now was the time. But he shook his head, his expression the picture of sincerity.

“No. Which is scary, but… it’s good.”

“Good,” I said, sitting up, and a wicked idea popped in my head. “Cuz I lost the key to that a few months ago.” I smirked as I watched his eyes bug out and he sat up straight.

“I’m just going to assume, for my own sanity, that you’re kidding.”

I let him squirm for a few seconds, but then laughed, nodding. It was too much fun to tease him.

“Yeah yeah, don’t worry.” I chuckled as he sighed with relief, closing his eyes. I shook my head as I got up, not bothering with my jeans, and headed down to the kitchen. I started a pot of coffee, watching Taylor come down in his boxers a minute later. 

“So, you headin’ off today?” I didn’t want to think about him leaving, sappy as that felt; we’d just gotten started having fun, and it was a bummer we didn’t have more time. I ran a hand through my hair, trying not to think about it too deep, and got a couple mugs out of the cabinet.

“Yeah, we’ve got that festival thing this afternoon, then we’re heading up to Seattle. I wish I could stick around here a little bit longer…”

“Yeah…” I sighed. “Gonna be tough to keep an eye on you when you’re halfway cross country.” I winked at him and he giggled, blushing.

“I’m sure you can find a way. You don’t have spies or something?”

“Yeah, dozens.” I rolled my eyes, pouring him a cup and handing it over. For a meek little sub, he sure had his smartass moments too; I liked that about him. I looked around the room, thinking; how _was_ this going to work?

“Guess I’ll have to set some ground rules for you, so you don’t get into any trouble. When the cat’s away and all…”

“Me? Get into trouble?” Tay tried his best to look innocent, and it almost worked. I stepped closer, tugging his chain.

“Other than me, that is.”

“But seriously,” he said, trying, and failing, not to grin. “What sort of ground rules?”

I poured myself a cup and sipped it slowly, thinking. My first time doing this had been a disaster, and I didn’t want to go through that again; but then, that sub had been completely different, and in it for totally different reasons.

“Well I think it’s pretty obvious that this…” I paused to give Tay’s ass a slap, and he yelped, jumping a little. “Is mine.”

“Mhm. Sure is.”

“Let’s see, what else…” I paced the room, thinking. I really couldn’t do all that much; he still had to be discreet, after all. “How often you jerk off?”

“Um, on tour… couple times a week? Not a lot of privacy, you know.”

“Yeah… let’s see if we can’t cut that back. Say, every other week?” I almost laughed at the way Tay’s eyes widened; I didn’t think it was too extreme, but then I wasn’t the one who was being cut off.

“Y-yeah, okay.”

“You’re gonna check in, too. Every day shouldn’t be too hard, right? Doesn’t always have to be a call, texting is fine. But I gotta keep tabs on you somehow, right?”

“Mhm… I mean, yeah. Of course you do.” He nodded again, chewing his bottom lip, and I frowned; that was another habit of his, and it showed, his otherwise perfect lips marked with little dents and cuts.

“Hey,” I said, stepping closer. “None of that.” I brushed his bottom lip with my thumb. “I don’t want anyone damaging the goods, not even you. Got it?” I gave him a smirk, lowering my voice. “Something this gorgeous, you gotta take care of it.”

“Yeah, yeah…” he said, rolling his eyes. If there was one thing that pissed me off, it was people rolling their eyes at me.

“Excuse me?” I said in my best stern voice.

“What?” Taylor blinked at me, apparently unaware of his transgression. The whole modesty thing was cute, but honestly it was starting to get a little annoying. 

I straightened my back, narrowing my eyes. “I don’t throw around compliments like free candy. So when I say something nice, I expect you to be grateful.”

“Okay,” he said after a moment. “Thanks?” He smiled, but it was weak and obviously fake. I sighed, shaking my head. Did he really think that little of himself? 

“I don’t want you to just take it, Tay. I want you to believe it.” I softened my expression and lowered my voice, running a hand through his hair. “You really are so much more than you give yourself credit for.”

“I know,” he sighed. “It’s just… It’s not easy for me. But I’ll work on it, okay? I promise.”

“You do that. And not just with me, okay? You gotta learn to stop shrugging it off every time someone says something nice.”

“Okay, I will. It’s not gonna be easy, but… I will.” He smiled sincerely at me, and I believed him. I knew what it was like to not be too happy with myself, but I learned a long time ago that if you don’t put yourself on a pedestal, no one else will.

“Good. See? I’m here to help. A benevolent god, if you will,” I added with a teasing tone.

“Yeah,” he laughed, rolling his eyes again. “And so humble, too.”

I laughed, slapping his ass hard as I walked past him to go back upstairs. “You know it!”


	7. Chapter 7

Sep. 29, 2013, Tour bus in en route to Seattle, WA.

_**Zac** _

Sometimes, I really didn’t understand Tay. One minute he would act like he was all about the family man persona he’s built up, and the next he was spending the night with Scott Moffatt. It was almost like when he met Alex, but I prayed it wasn’t _that_ similar a situation. All I knew was ever since he’d met Scott, something had been different. And even though I couldn’t put my finger on what it was exactly, that difference had been even more obvious today. I walked into the back room of the bus, intent on asking him about it, even though I probably didn’t want to know the answer.

”Hey Tay, do you-” I stopped and looked at him; something was different. It wasn’t anything obvious, but I’d stared at him enough over the years to pick up on even the slightest change. My eyes fell on his neck, and I spotted it – a new choker. “Really Tay, you don’t have enough necklaces already?”

”So what?” he replied, a little too defensively, and reached up to touch it. “I can’t get a new necklace?” It looked like a lock of some kind, from what I could see between his fingers.

”Nothing wrong with it,” I said, shrugging. “Can I see?” Without waiting for an answer I took a step closer and snatched it from him, inspecting closer; as I thought, it was a small padlock on a thick chain, like the kind they use for dog collars. “Just make sure you don’t lose the key.”

”Y-yeah… right…” Taylor laughed nervously, and I stared at him. There was no way he was _that_ careless, was there?

”You didn’t,” I challenged him.

”No?” If there was one thing my brother sucked at, it was looking innocent. I laughed, sitting back in my seat.”

”You’ve had it, what? Six hours? Oh man, wait ‘til Ike hears this…”

”Don’t tell Ike,” Tay said suddenly, his eyes shooting open wide.

”Oh come on. It’s not the dumbest thing you’ve done. This weekend,” I added under my breath. Tay was acting like he was hiding something, but what could be so bad about a necklace? Sure, it was a kind of a weird design choice, but…

”I didn’t _lose_ the key,” he said after a few seconds, looking down. “I never had it,” he muttered. That got my attention real quick.

”Say what?”

”Just forget it, okay? It’s just a necklace.”

”Where’d you say you got this again?” I eyed him; I had a pretty good idea where he’d gotten it, and I hoped like hell I was wrong. But Zac Hanson is not a lucky guy.

”I… didn’t.” And with that, he told me exactly where he got it. I sighed, running a hand roughly through my hair. I was starting to get a headache…

”Uh huh… friendship bracelets too subtle?”

”What does it matter? I know you don’t like him, but can you just… not do this?”

”Not do what? I’m not doing anything, Tay. You’re the one who disappeared with him, spent the night with him, and now you come back with a freakin’ lock around your neck that, I’m assuming, he has the key to? The hell is that all about?” I realized my voice had risen to almost shouting level, and I took another breath. He looked around the room, basically anywhere but at me.

”You wouldn’t get it, okay? So just… please, stop asking questions.”

”Not ‘get it’? What’s that supposed to mean?” Again, I had a theory, and again, I hoped it wasn’t the right one.

”What do you _think_ a lock like this is all about?” Tay snapped, finally looking at me. 

”That he thinks he owns you or something?” I scoffed. I was seriously starting to regret coming back here. The feeling didn’t get any better when Tay didn’t correct me, but sat there biting his lip. “Taylor.”

”What.”

”Okay,” I said slowly, letting out a breath. “So explain it.”

”It’s… it’s pretty much exactly what you just said,” he answered, running a hand through his hair. “He doesn’t just _think_ he owns me.”

”The fuck?”

”Which part of that do you not understand?”

I sat back, my mind reeling. So Scott _owned_ Taylor? The phrase wasn’t entirely unfamiliar, but it was something I’d never had the courage to investigate. I watched Tay as he curled up, hugging his legs to his chest and looking so much younger. As strong of a front as he put up for everyone else, I knew he was a lot more vulnerable than he wanted anyone to know. And right then, it showed.

”I’m clearly going to have to start with the basics here. Are you… familiar with BDSM at all?”

That term was not exactly unfamiliar, but I _really_ didn’t need my brother to know that. I blinked, trying to look naive, and the way my cheeks were starting to heat up, I didn’t think it’d be that hard. ”Like… that leather and whips stuff?”

”Yeah,” Tay said, rolling his eyes for some reason. “That can be a part of it. It hasn’t been yet, but…”

” _Yet_?”

”We’ve just… started.” Tay shrugged, looking away again. “But I’m not opposed to that stuff.”

My mouth hung open; the few times I’d looked around online had been brief, but long enough to conjure all sorts of images. And the thought of Taylor doing the things I’d seen brought on other images, ones I _really_ didn’t want to think about.

”It’s about… a lot more than that, though. There’s an emotional, psychological side to it. Some people need to be in control, and some people need to _not_ be in control.”

”O…kay…” I swallowed hard and stared at my hands. It was obvious which one of those Taylor was, and I guessed that put Scott in the other position. I took a shaky breath, wishing even more that I’d just stuck to my video games.

”You know, you asked. I didn’t want to try to explain this to you.”

”I know,” I sighed. “It’s just… weird. Finding out you’re into… _that_.”

”Yeah, well, there’s a reason why I never mentioned it before. Not the kind of thing that usually comes up in a conversation with your brother.”

”Yeah… I guess not.” I looked away, understanding at least my own reasons for being uncomfortable. Talking about it was one thing, but with as vivid an imagination as I had…

”Can we just… pretend we never had this conversation?”

”Why?” I asked, raising an eyebrow. I knew why _I_ was embarrassed, and logically I knew why he was, too, but for some reason I didn’t want the conversation to end just yet. “So you’re into some kinky stuff, so what?”

”You’re not… I mean, you seemed really freaked out.”

”Well…” I hesitated, running a hand through my hair. I didn’t want to give away too much, but maybe I was acting a little too comfortable with the subject. “I’m not saying I’m not. But you tell me someone ‘owns’ my brother… I wanna know what that means.”

”It means he’s my Dom, Zac. And I’m his sub. And if I have to explain what _that_ means, too…”

”Well hell, I don’t know,” I snapped. I hadn’t meant that in the literal sense, but apparently Tay thought I was just that thick. “I mean he’s obviously not with us on tour, so how the hell does him ’owning’ you work when he’s not even here?”

”There are… rules…”

”Okay.”

”And I mean, like any… relationship… I have to call and check in. And if I break the rules, then… I get punished,” he finished softly.

”Punished,” I echoed. The word sent a strange twinge through my body; but at the same time, the other key word in Tay’s answer gave a different, less pleasant feeling. _Relationship_. I pushed that particular response as deep down as I could, but I still felt it rumbling in my gut. I didn’t like it.

”We haven’t discussed the specifics about that, but… you know, what you said about whips? Probably something like that.” 

”And you… like that?” I asked quietly. Even though the conversation hadn’t been anything close to innocent from the start, I still felt like it was shifting somehow, turning down an even more dangerous path.

”Y-yeah,” Tay said, his cheeks turning about as pink as mine felt.

”You like… pain?”

”I do.”

”Why?” All the things Taylor had said, and all the things I’d looked for on my own, were all adding up to a very confusing mess in my head. My brother shrugged, and I waited eagerly for his explanation.

”Some people do. It’s a… it’s a chemical thing. When you’re in pain, your body releases endorphins. Like a natural pain reliever. So it’s pain, but… it feels good.”

”But… it’s pain. You’re not supposed to… to like it,” I finished, swallowing hard. I stared at the floor; if I didn’t look at Tay maybe I could pretend he couldn’t see me, either.

”It’s the same way that some people are adrenaline junkies, though. Not the same chemicals, but… the same principle. It just _feels good_.”

”I guess that makes sense, sorta.” I shrugged; it did make sense, but that didn’t make me feel any better about it. “But I mean, you’re not supposed to… you know, _like_ it. Like…” I cleared my throat, praying he knew what I meant so I could just stop talking. 

”Yeah well, there are a lot of things that feel good that you’re not supposed to do.”

I glanced up, and he was actually smirking. Nice to know my discomfort amused him. The tone in his voice was just this side of flirtatious, and I felt myself blushing even more. Not that I thought he would ever flirt with me; my brother was pretty depraved, but I didn’t think he was _that_ twisted. And you’d have to be pretty sick to flirt with your brother…

”Zac?” He was eyeing me, and for the umpteenth time, I wished I’d stayed up front, blissfully ignorant.

”Yeah?”

”Have you ever… done anything like that? I mean, you’re obviously not _totally_ unfamiliar with BDSM…”

”Yeah, right,” I scoffed, rubbing the back of my neck and looking down. I was a pretty good liar under the right circumstances, but these didn’t even come close to qualifying. “Have you met my wife?” It didn’t answer his question at all, but in a way it did; it was no secret Kate was one of the biggest prudes any of us had ever met. If Tay took what I said as an answer, that was his assumption to make.

”Okay, fair enough. Guess her and Nat are different in a couple ways…”

I looked up, genuinely surprised; I always figured Nat was just as bad as Kate. But apparently not. Taylor cleared his throat, probably regretting that unnecessary admission.

”Anyway, um… I mean, so you’ve never done anything like that? It’s just hard to explain to someone who’s never…”

”No, I’ve never _done_ anything like that,” I groaned, catching the unintentional emphasis around the same time Tay did. I could feel his eyes on me without even having to look.

”But you’ve… thought about it?”

”Maybe…” And maybe it was time for me to shut up before I got myself into more trouble.

”Hey, you made me talk about it. You don’t get to be embarrassed now.”

”You think this is easy?”

”You think this is easy for _me_?” He shot back, and even though I knew he was right, it didn’t stop me from getting pissed.

”Well maybe we _should_ forget it then.” I didn’t think for a second that I could, but if saying it would let me escape the trap I’d set for myself, it was worth a shot.

”No, Zac… It’s just, this is awkward. For both of us. So you’ve thought about it; okay, no big deal.”

”Easy for you to say,” I sighed. “You’ve got your new fuck buddy to mess with.”

”And you’re sure that Kate won’t…?” Tay pouted at me, but I gave him a blank stare. “Okay, okay. Stupid question. But I mean… what do you think you’re into? Like, do you think you might be a masochist, or…?”

I raised an eyebrow at him. Despite the fact that I had, in fact, done some research on BDSM, I hadn’t dug deep enough to learn much of the lingo.

”It means you like pain, Zac.”

”Oh…” I looked down, blushing and feeling dumb for not knowing that. “Right. Well, sometimes when I’m… you know… _alone_ … I like… scratch, or whatever…” I wasn’t used to tripping over my words like this, but then again, I’d never talked to Taylor about kinky sex before.

”Okay, umm… You mean when you’re… Oh, Zac…” He reached out and touched my arm; it wasn’t much, it it was surprisingly comforting. And at the same time, not. “There is _no_ reason to be ashamed of that, okay?”

I glanced up at him, wanting to believe what he said. But I didn’t think there was any way the word ‘normal’ could ever apply to me.

”I mean it,” he said, giving my arm a squeeze. “So not everybody is into it, so what? You wanna be like everybody else?”

”A little late for that,” I snorted, smirking.

”Yeah, well, normal is just a setting on the dryer,” Tay laughed, mimicking my expression. We shared a laugh, but it was short-lived. “But I know it’s… it’s tough if you don’t have someone who will do… what you need.”

I nodded, sulking; Tay was all set, with his new… _relationship_ … but what did I have?  
”I’m not saying you should like, look to me as an example, and go find yourself someone else. This is good for me, but it’s not… simple.”

”So what do I do then?” I picked at a rough spot on my jeans; that was a question I’d been asking myself for a while now. “Scott’s got brothers, right?” It was meant as a joke, but the way Taylor coughed, I guessed he hadn’t picked up on that.

”Um, yeah… I don’t think _that’s_ a good idea. You don’t really wanna do something like that with another guy anyway, right? I mean… you know.”

”What if I do?” I asked, a bit defensively. Part of not talking about sex with Taylor, was not talking about my sexual _preference_ with him, either. He blinked, staring at me.

”Zac, out of all the people you know, I’m probably the last one who would have a problem with you being into guys. I just… didn’t think you were?”

”No experience to go off of, so I can’t really say.” I shrugged, looking down. “I’m not… _not_ gay…” It was the closest I’d ever come to admitting it, but then like I’d said, I really didn’t have any proof one way or the other. Taylor nudged me, so I looked up; he was smirking in a teasing way.

”Well I’m not _not_ gay either. So it’s whatever. And again, I’m still not suggesting that you find someone to experiment with or whatever, but…”

”But?” I highly doubted he had the solution to my problems, but I was willing to let him try for now. He shrugged; maybe he didn’t have the answers after all.

”But I know how tough it is to not… be in a relationship that gives you everything you need. So if you did do something like that, I wouldn’t judge you for it.”

”Not that you’re really in a place to judge,” I teased. There was that word again… _relationship_. Was that what he had with Scott? After just a few days? It didn’t make any sense, but what made even less sense was the nasty taste it left in my mouth. “How’s Nat?” It was a low blow, but if this… relationship… was going to make me feel like shit, I didn’t have to be the only one. Tay rolled his eyes and groaned.

”Nat’s fine. Blissfully ignorant, and I’d like to keep her that way, if you don’t mind.”

”Whatever, it’s your marriage.” I sighed; I didn’t really want to hurt him. It wasn’t really Tay I was mad at, after all.. “So… what do I do, then?”

”I don’t know, Zac,” Tay said quietly. “Hell, maybe it would be good for you to find… somebody else.”

”You mean, like… leave Kate?” I bit my lip; it wasn’t the first time it had been suggested, but never by Taylor. He was the last person I would have expected it from, especially given his own marital situation.

”If… if that’s what you want to do. Cheating isn’t a great solution either, but… again, I’m not gonna judge you. I’d be a hypocrite to.”

”Even if I… decided to leave Kate… I wouldn’t know where to start looking for… that.”

”It has to be with someone you trust. That’s not an option, alright?” Taylor’s tone and expression were completely serious, almost unnervingly so.

”And you trust Scott?”

”I do,” Tay replied, nodding. “I know he’s… not the most pleasant person, but he’s not a bad guy. And whether it’s sexual or not, this is an intense sort of relationship. Trust is vital.”

”That makes sense. Don’t wanna get hurt for real.”

”Exactly. It’s pain, but it’s pleasure, too. And it can be really intense emotionally. You have to be careful.”

”So no Craigslist?” I joked, smirking. He chuckled softly, nodding.

”Yeah, I think that’s a big no.”

”I don’t know, Tay,” I sighed. “I mean, yeah it’s fine when I do it, but how do I know I’d want someone else to?”

”That’s why you gotta find somebody you can trust who can… give you a little taste of what it’s really like.”

”Someone I trust, huh?” I thought about it; who did I have that I could really trust with something like this? I didn’t have very many friends outside of the band, and none of them all that close; it’s hard to build a friendship with someone when you’re only home three months out of the year. Really, the only person I felt like I could _really_ trust was…

”Yeah. Someone who knows what they’re doing, and who cares about you. Who doesn’t want to _actually_ hurt you.

”Right. Should probably be someone who knows me really well…” It was an absurd thought. Completely ridiculous, and unrealistic, and twisted, and… and now I couldn’t stop thinking it.

”Absolutely.”

”Gotta be someone who knows how to be discreet, considering who I am.” The rational side of my brain was getting anxious, spouting off the hundreds of reasons why the idea I didn’t want to admit having was a horrible one. But apparently my mouth didn’t get the memo.

”That goes along with the trust thing,” Taylor agreed, nodding. I looked at him with my best puppy eyes; it was a well-practiced move that he’d only successfully resisted a handful of times in the past couple decades. 

”Know anyone like that?” I said with a smirk; I wanted to play it off, so he could ignore the hint if he wanted to. Who knew; maybe he actually would think of someone.

”I… No, no I don’t think I do. I mean, I can’t… pick someone for you.”

”You sure?” I asked, nudging his knee with mine. “No one comes to mind?”

”Zac,” he said quietly, looking down at our legs. “Y-you’ll find somebody.”

I sighed, slumping down. I was stupid for even thinking of it; who in their right mind would agree to something like that? Who in their right mind would even come up with it? I felt like an idiot.

”Yeah, right. Maybe I should just forget it.”

”You will, Zac.” He reached out to touch my arm again, and I resisted the urge to pull away. “I just wish I could… do something. I don’t want you to feel like this. It sucks, I know.”

Against all judgement, better and otherwise, I looked up at him again. I turned the sadface to maximum pathetic levels, biting my lip and tilting my head; it wasn’t often I had to go this far to get what I wanted, but then again, what I wanted wasn’t usually this… wrong.

”Zac, you’re not… you don’t want…” I could see the gears turning as Tay started to understand. 

The way he looked at me made me blush, but I couldn’t resist giving it one last effort, hanging my head and looking up at him through my lashes. His eyes widened, but… not in disgust. Shock, of course, but not aversion. maybe I was even better than I’d thought.

”That’s not… I mean… I know it doesn’t _have_ to be sexual, but…” He sighed heavily, and I knew he was cracking. All it would take was one more nudge.

”Please, Tay,” I whispered.

”Do you really get what you’re asking me for?” Tay asked softly. I thought about it; I hadn’t really considered specifics, but I knew that was only half of what he was saying. Stubbornly, I decided to ignore the implied question and answer the literal one.

”Just… I don’t know, something? You’re the one that knows about this stuff. How do I know what I want if I’ve never tried anything?”

”I know, I know, I just mean…” He paused, sighing. “Like, you get that this is a big deal, right? If I… do this for you?” So much for implied…

”Does it have to be a big deal?”

”Yeah, it kinda does. But if you’re sure it’s what you want… then I’ll do it.”

”Yeah?” I let myself smile; despite all my poking and prodding, I hadn’t held much hope of him giving in. Not to this.

”Yeah,” he said, nodding and swallowing hard. “I’ll do it.”

”Okay… thank you. Really.” I highly doubted he had any idea what this really meant to me, and I was perfectly fine with that. But the fact that he was willing to do this for me, to give me what I needed in spite of what it could mean…

”Okay. What, um… Do you have any idea what you would want me to do?”

”Well… like I said, I’ve tried scratching. Like, my… legs.”

”Mhm. Okay, so scratching. Scratching is good. Maybe, on your back?”

”Yeah, we can try that. Should I take my shirt off?” I seriously hoped I didn’t sound too eager, but my pulse was already racing just thinking about what was about to happen.

”Y-yeah, that’ll help.” At least Tay seemed just as nervous as I felt. His reasons were probably way different, but it was still comforting.

”Okay.” I pulled my t-shirt off and set it aside; I could feel my cheeks burning as I looked at him. I really didn’t like showing off my body very often, thanks to the constant pudge I sported. I’d tried diet, exercise, even fasting, but I just couldn’t seem to get rid of it. But a little exposure was to be expected in certain circumstances.

”So… now what?”

”Can you, um, turn around?” If anything, Tay almost seemed _more_ nervous than me, but I didn’t know how that could be possible. I nodded and turned around looking over my shoulder at him.

”How’s this?” I was going for flirty, but the way my voice shook, I had a feeling it didn’t really come off that way. Tay didn’t say anything at first, just nodded and lightly touched my shoulder.

”That’s good. Just… tell me if you want me to stop, okay?”

I nodded, closing my eyes and flexing my shoulders. I wasn’t trying to show off, honestly; even if I did know I was built more than him in certain areas. I heard him take a shaky breath, and felt him run his hands gently across my back; I tried to suppress the shiver, but before I could really react he dug his nails in, dragging them over my skin. I sucked in a breath, squeezing my eyes shut. This was so different than how I’d imagined, but in the best possible way.

He did it again, and I clenched my fists and leaned my head back. I closed my eyes and bit my lip, mostly to keep silent. This was already surpassing anything I’d expected, and he’d barely started.

”Is… is that okay?” His voice was gentle and concerned, but I thought I heard a tinge of the same excitement I felt. But that was impossible, I realized; I was probably just projecting my own emotions, letting them cloud my senses.

”Mhm,” I mumbled, still biting my lip.

”Okay…” He dug his nails in harder, raking them down my back; I clamped my mouth shut, but it wasn’t enough to muffle the moan. I arched my back, my hips rocking involuntarily. When he did it again, I moaned even louder. My eyes shot open, trained on the ceiling, and I gripped my thighs tight enough to make my knuckles go white. This was getting dangerous, but there was no way in hell I wanted it to stop.

”Fuck,” I sighed before I could stop myself at the next scratch. I started to reach my hand between my legs, desperate for contact, but stopped myself. The last thing I wanted was to risk doing anything that might scare Tay off, and I was pretty sure jacking off was at the top of the list. 

Tay used both hands the next time. I gripped the couch until it hurt; I could see myself shaking, but I was too far gone to care how pathetic I looked. I felt Tay ghosting his fingers over where he’d scratched, and it made me shiver even harder.

”I think… I think that’s probably enough f-for now…” The feel of him brushing his fingertips over my burning skin made me whimper and lean into the touch.

”I’m f-fine… You don’t have to stop.” I hated how weak I sounded. I hated how weak I _was_. But not enough to want this to ever end. Especially when Tay started gently rubbing my shoulders.

”I know, it’s just… I don’t wanna leave _too_ many marks on you.” He laughed softly, and I thought I heard reluctance in his tone, but again I wasn’t sure if it was his, or my own.

”I’m okay, really.” I looked back at him, biting my lip. I didn’t care how horny I looked, and I was sure I looked pretty damn horny. I needed this. He shook his head, but still ran his nails down my back anyway. My eyes fluttered shut, and I tried to turn the moan into a sigh, but it came out somewhere in between.

”There. That’s all you get out of me tonight.” He stuck his tongue out teasingly, but the only thing I got from his remark was one word. _Tonight_.

”Don’t stick it out unless you’re gonna use it.” I threw him a teasing smirk. He’d said that was all I was getting… _tonight_. The implication being that there was a chance of this happening again. Tay rolled his eyes, kneading my lower back, and all previous thoughts were temporarily erased.

”Seriously, though… Do you think, um, it’s something you’re really into, then?” The way he was working his hands made it hard to think, but I managed to nod.

”Yeah, I think it’s safe to say I’m into it,” I said finally with a nervous chuckle. He had no idea just how _into it_ I was.

”I’m… glad I could help you figure that out, I guess.” His hand was still on my back, rubbing gently; maybe he wasn’t quite ready for it to end, either.

”Thanks. Really.”

”You’re welcome,” he sighed, surprising me by leaning his head against my shoulder. His breath tickled, but not in a way that made me want to laugh. I smiled, leaning my head against his. I was definitely glad I’d left my video games for this.


	8. Chapter 8

Oct. 5, 2013. Deerfoot Casino, Calgary, AB.

_**Scott** _

After Taylor left, things went back to the way they’d been before… mostly. Even if my daily activities hadn’t changed, there was just a different feel to it all. The knowledge that I had a slave, that I was in control of someone… it was hard to explain, but it made me look at everything a little differently. There was the obvious change, too, though; every day I’d get a call or a text from Tay. Sometimes it was just a quick update on his day, other times it was a funny story about something that’d happened. But after a few days… nothing. 

On day one, I chalked it up as a fluke. He was on tour, and I knew how crazy that could get; maybe he just hadn’t gotten a chance, or forgotten in all the hustle. He didn’t seem like the kind of guy to just blow someone off. Especially not after what we’d shared.

Day two, I started to get pissed. I’d given him every opportunity to say no, to tell me if this wasn’t what he wanted. I thought I’d made it pretty fucking clear how serious I took this. But maybe he still thought it was just a game, just a quick fling. I was the one who left people hanging; not the other way around. I’d actually trusted him. And this was my repayment?

Day three… I looked up their tour schedule. They were playing Calgary the next night, so I hopped the first plane. If he wanted out, I was gonna make him say it to my face. I didn’t want it to end, not when we’d barely just started. As much as I hated to admit it, I was starting to like him. He wasn’t what I expected, and I was glad for that. But if he was just playing me, there was no way I was letting him just disappear like a fucking coward. 

The morning of the concert I gave him one last chance to get a hold of me; I was already there, but it would’ve been decent. But still, nothing. Maybe I’d been right about him from the start; just a rock star diva who loved being the center of attention. Well even if he did want out, he wasn’t gonna get it without a few battle scars.

Since I’d already been to a couple shows, it wasn’t hard to convince the roadies to let me wait backstage. And when Tay and his brothers walked into the green room, the look on his face was fucking priceless.

”Great show, guys, you really rocked the joint. Nice solo, Zac. Ike, my man… killer shredding.” I gave the older and younger Hansons a grin that I didn’t think was _too_ mocking, then stared at Tay. “Nice moves, rock star.”

”Scott… w-what are you doing here?” The fear in his eyes probably shouldn’t have turned me on as much as it did… but I am a sadist, after all, and anyway he had every reason to be scared. 

I got up and walked over, shrugging. “What, can’t show support for my favorite band? I was in the area. I am from here, remember?”

”No, I didn’t,” he said after a second. “I guess I shouldn’t be surprised.” 

I heard Zac grumbling from across the room, but ignored him. I had bigger things on my mind then an annoying kid brother. “So, how’s your week been? Pretty busy?” I stepped closer, and watched his face pale even further.

”I… um… yeah, well, we’ve had back to back shows…”

”Funny,” I said, closing the distance between us and lowering my voice. “Your fingers don’t _look_ broken.” I smiled at him, but he caught the implication. He trembled a little, glancing at his brothers.

”Um… guys, I’m gonna have to cut out early. Let everyone know I won’t be out to sign stuff?” He turned to me, lowering his voice. “Can we not do this here?”

I glanced at Zac when he crushed his empty beer can; he got up and headed into the bathroom, slamming the door behind him. I didn’t know what his problem was, but if he was trying to piss me off, it wasn’t working.

”Fine with me,” I said to Tay, smirking. “Let’s go.” I held up my hand in a ‘goodbye’ wave to Ike, then headed out the door. Taylor would follow, of that I was sure enough. He didn’t say anything on the drive to the hotel, but at least he had the common sense to look sorry. I didn’t speak either; I figured it was better torture to let him imagine what his punishment would be. I did some imagining of my own, and it wasn’t pretty.

When we finally got to my room I let him go first, slamming the door behind me. He jumped about a foot, spinning around to look at me. He looked so tiny, even if he was taller; I had a feeling I could snap him like a twig if I wanted to, and right then I wasn’t so sure I didn’t. I wondered if it was an act, playing the vulnerable sub to the big bad Dom.

”Do you want out?”

”N-no,” he answered, shaking his head. 

I walked closer, staring him down. I didn’t know whether to believe him or not, and I didn’t like that. “You sure? Cuz I thought I was pretty fucking clear on what I expected.”

”I know, I… I’m sorry. I’ve just been busy and this is… it’s a big change.”

”I don’t want excuses. What had you so busy that you couldn’t take thirty seconds to text me? I told you that’d do.”

”Just…” Tay sighed; he really did look sorry. Maybe he really _had_ been busy. “Just the tour, I guess. It’s not even a good excuse, I know.”

”Well, what’s done is done. Only question now is how to make sure it doesn’t happen again.” I eyed him, circling him slowly; I still didn’t know what to believe, but I’d be damned if he wasn’t going to pay for making me feel this way. I ran a finger down his back, watching him tremble.

”After all,” I whispered in his ear. “What are rules without consequences?”

”Th-that’s true.” 

I took a step back, looking him up and down. He obviously wanted this, and so did I, so I decided to just go for it and worry about the consequences later… if at all. 

”Strip.”

He stared dumbly at me or a second, but when he snapped out of it he wasted no more time, practically jumping out of his clothes. I watched him, smirking; I didn’t think I’d ever get tired of seeing his body. 

”Good. Now get on the bed. Hands and knees.” I noticed he was shaking as he climbed onto the bed and into position. I didn’t know if it was from fear or excitement; I hoped it was a bit of both. “Hand or belt?”

”I… um…” He swallowed hard, but answered after a second. “Belt.”

”You sure?” I lifted his chin, forcing him to look at me. I was a little surprised, but I was happy with his choice. He looked like a scared bunny, but he nodded anyway; I had to give him props for his determination, if nothing else. 

”Alright,” I said, taking my belt off and stepping back. “How many you think you can take?”

”I… I don’t know.”

”Okay… why don’t we start with ten, see how you handle that?”

”Okay,” he nodded, taking a deep breath and bracing himself.

”Count them for me.” I dragged the leather over his bare ass; his skin was like a porcelain doll, and I couldn’t wait to break it. I brought the belt down hard, the slap echoing in the room.

”One,” he gasped. I rubbed the already bright red spot with my hand for a moment, then brought the belt down again. “Two,” he whimpered.

We took it one lash at a time. I knew it was a bad idea, but I couldn’t help letting some of the anger I was feeling pour into each strike. He’d come closer to hurting me than I’d let anyone in a long time, and I wanted to hate him for it. But he took it like a champ, and it made me a little proud. He really was a good slave; whether or not he was still _my_ slave remained to be seen, but as I got my aggression out, I thought about it. He was still here, wasn’t he? 

”Last one, baby,” I said softly, bringing the strap down harder than ever.

”Ten!” he choked out, blinking back a few tears. I rubbed the raw skin gently with one hand, and wiped away the tear rolling down his cheek with the other.

”Shh, it’s okay babe, you did it.” I tossed the belt aside and helped him collapse onto the bed. I sat down next to him, rubbing his back and kissing his shoulder. I wasn’t angry anymore; if he’d wanted out, he would’ve told me. He wanted this. I had to believe that.

”Now, what are you gonna do from now on?”

”Follow the rules,” he answered after a deep breath. I nodded, kissing his neck; I didn’t know where this affection was coming from, but I just wanted to make him feel better. The image of him laying there, naked, sweating and shaking, might’ve had something to do with it, too.

”Which one?”

”All of them… but especially the one about calling or texting you.” He inched closer to me, and I could feel the heat his body was throwing off in waves.

”Good,” I whispered, nipping at his ear. He whimpered again, scooting even closer.

”I guess I’m not… very good at being a sub yet…”

”That’s okay. Practice makes perfect.” I sat back on the bed, hands behind my head, and gave him a wink. 

”I guess so.” He smiled, curling up against me, looking like a little kitten; I chuckled, wrapping an arm around his shoulders. “What’s so funny?”

”Nothing.” I looked down at him and smiled. “It’s just funny how innocent you can look sometimes.” I leaned close, biting his bottom lip. “But I know better.”

”I… was that a compliment?” Tay asked, his cheeks turned almost as red as his ass.

”Maybe.”

”Then, um, thanks?” He smiled sheepishly, but I was paying more attention to biting his neck.

”So about that practice…” I peeled off my shirt and crawled over him, grinning; he watched me closely, with that nervous smile that told me he wanted it just as bad. I leaned down, dragging my tongue up his chest; he smelled like sweat and cologne, but he tasted fucking amazing. As he stared up at me, I kicked myself for ever doubting him. He was mine, probably more than he even knew. Taylor Hanson, my little slave.

”What would your brother say if he knew…”

****

**_Taylor_ **

“W-what… why would you say that?” I stuttered out.

After the beating Scott had given me, which was both faster and full of more rage than I’d expected, neither my body nor my brain were really cooperating with me. I knew what he was implying, of course, but I didn’t know _why_ he was implying it. He couldn’t have known what Zac and I did, could he? He couldn’t know that guilt was part of why I hadn’t kept in contact with him. Could he? Surely not.

Scott seemed untroubled, though. He just chuckled and nipped at my neck. “Well, he does seem awfully interested in how you spend your free time…”

“He’s just…” I sighed and turned my head away from Scott as I tried to think of a way to describe my brother that wouldn’t sound incriminating. “He’s just Zac. Thinks he’s my bodyguard or something.”

“Bodyguards usually don’t care who you fuck…” Scott nibbled on my neck, running his hand up and down my thigh.

I began to tremble, both because of Scott’s actions and the unsettling implications behind his words. “Yeah, well, this one knows I have a tendency to get into ill-advised relationships. N-not that this one is…”

To my relief, Scott just laughed. “Right. Nice save.”

“It’s not,” I replied, sighing. “I know it’s not. He just… thinks it is. Not that it’s any of his business.”

“If I didn’t know better, I’d almost think he was jealous.” Scott sat back on his heels and eyed me, a little smirk on his lips. As a bit of an afterthought, he added, “Not sure who of…”

“That’s just… no. It’s not like that at all.” I scowled, hoping I looked sufficiently outraged by what Scott was suggesting. It wasn’t like I didn’t find it appalling, but in light of what had had happened just a few days earlier on the bus… well, if Scott had had any clue about that, he wouldn’t just be making jokes about how strange my relationship with Zac was. I had been somewhat in control of that situation, and even I didn’t understand what had happened.

“Wouldn’t matter to me,” Scott replied, shrugging in a way I thought was far too casual for this conversation. He looked me up and down and added, “Not like he’s getting any of this anyway.”

“That… no. That’s sick.” I could only hope Scott didn’t notice the way I tripped over my words; it _was_ sick, but it was also a lot more complicated than I could explain to him or even understand myself.

Scott stared blankly at me, his smirk fading away. “It’s pretty kinky, yeah, but I wouldn’t say sick…”

I stared back at him. I supposed, with the way he joked about it, I shouldn’t have been surprised that he could be so open minded. Still, I didn’t think he would be so nonchalant if he realized how close Zac and I had come to crossing some major lines, and so I had to keep denying. “Well it’s… it’s not happening, okay? Zac is weird, but it’s not… it’s not like that.”

“I never said it was…” Scott replied, eying me critically. Maybe I had gone too far in my denial.

“Well, you’re the one who mentioned Zac… said he seemed jealous or whatever…” I inched away from Scott, unable to stop myself from feeling and–I was sure–looking and sounding defensive. 

Scott’s head tilted to the side, no doubt trying to figure out why I was acting so weird. As if to lighten the mood, he poked me in the side. “It was just a joke, Tay. Why you getting so sore over it?”

“I’m not, I’m just… I’m sorry. I guess the whole punishment thing has me… whatever.” I shrugged. It wasn’t much of an excuse, but it was the best I had, and truthfully I still wasn’t back to my normal self after taking Scott’s lashes.

He laid down next to me and wrapped an arm around me, his entire demeanor suddenly shifting to something more affectionate and comforting. “It’s okay, I get it. Just forget I said anything about Zac, alright? I’m the one here with you, not him.” As if to punctuate that statement, he kissed my shoulder.

I nodded and inched back toward him. “Yeah, I know… sorry if I’m acting weird about it…”

“It’s fine, baby. No harm done,” he replied, kissing my forehead. Softly, he added, “Not really that sick, though…”

I choose to ignore that statement, because I was in no condition to try to figure out what he meant by that. Instead, I decided just to enjoy being near him. I let my fingers run down his arm aimlessly; they eventually landed on his tattoo. Tracing the letters, I said, “I keep forgetting to ask… what’s this all about?”

“I am,” he replied, looking down at my hand on his arm. “It’s my sign motto.”

“Your… what?”

“My sign,” he repeated. “I’m an Aries.”

So it was an astrology thing; that made a little more sense, even if it was something I knew absolutely nothing about. After a moment’s thought, I replied, “Oh… I’m a Pisces, I think.”

“Yup,” Scott replied, nodding; of course he would know my sign, too. “You wanna know what your motto is?”

“Sure,” I replied, giving him a little smile. It was kind of cute to see him getting interested in something, anything.

He smiled back and kissed the center of my forehead. “I believe.”

“Oh,” I replied, smiling wider as I considered those two words. “I guess that fits me.”

“You ever think about getting inked?”

“Umm… sometimes. We had this thing with the band, these three lines we would draw on our arms. It was a thing. But not a very good tattoo, really.” A little softer, I added, “Plus my wife isn’t really a big fan of tattoos…”

Scot snorted. “Right… you obviously really care about what she thinks.”

“Well, she could _see_ the tattoo. She can’t see _this_ ,” I replied. I chose to ignore the fact that she could see the collar just as easily as Zac did.

Scott seemed to think for a moment, then asked, “What about getting pierced?”

“What about it?” I asked. “Other than that it hurts.”

He smirked and pinched one of my nipples. “Pain can be good.”

I yelped. “Yeah, well, I’m not arguing with that.”

“Why don’t you get this pierced for me?” My nipple was still caught between his fingers, making it obvious what _this_ was.

“Umm… I dunno, maybe. N-never really thought about that…”

“Maybe I didn’t make myself clear.” He pinched it again. “I want you to get pierced.”

“O-okay…” I whimpered both at the pinch and at the thought of how much worse getting pierced would feel. “Wouldn’t be the first time. I mean… first time for _that_ piercing…”

“Oh?” Scott asked, actually seeming surprised by something I had said… for once.

I shrugged. “It was just my cartilage. I took it out, though.”

He snorted dismissively. “That’s nothing.”

“Well, they did it wrong or something, because it hurt like hell. I took it out once and couldn’t get it back in, so…” I felt myself blush a little, embarrassed that I had to justify taking out what was really a fairly minor piercing. 

“Baby,” Scott mumbled, pulling me closer and laying back.

“What?” I asked, unsure if he was calling me a pet name or insulting me. Both seemed equally likely with him. 

“You can handle this,” he said, slapping my still-sore ass, “but not a measly ear piercing?”

I winced at the slap. “Well, I mean… I didn’t really even know I was into _that_ back then.”

“So when did you figure it out?”

“I guess, umm…” I tried to figure out how to explain it all without getting _too_ far into my messy history. “I mean, I had some suspicions when I first started seeing… this one guy. And he was really into it, so I got to test that theory out.”

“Okay…” Scott nodded. “But what made you suspicious in the first place? Or did you wake up one morning and think ‘gee, I wonder if pain gets me off’?”

I gave him a scowl that he promptly ignored. “It was just like… a natural progression, I guess. I liked it a little rough, then a little rougher, then… you know, I just kept trying more and more kinky stuff, or whatever. I mean, nothing _that_ kinky.”

“Right… nothing as kinky as messing around with your brother.”

“Of course nothing like that,” I replied, not meeting Scott’s eyes. Why did he keep coming back to that? What was so funny to him about the idea of Zac and I messing around? Did he really suspect that something had happened between us? Then again… something had, though perhaps not at all what Scott imagined.

“Still so innocent…” Scott mumbled, chuckling a little under his breath.

I pouted, thinking of the stories Scott had told me the night we met. “Sorry I’m not as wild as you. I had to settle down pretty young, you know.”

To my surprise, Scott gave me a look of genuine sadness… even sympathy. “It’s a shitty hand you were dealt, I’ll give you that…”

“I’m used to it,” I replied, shrugging. It was a more lackluster response than I usually gave, having been conditioned to put on a brave face and pretend I was perfectly happy being a father of five at my age, but it still didn’t say all that I really felt about my marriage and life.

“You don’t have to just take it, you know.”

“Don’t I?” I asked.

“Hello no,” Scott replied, sitting up and staring incredulously down at me, like my nonchalance about my circumstances genuinely offended him. “Lemme ask you this. How much of your time is spent on you?”

I stared blankly at him. “What’s less than none?”

He rolled his eyes. “That’s what I thought.”

“What do you expect?” I asked. “A wife, five kids, a band, a record label… By the time I take care of all that, there’s nothing left for me.”

“You know, the world’s not gonna implode if you take off for a couple hours.”

“You don’t know that for sure,” I shot back semi-seriously. For so long, I had had to be in control. I had to do everything, whether I wanted to or not, because shit had to get done. The idea of not doing that… well, it was still a little scary.

“Sure enough,” Scott replied, chuckling. “You gotta take care of yourself, otherwise you’re no good to anyone.”

“I never really thought of it that way…” I frowned, hating how I sounded. I had always just taken for granted that I would be fine. I had too many other responsibilities; my own health and happiness took a backseat and I just accepted that as the way it had to be. What if Scott was right?

“Basic laws of nature, ya know? It’s like on the planes, when they tell you to put the oxygen mask on yourself first, then your kids.”

I sighed. “I know you’re right, it’s just… no, you’re just right, and I suck.”

“Yeah, you do,” he replied, laughing a little as he reached down to touch my lips. “But not because of that.”

I blushed and rolled my eyes at his innuendo. “Thanks?”

“Okay, why don’t we add that to the list, huh?” Scott asked, his face turning serious. “Every day, I want you to take some time for yourself. Go watch a movie, get a massage, have a beer. Whatever.”

I frowned as I tried to imagine how that would work out on tour. But while I might not mind earning a few punishments for disobeying his rules, Scott did have a point. “I… I guess I can do that. I mean… I’ll do it.”

“Good.” He gave a short nod. “Trust me, when you stop giving a crap about what everyone else expects, life gets a whole lot easier.”

I wanted to say that was easier for him than for me, since he was a lot farther from the spotlight than I was, but I didn’t see that statement going over well. Instead, I replied, “I’ve always wanted to be like that, but it just… never really worked out that way.”

“That’s ‘cause you’re a sub, silly,” Scott replied, giving me a nudge.

“Yeah, yeah. I know.” And I did know. I had always known my greatest flaw was caring more about others’ needs and feelings than my own. 

“Hey, nothing wrong with that.” He kissed my nose. “Where would I be without you?”

“California?” I offered, grinning.

“Yeah, but I’d be having a lot less fun.” To punctuate that statement, he bit my shoulder.

“Yeah…” I whimpered. “I guess the same goes for me.”

In response to that, he sunk his teeth into my neck and slid his hand down to wrap around my dick. I wasn’t all that hard, but Scott was quickly fixing that for me… 


	9. Chapter 9

Oct. 12, 2013. Tour bus en route to Chicago, IL.

_**Taylor** _

Scott’s visit in Calgary changed things. It changed my view of him and our relationship, and it changed my view of myself. I hadn’t realized how deep the issues that pushed me into submission went; it was so much more than just sexual. Not that the sexual aspects weren’t nice, of course. Both Scott’s punishment and the sex that followed were incredible, but it was the conversation in between that meant the most to me and gave me so much to think about.

His new rules for me weren’t just arbitrary. Scott actually understood what I needed, and I really _wanted_ to follow those rules. Including the one about staying in contact with him.

 

_Hey, Scott :-)_

**Hey you. Sup?**

 

I was sitting in the back lounge of the bus, which was never a good place to get any privacy, but while on the road, you often had to take what you could get. What I had hoped would be a private conversation with Scott was quickly interrupted when the door to the lounge slid open and Zac walked in.

“Hey, Tay,” he said, standing in the doorway.

“Mhm,” I replied, barely even glancing up at him as I typed my next text to Scott.

 

_Nothing much. On the road to… Chicago, I think._

**Windy City, nice.**

 

I watched Zac out of the corner of my eyes, wishing he would just leave. He didn’t get that psychic message, of course. Instead, he picked up his xBox controller, turned on the system and sat down directly across from me on the other couch. “Who you texting?”

 

_It would be better if you were there._

**I bet it would ;-)**

 

Zac huffed, I supposed because of my lack of reply to him. By the time I glanced up, his eyes were trained on his game. I couldn’t read his expression at all, so I decided to ignore it.

 

_Miss you…_

**Miss you too, baby**

 

 _Baby._ It was one thing for him to let that pet name slip out in person, but to type it into his phone and not think better of it before sending the text… well, that was something else entirely. He had called me sweetheart since the night we met, but that name always felt a little mocking. He seemed to just be a little free with the nicknames and pet names, but there was something about the way he said _baby_ that felt different. A very, very good different.

“Guess that answers it,” Zac grumbled.

My head snapped up to look at him, confused. “Huh?”

“Tell Scott I say hi.” He sneered. “Actually… tell him I say piss off.”

“Don’t… don’t be like that, Zac,” I said, not believing that Zac was being such a bastard about this. It wasn’t jealousy, really. It was just pure anger, and I didn’t understand it. “And I’m _not_ going to tell him that.”

“Sorry…” He said, not sounding apologetic at all.

“Yeah, whatever..” I mumbled, not wanting this argument to continue at all. There was no point to it. Zac didn’t like Scott; he had made that clear. It just didn’t matter. How he felt about Scott didn’t have any effect on how I felt about Scott.

 

**When’s your next day off**

_I’m not sure… maybe next week?_

**Want me to swing by?**

_Maybe… ;-)_

 

“He planning on crashing our green room again?” Zac asked, and for a split second I had to wonder if he was reading my mind. He certainly wasn’t close enough to read my phone screen, but I supposed that as good of a liar as I was, Zac was one of the few who could nearly always read the truth on my face.

I frowned, trying to hide the fact that Zac had seen right through me. “And so what if he was?”

“Really?” Zac asked, looking incredulous.

 

**Well maybe I will. Bet Zaccy will love that…**

_You’re tempting fate, you know. People who pick fights with him usually wish they hadn’t._

 

It was like they could both read my mind, and it was killing me. I might have liked pain, but feeling like this, like I was being pulled in two different directions by my brother and my lover… it was not a feeling I enjoyed.

Once I had pressed send on my message to Scott, I glanced back up at Zac. “Just _what_ is your problem with Scott?”

“Nothing,” Zac replied harshly, both his tone and the way he angrily mashed the buttons on his controller saying otherwise.

 

**You honestly think I can’t handle him?**

_You don’t know him like I do…_

**And you don’t know how I am when someone pushes me too far.**

_He’s not trying to push you. Just let me deal with him, ok? And if you do come to visit, plz try not to push him._

**Don’t worry, baby. I won’t start anything. But if he does, I’m not backing down.**

_Okay, okay… I’m gonna go have some me time, k? I picked up a new book the other day for when I had some free time._

**Awesome. Tell me all about it when I get there.**

**I will :-)**

 

Zac heaved a loud, exaggerated sigh. “So, what are you two talking about?”

“What does it matter to you?” I asked, glancing up at him.

“Just curious,” he replied, shrugging. He almost looked calm and innocent. Almost. But it was enough for me to cut him some slack.

“I’m sorry, just…” I sighed. “I’m just saying goodnight, okay?”

 

_Goodnight :-) I’ll call you tomorrow_

**You better ;-)**

 

“Is he coming to the show again?” Zac asked again. “I just want to know if we should add extra beers to the rider.”

I rolled my eyes. So much for Zac being nice. “We didn’t make any definite plans. But he probably will come visit again soon. You think you can play nice?”

“You think you can go five minutes without running off to fuck?”

I scowled, my lips jutting out in a pout that I was sure would have made Scott laugh. “It’s not… thats not what it’s like.”

Zac narrowed his eyes. “Really. Sure looks that way to me.”

“Okay, we ran off last time, but that was different.” As soon as the words left my mouth, I regretted them, because I knew I would have to explain _how_ it was different.

He raised an eyebrow and asked exactly the question I dreaded. “Different how?”

Not meeting Zac’s eyes, I gave him a vague answer. “It wasn’t… just about the sex, okay? And it _isn’t_ just about sex with him.”

“So what is it about then?” Zac asked, seeming surprisingly innocent and clueless.

Sometimes I forgot how inexperienced he was compared to me, and I didn’t just mean sexually. But then again, he was also just good at being deliberately obtuse.

“Did we not have this conversation? The BDSM thing?”

“So is that all you two do then?” He asked, still sounding so much more innocent than his twenty seven years. It was that innocence that gave me the patience to keep answering his questions.

“No, we talk,” I replied. “It’s like any other relationship, just with… the other stuff, too.”

Zac nodded, as though that made perfect sense to him. “Did you do any of that stuff?”

“The BDSM stuff?” I blushed. How had we gone from Zac seemingly hating him to asking about the private things we did?

He stared at the television screen, still mindlessly playing his game, and nodded.

“Yeah…” I replied softly, nodding. “I, umm, I hadn’t called or texted like… like I was supposed to, so…”

Zac eyed me. “So, what?”

I shrugged, trying to preemptively brush off what I was about to say. My blush deepening, I replied, “So I had to be punished.”

He swallowed hard. “How?”

“He used his belt…” I replied, my voice so low I wasn’t even sure Zac had heard me until his eyes widened.

“He… what?”

Staring out the window next to Zac’s head, I replied, “It was either that or his hand. He gave me the choice.”

“And you chose his belt?”

“Yeah…” I replied, not adding that I had chosen the belt because I was pretty sure it would cause the most pain. Zac might have been curious about BDSM, but I still wasn’t sure how deep his understanding of it could go. Carefully, I met his eyes again, waiting for any sign of judgment in them.

He licked his lips slowly. “Did… did it hurt?”

“Well, yeah. That’s the point.”

“I know that,” Zac replied, rolling his eyes. “I mean… like, how bad?”

Again, I shrugged dismissively. “Pretty bad, but he didn’t do it for long. I mean, there are types of floggers and stuff what would be a lot worse…”

Zac nodded thoughtfully, biting down on his full bottom lip. I had no clue what he could possibly be thinking, and I didn’t want to speak again until I had a better idea.

All of his questions were so strange to me, especially since he had expressed in no uncertain terms his dislike of Scott. Why was he so curious, then? Why did he want to know what Scott did to me? My rational side told me that he would be curious no matter who my master was; it the lifestyle Zac was so interested in learning about. And that was why his next question didn’t surprise me at all.

“What did it feel like?”

 

 

****

_**Zac** _

“It… I don’t know how to explain it, Zac. It’s just… Yeah it hurts. But I _want_ it to hurt.”

I sighed, setting the controller down and running a hand through my hair; I didn’t know how to explain what I wanted. “I figured that, I’m just wondering… not how it feels, I guess, but like… how it makes you feel.” I looked at Tay, upset with myself for being too stupid to say what I meant, and upset with him for… well, I was just upset with him. “Does that even make sense?”

“Yeah… I guess it does. It’s like…” Tay frowned, but it looked more like he was trying to work out his thoughts. “It’s not just something physical. I mean, it’s fun to play rough or whatever, but there’s this thing… like sometimes I just need to give up control and let someone tell me what to do. But also having to follow their rules and suffering consequences, but ones I’m prepared for, if I don’t. It’s just… it’s a type of release. A weight off my shoulders.”

I nodded, chewing my lip and thinking about what he said. I knew how hard Tay tried to control everything; it’d been the subject of plenty of fights over the years. It was a good thing too, though; he was the driving force most of the time, keepings us going despite the odds.

“Does that make sense at all? Some people don’t need that, and that’s fine too. And some people need the control, but for me… that’s how it is.”

”Yeah, that makes sense,” I said, nodding. I stared at my lap; I was afraid to ask, but I had to. “Hey Tay?”

“Yeah?”

“What we did the other day…” I swallowed hard.

“Mhm?”

“I was wondering if maybe… we could… ya know…” I ducked my head, but looked at Tay, trying to work my charm. I didn’t know if I was good enough to pull it off, especially when Tay sighed softly.

“If we could… what, Zac?”

“I don’t know,” I said, looking down and shrugging again. “Maybe… try something else?”

“If… if that’s what you think you need…”

I looked up suddenly. Had he just agreed? Without any argument? Had I somehow forgotten smoking a bowl… or five?

“Yeah?”

“Did you have something in mind?”

Once I got over the initial shock, I scooted closer, pulling my hair back in a ponytail. “Well, I was thinking, maybe you could… you know…”

I leaned my head to the side, smiling hopefully, before uttering a phrase I’d told him hundreds of times… but never with such a literal meaning.

“Bite me?” I couldn’t help chuckling, dumb as it was, and he gave me a nervous smile.

“Do I look like a vampire?”

“You’re pale enough,” I teased, shrugging.

“Funny.” He scowled at me, and I had the good sense to look a little sorry… while still smiling.

“Sorry…”

“S’okay,” he chuckled. “I’ve been called worse.”

“Yeah… usually by me.” I gave him a shove, which he returned; I was glad we could still joke around. Finally, he took a deep breath.

“Okay, come here.”

I grinned, moving closer. I’d never imagined this would… okay, I’d imagined it plenty, but I’d never actually _expected_ it to happen. Tay wrapped a hand around the back of my neck, pulling me closer.

“I’m gonna try not to leave a mark, okay? But no guarantees.”

I closed my eyes and nodded; I was shaking a little, and hoped he didn’t notice. I could feel his breath on my neck, and I held my breath. When his teeth made contact I couldn’t help jumping, one hand going to his knee.

“Sorry,” I muttered, embarrassed about being so jumpy.

“Should I count to three next time?” he teased, laughing quietly. I smirked, nudging his knee with my own.

“Shut up.”

He chuckled again, then leaned in and gave me a real bite. I sucked in a breath, gripping his knee. It was a strange feeling, his teeth and his lips and his tongue on me; but it felt amazing. He moved to a different spot and bit again, this time sucking on my skin. I whimpered, then mentally kicked myself for sounding so pathetic. He pulled back, but not before brushing his tongue against the sore spot.

“Are you okay?” he whispered.

“Mhm,” was all I could get out; I didn’t even trust myself to look at him, let alone speak.

“Okay…” He moved down a bit, this time sinking his teeth in even harder. I gasped, and before I realized what I was doing I moved my hand further up his leg. I felt Tay jump for a second, but then he was sucking on my neck again.

“Fuck.” My hips rocked at the way he was licking and nibbling, and how he dug his nails into the back of my neck. We’d barely started and it already felt about twenty degrees hotter.

“I think… um… I think we should stop.” The way he was panting, he didn’t look like he wanted to stop, and I sure as fuck didn’t. I gripped his shirt, staring up at him.

“Please Tay…”

“Zac…” The way he gasped my name sent a whole new wave of chills through me.

“Please…” I tugged on his shirt; I couldn’t let him stop, not now. As long as we kept it up, we could just enjoy it and not worry about what it meant. If we stopped, he’d think about it, and realize just how sick and twisted it was… how sick and twisted _I_ was… and I wasn’t ready to let go of it just yet.

 

 

****

_**Taylor** _

As much as I wanted to, I couldn’t break Zac’s stare. If I had been able to look away from him, maybe I would have been able to resist him. But I knew the look in his eyes. I realized that I understood, perhaps better than anyone else in his life, the need that he felt. It was still so, so wrong for me to be the one to help him scratch that itch, as it were, but…

“O…okay…” I took a shaky breath and nudged Zac to tilt his head to the other side.

He gave a slight smile, then leaned his head to the other side. In what I hoped was just an instinctive move to brace himself, he wrapped an arm around my back. “Is… is that okay?” He asked.

It wasn’t. It really wasn’t. Yet I found myself smiling back at him and replying, “Yeah… that’s fine.”

I leaned in, my eyes fluttering shut as if this would all be okay if I couldn’t see that it was my brother in front of me, and bit down on Zac’s exposed neck. It was surprisingly muscular; equally surprising was the way Zac seemed so weakened by my actions. He gasped, gripping my shirt tightly and practically collapsing against my shoulder. I tangled a hand in his hair, not quite pulling it but still firm enough to hold him in place. Something about the way he was practically on top of me, at my mercy, spurred me on, and I sucked harder on his flesh.

He moaned loudly, shifting his legs until our knees were interlocked and he really was all but in my lap. “You can pull it… if you want to…”

I realized, after a moment, that he was talking about his hair. So he was into that, too–at least, he thought he was, I supposed. I obliged, sinking my teeth into his neck as I tugged on a strand of his hair.

Zac seemed to like that, as his hips immediately shifted. It wasn’t quite a thrust, but it was enough movement to make our knees brush together and remind me how dangerously close we were to doing something we couldn’t excuse as just experimenting or being caught up in the moment.

“S-sorry…” He mumbled.

I scooted back, at least as much as Zac’s grip on me would allow. “I… I think… I think we really need to stop, Zac. I’m sorry.”

“Please, Tay,” he rasped, his voice barely above a whisper and his knuckles turning white as he held me in place. “I need this.”

“Zac, it’s just…” I began, feeling my resolve already weakening. “I don’t want you to feel like you’re… like this is wrong, but you and me…”

He gave me the biggest, saddest eyes I’d ever seen. “It’s not like we’re really _doing_ anything… and, I mean…”

“No, but it’s just..” I sighed. At least he’d turned his head so that I couldn’t be broken down more by those eyes. “It’s so close to things we shouldn’t be doing and you just… you should really be learning this stuff from someone else. Not your brother.”

Zac snorted. “Right…”

I reached my hand out and touched his arm lightly. “It’s not that I don’t want to help you, I’m just not sure that I should be helping you with… certain things…”

“Yeah, yeah… I get it…” He rolled his eyes.

“Can you just…” I trailed off, hating myself for even letting him get to me this much. I _did_ want to help him. Zac so obviously needed this, and I understood that need so well, but as much as I realized that I wanted to be… I just couldn’t be the one to show him that world. “Can you just… think about this and try to see it from my perspective? Just take some time to maybe do some more research, and think about what you want… what you need…”

“Why?” He asked, his head snapping around to face me again. “So I can know what I want and can’t have? So I can know what I’m missing out on?”

I backed away further, hating myself for having to do this to him when he was in such pain. “I’m not… I don’t want you to miss out, but this just isn’t… we shouldn’t do this, Zac.”

“Why not? Look me in the eyes and give me one good reason,” He said, leaning in closely and lowering his voice. “And don’t give me that ‘we’re brothers’ crap, because if you really thought it was wrong, you wouldn’t be just as hard as I am right now.”

I didn’t need to look down to know that he was right, though I had been trying to ignore it as he grew closer and hoping he didn’t notice, either. So much for that. I could rationalize why I felt so much for him and wanted him to know the sweet release of just the right kind of pain. I couldn’t rationalize the fact that introducing him to that pain made me hard as a rock.

Not meeting his eyes, I replied, Well, the fact that I’m not supposed to be with anyone but Scott is a good reason…”

“Figures…” Zac replied, narrowing his eyes.

I glanced back at him. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

A look that almost seemed like shame crossed his face. “Nothing… just forget it.”

“I’m breaking enough rules as it is, okay?”

“You wouldn’t be breaking any new ones…” he shot back. “I mean, technically this counts against that, doesn’t it?”

“Just because we’ve already broken it doesn’t mean we have to keep going,” I replied.

“Doesn’t mean we have to stop, either.” He shrugged. “And it’s not like you have to tell him… how’s he gonna know?”

I glared at Zac; I shouldn’t have been surprised that he could be so obtuse. “Yeah, that makes it so much better. Breaking a rule _and_ lying to him about it.”

He rolled his eyes. “If he doesn’t know you did it, he won’t know you lied about it.”

For someone who seemed so innocent, my brother was certainly full of self-serving rationale. Still, I knew he was wrong, no matter how easy it would be to just give in to what he was asking of me. I scooted further away and ran a hand through my hair. “I can’t do that, Zac. I just can’t.”

“Well… what about a compromise?”

I eyed him nervously, scared of what this hedonistic side of my brother might be capable of suggesting. “Like what?”

“What if you…” He bit his lip as he spoke, “like… told me what to do? Like, you don’t have to do anything, but just… direct?”

I tilted my head to the side, considering it. I wasn’t sure how much, if at all, Zac was into the actually domination and submission side of things; he certainly didn’t seem to ever take direction well. But maybe… maybe if I gave him a taste of that world, he would better understand the gravity of it.

He glanced away again, his cheeks turning dark pink. “If you won’t punish me, at least tell me how to punish myself.”

“I’m not gonna…” I sighed. This was getting way too deep, way too fast, but I couldn’t see any easy way out. “Look, I tried to tell you what to do. Give this some time. Figure out what you really want, and then… then we’ll talk about it.”

He eyed me for a moment, trying no doubt to figure out if I was serious, and god help me… I was. Smiling a little, hopefully, he asked, “Yeah?”

“Yeah.” I nodded weakly, visualizing my reserved seat on the fast bus to hell.

“Okay.” Zac nodded. “Thanks, Tay.”

His voice sounded so much lighter, like a giant weight had been lifted off his shoulders… and planted squarely on mine. I collapsed back against the couch and sighed, ignoring how cheerfully Zac went back to his video games as though he didn’t have a care in the world.


	10. Chapter 10

Oct. 16, 2013. Oread Hotel, Lawrence, KS.

_**Zac** _

I really am a glutton for punishment. I’d always kind of known that, but I hadn’t realized how literally true it was until recently. But now I knew I was definitely a masochist, and probably more than just physically; why else was I standing at Taylor’s door, about to ask him for things he probably wouldn’t want to give? Then again, he’d told me to talk to him after doing some reading. Anyway, disappointment is a type of pain… right?

I knocked on Tay’s door and waited, tapping out a rhythm on my hips. It only took him a minute to answer, but when he did he only opened the door a few inches.

“Yeah?”

“Hey,” I said, giving him a smile I hoped looked natural. “You busy?”

“Um… not technically…” The reluctance in his tone was clear; he must’ve been having his daily ‘me time’ he’d been demanding lately. Either that or talking to Scott…

“Oh… well it’s no big deal. I can leave you alone if you want…”

“No, it’s okay.” He held the door open for me, so I stepped inside. I heard the door close, but didn’t turn around, instead staring at a cheap-looking painting on the wall. Everything I’d planned on saying, all my carefully chosen words, sounded stupid in my head now. “You wanna sit down?”

“Okay…” I took a seat at the edge of the bed, then worried he’d read too much into it. There was a chair, after all. But he just sat next to me, a small but obvious space between us.

“What’s up?”

“I’ve been doing some… reading.” I watched for Tay’s reaction; at first he tilted his head like a confused puppy, but then his eyes went wide… and there it was.

“Oh… okay.”

“Looked up some stuff online.” I looked down and picked at a worn patch on my jeans; this wasn’t going how I’d planned at all, but then I guessed someone like me was supposed to be a little on the meek side. I glanced up, and saw Tay nodding slowly.

“Did you um… learn anything?” he asked, and I nodded. “Like what?”

“Well…” I took a breath and tried to untangle the jumble of words in my brain. This had been so much easier in front of the mirror. “Remember when you, um, bit me?”

“Y-yeah, I remember.” Tay chuckled, and it felt like he was teasing me.

“Well… I was thinking about that.”

“Okay…”

“And like… how we’re brothers…” I had a feeling Tay felt like he was pulling teeth, but I wasn’t trying to be difficult. “And how it’s kinda… kinda wrong.”

“I’m… I’m aware.” Taylor swallowed hard; whether he knew where I was going with this or not, it didn’t really matter. I’d get there eventually, even if it took a while.

“But… I kinda kept thinking about it anyway. So I got to thinking… that’s kinda… bad, right?”

“What do you mean? Bad that… that we did that?”

“No… well, kinda but I mean… Bad that I kept thinking about it.”

“Oh… um… yeah, I guess.”

“So that means… I’ve been kinda… bad.”

“So… you need to be… punished?” Taylor smirked at me, and I felt my cheeks burning. Way easier with a mirror. He cleared his throat, and I felt him scoot closer. “I… I think I can do that.”

“Yeah?” 

“Y-yeah.”

“Okay.” I let out a breath; either Tay was more twisted than I thought, or I was better at getting what I want. Either way, I wasn’t about to question it too much. “Did you have any ideas about specifically how you ought to be punished? Or do you want me to decide?”

“Um… I guess you could.” Honestly, I hadn’t expected him to give in; so, I had no idea what to do next. “I mean, the sub’s not supposed to tell the dom what to do, right?” I added with a smirk. Tay sighed and rolled his eyes; I guess he didn’t find it as funny as I did.

“Well the problem is, right now, neither of us really know your limits.”

“I trust you, though.”

“I know you do, but… I just don’t wanna do something you won’t like.”

“Well how will I know what I like if I don’t try stuff?”

“You’re right,” he sighed after a minute, and I gave myself a mental pat on the back. “Okay. Um, well… spanking is a good punishment, I guess. Th-that could be a good way to start.”

“Okay,” I replied, nodding. I really did trust him; he was the one who knew about this stuff, not me. And even beyond that, he wouldn’t do anything to really hurt me. 

“Okay, um…” He sighed deeply and ran a hand through his hair. “T-take your jeans off? Just the jeans.”

I nodded once, then stood up and took of the offending article, leaving me in my tee-shirt and boxers. He tried, and failed, not to stare, and I felt a weird mix of embarrassment and pride.

“O-okay… get on the bed, on your knees.”

I crawled onto the bed, hanging my head. I glanced back and saw him standing behind me. He ran a hand up and down my back; I thought I felt his hand shaking, but I was pretty sure I was shivering too. 

“Okay, if you did what you were supposed to, you probably read about safe words, right? They’re really important. ‘Stop’ isn’t really a good one, but… I guess it’ll do for now. You say stop and I will. I promise.”

I nodded, not trusting my voice. I trusted Tay, but I understood why that was an important rule. Still, I doubted I’d be using it.

“Okay. I’m not gonna do… that much. Just to start out. You think you can handle… five?”

“Y-yes.”

“Count for me?”

“Okay.”

“Okay…” Tay ran his hand down my back again, lower this time, brushing against my ass. He lifted it up, and I braced myself for the impact… and then he barely let his hand fall against me. I glanced back, blinking at him. Did he think I was that fragile?

“T-tay?”

“…yeah?”

“You, um… you can go h-harder.”

“Okay,” he sighed, and I turned to face front again. “Don’t forget to keep count. Out loud, okay?”

“Okay.” I braced myself again, and he did go a little harder, enough to make me suck in a breath. “One. T-two,” I said, wincing at the next slap. It still barely stung, more like a mosquito bite than a spank.

“Was that too hard?” Tay asked, rubbing my back. I shook my head; I wanted to say something, but he was getting better so maybe… nope. 

“Three. Tay?”

“Yeah?”

“Not to talk back, but um… isn’t it supposed to, like… hurt?” It was a snarky, smart-ass comment and I knew it, but I had to do something.

“Do you want… harder?” He didn’t sound nearly as annoyed as I’d hoped, but at least he was offering to ramp it up. I swallowed hard and nodded.

“Okay.” He pulled his hand back and finally gave me a good, solid slap. 

“F-four,” I let out, gasping a bit.

“You okay?” He rubbed the spot, which was starting to get a little sore.

“Yeah. I’m fine.”

“Okay…” He pulled back and delivered the final blow; it still wasn’t as painful as I’d hoped, but at least it wasn’t like his first couple sissy slaps.

“Five.” I wasn’t really satisfied, even if the way he was rubbing my back felt pretty nice. “T-tay?”

“Yeah?”

“You, um… I can take more,” I said quietly. I didn’t want him to think I was too needy, but, well… who was I kidding? 

“You sure?”

I turned back to look at Tay; I was really starting to get annoyed. It was cute how careful he wanted to be, but it wasn’t much of a punishment if I had to beg for more, and I didn’t feel like much of a sub ordering him to keep going.

“You said to say stop and you’ll stop, right?”

“Yeah…”

“Okay.” I turned around again, hoping he’d get the hint. After a second, I added, “Hey Tay?”

“Yeah?”

“Do you think you could like… talk?”

“I… like what about?”

“Well, some of the stuff I read… the dom would, like, talk about the sub. And,” I added, softer. “How bad they were.” I was pushing my luck. I knew that. But I had to try, especially given my going success rate.

“Z-zac, I…”

“If you don’t want to,” I sighed, then waited.

“No! I mean… I can try.” He gave me a tiny smile that I looked over my shoulder to return, then started rubbing my slightly sore ass, giving it a light smack. “S-so, you’ve been bad, hm?”

“Y-yes.”

“Thinking about… something you shouldn’t think about?” he pushed with another slap. I winced a bit; they were starting to add up, even if they weren’t all that hard on their own.

“Yes.”

“Tell me,” he said, lowering his voice. “What were you thinking about?”

“You,” I admitted quietly. 

“W-what about me?”

“When… when you bit me.”

“Mhm, what about it?” He gave my ass another smack, harder this time.

“I… I liked it.” 

“And you… thought about it? How much you liked it? Is that all you did… think?”

I trembled; his hand was coming down with more force now. Maybe getting him to talk was making it easier for him, too.

“Answer me,” he demanded with another slap that made me gasp and wince.

“N-no.”

“W-what did you do?”

“Jerked off,” I almost whispered. I’d read that being shamed could be a turn-on, but I’d been skeptical at first. I’d been wrong. Something about being forced to voice my twisted sins was making me even harder than the physical punishment.

“What was that?” Tay asked with another smack. “I couldn’t hear you.”

“I jerked off,” I gasped. I thought I heard Tay make a sound, but his hand coming down on my sore skin was more than a little distracting.

“Y-you… you’ve been very bad then, haven’t you?”

I could only nod, whimpering a bit from the physical and emotional torture. This was what I wanted; this was what I deserved. I was bad… sick, twisted, bad in every sense of the word.

“S-so dirty… thinking about your… brother like that…” Tay punctuated his accusations with even harder slaps, each one making me whimper. He was really getting into it, and that was only making it better for me. Or worse. I couldn’t really tell the difference. He leaned over me a bit, his voice low as he massaged the tender area.

“Is that… all you thought about?”

I swallowed hard; I didn’t want to admit to that. I’d known it would come around to that, or at least I should’ve, but I didn’t want to say it out loud.

“Answer. me.”

“No…” I whined. Something in me was close to breaking, and I felt a desperate need to hold it together.

“Tell me. Tell me how bad you’ve been.”

“I…” I shivered, licking my lips.

“Zac…” His hand on my ass and my name on his lips was too much, and I moaned softly, my resolve breaking.

“I… I thought about… k-kissing you…”

****

_**Taylor** _

I gasped at Zac’s words. I don’t know what I had expected him to say, but it wasn’t that. This thing between us was certainly twisted, but somehow, kissing seemed a different, more intimate, sort of wrong. I knew what I should do with this new information about Zac’s feelings–run, run as fast I could. Yet I stayed.

“And t-touching you…” He added.

I moaned in spite of myself as I brought my shaking hand down on his ass again. This was so, so wrong. If we weren’t both already damned to hell, the fact that I wasn’t discouraging him from fantasizing about me had sealed the deal. Sure, I was punishing him for it, but it was a punishment that we were both clearly getting off on, thus starting the cycle of damnation all over again. 

Zac cried out at my smack, and it caused me a moment’s pause. He soon recovered, though, and continued recounting his sins. “And… and you, touching me…”

“Mhm…” I replied, hoping to cover my moan, but failing. I gave him another smack, almost perfunctory, because I was too far gone to really care that what he was saying was a level of depravity I couldn’t have even fathomed a few weeks ago, too far gone to even deny that I wanted to do the things he said.

“T-tay…” He stuttered out, pleading.

“Yeah?” 

Zac tugged at the hem of his boxer briefs a bit, not even turning to look at me. Even without seeing those puppy dog eyes, I could sense his desperation as he said, “P-please…”

“What?” I asked, trying to at least feign some innocence. “What do you want?”

He lowered his head further and inched his boxers down ever so slightly. Just how far was this going to go? And how far did I want it to go? 

“You want these off? You wanna be n-naked for me, Zac?” I asked, my voice low and trembling. I didn’t sound like the Dom I was trying to be at all. 

Zac’s only response was to nod. 

Inching backward to give him a little space, I mustered up as much authority as I could manage and said, “Take your boxers off.”

He hesitated, shaking all over, and I wondered for a moment if he was going to obey. Finally, he pushed them down and kicked them off into the floor. I couldn’t help but stare at him; of course I had seen my brother naked before, but I had never really _looked_. His ass was rounder than I had realized, and already sported several bright red handprints. While I wasn’t a sadist by any stretch of the imagination, I had to admit that I liked the way it looked and knowing that I had done it to him.

I scooted in closer to Zac and ran my hand over the red spots I’d left behind. His flesh was burning hot, whether from my slaps or… I knew I shouldn’t have been thinking about his body like I was, but it was too late. Now that he was almost fully exposed to me, I couldn’t deny that this was about so much more than just indulging his need for punishment. But he had taken that punishment so well, hadn’t he earned a little something good, too? 

With that thought in mind, I slid my free hand–the one not tracing the marks left by my slaps–around his front until I found the erection I was really hoping was there. It was, and it was even harder than I had imagined. It must have hurt, I thought; he had definitely earned a little help with it, especially since he hadn’t even complained. I wrapped my hand loosely around his cock, testing the waters. What if it was only fantasy? What if he didn’t _really_ want this?

His only response was to gasp. I waited for him to object or push me away, but he didn’t. He wanted this.

“So dirty, Zac…” I mumbled, still rubbing the red spot on his ass as I slowly began to stroke him.

He whimpered and nodded. Was he into humiliation, too? I supposed so. God, I was going to hell for this.

“Is that all you thought about?”

“N-no…”

“Mmm…” I moaned out, smacking his ass lightly, almost teasingly. “You really have been bad, huh?”

“Yes,” he hissed.

“How bad, Zac? Tell me.”

He whimpered again and rocked his hips, trying to match or even speed up my pace. I gave his ass a hard smack to let him know that I wasn’t fooling around. It had to be a mindfuck–giving him what he wanted and punishing him for it at the same time–but it seemed that was what he wanted… what he needed.

“Zac…” I said warningly, slowing my pace until I was barely jerking him off at all.

“I thought about…” He was breathless, the words nearly drowned out by a moan. “S-sucking you…”

I didn’t even try to hide my moan; I was so far past denying that I wanted everything he talked about and more. My hand tightened around Zac’s dick, stroking him a little faster. My other hand fell down on his ass again. I was shaking with such anticipation that I could barely speak. “Y-yeah? You want… m-my cock in your mouth, Zac?”

He gave a low moan, his voice sounding like nothing I had ever heard come from my brother before, and nodded.

I gave his ass another hard smack. “Say it.”

“I… I want…” He gasped out.

“Say. It.” One hand fell on his ass again while the other slowed down to a pace that I was sure was just this side of torture. 

Zac cried out, and I feared I had gone too far. Had I broken him? What would it mean if I did? Finally, he struggled to say, “I want your c-cock… in my, my mouth…”

I gave his ass another smack, but this one was more of a reward than a punishment. “So f-fucking dirty, Zac… thinking about sucking your b-brother’s cock…”

“Yes,” he moaned softly.

I stroked him faster. “I bet you’d… let me c-come in your mouth, wouldn’t you?”

“Oh god…” He said, his voice so soft that I could barely hear him. 

“Answer me.” Another hard smack.

“Yes.”

I trembled all over, but my grip on Zac’s dick remained steady. “Fuck…”

He rocked his hips again, and I only gave him a light slap in return.

“So eager…” I said, my own voice a pathetic whimper that did nothing to hide how turned on I was, too. 

“Yes…” He whined.

Breathlessly, I said, “Tell me… h-how bad you want it…”

“B-bad…” He moaned, his hips rocking backward so that he was effectively grinding against me. It was subtle, and could have even been an accident, but I knew better.

I pulled back, just out of his range, and gave his ass a hard smack that made him cry out. “What do you want, Zac? Tell me.”

“It’s bad…” He said softly.

“I know,” I replied, punctuating the statement with another smack. “Tell me.”

“I c-can’t… it’s… it’s really bad,” he replied, his voice shaking so badly that I really did feel sorry for him.

But I had to remind myself that he wanted this. He wanted the punishment and he wanted my touch… and more. He wanted me to _dominate_ him. While I wasn’t a Dom by any stretch of the imagination… I wanted that, too. I wanted to give my brother exactly what he wanted, and so I mustered up all my strength and spanked him again.

“I didn’t ask if you could tell me,” I said. 

Zac cried out, then softly, he replied, “I want…”

He was so close. So, so close. I rubbed the spot I had just smacked, trying to coax a few more words out of him.

“Y-you,” he said, his entire body shivering and his voice barely above a whisper. “I w-want you.”

I moaned at his words and brought my hand back down over the same spot I’d already marked with my hand. Zac’s hips rocked back against me again, and this time, I didn’t move out of his path. Instead, I rolled my hips forward, letting Zac feel how hard I was, too. “This? You want this?”

He gasped. “Y-yes.”

“Tell me, Zac,” I said, my voice so low that even I barely recognized it.

“I… I can’t…” He whimpered.

I gave his ass a hard smack that echoed through the room. “How can I punish you if you don’t tell me how bad you’ve been, Zac?”

“I w-want you to… to… f-fuck me.”

Any sense of reason I had left in me was gone as soon as those words left his mouth. I jerked him off roughly, moaning his name as though he were the one touching me and not the other way around. My body trembled as I spoke. “S-so… so dirty. Never knew my baby brother liked it up the ass…”

He nodded, a shiver running through his body.

“How much of a little slut are you, hmm?” I asked, but only got a moan in response. I gave his ass a light smack. “Hmm? Has my baby brother had his ass fucked?”

“Umm… s-sort of.”

Another smack. “Either you have or you haven’t, Zac.”

He exhaled heavily. “I… I’ve used toys.”

“God… you _are_ a little slut, aren’t you?” I asked, trying to hide my genuine shock under the veneer of dominance I had built up. 

Zac whimpered, and I could have sworn that he sniffled a little. Had I gone too far?

“Zac?”

He shook his head quickly. “I’m f-fine.”

“Okay…” I replied, trembling. I rubbed his back soothingly. “Tell me… tell me what a little slut you are, Zac.”

“I’ve fingered myself…” He replied, “and… and used a toy…”

“W-what kind of toy?” I asked, dragging my fingernails down my back. When his only response was to arch his back, I dug my nails in. “Zac. Answer me.”

He gasped. “A d-dildo.”

“Mmm… was it big?” I asked, trembling as I tried to picture it–Zac fucking himself with a fake dick, something even I hadn’t done in spite of my own admitted kinkiness. 

“S-seven inches,” he answered. “I couldn’t take it all.”

My eyes widened. _That_ changed my mental picture a bit. I rubbed his back and remarked, “That’s… really big, Zac. I bet that hurt…”

He nodded, and my mind continued to churn out sick, twisted and incredibly hot images. 

“Poor baby,” I said, still rubbing his back soothingly. “You just gotta practice, though. Then you can take it.”

Zac gasped. I was waiting for the safe word. Any minute now he would say it, surely. It was only fantasy, wasn’t it? Yet… if it was, he would have stopped me long ago. We were so far past the point of no return that I was only kidding myself by pretending that we could still stop.

“How many fingers did you use?” I asked, letting my hand creep down his back. I wasn’t going to touch him there, but I wanted him to think about it. 

“Th-three…” He shivered. 

That wasn’t the answer I had expected at all. He had seemed so innocent, but it was clearly just an act, hiding a deep perversion that I couldn’t have imagined. “Fuck… such a little slut, Zac.”

He whimpered and nodded, clearly ashamed of himself, but not denying what he had done.

I pulled back, and in spite of the way I was trembling, I tried to sound like I knew what I was doing. “You trust me, right, Zac?”

He didn’t even hesitate a second before nodding.

“O-okay…” I replied, the plan only forming in my head as I spoke. “Just umm… just stay right there, okay?”

“Okay.”

On shaky legs, I stood up and walked over to my suitcase. My hands trembled as I rummaged through it. Finally, I located a bottle of lube that I kept on hand just in case, and walked back over to the side of the bed. I stared down at my brother for a moment, barely even recognizing him. Sure, he looked the same, but everything else had changed. I said his name softly to get his attention; whatever he was thinking about, it occupied his mind so thoroughly that he hadn’t even noticed I was right next to him.

“Yes?” He asked, not looking up.

I slid the bottle of lube onto the bed in front of him. “Finger yourself.”

He didn’t respond, and I wondered once again if I had crossed a line that I couldn’t see.

A little softer, I said, “I know you can do that for me…”

After a moment of silence, he nodded and said, ‘O-okay…”

“I knew you could, you little slut,” I replied, giving his ass a little smack. The line between play and reality was blurred, but I had to try to maintain what was left of it.

Zac sat back on his heels and took the lube in his hand, slicking a few fingers with it. Though his face was mostly covered by his hair, I could see that it was bright red. Wanting to watch the show, and figuring he would relax more if I wasn’t staring him in the face, I walked to the foot of the bed and watched as Zac went back onto his hands and knees and reached one hand back between his legs. He hesitated for a moment.

“Zac,” I said sternly. 

His back tensed as he began to slide a finger into his ass. As he inched it in, he moaned softly. I wondered how long it had been since he had touched himself, but I didn’t dare ask. 

“That’s better…” I said. 

Zac began to thrust his finger slowly, building up a rhythm. I let out a moan of my own. This was even hotter to watch than I could have imagined, and I couldn’t resist indulging myself. My hands trembled as I reached for my belt buckle, and it took a pathetically long time to free myself from my pants.

He paused when the sound of my zipper being lowered broke our silence, and I asked, “Did I say you could stop?”

“S-sorry,” he replied softly. His finger began to move again, and a moment later, he added a second one without even being prompted. It was too hot for me to remind him that he hadn’t been ordered to do that, though.

“G-good boy,” I said, wrapping my fist tightly around my cock. 

Zac paused, and I wondered what he was thinking. I wanted to see his face, but I had to stay in my role. 

“Mm, I bet your ass is really tight, huh?” I asked, trembling. 

“Y-yes…” 

I shook even harder as I stepped out of my jeans and climbed onto the bed, positioning myself behind Zac. “You b-better finger yourself good, then… get yourself loosened up…”

Zac thrust his fingers harder, and I wondered if he understood what I had planned. 

“You wanna be able to take my cock, don’t you, Zac?” I asked, running my hand up and down his back, feeling the muscles in it tensing and relaxing as his hand moved. 

He nodded, a loud moan falling from his lips. 

“Say it,” I said, my voice low. I had to hear it in his own words, to know that I really was doing what he wanted. “Tell me what you want.”

“I want to take your cock,” he replied, and although his voice was shaking, I believed him.

I drug my fingernails down his back. He wanted it. He really wanted it. And God help me, I wanted it, too. 

Zac whimpered. “Sh-should I add another, m–”

“Hmm?” I asked. “What was that?”

“N-nothing…”

I smacked his ass. “Don’t lie to me.”

“S-sorry,” he gasped out. “But you said not to… to call you…”

“Maybe I changed my mind.” Maybe I was getting far too into this role. Zac paused, and I smacked his ass again. “Don’t stop unless I tell you.”

“Y-yes…” He said, then softly added, “Master?”

“That’s better,” I replied, trembling. Forget not recognizing Zac, I didn’t even recognize _myself_ anymore. “And yes, I think you should add another. You said you used three before, right?”

“Yes, M-master.”

“Then do it.”

Zac nodded, his hand slowing its motions as he struggled to add a third finger. 

I rubbed his back gently. “Come on… you can take it.”

He took a deep breath, then pushed all three fingers inside. He let out a long, low moan as they slid in fully. 

“There…” I moaned out. “I knew you could take it.”

He nodded, his back heaving as he panted. His fingers stayed stationary.

“Does it hurt, baby?” I asked, rubbing his back. 

He tensed. “A little…”

“Just take your time… I know you can take it, Zac…”

He took a few deep breaths, then slowly began to thrust his fingers. 

“Good boy,” I said.

“Th-thank you,” he replied, and I could almost hear the smile on his face. 

I rubbed his back. “T-tell me when you’re ready, okay?”

He nodded, thrusting his fingers a little faster. He let out another low moan, and it was the best sound I had ever heard.

“Feels good, doesn’t it?” I asked.

“Yes…”

“F-fuck…” I moaned out, wrapping my hand around my dick and stroking it quickly. “I bet your ass feels so good, Zac..”

He thrust faster, rocking his hips back against his hand, and whimpered pathetically. Any doubt about his intentions that might have lingered was shattered completely.

“You want it bad, don’t you?” I asked, then smacked his ass. “Fucking slut.”

Zac gasped. “Y-yes…”

“Tell me,” I said, my entire body shaking as I jerked myself off.

“I want it…” He moaned.

“What do you want, Zac?”

He whimpered. “I want your c-cock in my ass.”

“Oh fuck… Zac…” I groaned. I could have come right then, just at his words, but it would have ruined everything. 

“M-master…” 

“Yes?” I asked.

“I’m ready.”


	11. Chapter 11

Oct. 16, 2013. Oread Hotel, Lawrence, KS.

_**Zac** _

Every nerve was on fire, every part of me shaking with a need that scared me. But he was actually going to do it; Taylor was actually going to fuck me. In all the years I’d wanted this, I never dreamed it would ever happen, and I’d accepted that. But after that first experience with him, the hope that my fantasy would become reality grew and grew, and now I was being given my absolute deepest desire.

“O-okay,” Tay said with a shaking voice. I felt the bed shift behind me as he moved closer, pulling my hand back; I gasped when I felt his hard cock pressed against me and ground my hips back against him. That earned me another spank.

“So fucking needy..” he said, and all I could do was nod and whimper pathetically. “You want my cock bad, don’t you?” He pressed the tip against me, and I moaned loudly.

“Y-yes…” 

Taylor groaned and grabbed my hips, and before I could react he thrust into me completely. I was ready, but the suddenness of it was enough to make me scream and arch my back.

“You okay?” Tay asked; I could feel him trembling, but he held still so I could adjust. “Okay,” he said when I nodded, pulling almost all the way out, then thrusting back into me just as hard. I cried out again, my eyes watering; he was so deep, deeper than I’d ever dared to go with my toy.

“Fuck,” he gasped. “So tight, Zac.” He slowly began to thrust, every movement drawing another moan or whimper from me.

“G-god…”

“You like that?” He dug his nails into my hips, and I gasped.

“Yes.”

“Tell me,” he commanded, smacking my ass again and thrusting faster.

“I love it.” I felt so ashamed, but the shame was only adding to the excitement in a twisted way. I knew how wrong this all was, and it wasn’t that I didn’t care; I was just too far gone to let that get in the way of seeing it through.

“Yeah,” he groaned, speeding up more. “Fucking whore…”

“Yes, I am,” I whimpered. I was a whore, begging for my brother’s cock; I was every bit as depraved as he said, and deserved nothing less than being called out for it. Taylor seemed to be getting off on the name-calling too, moaning softly.

“Tell me how much of a dirty whore you are.”

“S-such a whore… letting my b-brother fuck me…”

“You love it though. You love having your brother’s cock in your ass.”

“I do. I love your c-cock.”

Tay groaned and wrapped a hand around my painfully hard dick; I gasped, thrusting into his hand. He sped up all his movements, finding a rhythm.

“Fuck… such a little slut for me.”

“Y-yes… I’m your slut.”

“My dirty slut,” he panted. 

He was really getting into it, and as sick as it was, I loved it. Being called a whore, a slut… it made me feel so good. It wasn’t any secret I’d had self-esteem issues for ages, and maybe that was part of it, but being told how dirty I was… there was a kind of pride in that. Like being rewarded for my depravity. And being called _his_ slut, _his_ whore… well, that just added another layer.

“You gonna come for me?”

“Yes master,” I whined, nodding.

“Good. You better come really fucking hard.”

“Yes, I’ll come hard… so hard for you.”

“But not,” Tay said, gripping me tightly. “Not until I say.”

I whimpered; I was so close already, and I didn’t know if I could stop myself. But he slapped my ass hard.

“Did you hear me?”

“Y-yes master… I’ll try.” Apparently that wasn’t good enough for him, as he brought his hand down on my ass again.

“I didn’t tell you to try.”

“Yes master!” I cried out.

“Good. Mmm, I bet you want me to come in your ass, don’t you? Dirty fucking slut that you are.” He dragged his nails down my back, thrusting harder; I arched my back, hissing when he dug his nails in. “Answer. Me.”

“Y-yes master. I want you to come in my ass.”

“Good. I’ll fill you up, baby.”

 _Baby._ That word alone was enough to make me moan. Part of me warned that he was caught up in the moment, and not to read too much into it, but it still stuck out in my mind.

“Fuck, Zac… I’m so close.”

“Oh god, m-me too.”

“Not. Until. I. Say.” He dug his nails into my hip, gripping my dick tighter, and I whimpered again. He groaned, his hips crashing against mine until I feel like I was going to break. 

“M-master,” I gasped, pleading.

“Yeah?”

“I’m so close.” I was right on the edge, barely able to hold back. I felt like I was going to burst any second, my entire being exploding into a million pieces.

“Not yet…” His movements became frantic, his whole body shaking. “Fuck, Zac… I’m coming!”

I moaned loudly, throwing my head back and crying out as I felt him filling me with spurt after spurt of warmth. He twisted his wrist, stroking me hard and fast.

“Come on Zac. Come for me.” That was all it took, and I was done.

“T-tay!” I cried out, coming hard all over his hand and the blanket below me. Tay let me go after a second, pulling out of me, and I collapsed to the bed. I didn’t care that I was laying in my own mess; I could barely think, let alone move. I watched as Tay got up, grabbing some tissues from the nightstand and passing them to me.

“Here, baby. Clean yourself up.”

I blinked, hesitating. The moment had passed, but he was still calling me baby? It didn’t make sense. I grabbed the tissues and wiped myself off, looking away as Tay did the same before laying down next to me.

“You okay?” he asked, but I could only nod; I felt so drained, physically and emotionally. I curled into a ball, my whole body shaking. “I know it’s… really intense. If you wanna cuddle or talk or if you want me to just leave you alone… whatever you need, I’ll do.” He paused, waiting for me; I nodded again, not really knowing what to say. “What do you need, baby?” he asked softly.

I hesitated; sure, he said he would do whatever I needed, but I didn’t know what that even was. After a moment I scooted over, curling up against him; he wrapped an arm lightly around me.

“You wanna cuddle?”

I nodded, burying my face in his chest; somehow this was almost more embarrassing than anything we’d just done.

“Aw, baby… I like to cuddle afterward, too.”

I nodded, sniffling a bit; I wasn’t the type to cry, ever, so I had no clue where that was coming from. Taylor frowned, rubbing my back, and I curled tighter against him, sniffling again. I could feel the heat behind my eyes, the pinpricks of oncoming tears, and it scared me not knowing why.

“What are you thinking now, baby?” he asked softly. Again with the sweet pet name; it confused me even more than my sudden urge to sob into his chest.

“J-just… a l-lot…”

“I know.” He nodded, rubbing my back, and that helped a little. “I know it’s really intense and a lot to take in.” I nodded, my teeth chattering. “You cold?”

“A little…” Honestly I wasn’t cold, but I just couldn’t seem to stop shaking. He pulled the blankets up over both of us, and the warmth did feel soothing. “Better?”

I nodded, still shaking; I nuzzled his chest a bit, and something broke, the tears I’d been holding back breaking free. 

“Z-zac…”

“Sorry,” I mumbled, sniffling again and wishing I wasn’t so damn _weak_.

“No. Don’t apologize, okay? Whatever you’re feeling is… is normal. Everyone reacts kinda different afterward. But if you’re not okay, I need to know that, alright?”

“I th-think I’m ok-kay,” I stuttered, knowing I probably sounded anything but.

“I know it kinda feels not okay right now. Believe me, I know.”

I looked up at him slowly, and realized he probably _did_ know. He was a sub, after all; he’d probably gone through something like this, and that made it a little easier.

“You’ll feel better soon, I promise.” He paused, frowning. “You’re probably gonna be sore, though…” he added, and I chuckled slightly; that was an understatement and a half. “When you read about all this stuff, you did read about sub drop, right? Or sub space?”

I tilted my head; the terms sounded vaguely familiar, but nothing was jumping out at me. 

“Oh,” he said, pouting a bit. “Um, okay. Well it’s like… afterward, you feel kinda funny. And sometimes you can get kinda depressed or like… numb. It’ll pass, you just gotta ride it out.”

“Oh… okay.” That did make a kind of sense, and it was good to know it was just a temporary glitch. 

“The more intense things are, the worse it can be. Or if the Dom just really pushes the wrong button. Or the right button,” he added with a slight chuckle. I laughed a bit, but then sighed deeply. 

“This… goes beyond the usual ‘not normal’, doesn’t it?”

“You mean because… because we’re brothers?”

I nodded, and he bit his lip. I didn’t know why I’d asked; of course it wasn’t normal. It wasn’t even in the same universe as normal.

“It’s, um… Yeah, I’m not gonna tell you that’s normal.” He bit his lip again, and I smirked.

“Scott told you not to do that,” I reminded him. “You trying to get punished?”

“I think I’ve already earned plenty of punishment, don’t you?” he shot back, smirking a little himself. I giggled; it felt good to know we could still tease each other. “And what, you gonna tell on me?”

“Maybe.”

“That’s not nice.” Taylor pouted, looking honestly worried, and I frowned.

“I was only kidding. I wouldn’t do that to you.”

“Yeah, you’ve gotten my ass in enough trouble tonight.” He gave me another tiny smirk, slapping my ass; it wasn’t hard, but I was sore enough that even the playful smack stung, and I gasped. “Shit… I’m sorry Zac,” he apologized immediately, frowning.

“It’s okay.”

“Look, I know you like it and you wanna like… please me or whatever, but you do have a limit. Don’t ignore that limit, okay? And yes, that’s an order.”

“Yes, Master.” I smiled at him, and he giggled a little. “You like that, huh?”

“Kinda? It’s weird, though.”

“Yeah…” I said, nodding. I thought about everything that had happened, but one thing kept pestering me. I was afraid to bring it up, but maybe it was my masochistic nature that brought the words out regardless. “Tay?”

“Yeah?”

“Um, before… when you were saying… stuff…”

“Be more specific, Zac.”

I sighed, burying my face in Tay’s chest again to hide the blush I could feel spreading across my cheeks. I wanted to just forget it, but I couldn’t. But I’d been lucky so far; everything I’d hoped for and then some, in spite of all my doubts. So maybe I needed to take one more step out onto that limb. After everything we’d done, what was the worst that could really happen?

****

_**Taylor** _

“You… you called me…” Zac stuttered out. “You were just… in character or whatever… right?”

In my own haze, which wasn’t unlike Zac’s, I had to struggle to understand what he meant. Finally I realized that I had called him baby a few times. I hadn’t thought anything of it at the time; I called him a whore and a slut, too. Baby had an entirely different connotation, though, and one that meant a different sort of damnation than the one I was already making peace with. I didn’t want to think about that. Frowning, I replied, “I… umm… yeah, I guess. It just k-kinda came out…”

“Oh,” Zac replied. “Okay…”

“I’m sorry?” I didn’t know what Zac wanted from me. Whatever answer he was fishing for, I was certain I hadn’t given it.

Zac just shrugged.

“Did… did you like it?” I asked. When Zac tensed, I added, “It’s okay if you did. And it’s okay if you didn’t.”

“You sure?” Zac asked, staring up into my eyes.

Almost in spite of myself, I found myself saying, “Whatever you want is… is fine by me. Promise.”

“I think…” He smiled a little. “I think I did like it.”

“Okay,” I replied, even though I was sure it was anything but.

“No one’s ever called me that.”

Both his statement and how he said it so nonchalantly sent a sharp pain through my chest. Frowning deeply, I asked, “No one?”

Zac shook his head. “Well, besides Mom.”

“But not… nevermind,” I cut myself off before I said his wife’s name. “I don’t want to know what she calls you.”

He snorted, but it wasn’t all that funny, at least not to me. Our wives might have been friends, but I had often wondered what Zac actually saw in Kate. As I rubbed his back and felt him inching closer to me, I realized that a few more pieces of that puzzle had been revealed to me, but I still couldn’t quite see the full picture.

“C-can I ask you something, though?” I didn’t know how much Zac would reveal to me, especially now, but I couldn’t stop myself from spewing more and more words, it seemed. When Zac nodded, I asked, “How come you never told me?”

“Umm… which part?”

“The… the part where you apparently aren’t entirely straight?”

He smirked. “Oh, that part.”

“Yes,” I replied, rolling my eyes. “That part.”

“I… I guess I was just kinda embarrassed… just about, like… not knowing anything.”

“We all gotta learn sometime,” I replied. “You shouldn’t be embarrassed. You know, out of everyone you know, you coulda talked to me. I mean, how many other bisexual brothers have you got?”

I had to make light of the situation somehow, or I was fairly certain I would go insane… if I wasn’t already. At least Zac returned my smirk.

“Seriously, though,” I continued. “You can talk to me about anything, okay?”

He nodded. “Okay.”

“How long… have you known? Or thought, suspected, whatever?”

“Dunno.” He shrugged. “A while.”

“Okay,” I replied, feeling like I was pulling teeth to get answers from him, but I couldn’t stop myself. “And you decided to… test the theory with a little toy? Well, not so little.”

Zac’s cheeks turned bright pink and he gave me a shy smile. “Didn’t start with that one…”

“You’ve got… more than one?!”

“Not anymore,” he replied. “Used to have a couple.”

“Not anymore?” I repeated.

He shook his head. “Nope, just the one.”

“Why’d you get rid of the others?”

His cheeks darkened, and I had to strain to hear his reply. “I kinda started only using the one…”

“Slut,” I replied, grinning. I had imagined a dozen reasons why he might have gotten rid of his apparently rather large dildo stash, but I hadn’t expected that answer. 

Zac covered his face with his hand, but I could still see his grin. Uncovering it slowly, he said, “Anyway, you’re one to talk. Dirty mouth.”

“Yeah, well,” I said, blushing. “You got me started. You wanted it.”

He nodded in agreement, looking down shyly. A slight pout on his lips, he said, “So now you know…”

“Now I know what?” I asked. I had learned a lot about my brother over the last few days. He was going to have to be more specific than that.

He blinked at me. “Um, nothing…”

“What?” I tilted my head to the side. There was definitely more that Zac wanted to say, but for whatever reason, he had stopped himself. 

He shook his head. “Nothing… you know, the whole… bi thing.”

“Yeah…” I replied, nodding slowly. “Is that all?”

“Mhm,” he replied, not looking up, and I didn’t believe him at all.

“Zac,” I said a little sternly.

He flinched, but looked up at me. “Y-yeah?”

“Is that all?” I asked again.

“No…” He replied, pouting. He didn’t want to tell me whatever it was, but now I was too curious to let it go.

“Okay,” I said. “Tell me.”

“Don’t wanna…” He sighed.

I gave him a pout. “Please?”

“Fine…” He replied with a sigh. He sucked his bottom lip into his mouth, chewing on it.

“Hey, if I can’t do that, you shouldn’t be allowed to either,” I replied somewhat teasingly, hoping if I could lighten the mood a bit, he would relax and tell me whatever else was on his mind.

Zac raised an eyebrow. “Another rule?”

“I… I guess,” I replied, ignoring the fact that all of these rules were inching us closer to a Dom/sub arrangement.

“Okay,” he said, his lips twitching up into the slightest of smirks. “Well, you know how I said I thought about you?”

“Mhm…” I replied, nodding.

“It didn’t start with the biting…” He said, his eyes darting away from me.

“Y-you… you thought about me before that?” I asked. It was obvious that was what he meant, but I still needed to hear him spell it out to believe it.

He nodded, his head still down so that I couldn’t read his expression.

“How long?”

“A while,” he said softly.

“How long?” I repeated, my voice stern.

Zac sighed. “Since I was thirteen.”

“Wow…” I breathed out. “You could have told me.”

“Right,” he snorted. “‘Hey Tay, guess what? I have the hots for you; wanna make out?’”

In spite of myself, I giggled at the thought of my awkward teenage brother, not quite the gorgeous man he would become, saying that to me. “You never know. I might have said yes. I mean, I didn’t exactly want you to know that I like being tied up and beaten and shit… and look how that turned out for us.”

Zac smirked, but it faded soon, replaced with a curious look. “Wait…”

“What?”

“You like getting tied up?” He asked.

“Umm… yeah…” I replied, not realizing that was such a big revelation compared to… well, everything else. “What?”

“Nothing,” Zac said. “Just… that’s kinda hot.”

“Yeah?” I asked. “You thinking about tying me up? Or you wanna _be_ tied up?”

He shrugged, as though both ideas seemed equally appealing to him.

“Geez, I’ve already got one Dom…” I mumbled, although the thought of Zac tying me up and returning the favor, as it were, didn’t bother me one bit. 

Zac chuckled. “Yeah, I don’t think I’m really Dom material anyway.”

“It’s funny…” I said, eying him. “I wouldn’t have really pegged you for a sub. Or, well, as being kinky at all. No offense.”

“Yeah, I know…” He laughed it off.

“You’re just full of surprises, aren’t ya?”

He grinned, almost proudly, I thought.

“So, tell me Zac…” I said. “What did you learn in all your research, huh?”

He blushed, and I wondered just what sort of websites he had done his research on. “Well, there’s plenty of sex stuff, but there’s a lot of mental stuff that goes with it.”

“Yeah, there is,” I agreed. “That’s what I was trying to explain to you… about me and Scott.”

Zac nodded. “Yeah, I think I understand that better now.”

“Good,” I replied.

“Anyway,” Zac continued, his fingers barely grazing the chain around my neck, “there was a lot about collars, too… and like, what they mean.”

“Mhm…” I replied, trembling as Zac touched the lock. I wondered if he understood how messy our situation was now. If he did, did he care? 

“Guess he figured this’d be more subtle, huh?”

“Guess so…” I mumbled.

Zac snorted. “Not by much.”

“Yeah, well, I’ve been trying to hide it. You’re the only person who’s noticed.”

“So you belong to him…” Zac said softly.

“Yeah,” I replied, nodding. “I do.”

“That’s… really serious,” Zac said. Maybe he did understand after all. “I mean, most of the sites I read say its like the equivalent of… of a ring.”

“Yeah…” I replied, frowning a bit. Scott and I hadn’t really discussed our… thing… in terms of that. Hell, I wasn’t sure he would even call it a relationship, at least not in the conventional sense of the word. “I know it seems really sudden, and I know you don’t like him…”

“I never said that.”

“You pretty much said it,” I shot back.

“Okay, he’s kind of a dick. But the fun kind.” Zac smiled a little, then sighed when he realized what he had actually said.

“Yeah, he is a dick,” I replied, giggling. “But there’s more to him than that.”

“Well, if you trust him enough to commit after one night… he can’t be all that bad.”

“It does seem crazy when you put it that way, doesn’t it?” I asked. 

Zac nodded. And I knew that it did. But somehow, it didn’t _feel_ crazy to me. Not as crazy as certain other things I’d done recently felt…

“It kinda is, I guess,” I admitted. “I can’t… I can’t explain it. But it just feels right.”

Zac nodded, then curled up closer and nuzzled my chest. “I know what you mean.”

“I think you’d like him if you got to know him,” I replied. With a giggle, I added, “I mean, not as much as I like him…”

Zac chuckled, and his breath tickled my chest.

“I never really paid much attention to his band, you know… they went through the same kind of shit we did. It didn’t really work out for them, though.”

“Yeah, I heard…” Zac mumbled.

“I knew they broke up, but I didn’t really know the details,” I continued. “You know his brother, umm… Dave… is gay?”

Zac nodded. “Heard about it online.”

“Well, I didn’t know,” I replied. “Anyway, Scott’s still working as a producer and stuff, but I guess it just really feels like his life has been out of his control for a while, you know? I think he was kinda bitter… jealous even… that we’re still going and they’re not. At least at first, until he got to know me a little more.”

Zac smiled. I wasn’t sure where all this rambling had come from, but it seemed like I couldn’t stop myself.

“The grass is always greener, you know? Neither one of us really ended up with the life we wanted…”

“Yeah…” Zac replied, an adorable pout on his lips.

“But having him helps,” I said. “And I help him, too.”

Zac gave a soft sigh and looked down. I was fairly certain that was a bad sign, but I wasn’t sure what I had said to cause it. 

“You know what I mean?” I asked.

Without looking up, he gave me a shrug.

“Zac…” I said, warningly. “Talk to me.”

His pout deepened. “Don’t wanna.”

“Didn’t ask if you wanted to,” I said, my voice a little stern. It was the most I could manage right then, still on the edge of what I supposed could be called topdrop.

Zac looked up, a little surprised. He swallowed hard, then averted his eyes again. “It’s just… I dunno, that just sounds… kinda nice.”

“It is,” I replied, nodding. I thought I could see where his thoughts were going now. “And I guess… you wish you had someone like that?”

He nodded, curling up even closer to me. If he got any closer, I was fairly certain we would just become one person. I wrapped my arms around him, wanting to comfort him in whatever way I could… even if it couldn’t necessarily be the way he needed. He started to wrap an arm around my waist, but then pulled away abruptly.

“Is something wrong?” I asked. So, so much was wrong, and precious little of it could be fixed by either of us.

He shook his head, but I didn’t believe him.

“Then why’d you pull away?” I asked, and only received a sigh in response. “Zac.”

“What.”

I flinched at his harsh tone, so unlike the way he had behaved all night. Knowing that my words couldn’t fix much, I said, “I just… I just wanna make sure you’re okay. I want you to talk to me.”

“I’m fine. Don’t worry.” In spite of his words, he sat up and turned away from me. He wasn’t fine at all, but I didn’t know what to do. He was like sand, just slipping through my fingers.

“Okay…” I sighed.

“I should go,” Zac said. “Before you get in anymore trouble.”

“If… if that’s what you want…” I replied. Was it really what he wanted? Was it what _I_ wanted? I had so many questions, and no answers.

“Just forget it,” he said, standing up and beginning to gather up his clothes.

I could do nothing but watch him, but after a moment, I couldn’t even bear to do that. A part of my brain was screaming at me that I was fucking this up horribly. The other part of my brain was still a muddled up mess of adrenaline and endorphin. It was all too much for me, and I could feel my frayed edges breaking. I rolled over so that Zac wouldn’t see, and so that I wouldn’t have to watch him leave.

“Almost wish I never saw that stupid necklace…” He said softly, so softly that I could almost convince myself that wasn’t what he had said. But it was. 

“If you’re gonna go,” I said, a few tears welling up in my eyes. The last few threads of my sanity had broken. “Just go. Please.”

“Fine.”

Seconds later, I heard the door slam. If there had been a chance to fix this clusterfuck, it was gone. Just how things had gone so badly, I didn’t know, but I was sure I was to blame. Once again, I had tried to do something selfless, to help my brother fulfill his desires, and I had fucked everything up. 


	12. Chapter 12

Oct. 16, 2013. Acacia Ave., Glendale, CA.

_**Scott** _

Inspiration can be a real bitch sometimes. She comes and goes whenever she damn well pleases; if you’re lucky, she’ll be there for you more often than not. I’ve never been all that lucky, but it looked like my dry spell was finally easing up. For the first time in ages, I was playing again, writing again. It felt good, familiar; like reconnecting with an old friend you haven’t seen in ages.

I sat on my couch, half-finished bottle of beer on the coffee table, guitar in my lap. I’d strum a few chords, then scribble a few words in my notebook; I’d been at it since lunch time, and hadn’t even realized how long I’d been at it when my cell phone rang. I smiled as soon as I saw Tay’s name and set the guitar aside.

“Hey babe.”

“Hey…” he said, sounding tired.

“How’s the tour?”

“Pretty good. Tonight’s show was really good.”

“How bout you? Been following the rules?” At least I knew one he’d been good about; he’d called or texted every day for the past week and a half. I hoped he was taking the other ones to heart, especially the one about taking time for himself.

“Um… yeah.” There was an obvious hesitation, and I felt a shadow of the doubt I’d had at first. 

“...Tay?”

“Yeah?”

“Something you’re not telling me?”

“I… well, I’m still not doing great on the whole ‘not biting my lip’ thing…”

“That’s okay, it’s kinda cute,” I said, chuckling. I let out a breath; if that was all it was, I had nothing to worry about.

“Thanks,” he sighed, sounding so reluctant, and I laughed again.

“You know, the point is to believe it, not just say it.”

“Yeah, well, I’m working on that too.”

“And what about Taylor time?”

“I’m doing good at that. It’s annoying everybody else, but I’m doing it. Every day.” He sounded proud of himself, and it made me proud. He really did deserve it, and it felt like he was starting to believe that himself.

“Good. Everybody else can go screw,” I said, shrugging, even though he couldn’t see it. He coughed, then giggled; he always acted so surprised by my attitude. I figured he’d be used to it by now, but apparently not. “Let’s see, what else… I don’t need to ask about the sex, right?” I joked, laughing. He didn’t answer right away.

“R-right…”

And just like that, the doubt was back. There was something about the way he’d answered; the fact that it took him a second was enough of a red flag, but the way he stumbled over the single word just didn’t sit right with me.

“Tay?”

“...What.” 

“Taylor,” I said again, sternly. I hoped I was wrong; he’d told me, promised me he was in this just as deep as I was. “Tay,” I said softer, after hearing him whimper. “Talk to me.”

“Don’t wanna,” he mumbled. So. That was it. I took a deep sigh, closing my eyes and pinching the bridge of my nose. Funny how a good mood can go sour with just a few words.

“What happened.”

“You… you really don’t wanna know…”

“I asked, didn’t I?” I snapped. 

“...Yes,” he said after a second. I waited, heard him sigh… I stared at the ceiling, praying he wasn’t going to say what I thought. Finally, he whispered his answer. “I… I had sex with someone…”

I felt like I was going to be sick. 

“Of all the rules to break…”

“I know,” Tay said softly. “I’m sorry.” I heard him sniffling; was he crying? 

He deserved to cry. I wanted him to. Or maybe I wanted to. I didn’t know; my mind was so fucked up, I didn’t know if I wanted to punch a wall, or him, or myself for being so fucking stupid. I’d trusted him, even after getting blown off once already. I should’ve kicked his ass to the curb after that, but I’d been suckered in by those stupid sad eyes of his.

“Do you want out?” I was getting real fucking tired of asking him that. 

“No!”

“Then why?”

“I… Oh god, Scott. I don’t… I really can’t explain.”

“Try,” I spat. What was so fucking difficult? How could he do that, after what happened last time? After everything he’d said? Did he still think this was a fucking game? A joke? Was he lying when he’d said he cared? Was he just using me to get off?

“You’re probably gonna hate me…”

“Just tell me.” Part of me wanted to hate him; maybe part of me _did_. But not as much as I wanted.

“Itwaszac,” he mumbled, the words streaming together into an unintelligible mess. 

“What?”

“Please don’t make me repeat it.”

“Taylor.” I was seriously running out of fucking patience; I had half a mind to just hang up. But I had to know what… who he thought was so much more important than the guy he was supposedly committed to. He sighed heavily before answering.

“It was Zac, okay? I had sex with my brother.”

Wait… what?

Whatever I’d expected wasn’t even in the same galaxy as what I’d just heard Taylor admit. I didn’t know what to think at first; my mind just went totally blank. But not for long... After a second, all kinds of images started running through my mind at a dizzying speed, like a flip-book. A hardcore gay porn flip-book.

“If… if _you_ want out now, I would understand,” Tay muttered, sniffling again. 

That broke my brain out of glitch-mode, and suddenly I burst out laughing. Suddenly, so many things made so much more sense; Zac’s shitty attitude towards me, the way Tay had gotten all defensive… the rumors I’d read about when doing my homework before that first concert. I’d told him the fans were smarter than he gave them credit for… seems I was more right than I’d known.

“...Scott?”

“Oh man,” I choked out, still cracking up. “You are one twisted little fuck, aren’t you?”

“Thanks…” Tay grumbled, sniffling again.

“Okay,” I sighed, trying to calm down. My sides were aching, and I wished I could see Tay; he was probably beet red by now. “I gotta hear this.”

“Can you stop laughing first?” he huffed.

“Sorry.” I really was trying to stop, but it wasn’t easy. As mad as I’d been a few minutes ago, I was finding it hard to be pissed for what Tay had done, considering who he’d done it with. If it’d just been a random hook-up, it would’ve meant the sex was totally meaningless. But you can’t just have casual sex with your brother. It _always_ means something, one way or another… Between that, and how upset Tay obviously was, I felt reassured that what we had meant something, too. 

“Yeah, uh huh…” I could practically hear him rolling his eyes as he sighed. “Well… he saw the necklace. And he asked questions… a lot of questions. And not just about me and you.”

“Uh huh…” I settled back, closing my eyes, trying to picture Tay all flustered and embarrassed while his brother drilled him on the in’s and out’s of the lifestyle.

“God, I just… I just felt so sorry for him. He was giving me these puppy dog eyes and asking just to try a little something, just to see if he liked it as much as he thought he would…”

“So what’d you do?” 

“Well he… he talked me into scratching him. Like, his back. And he seemed like he really enjoyed it. And then, a few days later, he talked me into biting him. Just a little; I stopped it before it got really out of hand.”

“You bit him?” I asked, lowering my voice. Rationally, I knew I should’ve been pissed still, and part of me was. But after finding out who it’d been, all I could think about was how hot it was. “Where?”

“H-his neck…”

“Mhm. And did he like it?”

“Yeah… a lot.”

“And what about you?”

Taylor paused; I pictured him, sitting next to Zac, sinking his teeth into his brother’s neck. I wondered if Zac moaned for him.

“Yeah… yeah. I liked it too.”

“So then what?” I reached down and gave my dick a squeeze; this was getting way hot, way fast. Hearing Tay tell me all the dirty things he did to his kid brother… I was probably just as fucked up as him, if not more, but I’d never let that stop me from having fun before.

“Well I knew it was a really bad idea, but he didn’t have anyone else, you know? So I told him to do some research, give it some thought… And then I jerked off in my bunk. So there’s that rule broken, too.”

“Ooh boy, you’re just rackin’ up the punishment, you know that right?”

“Oh believe me, I know.”

“Okay,” I chuckled. “So I guess he did his homework?”

“Mhm… a little bit, at least. And I had explained the whole rules thing to him. So he um… He comes to my room and tells me that _he’s_ been bad, and needs to be punished.”

“Really.”

“No Scott, I’m making this up,” Tay sneered.

“No backtalk,” I snapped; he wasn’t off the hook just yet, even if his confession was giving me a hell of a hard-on.

“Sorry…”

“So did you… punish him?”

“Y-yeah… I did.”

“How?” I let out a breath as I unzipped my jeans and took hold of the erection I probably shouldn’t have had. Part of me wanted to be mad at him still, and I guess I was, but this was way too hot, so… fuck it.

“I… I spanked him,” he admitted softly.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. And h-he… he wanted me to talk.”

“About what?”

“Like, talk dirty. About how bad he was for… for thinking about me.”

“He thought about you?” Oh this was just getting better and better.

“You know what I mean. He… got off. And not just thinking about me biting him.”

“No?” Tay was so naive sometimes; it was just as cute as it was sexy.

“No. I made him tell me. H-he… he wanted to do… basically everything with me.”

“Everything, hm? Like what?” I started stroking myself; I’d had phone sex before, but this was different. I didn’t know if it was Tay’s voice, breathy and quiet and embarrassed but turned on, or if it was the things he was saying, but either way, it was so working for me.

“He wanted to touch me… wanted me to touch him… wanted suck my cock… wanted me to fuck him.”

I let out a breath, gripping myself tighter. So little Zaccy was just as twisted as Tay, if not more. 

“I had no clue… I didn’t even know he was into guys. Not that he had ever been with one before.”

“So you were his first?

“Y-yeah. I mean, he told me how he um… he fingered himself. And he had a couple dildos.”

“Really.”

“Apparently. I was shocked as hell. But… but it kinda turned me on. Well, no; it really turned me on.” Tay sniffled again; I could tell how conflicted he probably felt.

“How much?” I asked. It was getting harder to keep from panting, between the physical and mental pleasure.

“God… a lot.” Taylor was breathing harder too, I noticed, and I wondered if he was giving in to the erotic side of this fucked up tangle of feelings too.

“Taylor?”

“Yeah?”

“You breakin’ rules again?” I murmured.

“N-no…”

“So you’re not touching yourself right now?”

“No… I promise.”

“Do it.” There was silence on Tay’s end. I knew he’d heard me, so I didn’t know why he was playing dumb.

“...What?”

“You know what.”

“You… want me to jerk off while I’m telling you about how I fucked my brother?”

“Yes.” It did sound pretty fucked up when he put it so bluntly… but that was part of why it was so hot. And if it made him uncomfortable… well it was the least he deserved.

“And I’m the twisted little fuck,” Tay mumbled.

“What was that?”

“Nothing.”

“Just wait til I see you; your ass is gonna be sizzling. Anyway, so then what?”

“Um…” Tay whimpered, hesitating for a second. “Well I made him keep his underwear on at first. Trying to keep it from getting sexual, you know? But he… he wanted to take them off.”

“Yeah?” I breathed. I stroked myself faster, turned on even more with the knowledge that Tay was jacking off to the same words and thoughts.

“And um… So I started to jerk him off… still spanking him, too.” Tay whimpered again, and I had to bite back a moan. 

“Yeah… Did you tell him how bad he was?”

“Mhm. Told him what a… a dirty slut he was.”

“How’d that feel?” From what I’d seen, Taylor was one hundred percent sub; so to think of him taking the dominant role, I was curious how he’d taken it.

“Um… different. But kinda good?”

“Yeah? You liked dominating him?”

“Yeah…” Tay moaned softly, and I could tell he was enjoying this just as much as I was.

“Punishing him?”

“Mhm…”

“So then what?”

“Then um… Well he obviously liked being humiliated. And h-he… he wanted me. So I um…” Tay’s voice died into another whimper that made my hips buck against my hand.

“You what? Tell me, baby.”

“I um… I gave him my lube and told him to finger himself.” Tay was practically moaning every word, panting and whining. I could see him laying in his bunk, writhing and tossing his head the way he did when in the throes of lust.

“While you watched?”

“Mhm. I stood back behind him and… and jerked off, watching him. And w-when he said he was ready, I… I fucked him.”

“Was he tight?”

“Oh fuck… so tight.”

“Yeah I’ll bet, tight virgin ass.” I was sweating buckets as I stroked myself, thinking of Tay getting off watching Zac finger his tight ass. It was almost enough to get me off right then, but I had to hear the rest. “So you popped your kid brother’s cherry, hm?”

“Yeah.”

“Bet you fucking loved it.”

“It… it was the best I’ve ever had. I mean… as a top,” he added, and thank god for that, or I’d have another reason to be pissed at him.

“Better than your wife?” I didn’t know what made me say that; maybe I wanted to give him another reason to feel fucked up over this.

“God yes,” he groaned. 

“You wanna fuck him again, don’t ya?” I knew he did; the way he was getting off, there was no way he didn’t. He only whimpered though, reluctant to admit it. But I wasn’t having that. I needed to hear the words. Maybe I was sicker than I even thought, but I needed to hear Taylor tell me how bad he wanted to fuck Zac. “Don’t you?”

“...Yes.”

“Say it.”

****

The Cheshire Hotel, St. Louis, MO.

_**Taylor** _

I couldn’t lie to Scott.

That was why I hadn’t made it a full twenty-four hours before confessing my awful indiscretion to him. That was why I was laying on my hotel bed with my pants around my ankles and my dick in my hand as I recounted my sins to him. And that was why I barely hesitated before answering his question.

“I wanna fuck my brother again,” I whimpered pathetically.

“Did you come in his ass?”

“Yes…” I hissed out. There was a part of me that feared I was somehow answering Scott’s questions wrong, that he was hoping for different answers than the ones I gave, but I couldn’t have lied to him then if I had tried. 

“Fuck…” Scott replied, and I knew that--as crazy as it seemed--he was getting off on this, too. “Made him your little slut?”

“Mhm,” I said. “And I… I didn’t let him come until I had…”

“Oh yeah?” Scott asked, and I was both shocked and relieved that he didn’t call me out for kind of stealing one of his moves. What did I know about being a Dom, though? 

“Yeah,” I replied. “He was practically begging… and he started calling me master…”

“Did you like that?”

“At the time, yeah. It was kinda hot.” I replied honestly. In the heat of the moment, it had been hot, but it was just one of the many fucked up things about the situation. And one of the things I was getting off on right then.

“Did you call him anything?” Scott asked.

“Slut,” I said. “ _My_ slut. Whore. And I… a couple times, I called him baby...”

Scott gasped, and I immediately wished I hadn’t admitted that. Not telling him the whole truth wasn’t that bad, was it? Yet I still couldn’t even do that.

“It just slipped out,” I said, knowing that was no excuse at all.

“Okay…”

“I’m… I’m sorry…” I didn’t know what else to say to fix it. I supposed I couldn’t. Things were so, so far past being okay.

“Just…” Scott sighed, the sound turning into a growl halfway through. “So you called him shit. Didn’t peg you as a dirty talker.”

“I didn’t really know I had it in me, either,” I replied. And I really didn’t, but Zac had wanted it. I couldn’t say that was the reason I had done everything I’d done for him, but it was a big part of it. I was too selfless for my own good.

“You said you wanna fuck him again, right?” Scott asked, and I whimpered something that might have been a yes. “What do you want to do to him?

“I wanna make him suck my cock,” I admitted. Out of everything he’d told me, that was the one that had turned me on the most, maybe because it would actually shut him up for once in his life. “I bet he can take the whole thing.”

“Mouth like that? Fuck yeah.”

I giggled. While I didn’t know how Scott didn’t hate me for what I had done, I was glad that he didn’t. And I was glad that his mind was just as dirty and twisted as mine seemed to be. “Yeah, and he’ll swallow it too. He said he wanted to.”

“That’s hot,” Scott replied. “What else?”

“I… I wanna tie him up,” I moaned, thinking about how his eyes had lit up when I mentioned restraints. Zac had definitely seemed interested in that aspect of BDSM; I had yet to find an aspect he _didn’t_ seem interested in.

Scott panted. “I’d love to see that.”

“Yeah?” I whimpered. My eyes were clamped shut, a million images--real and imagined--of Zac and I flashing through my mind. “And I wanna watch him fuck himself with his dildo…”

“Fuck,” Scott moaned, and I wondered how close he was. “I’d pay to see that shit. Maybe I should try him out, too. What do you think?”

My stupid, possessive side wanted to say that no, he couldn’t have my brother, but instead I asked, “Can I watch?”

“Maybe,” Scott replied. “If you’re good.”

“I’ll be good,” I replied without a second’s hesitation.

“Yeah? You wanna watch me fuck your little brother’s ass?”

“Fuck… yes…” I groaned. When he put it that way, he nearly drowned out the voice screaming that Zac was _mine_ and he couldn’t have him. But Zac wasn’t mine, not really. The fact that I’d had sex with him was bad enough; I didn’t need to get emotional over it, too. Somehow, focusing just on the physical seemed to be my only hope of staying sane. 

“Pull that hair of his, maybe?” Scott suggested.

“Mmm, I bet he would like that,” I replied, thinking of how Zac had moaned when I had done just that. That memory, so minor compared to what we had done since, made me squeeze my dick even tighter.

“Maybe we can take turns,” Scott suggested, and I moaned out my affirmative reply. “Use him like the little slut he is.”

“Fuck, yes,” I replied, panting heavily. Even though I still felt a twinge of jealousy at the thought of Scott being with Zac, it was clear that Zac had needs and kinks that I knew nothing about… and that I found very, very hot. 

“Hell… why take turns?”

“Wh-what?” I gasped out. I had a feeling that I knew what Scott meant, but I still needed to hear him say it. 

“Maybe you and me can stretch that tight little hole of his to fit us both,” Scott said.

I groaned. He had meant exactly what I thought. “Oh god… Scott…”

“Yeah, Tay,” he moaned back. “You wanna fuck Zac with me?”

“Yes,” I replied, moaning so loudly that I worried it could be heard down the entire hotel hallway. What Scott suggested was positively pornographic, and easily the most extreme thing I had ever considered. Zac showed no signs of having any limits, though; if I was selfless enough to do whatever he asked of me, he seemed to be just as open to trying anything.

“Make him take both our cocks,” Scott continued.

“Scott…” I whimpered. I didn’t even know why I was protesting; I didn’t _not_ want to do what he suggested. I was getting off just on the thought of it.

“You gonna come, baby?”

“S-soon…” I replied. Breathlessly, I added, “But I… I want both of you…”

He gasped, and I was sure he understood what I was almost too breathless and too ashamed to admit. “You wanna get fucked by both of us?”

“Mhm,” I replied, my hips bucking up off the bed.

“Wanna get filled up, hm?” He asked. “Stretched out like a little slut?”

“Fuck… yes…”

“God, I wish I was fucking that tight ass of yours now…”

“I wish you were, too,” I replied, moaning again. 

“Maybe make you suck Zac’s cock while I fuck you,” Scott suggested. “Would you like that?”

“Yes… fuck…” I was far past the point of being coherent. 

“Shit,” Scott groaned. “Gonna fuckin’ come. You ready for it baby?”

“Yes…” I replied, knowing I was just as close and tightening my fist just a little bit more.

“Gonna fill you up, you little slut,” Scott said. 

“Yes… fuck, please…” I moaned. A part of me wanted to be ashamed at being called a slut, but I knew that I was. I deserved to be called a lot worse than that. Right then, though, I relished the title. 

“Yeah, you gonna come too?” Scott asked. 

“Yes…” I replied, my hips lifting off the bed again as I pictured Scott right there with me. 

“Come for me, Tay. Now.”

I cried his name as I came, far past caring if everyone on the floor _did_ hear me and know exactly what I was doing. All I cared about right then was getting off and knowing that Scott was getting off, too…. knowing that he didn’t hate me for what I had done and that he even found it hot.

“Fuck,” he moaned. “Take it, baby.”

I breathed out a few more expletives as I fell back to earth. Scott was quieter, but I could tell by his deep sigh that he was coming down from his own orgasm. I let out a sigh of my own, wondering where we went from here.

“So,” he finally said.

“Yeah?” I asked, bracing myself for what he might say now.

He chuckled. “You really are a twisted little fuck, huh?”

“Maybe,” I huffed, not brave enough to point out the fact that he seemed just as twisted, if he was not only able to accept what Zac and I had done, but to be turned on by it.

“Didn’t say it was a bad thing,” he replied.

“Yeah, whatever…”

“Baby?” He asked, his voice a little softer. “Talk to me. What’s wrong?”

“It’s just…” I sighed. Now that the hotness of the moment had passed, all that was left to think about was how messy of a situation I had gotten myself into. “It’s just really fucked up, isn’t it? And I think we kinda… had a fight afterward…”

“Tell me about it,” Scott demanded, and even though his tone of voice was stern, I knew he was genuinely concerned.

I tried to remember how it had all gone downhill. “Well, we were talking about you, and how he kinda understands this whole thing between us now, and then he was saying like… how it must be nice to have someone like that…”

“Yeah, it is,” Scott replied. I could practically hear the smile on his face.

“Yeah,” I replied. As I thought about happened next, my eyes teared up a little and I sniffled pathetically. “But umm, it freaked me out a little, and I was afraid he was gonna like… ask me to be his Dom or something.”

“And you don’t want that?”

“I don’t… I don’t think I could do that all the time,” I replied.

“What about part time?” Scott asked. 

“I don’t know,” I replied. “Maybe?”

“Well, you said you liked it, right?” Scott’s tone was slow and measured, but not like he was mocking me. 

“Yeah…”

“So lemme ask again,” he said. “Would you want that?”

I sniffled pathetically as I considered his question. _Did_ I want that?

On one hand, I couldn’t even believe that Scott would suggest this. Whatever was between us… it was serious, but by nature it couldn’t be exclusive. So maybe it wasn’t that ridiculous to consider some sort of arrangement with Zac as well, aside from the fact that he was my brother.

On the other hand, I wasn’t a Dom by any stretch of the imagination. Zac’s willingness to submit and be beaten seemed to bring out a more dominant side of me, one that I barely even recognized or understood. Ultimately, though, there was one reason and one reason only why I had done what Zac asked of me.

“I… I wanna make him happy,” I finally replied.

“Baby…” Scott said softly. “You do know that it doesn’t have to be twenty-four seven, right?”

“Yeah, I know,” I replied. “I just… I don’t know what he wants, and he doesn’t really either, you know? All he’s seen is this twenty-four seven thing.”

“So maybe we should educate him,” Scott said, and much like his smile earlier, I swore I could hear his smirk this time.

“Yeah, maybe,” I replied. “If he even still wants it…”

Scott made a little curious sound, and I knew I was leaving out so much of the story, but I barely even understood it myself.

“Well, before I could even say anything about all that, he just… totally pulled back and closed off. And just started getting dressed and left. He said something about how he didn’t wanna get me in more trouble and that… that he wished he’d never seen the necklace.”

“Sub drop,” Scott remarked.

“I guess,” I replied. “But I just… I couldn’t get to him, and I was kinda freaking out on my own, too.”

“Not your fault,” Scott said, sighing softly. “Sub leading the sub; tends to happen that way.”

“Yeah…” I sniffled again. Of course Scott could explain it all so that it made perfect sense.

“So, he was just looking for some affirmation that you still cared, and you--not intentionally, but still--brushed him off?”

“I… I guess I did…” Not only did Scott make sense of it, he made me look like an incompetent fool.

“Oh, baby.” Scott sighed again. “I think the three of us need to get together.”

“You do?” I asked. They didn’t even like each other; there was no way that could end well.

“Yeah,” he replied. “Someone should explain things to him, and it’s not your fault, but you’re not really the best person to do it.”

“No, you’re right. I know I’m not,” I agreed.

“Okay,” he said. “How about instead of you coming to visit me, I come meet you?”

“I guess I should probably try to warn Zac…”

“Nah,” Scott replied, chuckling. “I wanna see the look on his face.”

I giggled. “You’re kinda evil, you know that?”

“Baby, I know I am.” 

“I won’t be held responsible if Zac tries to kick your ass, though.”

Scott snorted. “He can try.”

“Actually, I’d kinda like to watch that…” I admitted.

“So, your next day off, I’ll swing by,” Scott said.

“Okay, umm…” I said, trying to remember our tour schedule. “I think that’s just before Zac’s birthday, in Michigan.”

“Okay,” Scott replied. “And Taylor?”

“Yeah?” I asked, fearing what he might say next if his stern tone was anything to judge by.

“Don’t even think about touching yourself until I get there.”

“Okay,” I whimpered.

We said our goodbyes after that, and I hung up feeling strangely relieved and worried at the same time. Somehow, Scott didn’t hate me for what I had done with my brother, but I had a feeling that Zac might hate me soon.


	13. Chapter 13

Oct. 20, 2013. Hilton Suites, Pontiac, MI.

**_Zac_ **

Things got awkward between Tay and me after… what we did. I did some more reading online, especially about sub drop, and I realized I hadn’t exactly been in my right mind at the time. I didn’t have any reason to be mad at him; it wasn’t his fault I was so screwed up. The more I thought about it, the more stupid I felt for ever starting things with Tay. For one thing, he was my brother; for another, he was already in a relationship… or two. What did I honestly expect would happen?

When he asked to hang out with me tonight, though, I felt like maybe everything would be okay. maybe we could just forget the whole thing; well, maybe not forget. There was no way I would ever forget what he felt like, holding me, touching me… inside of me. But maybe we could move past it, and go back to something like normal.

“Do you, um… wanna order room service or anything?” he asked. He seemed really nervous, but I couldn’t blame him; he probably thought I hated him, the way I had stormed out.

“Only if you want to,” I answered with a shrug.

“Nah, I’m not hungry. But you can get something, it’s fine.”

“I’m okay.” We sat in silence for another couple minutes, until I couldn’t take it any more.   
“Hey Tay?”

“Yeah?”

I stared at my jeans, picking at a loose thread. “I kinda wanted to talk to you, about… before.”

“Y-yeah?” He glanced away, and it hurt that I’d made him not want to even look at me.

“I did some more reading,” I said with a sigh. “About sub drops, and I think… Well, I know I was being kinda irrational.”

“I’m sorry, Zac,” he said quietly, still not looking at me. “I didn’t really, um, handle it well, I guess.”

“It’s not your fault. You said you weren’t used to… to being the Dom.”

“I know, but… I should have at least realized th-that was what was going on. I mean, I have been there.”

I looked at him, smiling sadly. I was still mad at myself for hurting him, for making him do things he wasn’t comfortable with. Sure, I hadn’t literally _forced_ him, but I knew he was never all that good at resisting my charm.

“Guess it was kinda dumb of me to get jealous. I mean, it’s not like we could… ya know.”

“J-jealous?” Tay’s head snapped up, and I instantly blushed; so he hadn’t put two and two together, and I’d just outed myself. Great. He frowned and pouted, scooting closer. “Oh, Zac…”

“What,” I snorted. “You thought I only thought about you in terms of sex?” I blushed harder, looking away. Now that it was really out, there wasn’t anything I could do to hide it, but maybe playing it off as something he should’ve seen was best.

“N-no… I mean, I didn’t know how you felt at all, Zac.”

I nodded; so now it was all out in the open. Would this make things better, or worse? Before I could think about it any more, there was a knock at the door; I looked up, curious who it could be. Ike and the guys had all gone out less than an hour ago, so I doubted it was any of them. Tay gave me a guilty smile, then jumped up to answer the door.

“H-hey,” he said quietly, and I wondered who he was talking to. I didn’t have to wonder long.

“Hey baby,” Scott said as he sauntered into the room. “‘Sup, Zac?”

“The fuck?” I stared between the two of them, anger and fear rising fast. Tay stared at his feet, his cheeks bright red.

“So, Zac. Heard you been doing some research?” Scott stared at me with that shit-eating grin of his, and I felt my blood boil.

“And where’d you hear that?” I asked him, but turned to glare at my brother. I felt so betrayed. He hadn’t really wanted to hang out; it’d just been a trap.

“I’m… I’m s-sorry, Zac,” he stuttered, looking up.

“What is this, Tay?”

“Easy, kid. Relax.” Scott’s patronizing tone made me anything but relaxed, not helped by the pout on Tays face.

“Zac, I had to tell him…”

“How much.” 

“Well for starters,” Scott spoke up. “What a good little sub you are.”

I stared at Tay through narrowed eyes. I’d trusted him; how could he go behind my back like that? He frowned, staring at the carpet again.

“Zac,” Scott said, his tone not quite so dick-ish. “I’m here to help.”

“Help how?” I eyed him; I didn’t trust him one bit, especially now that he knew so much about me. Things I hadn’t wanted anyone to know. Scott turned to smile at tay, but kept talking to me.

“I thought I could help clear some things up for you. Answer some questions.”

“About what?” So, not a trap so much as… what? An intervention? A lesson? My brother smiled at his… boyfriend… then at me, and I felt a little sick, but I tried to curb my desire to knock Scott’s teeth out.. 

“About what’s going on between me and Tay,” Scott answered. “And what went on between you and him. Since he’s more of a sub, he probably can’t give you the best answers.”

I thought about it; there was a definite logic to the idea. Sure, it was going to suck, talking to my brother’s lover about my crush on said brother. But as far as the kinky stuff, he did seem to be more experienced, or at least more able to talk about it without blushing and stuttering every other word.

“Okay.”

“So,” he said, smirking again. “You like being a sub, huh?”

I felt myself blush, but I set my jaw and nodded. He definitely had a commanding personality; I wasn’t the least bit surprised he was a Dom. The fact that he was half a foot shorter than Tay made things interesting, but maybe he just had a Napoleon complex.

“You can talk to him, Zac,” Tay said with a smirk.

“What is it that you like?”

I looked down, biting my lip; it’d been hard enough to talk about it with Tay, but I really didn’t want to say the things I wanted out loud to Scott. Tay sat next to me and nudged me gently. That gave me the confidence I needed.

“Pain,” I said quietly. Tay rubbed his hand up and down my back, and I leaned into the gentle touch. It was a little thing, but it reassured me.

“What kind of pain?” Scott asked, but I just shrugged. I wasn’t trying to be difficult; I just didn’t really like any one kind more than any other. But that apparently wasn’t good enough. “That’s not an answer, Zac,” he said in a firm tone, and I looked up at him. So that was his Dom voice, huh? 

“Zac… answer him, please?” Tay asked, lightly scraping his nails down my back. I sucked in a breath and bit my lip.

“Interesting,” Scott mused, smirking.

“Scratching,” I sighed. “S-spanking.” Tay grinned, probably remembering what he’d done to me; or maybe what Scott had done to him, but I preferred the first option.

“I hear that’s not all you like.”

I looked up at him nervously; just how much had Tay told him? He was making me feel vulnerable, and that was something I hated more than anything.

“I told him what we did, so…” Tay said softly.

“You like getting told how bad you are.” It wasn’t a question. And it wasn’t false. I bit my lip, hanging my head and nodding.

“Stop biting your lip, Zac,” Tay said, his voice a little like Scott’s. I glanced up at him sheepishly; so he hadn’t forgotten that, at least.

“You want Tay to be your Dom, don’t you?” Scott said. I felt myself blushing; I’d thought about that a lot over the past few days. I wasn’t sure if I wanted what he and Scott had, but I knew I’d loved what we’d done. But the way Tay’s face paled, I didn’t hold very high hopes. “Tay.” Scott nodded in my direction.

“Y-yeah?”

“I think he’ll answer you.”

 

“Zac,” Tay sighed. I looked at him, silently pleading. The more I thought about it, the more I wanted it; but he didn’t want that. It was written all over his features, the hesitance, the fear.

“D-do you want me to be your Dom?”

“Doesn’t matter,” I said, closing my eyes and looking down. For the hundredth time, I regretted ever seeing that damn necklace, blaming it for all my problems.

“That’s not an answer,” Tay said, definitely copying Scott’s Dom voice and making me flinch.

“Ys…” I mumbled, but the breath Tay let out told me he’d heard me just fine.

“Would you be okay with it being part-time?” Scott asked. I tilted my head; what did he mean, part-time? Tay sighed softly before speaking.

“L-like… not a twenty-four seven thing like me and Scott. But… we could do what we did the other night.”

“So… we do… that, and then just… go back to normal?”

“Pretty much,” Scott replied. “Not everyone can live in that mindset all the time.”

“Y-yeah,” Tay agreed, nodding. Scot looked at him, smirking.

“Can’t have my sub getting too ambitious,” he teased, and Tay rolled his eyes in response. Scott’s brows shot up, and he cleared his throat loudly.

“Sorry,” Tay mumbled, glancing down. It was actually kinda cute, and kinda hot, the way Scott could just shut Tay down like that. I almost wished I had that kind of power. Tay caught my eye and glared at me, not finding my amusement so… amusing.

“Sorry,” I chuckled, and he pouted.

“Yeah, I’m sure you are.”

“So,” Scott spoke up, smirking again. “Here’s how this is gonna work.” I looked up at him, my smile falling; the nervousness was returning, but Tay’s hand on my back helped ease the tension a little. “When you two are playing, he owns you. You do whatever he tells you to do.”

I looked at my brother, nodding after a second. If he was really okay with this, then so was I. 

“Here’s the catch, though. See, I own him; so whatever he owns, I own.”

My eyes went wide as I looked at Scott, his meaning quickly sinking in.

“So you do whatever I tell you, too. You got that?”

I swallowed hard; this wasn’t what I’d signed up for. Being Tay’s sub was one thing, but I didn’t even _like_ Scott. He was… okay, maybe he was kinda good looking. A little scrawny maybe, but there was a rawness to him that was kinda magnetic. I glanced at Tay, hoping he’d say something to make this alright.

“You don’t have to say yes, Zac,” he said softly.

“This is your chance, Zac,” Scott said, grinning. “You won’t regret it. But if you say no, you say no to both of us.”

I closed my eyes; I wanted Tay, wanted to do everything we’d done and more. But now that meant submitting to Scott, too. Was it worth it? I thought hard about it; I’d wanted Tay for so long. And now that I’d had a taste, he was like a drug. And Scott was the side-effect. But not all side-effects are bad… I took a deep breath, a sinking feeling I’d regret my decision later settling in my gut; but I opened my eyes, giving Scott a determined stare.

“Yes.”

I heard Tay let out a breath, felt him rub my back. Part of me was terrified of what I’d just agreed to, but it was too late to back out now.

“So, welcome to the family,” Scott teased with a grin.

“Thanks,” I said, rolling my eyes as a reflex. Tay cleared his throat, and I glanced at him.

“No eye rolling,” he said sternly, but with a smirk. I sighed; I could get used to that tone.

“Yes M-” I cut myself off; I wasn’t sure how Scott would feel about that. Tay giggled, and I blushed, embarrassed at the slip.

“You really wanna call me Master, don’t you?” he asked, sounding amused. I blushed harder, but nodded. “Okay.”

“So from now on, you’ll address him as Master. Got it?” Scott said, and I nodded again. Tay giggled again, and I glanced at him; I had a feeling he was having way too much fun embarrassing me. “So… have you been bad lately?”

My face paled, the reality of what I’d agreed to starting to hit me. 

“Yes,” I said quietly.

“How bad have you been?” Tay asked, his voice soft and only a little teasing.

“Pretty bad…”

“Tell me… tell us… about it.”

****

_**Scott** _

I smirked at Tay; he totally had Zac in the palm of his hand, whether he knew it or not. The kid pouted at his brother; he was stubborn as hell, but that was gonna make breaking him that much more fun.

“Zac,” Tay commanded. I had to admit, he was pretty hot when he tried to be intimidating.

“I… I couldn’t stop thinking. About what happened.”

“Okay,” Tay said, nodding. “Is that all you did? Think about it?”

“No…” Zac glanced at me; he obviously didn’t feel too good having to confess his sins to me, but that was the deal. I owned Tay, Tay owned him; it was simple math, and if he didn’t like it, tough.

“So what did you do?” I prompted, but he just shifted in his seat.

“Zac,” Tay said again. It was kinda cute how Zac only wanted to answer Tay, but the kid was gonna have to learn his place.

“I… I jerked off. A lot.”

“A… a l-lot?” Tay stuttered, his eyes going wider.

“How much is a lot?” I asked; everyone’s standards were different, so he was gonna have to be more specific. Zac whimpered, but winced when Tay dug his nails into his back.

“Zac. You have to answer him, too.”

“Yes, M-Master…”

“How. Much.” I said again; he sighed, but went ahead and answered.

“Every day. Couple times. Sometimes three.”

“That is a lot.” Well damn; quite the little nympho. He was gonna be fun to break, that was for sure.

“S-sorry,” he mumbled to Tay, who looked at me.

“I th-think… he needs a rule about that, too.”

“I’d say so,” I agreed. “Hm, what do you think?” The kid looked at his brother, and I wondered how far Tay was willing to take it.

“S-sounds like once a week would be pretty tough for him…”

Zac whimpered again; that was a pretty steep cut-off for the little freak. 

“That’s good… for starters.”

“Alright,” Tay said, smirking a little proudly as he turned back to his brother. “You heard him. Once a week.”

“Okay,” he answered, nodding. “I think I can do that.”

“Good. Now… is that all?” Tay asked. “I mean, that’s pretty bad…”

“I, um… I used my toy.”

“You…” Tay’s eyes shot wide. “You brought it on tour with you?” Zac turned red, and I had to laugh. 

“And here I thought Tay was the kinky one.”

“Apparently it runs in the family,” he giggled. 

“Where were you when you fucked yourself?” I asked, wiping the smirk off the kid’s face and making him turn bright red. Tay dug his nails in again when he didn’t say anything.

“Answer. Him.”

“Once in the shower. And… a couple times… in my bunk.”

“On the tour bus?” Jeez, the kid really was a little freak; not that I was one to judge, but damn. Zac nodded, and Tay let out a nervous cough.

“R-right… right below my bunk, no less.”

“Y-you were asleep…”

“Jeez, I thought my family was bad,” I said mostly to myself. Tay caught it and gave me a questioning look, but I shook my head; that was a story for another day.

“I’m gonna ignore that for now,” he said with a tone a little too snarky for my taste.

“You do that. So Zac, you were fucking yourself right under your brother?”

“Y-yes.”

“Slut,” Tay said under his breath, smirking at his brother.

“Whore,” he shot back with a grin of his own.

“Excuse me?” Tay raised an eyebrow, and Zac’s smile fell.

“Um…”

“He’s a little bitch, isn’t he?” I smirked at Tay.

“Almost as much of a bitch as he is a slut,” Tay replied. Zac’s smirk disappeared entirely, and he stared at his lap.

“Tay tells me you’re into humiliation, too.” The kid nodded, but stayed silent.

“Say it out loud, Zac,” Tay prompted, and Zac sighed.

“I like to be humiliated,” he admitted, but with a patronizing tone I didn’t much care for. Tay raised an eyebrow, catching the attitude too, but he didn’t say anything; I guessed it was up to me.

“Well I don’t know about you, Tay, but I think little Zaccy here needs to be taught a lesson in respect.” That got the kid’s attention.

“I’ve been saying that for years,” Tay snorted; his brother rolled his eyes, but Tay saw. “Hey.”

“Yes?” Zac tried to smile, probably counting on the adorable baby brother thing to get him out of trouble.

“Yes what?” Tay said, and I chuckled; he really was out of his element, but he was trying. It was kind of adorable.

“Yes, Master,” Zac sighed.

“That’s better. And don’t roll your eyes.”

“He’s gonna be fun,” I said to Tay, and he giggled in agreement. “Well let’s see what we’re working with, hm?” Zac looked at me, confused, and even Tay raised an eyebrow. I didn’t think I needed to spell it out, but they were blond, after all…

“On your feet,” I ordered. Zac threw his brother a nervous glance, but stood up next to me. “Hm, not bad… hard to tell with all those clothes on, though.” I smirked at Tay, and finally he got the hint. He got to his feet at my side and stared at his brother.

“Well?” he said. “Strip.” Zac’s cheeks turned pink again; he looked down as he pulled his t-shirt off. 

“Hm, okay,” I mused, taking him in. “A little pudgy maybe, but not bad.” Zac scowled at me, but it couldn’t have been the first time anyone pointed it out. It wasn’t anything all that bad, really; so he wasn’t skinny, so what? No one’s perfect.

“Aw, I think the pudge is kinda cute,” Tay said, frowning, the defensive big brother. It was sweet.

“Yeah, I guess he does have that cute and cuddly thing going.”

“Sure,” Tay snorted. “About as cuddly as a grizzly bear…”

Zac smirked as he looked down again, undoing his jeans and letting them fall. I had to admit, I was a little impressed.

“Not bad at all.”

Zac blushed harder, stepping out of the jeans and kicking them aside. He stood there awkwardly for a few seconds, and I rolled my eyes. I hated being made to wait.

“The underwear too,” Tay spoke up before I had to. Zac glanced up at him, almost glaring, before pulling his boxer briefs down and off. 

“Yeah, that’ll do.” I licked my lips; he was definitely more impressive than I’d given him credit for. He was only half-hard but I could already tell he was bigger than Tay, at least in thickness. Tay giggled, and Zac looked like he was trying to burn a hole in the floor with his eyes. I decided to take a closer look.

“Very nice.” I circled him slowly, loving the way he trembled. He lifted his head to look at Tay; it was cute, but it was about time he remembered who the real Dom was here. I slapped his ass, not too hard, but enough for him to gasp.

“Mm, he’s probably still a little sore,” Tay said; I gave the kid another, harder spank and he whimpered, biting down on his lip. “Zac,” he said, clearing his throat, and his brother let his lower lip go.

“You just love getting in trouble, don’t you?” I asked him, and his brow furrowed.

“I think he does…”

“Don’t worry kid, that was rhetorical,” I said, letting him off the hook for his silence. Tay giggled, and Zac shot him a nasty look.

“I’m not a kid,” he muttered. Back-talking already, huh? Well that wasn’t gonna do. 

“You’re whatever we feel like calling you,” I told him, and gave him a solid spank. He gasped, and I saw Tay frown. “What’s up, babe?”

“Nothing,” he answered, shaking his head. “It’s fine.”

“Tay?” I took a step closer; he wasn’t happy about something, but he didn’t wanna say what. He sighed, lowering his voice.

“I’m just… a little worried about him.”

“Okay,” I nodded. “I’ll let you handle him.” I totally got it. I had three younger brothers; I knew that instinctual need to protect. Did I always follow it? Fuck no. But that didn’t mean I didn’t understand. Anyway, it’d be way more fun watching Tay try to break the kid. “Go on, train your pet.”

“N-no,” Tay stuttered. “It’s okay. You can… keep going.” 

I blinked. Did Tay just tell me no? Well damn. Now that was something I didn’t expect. Watching him Dom it up with Zac was fun and all, but I seriously hoped he wasn’t forgetting _his_ place. He did still have his own punishment to serve, after all. I narrowed my eyes at him, straightening up. 

“I said. Train. Your. Pet.”


	14. Chapter 14

Oct. 20, 2013. Hilton Suites, Pontiac, MI.

**_Taylor_ **

Zac and I both stared at Scott. I didn’t know what Zac was thinking--couldn’t even begin to guess--but I was conflicted. I wanted to do this for Zac, of course, but it didn’t come easily or naturally to me. Having Scott there didn’t help, because I was certain he was judging my performance. If I could feed off him, I was fine. But on my own… I was floundering--more than a little turned on, but floundering.

“Consider this part of your punishment,” Scott added, and I suddenly understood why he was doing this. 

When he put it that way, I couldn’t argue. Looking down, I sighed heavily. “Okay.”

Zac eyed me nervously and I tried to think of how to start. What would Scott do? Putting myself in his twisted, perverted shoes seemed the only way to handle this. With that in mind, I looked Zac up and down and smirked.

“So, about that toy…”

His face turned bright red, his eyes as wide as saucers. 

“I hope you didn’t leave it on the bus.”

“N-no…” He replied, but stayed rooted on the spot. Surely he could see where I was going with this train of thought.

“Good,” I said, grinning. “Get it.”

Seemingly pleased with my plan, Scott sat down on one of the room’s two beds and patted the spot next to him. I sat down next to him and watched as Zac finally did what I said and walked over to his duffel bag. After a moment, he emerged from it with his hands behind his back and stood at the end of his bed.

“I know you’re not trying to hide it…” I said.

With a sigh, Zac held the dildo out in front of him. It was fairly basic, flesh colored rubber with a few veins as part of the mold to make it a bit more realistic. It was every bit as long as Zac had said, and reasonably thick, too. It definitely wasn’t a toy for a beginner--something that I was realizing that my baby brother definitely wasn’t.

“Damn,” Scott remarked. “Not bad.”

“I know, right?” I couldn’t help smirking a little at Scott, but my lips turned up even more when I looked back at Zac. “Now, you’re gonna show me how bad you’ve been.”

“H-how?” He asked, the blush on his face suggesting that he knew how. He just wanted to hear me say it.

I stared at him. “You are not that dumb, Zac.”

He just pouted. God, he was an asshole.

“You know how,” I said. “Show me what you do with that toy.”

“Oh.” His eyes widened. Maybe he hadn’t known what I intended for him to do, but he was definitely getting the picture now. “Um, okay… how should I…”

“It’s your toy, Zac. Surely you know how to use it.”

He gave a frustrated sigh. “I mean where should I… do it?”

“Get on the bed,” I said, my patience wearing seriously thin. 

“Okay…” Zac said. 

He walked back to his duffel bag and retrieved a small tube of lube. Scott wiggled around a bit, and a quick glance showed that he was adjusting his pants, which were already visibly tented. He wrapped his other arm around my shoulder, giving me a confusing mixture of tender emotions to go with all the lust I was already feeling. I turned my attention back to Zac as he finally started to use his brain and turned sideways on the bed so that he was facing us.

“Good boy,” I remarked, giving him a grin. A little positive reinforcement couldn’t hurt, I figured. Zac spread his legs wide, knees bent, giving us a perfect view. He squirted some lube onto his toy, and I had to scoot in closer to Scott to keep myself from shaking with anticipation.

“Alright,” I said. “Let’s see how bad you’ve been.”

Scott smirked up at me, evidently proud of what little bit of dominance I had managed to muster up. We both focused our attention on Zac as he positioned the toy and pressed the tip of it against his flesh. 

“You’re just gonna get right to it, huh?” I asked, surprised and even more turned on to see him not bothering to finger himself or even apply any extra lube first. Zac nodded and pushed the tip of his dildo inside. I felt myself trembling and tried to regain control. “Mmm, well I guess it can’t hurt too much, as much as you’ve been doing it lately…”

Zac nodded again, a low moan slipping from his mouth as he eased the dildo deeper in, a few inches now buried inside of him. I was sure he was taking it slowly more to torture me than because he really needed to. I felt Scott shifting at my side again, and a glance revealed that he was fiddling with the zipper on his pants. Once his pants were unzipped, he pulled his dick out, now fully hard, and stroked it slowly. I tried to hide my jealous pout; it was bad enough to know that we were both going to punish Zac, but I wasn’t sure how I felt about Scott being so obviously turned on by my brother.

“What?” Scott asked, eying me.

“Nothing…” I replied.

He seemed to buy it, or at least think better of questioning it, since he refocused his attention on Zac, ignoring me entirely. “Bet your ass is good and tight, huh?”

I groaned, and my brother didn’t reply at all. “Answer him, Zac. Tell him how tight you are.”

“T-tight,” he said, panting as he slid another inch or so in. “Really tight.”

I suddenly realized how tight my pants had become, and reached a hand down to adjust them.

“Get it out,” Scott said, his eyes burning into me.

“O-okay…” I replied, my fingers trembling as I undid my jeans and pulled both them and my underwear down. My dick popped out all on its own, a sure sign that I was seriously turned on and seriously doomed to hell. 

Scott smirked. “That’s better.”

I wrapped my hand tightly around myself, just squeezing a bit for now--there was no point in getting too worked up when I was sure the night had just begun. I watched closely as Zac pushed another inch or so of the dildo in, about half of it seeming to be inside of him now. He paused for just a moment, then slid it almost all the way out. Slowly but smoothly, he slid it halfway back in all in one motion, a long, low moan falling from his mouth.

Zac started to thrust then, and Scott gave a moan of his own as he stroked himself a little faster. Zac’s eyes fluttered shut as he began to thrust the dildo in and out, slowly find a rhythm. 

“You like having that toy up your ass?” Scott asked.

“Yes,” Zac replied, his face bright red.

“B-bet it… doesn’t feel as good as my cock, does it?” I asked, earning myself another grin from Scott.

Zac shook his head. “N-no.”

“I d-don’t think you’ve been good enough to deserve that, though…” I continued. 

Zac’s response to that was just to whimper and push the toy in deeper. I was sure he was trying to show off, but at this point, I really didn’t mind. 

“Think you can take it all, Zac?” I asked.

“I…” He whimpered. “I don’t know…”

“Try,” I ordered. 

He held the dildo in place, his other hand reaching for the lube and squirting a bit more of it on. He winced a bit as he pushed it in further, but I was sure Zac could take it. And he wanted it. Of that I was certain. 

“Th-there you go,” I moaned out, shaking so hard that I could barely keep my cock in my hand.

“S-so tight…” Zac whined.

“Fuck,” I said, finally giving in and stroking myself. “Yeah, you are.”

Zac moaned loudly as he forced more of the toy in, buried it almost all the way to the hilt. Scott let out a moan of his own as he watched.

“C-come on,” I said, my voice as soft and soothing as I could manage. “You almost got it.”

Zac let out a curse as he thrust the dildo in and out, never quite getting it all the way in but not coming close to pulling it out again, either. His moans and whimpers were getting louder and louder, his erection straining back toward his stomach. 

“You better not get off yet,” I warned him. 

He slowed down, whining in protest, but finally pushed the dildo in all the way. 

“F-fuck…” I groaned, squeezing my dick hard. “Such a good little slut; I knew you could take it.”

“S-so big…” He said, his shaking hand pressed against the base of the dildo, not moving. I didn’t bother pointing out that while it was impressively thick, it wasn’t _quite_ as long as my own dick.

“Yeah,” I agreed. “But you can take it, can’t you? You love it.”

“Y-yes…”

“Yeah, I bet you do,” Scott said. “You little slut.”

I groaned and let my eyes fall shut; it was all too much, both sensory and emotional overload already. Zac fucking himself. Scott jerking himself off at the sight of it. Scott calling my baby brother a slut. I couldn’t take it.

“Well, what are you waiting for?” Scott asked. “Get to it.”

Zac whimpered, and I opened my eyes just in time to see him beginning to thrust again. He built up his pace slowly but steadily until he was truly fucking himself. Zac wasn’t gentle with himself once he got going, and I knew that I shouldn’t have been surprised by that. Once he found the rhythm that he seemed to like best, he wrapped his free hand around his dick and began to stroke just as quickly as he was fucking himself.

“No,” I growled, surprising myself with the ferocity in my voice. “I _said_ you better not get off yet.”

His hand slowed to a stop but didn’t move.

“Don’t even _touch_ yourself, Zac,” I said.

“B-but…” He stared at me with those big eyes that he knew I couldn’t refuse.

“Did he stutter?” Scott asked.

Finally, he moved his hand back to the mattress, but he whimpered in protest as he did so.

“I don’t really think he deserves to get off just yet, do you, babe?” Scott asked, letting his own hand fall away from his cock as well. 

I shook my head. “Nope.”

“In fact, I think he’s enjoying this a little too much,” Scott continued, and I nodded my agreement. “Remember what you said you wanted to do to him?”

“Yeah,” I replied, ignoring Zac’s nervous stare the best that I could. Truthfully, I wasn’t sure what Scott was referring to; I’d talked about several depraved things I wanted to do to my brother. 

“Why don’t you go check in my bag?” Scott suggested, his lips turning up in a smirk. “See if there’s anything in there you like.”

My eyes felt as wide as Zac’s looked as I stood up and walked over to the spot by the door where Scott had left his backpack. It looked ordinary enough, but apparently it wasn’t just any overnight bag. A quick peek inside revealed that my suspicions were correct.

“Well, you came prepared, didn’t you?” I asked, my eyes widening even more at the impressive array of restraints and other toys Scott had brought with him. I wondered how he got it all past airport security… 

“Of course,” he replied, a proud grin on his face.

Zac strained to see what I might have been referring to, and just for his benefit, I held up a ball gag and smirked. “Yeah, this could come in handy.”

His eyes widened so much that it would have been comical under any other circumstances. Finally, I found just the thing I was looking for, the thing I was certain Scott was referring to--a length of silky, but strong, black rope.

“How about we just start with this?”

****

**_Zac_ **

To say things weren’t going like I planned would be the biggest understatement in the history of everything. I didn’t know what to think; I could barely think at all, my brain was so scrambled from all the conflicting feelings. Shame, lust, anger, betrayal, gratitude… it was all so confusing. I didn’t want it to stop, though; I needed to see it through. I’d already been forced to fuck my toy in front of them; how bad could a little rope be? Still, I was learning not to even try to predict what would happen next.

“Seems good to me,” Scott said, grinning at Tay. “You know anything about knots?” My brother shook his head.

“I’m usually on the other side of the restraints,” he answered; I blushed, suddenly picturing him all tied up. Scott sighed and got up, and I eyed him suspiciously.

“Guess I’ll just have to teach you then.” He looked at me, smirking and looking me up and down. I was painfully aware of my position, legs spread, dildo still stuffed inside me. “I think that toy’s gotta go. Don’t want him to get too excited.”

“You heard him, Zac,” Tay said with a smirk that looked way too much like his boyfriend’s. I pulled out the toy slowly, whimpering; it didn’t hurt exactly, but it wasn’t the most comfortable feeling in the world either. I saw Scott whisper something in Tay’s ear, making his eyes go wide; I couldn’t make out what he’d said, and that made me even more nervous.

“O-okay,” he stuttered, then walked over to Scott’s bag. My eyes widened and my blush deepened as I saw the plug; my legs instinctively closed, but he gave me a growl.

“Zac…”

I whimpered, spreading open for him. You’d think I’d have nothing to have been embarrassed about at that point, but I still felt so vulnerable, laid out like that.

“Hm, let’s see,” Scott mused. “On the floor, on your knees.” I quickly obeyed, not because I wanted to serve him, but because that position offered at least a little more modesty. “I’ll let you do the honors,” he said to Tay.

“Okay,” my brother said. His cheeks were as red as mine felt as he grabbed the bottle of lube from the bed. I closed my eyes; I could feel myself shaking--from which of the dozen emotions, I wasn’t sure. “It’s okay, you can take it,” he said softly. I felt him rubbing my back gently; I nodded, but kept my eyes shut. If I didn’t look, maybe I could pretend it was just us.

“Not even as big as your toy,” he muttered. I felt the hard plastic tip pressed against me, and I couldn’t help moaning and rocking my hips against it.

“Man, he’s noisy,” Scott chuckled. “Might need that gag afterall.” Tay giggled, pressing the plug against me harder, which of course just made me let out another sound.

“You might be right… I think he likes this a little too much, too.” With that he pushed it halfway in, and I gasped at the sudden intrusion. 

“See? Nowhere near as big as your toy.” He started thrusting it in and out, never all the way, and never quite enough to satisfy; I rocked my hips against his hand, desperate for more. “Look how fucking needy he is…”

“Needy little slut,” Scott agreed. Suddenly I felt a hand come down hard on my ass. I gasped and looked over my shoulder; Tay gave me a smirk, then pushed the plug all the way in. I pushed my hips back, whining; it was filling me as much as it could, but after my toy, it still wasn’t quite enough.

“That’s it, b-Zac… Knew you could take it.” Tay rubbed my back as he spoke; he probably hoped I hadn’t caught the slip, or maybe he was worried about Scott. I glanced up, and Tay’s lover did look like he was scowling a bit. Tay frowned, glancing back and forth between us.

“Right,” Scott said, clearing his throat. “Okay. Ankles first, I think.”

“S-sounds good…” Tay nodded, shaking a little. Scott kneeled behind me; I felt him grab my ankles and force them together suddenly. I made a noise, mostly out of surprise, but the carpet burn didn’t feel too good either; his hand on my ass was a pretty good distraction, though.

“Quiet,” he snapped. I thought I saw Tay flinch a little, almost like he was the one getting spanked. “Now pay attention.” He directed that last bit to Tay, as he instructed him on the logistics of bondage. 

“Hey. No wiggling,” Tay said to me. I sighed; I’d only been making sure I wasn’t going numb. Scott grabbed a fistful of my hair then; I gasped loudly as he yanked back, pulling me upright. 

“Arms behind your back,” Scott barked. I whimpered a little; Tay wasn’t very intimidating, but as much as I hated to admit it, Scott kinda was. Not what I expected from someone so short, but he gave me the feeling that even I didn’t want to fuck with him too much.

“Zac,” Tay growled. “Do it.” 

Reluctantly I reached my arms behind my back, sitting on my heels; they positioned me hand-to-elbow and brought the rope from my ankles to my wrists. I wriggled a bit; it was such an odd position to be stuck in.

“I know you’re not trying to get free,” Tay warned me; I whimpered, but stayed still.

“He is bad,” Scott chuckled. Taylor made a noise of agreement as he finished tying me up. Scott tugged here and there, testing. “Perfect.” 

Parts of me were starting to tingle, not in a numb way, but the rope was definitely tight enough.

“This boy just doesn’t learn, does he? Stay. Still,” Scott ordered, punctuating each word with another spank.

“You know he’s just trying to make us punish him more,” Tay said. It really wasn’t my intention at all; well, maybe a little, but not entirely. 

“Speaking of punishment… You. On the bed. Now.”

I smirked a bit; sure, I was getting mine, but at least Tay was about to get his. Tay caught my grin, scowling at me before crawling onto the bed. Scott stepped next to him and pulled his jeans down and off; my brother gasped, but all I could focus on was seeing him fully naked for the first time. He was every bit as gorgeous as I’d imagined.

“You’ve been bad,” Scott said, eerily gently. “How many rules did you break?”

“Um… I-I bit my lip… and I jerked off more than once this week… and I had sex with Zac…”

“I asked how many, not which ones,” Scott corrected, spanking Tay hard.

“Th-three,” he stuttered, whimpering. 

“Three,” Scott echoed. “There weren’t even that many… but you went and broke three.”

Tay nodded, hanging his head.

“And what three to break…” He spanked Tay’s ass again, making him gasp and whimper. Even though I knew he liked it, something about watching my brother get beaten just didn’t sit right with me. It was hot, of course, but it was also making me a little uncomfortable. He stepped away then, going to dig through his bag. I pressed my lips together when I saw what he returned with.

A black leather strap.


	15. Chapter 15

Oct. 20, 2013. Hilton Suites, Pontiac, MI.

**_Scott_ **

When I’d looked up Hanson, I’d paid most of my attention on Tay from the start. And after meeting Zac, the only impression I’d been left with was that of an overstrung long-haired chihuahua--lots of bark, maybe a little bite, but easy enough to punt out of your way. After everything Tay told me, though, about how twisted his little brother was, I had to admit I was intrigued. Now, it looked like I would get a taste after all… I just wished it was under better circumstances.

“Three rules broken, three times the punishment. Sounds fair, don’t you think?”

“Y-yes,” Tay stuttered. He was trembling, his eyes wide with excitement and fear; he was at his sexiest when he was totally submitted to me.

“Hm, let’s see…” I trailed the leather strap over his ass lightly, drawing out the moment. “Biting your lip… that’s not so bad. Let’s say… five for that one.”

“O-okay…”

“Jerking off… Well, that’s pretty serious.” I raked my nails down his back, making him hiss. “What do you think, Zac? Ten for that one?”

“I… um…” Zac stared at me, probably surprised I was asking him. I wanted to see what he’d do, playing a hand in his brother’s punishment. “Y-yes?” he answered finally, giving Tay a sad pout.

“I’m okay, Zac…”

I gave Tay a spank; I hadn’t told him to speak. He and Zac both whimpered… interesting. 

“And then… the big one.” I sighed; I really didn’t want him to know how bad he’d hurt me. “The rule I didn’t think I’d even need to make.” Tay hung his head in shame, but I gave his ass a harder slap.

“No. You keep your head up and you take it,” I snapped. He’d earned this, and he was going to suffer for it. He whimpered, but lifted his head again. “I’ll start with fifteen, and see how I feel.”

“Okay,” he said quietly, with a resigned tone. 

“So let’s see, how many is that total… Zac?”

The kid blinked, looking between me and his brother.

“Answer him,” Tay said softly, and I figured I’d let that slide.

“Th-thirty,” Zac replied, shaking a bit. I was definitely picking up on the concerned brother vibe, and it was both cute and sexy. 

“Right. That should do it. You ready, baby?” I asked, noticing Zac wince at the pet name. So he was jealous, hm? Interesting… I gave Tay the first few spanks, watching Zac flinch each time. I rubbed Tay’s skin between rounds; I didn’t want to break him just yet, and I wanted his punishment to last.

“How’s that feel baby?”

“I’m… I’m okay,” he whispered, his arms shaking.

“Good. Halfway there.” I glanced over again; Zac was breathing heavier, his jaw set. I watched him as I dragged my nails over Tay’s red skin, making him hiss.

“Aw, what’s the matter? Don’t like seeing your brother get beat?” I smirked at him, but he just scowled.

“Zac,” Tay said, tensing. “Answer him.”

“N-no.”

“Aw, but he loves it. Don’t you, Tay?” I gave him another smack to prove my point.

“Yes,” Tay moaned.

“Tell him. Tell him how much you love it.”

“F-fuck,” he groaned as I continued my assault on his ass. “Feels s-so good.”

“Can you see how hard he is? How bad he wants it?”

“Y-yes,” Zac replied, nodding.

“Bet you wish you could make him feel better, huh?” I was torturing both of them at once now, and I fucking loved it. Zac looked at his brother, pouting.

“Yes.”

I looked back and forth between them; there was just a little too much tenderness for my liking, so I brought the strap down harder than ever. Tay cried out loud; I leaned close to him, but kept my eyes trained on Zac’s.

“Almost there, baby. You can do it.” I was talking to Tay… mostly. Zac pouted, Tay looked back at him, and for some reason that pissed me off even more. I slapped Tay so hard I thought I’d break skin; he cried out again, and Zac had to bite his lip hard to keep from doing the same.

“There you go, baby,” I said softly, tossing the leather aside and rubbing Tay’s back. “You did it, you’re okay.” He collapsed to the bed with a whimper; I glanced back at Zac, his eyes watering and his lip shaking. “It’s gonna be okay, baby,” I said to Tay, giving his forehead a kiss before getting up.

The kid eyed me fearfully as I walked over, and I couldn’t blame him. I trailed a hand down his back gently, raising goosebumps all over his skin. Both of them moaned as I slowly pulled the plug out of his ass; I quickly untied the rope, but he just looked at me like a confused puppy.

“Go on,” I said with a smirk, nodding towards Tay. He eyed me, trying to get up but stumbling; I grabbed his arm, helping him to his feet. “Easy kid. There ya go.” I led him over to the bed, and lay down next to Tay; Zac still stared at me like I was gonna bite, but he curled up to his brother’s other side anyway.

“Tay?” He said, hesitantly reaching out to him.

“Y-yeah, Zac?”

“C-can I…” He timidly wrapped an arm around Tay’s waist, but the blonde still stared, confused.

“Can you what, baby?”

Zac blinked, obviously surprised at the pet name. The whole scene was too damn cute, it was making me a little sick. But now that I was coming out of my top space, I realized I didn’t mind so much.

“Hold him, stupid.”

****

**_Taylor_ **

It took all the concentration I could muster to push through the white noise that had seemingly replaced my brain and actually understand what Scott was telling me to do. Once I did, I shot him a pout for being so brusque with me so soon after punishing me, then wrapped my shaky arms around Zac. He curled into them easily, resting his head against my chest. It was adorable, and I sighed happily knowing that I could offer him so much comfort. In spite of his harsh words, Scott rubbed my back gently, and I appreciated that, too.

“Are you okay?” Zac asked me softly.

“Mhm,” I replied, smiling. “I’m great.”

He nuzzled against my chest, reminding me of nothing so much as a little wounded puppy. “I was w-worried…”

“I know,” I replied, but I really was great. My ass was going to be sore and bruised for days and I wasn’t sure I could even remember my own name, but neither of those things really mattered as long as I had both Zac and Scott laying next to me. Returning his smile, I said, “You don’t have to worry about me, okay?”

Those big eyes stared up at me, obviously hurt, and I struggled to figure out what I had done.

“W-what’s wrong?” I asked.

Scott nudged me. “Of course he has to worry about you. He’s your brother; it’s kinda in the job description.”

Zac nodded, almost smirking. Was it possible he and Scott were reaching some sort of understanding? 

“I was worried about you, too,” I admitted, rubbing Zac’s back a little.

His eyes widened, like he didn’t quite believe me, and I tried not to be hurt by that. I almost succeeded. “Y-you were?”

“Of course I was,” I replied. “Didn’t wanna push you too far…”

“I was okay,” he said, smiling softly.

“Yeah?” I asked, eying him carefully, trying to read his expression for any sign that he was lying. Of course he had to be feeling as many emotions as I was, but for me at least, the pleasure of submission was winning out at the moment. “You still okay?”

His brow furrowed and he curled up against me again, like he was either unsure of his answer or unwilling to give an honest one.

“It’s okay, baby,” I said, holding him tightly. He squirmed a little against me, and I eyed him. “Baby? What do you need?”

He squirmed more, his head lowered so that I could barely see that he was biting his lip. 

“Hey,” I said. “No lip biting.”

“Yes, Master,” He replied. 

I rubbed his back gently, trying to coax an answer out of him. “Now… tell me what you need, baby. Please?”

“I… I’m still…” He stuttered out, and the blush on his face--plus the fact that it was pressing against me--told me what he was trying to say.

“I know,” I replied, giggling a little in relief that it wasn’t something more serious than a hard-on bothering him. “Me too.”

Scott ground his hips against my back. “Guess that makes three of us.”

Zac’s eyes widened and he craned his neck to look at Scott. I supposed he was just as surprised as me, though maybe for different reasons, that Scott found this situation so sexual, too. It hadn’t been about sex, really; it was about punishment. And yet it was so much more, and more complicated, than that.

“Whatcha thinking, Zac?” I asked, running my fingers through his hair.

“You two are useless.” Scott chuckled and earned himself a scowl from Zac. 

“Subspace, Scotty,” I shot back.

“The fuck did you just call me?”

“...Nothing?”

Zac chuckled then, but Scott didn’t seem so amused. I felt the bed shifting and turned my head to see him sitting up. Instinctively, I pulled Zac closer to me, the devilish grin on Scott’s face making me incredibly nervous.

“Alright,” he said. “Tay, you stay right there.”

“Okay…” I replied, my nerves not settled any by the realization that whatever he had planned to punish me for using a nickname he apparently did not like, it involved my brother.

“You.” He pointed to Zac, then crooked his finger and beckoned him closer. “C’mere.”

Zac gave me a nervous look, obviously seeking my permission. Wordlessly, although I may have whimpered softly, I loosened my grip on him. His eyes stayed trained on me as he crawled across the bed toward Scott.

“Hands and knees, facing Tay,” Scott ordered. With a smirk, he added, “Hope you’re hungry.”

Zac’s eyes widened, but as he realized what Scott meant, a smile spread across his face. My punishment, it seemed, was a reward for Zac. How was _that_ fair? 

Staring at me nervously, Zac crawled between my legs. I reached a hand down to run my fingers through his hair, hoping that and the smile I gave him would reassure him that this was okay. He gave me a tiny smile before leaning down and letting his tongue just barely dart out far enough to graze the tip of my dick. It was still enough to make me gasp, and that encouraged Zac; he swirled his tongue around the head, taking just a tiny bit more into his mouth with each lick.

Behind him, Scott shed his jeans and took his dick into his hand, stroking it. This had to be some sort of twisted fantasy scenario for him, I realized. It was turning into one for me, too.

“Fuck, Zac,” I moaned as he lowered his mouth onto me fully. “You’re good at that, baby.”

He made a little sound of acknowledgement, even smug agreement, and I wondered if he had done this before. He hadn’t been with another man, had he? My jealous side hoped that he hadn’t, and my perverted side pictured him sucking his dildo for practice. 

I was so caught up in my fantasy world that I hardly noticed that Scott had moved until Zac froze. Scott had positioned himself behind my brother, one hand holding his hip steady, and suddenly I realized just how this was meant to be a punishment for me. 

Seeing how wide Zac’s eyes had gone, I raked my fingers through his hair again. “It’s okay, baby.”

He gave a little whimper, but found his rhythm again, sucking me greedily. I could only stare wide-eyed at the scene in front of me. Scott’s hand reached between their bodies, presumably lining himself up. Zac whimpered, and I was sure it was more from surprise than from pain. Still, he cried out when Scott’s hips rolled forward, his teeth clamping down on my dick.

“Zac!” I yelped.

He pulled back, his eyes wide as saucers. “I’m sorry! Oh god, I’m sorry. Are you okay?”

Scott chuckled, and I couldn’t help giggling a bit as well. Sure, he’d bitten me a little, and in a pretty sensitive spot, but I was a masochist. It wasn’t the end of the world, and was still far, far from the worst blow job I’d ever gotten.

“I’m okay,” I replied. “Just a little less teeth, okay?”

“Yeah, I know, it’s just…” He shot a glare at Scott over his shoulder.

“You got something to say?” Scott asked, giving his ass a slap so hard I could almost feel it.

He gasped, then closed his eyes for a moment to steady himself. Finally, he replied, “No.”

“Good,” Scott said. “Get back to sucking.”

Trying to regain some dominance and control over the situation, I pushed Zac’s head back down, forcing him to take my dick all at once. He whimpered, but didn’t pull away. Once I was buried in his mouth, Scott pulled back, then drove into Zac again. Zac moaned loudly, but stopped himself just short of biting down again, although I could feel his teeth.

“Jesus, Scott,” I groaned. “You’re gonna make him bite it off.”

Scott laughed. “Well, he’s just gonna have to learn, isn’t he?”

He gave a hard thrust, presumably testing Zac. His teeth pressed into me a bit more, but really just enough to be a tease. I could see, from how tense his jaw was, that he was trying hard, and I appreciated the effort.

“He’s not bad,” I said, “considering it’s his first time…”

“Hmm, I might need to try him out next time,” Scott said, thrusting harder. 

“Mmm, yeah,” I groaned, but I felt a pang of jealousy, too. “I mean, I’m better, but he’s not bad…”

Zac gave me a scowl and grazed his teeth against me again; this time I was sure it was on purpose.

I gave his hair a firm tug. “No. Biting.”

Scott smacked his ass, and Zac’s whimper seemed sufficiently remorseful, so I loosened my grip on his hair ever so slightly. He swirled his tongue around me, and I wondered if I would ever be able to watch him eat an ice cream cone again without blushing.

“Fuck…” I moaned. “You sure you haven’t done this before, baby?”

“Mhm…” He said, a coy look on his face that belied his answer.

“Guess you’re just a natural, then…” I replied.

Zac gave me a proud smile before diving back down onto my dick, this time swallowing it all until I felt myself bump against the back of his throat. I cried out, incapable of forming a sentence that wasn’t just a jumble of curses and his name.

“That good, baby?” Scott asked.

“Uh huh…” I groaned.

Scott thrust deeper, gripping Zac’s hips tightly. “You were right about his tight little ass.”

I murmured something that I hoped sounded like agreement, and Zac blushed.

“I wonder, though…” Scott said, that devilish look crossing his face again. “I wonder whose is tighter.”

Zac’s eyes widened, his pace slowing a bit.

“You know, Zac,” Scott continued, “Tay had a pretty interesting idea…”

He pulled off me entirely and turned to look at Scott. He might blush and seem embarrassed, but my brother was clearly down for whatever depraved scenario Scott could invent--at least, he had been so far. If there was a line left, Scott’s next suggestion just might cross it.

“Sc-Scott…” I tried to warn him, though I knew it was in vain.

“Something he wanted,” Scott clarified, placing the burden squarely on my shoulders. I should have known.

“What was it?” Zac asked, his head tilted in curiosity. 

I blushed so hard that my face felt like it might catch fire. I almost hoped it would so that I wouldn’t have to admit my own sick fantasy. 

“Tell him,” Scott said sternly. “Tell him what you wanted me and Zac to do.”

I relaxed ever so slightly. At least he’d chosen _that_ fantasy to share. There was only so much pain I could stand inflicting on Zac. Myself? I didn’t care so much, and it was clear that I had no dignity left.

“I… I wanted b-both of you…” I stuttered.

Zac continued to stare at me, evidently not catching the meaning of my words. There was still some innocence left in him, it seemed, and I was about to shatter it.

“I wanted both of you… to fuck me. At the same time.”


	16. Chapter 16

Oct. 21, 2013. Hilton Suites, Pontiac, MI. 

**_Zac_ **

I was dead. Something happened after our last show--electrocution, tour bus crash, crazy fan attack, something--and I was dead. I had to be. That was the only logical explanation for everything that was happening, but most of all for what I’d just heard my brother say.

“So what do ya say, Zaccy? Wanna fuck your big brother?” Scott leered at me; I swallowed hard, my eyes locked on Tay’s. Yep… dead. Either that, or the luckiest so-and-so ever born. Either way, I reasoned, there was no point in not going with it; so I swallowed the lump in my throat, and nodded. Tay was shaking like a leaf, but he smiled at me. If I wasn’t dead, I was pretty sure I would be, after the mind-blowing experience ahead of me.

“Okay,” Scott said, pulling out. “Switch positions with Tay.” I hesitated, not because I didn’t want it, but more because I still couldn’t believe this wasn’t some coma-induced hallucination.

“Do what he says, okay?” Tay told me, running a hand through my hair; I nodded, laying down as he got out of the way. He crawled over me, his arms still trembling.

“How’s that ass feel?” Scott asked.

“A little sore,” my brother whined, blushing again. He whimpered as Scott gave it a tap.

“Well, Zac’s waiting for ya, babe.”

I placed my hands on Tay’s arms and looked up at him; I wasn’t in any hurry, even if Scott made it sound like I was. 

“S-scott,” he stuttered, glancing behind him and pouting. “I… I mean, can I at least have some lube? Please?”

“Okay, babe.” He got up to get the lube from where he’d left it on the floor, but I saw him pick up the plug, too. It felt strange to comfort Tay, instead of the other way around, but I had a feeling he’d need it in a minute. He smiled down at me, but whimpered suddenly.

“Easy babe; this is nothing,” Scott said, his tone only a little teasing.

“I know.” Tay nodded, then moaned a second later; I couldn’t see what Scott was doing, but I was pretty sure it was the same thing Tay had done to me earlier.

“That’s it, babe… relax.”

“Yeah,” Tay moaned; it was the hottest sound I’d ever heard, and I felt myself grow even harder because of it. He started rocking his hips back, and I was about to lick the beads of sweat forming on his neck, when I felt a cold drop of lube on my dick. I gasped, my eyes shooting wide open, but Tay ran a shaky hand through my hair, and that helped me keep it together.

“There ya go,” Scott said. “Now get on his cock.”

Tay gave a tiny whimper, and I felt him lining up; he was right there, so close, and I already felt like I was going to burst. But I guessed Scott was getting impatient; he growled, and suddenly I felt Tay being literally _shoved_ down onto me.

“Fuck!” Tay cried out, and I moaned loudly as I tried to adjust to the feeling of being completely inside him. We held on to each other tightly, both of us trembling; a few seconds later Tay started to move, lifting up and lowering himself again slowly.

“That’s it babe, ride that cock.” Scott’s words only made the whole scene seem that much more twisted, but that much hotter, too; Tay apparently agreed, moaning and speeding up. I gripped his shoulders, moaning along with him. “How’s he feel, Zac?”

“G-good. S-so good…” My mind was so hazy with lust that I could barely get the words straight in my head, let alone voice them. Tay appreciated the compliment, blushing and speeding up, and my head swam even more.

“Whoa there,” Scott said after a couple minutes. “My turn.” 

I felt him press the tip of his dick against Tay alongside mine; I’d seen it in pornos, and I’d always wondered what it felt like. Part of me was curious how being on the receiving end felt, but I didn’t know if I could handle that much; as it was, I worried we were going to tear Tay apart. 

“Fuck,” I gasped as I felt Scott slip inside Tay. My brother cried out, and I looked up at him, worried we were really hurting him; but he glanced down and gave me a reassuring smile.

“It’s okay… I’m okay…” His words dissolved into moans as Scott pushed harder.

“You can take it,” Scott practically growled, thrusting; I tried to keep still, but my arms were shaking.

“Oh god,” Tay whimpered, his arms trembling so much I worried they’d give out on him. Scott pulled out a bit, then thrust back in, deeper. “Scott!”

“Take it,” Scott growled again.

“I w-wasn’t… complaining…” Tay whimpered. Scott slid out, paused a second, then drove completely home.

“Fuck!” I screamed; I didn’t expect this to feel nearly as good as it did, but it was better than I could have imagined. Tay moaned loudly, his whole body shaking. Scott held still for another minute, letting everyone adjust; then he guided Tay’s hips up, before pulling him back down onto both our dicks. I tried to match his movements, thrusting up into Tay.

“Oh god,” Tay gasped.

“Love this tight ass of yours,” Scott said, speeding up.

“Y-yeah,” I agreed; somehow, that surprised Tay, and he looked down at me with red cheeks.

“So what d’ya think? You like getting two cocks at once?”

“Fuck… yes,” Tay panted.

“Say it.”

“I l-love… I love getting two cocks at once.”

“‘Specially when one’s your kid brother’s, right?”

I growled, surprising myself a little, but Scott was ticking me off. What he was saying was true, and it was hot, but he was basically throwing it in Tay’s face how fucked up this was. Still, Tay wasn’t complaining or denying how bad he wanted this.

“Oh god… yes.”

“Such a twisted little fuck. With a dirty little slut for a brother.”

Tay and I both moaned at that. I didn’t know if Tay had a shaming kink like I did, but it was starting to look like it.

“Wanna get used up like the whore you are, am I right?” Scott asked, directing the question at Tay more than me, I was sure.

“Yes… please…” Tay nodded and whimpered, and it struck me just how deeply his need to submit ran.

“Whose whore are you?”

“Yours.”

“Who owns this?” Scott asked, spanking Tay’s ass.

“You do,” my brother whimpered. I was powerless to do anything but moan as I watched Scott assert his dominance.

“You want us to come in your ass, don’t ya? Want us to fucking fill you up?”

“Yes!” Tay gasped. Part of me noticed how Scott loved to hear himself talk, but as hot as his orders and insults were, I wasn’t about to tell him to shut up.

“You better not come yet,” he warned. “Either of you.” We both whimpered; I didn’t know about Tay, but I was getting dangerously close. “First you’re gonna let me and your baby brother come in your ass.”

I growled again; I both loved and hated the way he kept mentioning the brothers thing. Tay stared down at me, eyes wide. I hoped he didn’t think I was growling at him, at least not menacingly.

“S-sorry,” I managed to stutter.

“N-no! I like it…”

“Yeah?” I smiled up at him; so the growl turned him on?

“Y-yeah,” he replied, nodding. I snarled, growling louder, and he moaned instantly. “Fuck… so sexy, Zac…”

Scott thrusted harder suddenly, making Tay curse. He brought his hand down on his ass hard, and my brother cried out. So Scotty was jealous? I growled again, and Tay let out a whine, trembling.

“Taylor,” Scott barked, the full name not lost on me. So he _was_ jealous. “Shut him up.”

I stared up at Tay, wondering what he would do. He’d shown more than a little skill in dominating me, and I was a little scared, and a lot excited. But I never, not in a million years, expected him to do what he actually did.

He leaned down and crushed his lips to mine.

****

**_Scott_ **

Suddenly, I was seeing red. I heard Zac gasp; I guess Tay’s move was as much a surprise to him as it was to me. I didn’t know what made him think that was what I’d meant, but holy shit, it pissed me right the fuck off. Sex is one thing, but that… no. I raked my nails down Tay’s back as hard as I could; he cried out, pulling back, and I grabbed a fistful of his hair. I sneered at Zac as I sank my teeth into his brother’s neck; I blamed him almost as much, and the pathetic little pout only made me feel justified. Tay ran a hand through Zac’s hair, probably trying to reassure him.

“Fuck… gonna come babe. You there, Zac?”

The kid moaned and nodded. I dug my fingers into Tay’s hips, slamming into him until my hips hurt. I hoped it hurt him, too.

“Fuck… here it comes. Fucking take it.” I let out a primal growl as I came, filling Tay up; I felt Zac’s cock pulsing as he shot his load into his brother’s ass along with me. I felt like every ounce of energy was being drained, head to toe.

“Tay!” Zac moaned, holding on to his brother’s arms until his knuckles went white. 

“Come for me Tay,” I ordered, reaching around to stroke him fast and hard; a few seconds later he screamed out a curse, coating my hand. I held still for a bit longer, milking him, before pulling out and collapsing on my back next to him. He didn’t even try to move, plopping down onto Zac as soon as his brother was out.

As I caught my breath, I looked over; Zac was holding Tay, rubbing his back slowly as his brother shook. The two of them looked so… sweet, holding each other like that. I felt my anger seeping away as I watched them. It reminded me of a not-too-different scene, years ago… 

Tay finally slid to Zac’s side, curling up between us; Zac still clung to him, shaking like mad.

“Fuck,” Tay sighed; Zac nodded and voiced his agreement.

“You two,” I chuckled.

“What about us?” Tay asked, looking over. I smiled, looking at how protectively they held each other.

“You’re cute.”

“Thanks,” Tay said quietly, and Zac nodded; both of them were blushing, and it seemed like they didn’t hold any grudges, but my damn conscience still wasn’t happy.

“Sorry for getting kinda jealous back there,” I said with a sheepish grin. 

“S’okay,” Tay replied with a grin of his own.

“That was just…” Zac paused, his brow furrowing. “Dom space, right?”

“Kid did his homework,” I chuckled; I was a little surprised he understood it so easily.

“He’s smarter than he looks,” Tay giggled; Zac rolled his eyes, giving his brother a shove.

“No eye rolling,” Tay reminded him, shoving back. I wrapped an arm around Tay, curling up to his side; maybe I was still a little jealous, but not in a pissed-off way like before.

“How ya feelin’, babe?” I asked him. He rolled onto his back, and Zac snuggled up to his other side.

“Sore.”

“I’ll bet.” I laughed, and even Zac giggled.

“Oh, now it’s funny?” Tay playfully snapped, glancing at his brother; the kid tried to straighten his face, but ultimately failed. “All worried about me when I was getting whipped, but now it’s funny, huh?” He pouted at Zac, and I had a feeling I knew where the kid had learned his manipulation from.

“Sorry,” Zac frowned, but Tay gave him a smirk.

“S’okay… I can take it.”

“Damn straight you can,” Zac teased, smirking and nudging Tay. They were cute and all, but I deserved some attention too; I turned Tay’s head to face me, and smiled softly. He got the hint, leaning in and giving me a kiss. I let out a happy sigh, stroking his cheek.

“You’re pretty cute too, ya know,” he told me.

“I know,” I answered, grinning. Zac sighed, and Tay glanced back at him.

“You’re cute, too. And I’m sure you know it, too.” They smiled at each other for a second, and I figured I should say something.

“Hey… I know I kinda, freaked out earlier… but you can kiss him.”

“You sure?” Tay asked, eyeing me. Zac looked between us, looking understandably skeptical.

“If he makes you happy, I’m not gonna stop ya.”

Tay smiled at me and gave me a quick kiss, then turned to his brother. I probably wouldn’t ever be one hundred percent okay with it, but I couldn’t say no to those blue eyes, either.

“Hey Zac,” Tay spoke up. “Guess what? I have the hots for you, wanna make out?” I raised an eyebrow; one thing I knew I’d never get used to, was how colossal a dork Tay was. “Well? Do ya?” he giggled.

“No, Tay. That’s gross.” 

Correction. They’re both colossal dorks.

“As gross as my cock in your mouth?” Tay asked, and Zac giggled. “Hm? Or my cock in your ass? Or your cock in mine?”

“Or both our cocks?” I spoke up. That was enough, I guessed; Zac grabbed Tay behind the neck and kissed him. There was something sweet about watching them together; I smiled, stroking Tay’s hair, and he sighed, mimicking the gesture on Zac. He pulled back and kissed Zac’s neck; his brother gasped, giggling.

“Sorry?” Tay chuckled, not sounding the least bit sorry.

“Wasn’t complaining…”

I smirked as I watched Tay lean down, doing god knows what to the poor boy’s neck, but making him whimper and squirm. I almost felt sorry for him… almost.

“Okay, tiger,” I chuckled. “Give the kid a rest.”

“Sorry…” Tay gave Zac one last kiss before rolling over, curling up to my side. Zac and I each wrapped an arm around him, kissing his head; he sighed, and kissed me back.

“Happy babe?”

“Mhm.”

“Good,” I said softly. “Told you I’d take care of you.”

“Mhm… you did.”

“And I’m doin good so far, right?”

“You’re doing great,” he replied, smiling back at me.

“Good.”

“So good to me,” he sighed.

“You know it.” Our tender words were interrupted by a soft snore; Tay glanced over his shoulder and giggled. I looked over, and sure enough, the kid was straight passed out.

“I think we wore him out,” Tay whispered.

“You wanna get outta here for a bit, let the baby rest?” I asked, but Tay frowned.

“You think he’ll be okay if he wakes up alone?” It was a valid point, and I thought for a second.

“Write him a note. Nice little love note,” I added with a smile.

“Good idea.” Tay looked around, then rolled over to grab Zac’s phone from the nightstand. His fingers flew over the keys as he typed up his note, then tucked the phone in Zac’s hand. He ran a hand through his brother’s hair gently, and planted a kiss on his forehead. “There.”

I got up and threw my jeans and shirt back on; Tay winced as he stood, his legs shaking a little.

“Y’alright there, babe?”

“Yeah,” he pouted. “At least, I will be. Probably.”

“You will be,” I assured him, rubbing his back.

“My ass may never be the same though,” he replied with a smirk. “Ugh…” he groaned, wincing as he got dressed.

“A little sore?” I teased.

“Yes.”

“Aww. Poor baby.”

“Yeah, yeah…” 

I watched him finish dressing, then offered him a hand; he blushed as he took it, and I smiled. It was adorable the way the simplest things could get a reaction from him. I loved it. I loved everything about him, I was realizing; I wasn’t used to feeling so deep, and it was a little scary… but in a good way. I hoped my temper didn’t get in the way, but he was still here. Even through all the times I’d doubted him, he was still here, still putting up with me. That had to count for something…


	17. Chapter 17

Oct. 21, 2013. Hilton Suites, Pontiac, MI. 

_**Taylor** _

It was a huge risk to walk down the hotel hallway holding Scott’s hand, but I found that I really didn’t care right then. After everything we had just done, even if he had orchestrated nearly all of it, I just needed to be near him. 

We didn’t let go of each other until we were safely inside my room, just a few doors down from Zac’s. Quietly, but not awkwardly, we undressed and climbed into bed. I curled myself around Scott, unwilling to be even a few inches away from him. He wrapped an arm protectively around me and I sighed happily.

“Have I mentioned how good you are to me?” I asked.

He smiled. “Yeah, but you can always tell me again.”

“Seriously, though,” I replied, trying and failing to stifle my giggles. He could be conceited, but I was starting to find it cute.

“Yeah?” He asked, and there was a hint of surprise there, as though he didn’t truly believe what I said. That conceitedness… it was at least partially an act. I was starting to see that, too.

“Yeah,” I replied. “Seriously. I mean, how many guys would be okay with… with… you know.”

I watched Scott’s smile fall a bit. It was almost imperceptible, but I knew him well enough by this point to see the difference. “Yeah… well, I can’t say I’m in love with the idea. But… I can see how happy he makes you.”

“I didn’t expect you to love it, but I thought…” I trailed off. Even thinking it made my heart ache and my throat clench.

“What?” Scott asked softly.

“I thought you’d… leave me. Or be really freaked out or something. I mean, you probably should be.”

He pulled me closer and rubbed my back soothingly. He gave a soft sigh and said, “I’m not leaving, Tay.”

“I know…” I said, sniffling in spite of myself. It was as much from relief than from any real sadness.

“Hey,” he said, nudging my face upward with a thumb under my chin. “None of that.”

“Okay…” I said, but another sniffle escaped anyway.

“Anyway, who am I to judge?” He asked, his smile finally returning.

“I guess,” I replied. When he looked down, not meeting my eyes anymore, I knew something was up. “Scott?”

“Hm?” He still didn’t look at me.

“It just kinda feels like you’re not telling me something?” 

“Everyone’s got secrets.” He shrugged. “Anyway, it’s ancient history, so it’s not like it really matters.”

“Not even if I wanna know?” I asked. My curiosity aside, Scott was getting worse at hiding his feelings around me, and I could see that whatever he was thinking about wasn’t ancient history. It was something that had been locked up inside him for years and needed to be set free.

He eyed me skeptically, and I tried not to be hurt that he didn’t want to share whatever it was with me. If we were together… if this was really a relationship and not just a convenient arrangement for a Dom and sub… why wouldn’t he trust me with whatever his secret was?

“I mean… if you want to tell me…” I said as lightly and dismissively as I could manage. “It’s okay if you don’t.”

“No, it’s not…” He sighed. “It’s not that I don’t want to.”

He seemed to consider where to start for a moment, his eyes distant. I supposed he was experiencing whatever it was all over again, dredging up memories he’d pushed aside. I had been fairly open with him, since plenty of my history was public knowledge anyway, but I thought I understood how he felt and how reluctant it made him. Finally, he seemed to find a starting point, still not meeting my eyes as he spoke.

“Okay, well… growing up, me and my brothers… we were always pretty close. And you know how it is in families. There’s always a pecking order.”

I nodded slowly. I did understand that; being in a band with two of my brothers had altered the relationship between us, but we were still brothers. I just wasn’t sure what that had to do with what Scott was hiding from me, unless…

He gave a little snort. “How do you think I figured out I’m a Dom?”

I had almost hoped I was wrong, even though I was in no position to judge him. But the way he said it… it was so crass. I didn’t want my… thing… with Zac to be like that. 

“It’s not like… It didn’t start like that,” he said, seeming to backpedal a bit, probably because of what I was sure was a shocked look on my face. “But we spent a lot of time together. And… we ‘bonded’.”

There was that crassness again. I didn’t like it.

“Some of us more than others,” Scott added, smirking. Sensing my confusion, he added, “Well, you haven’t followed ‘em, so you wouldn’t know, but the twins? Clint and Bob? Inseparable.”  
Not knowing what else to say, unable to process everything else he had said, I replied, “I think one of them came to a concert a few years ago. Didn’t meet him, though.”

“That was Bob,” Scott said, nodding. “He was a little--how should I put this--bitter. Nothing against you personally, just the fact that you stuck together for so long.”

“Well, it hasn’t been easy,” I replied, trying not to be too offended. Scott and his brothers’ misconceptions about my supposedly perfect life were so unimportant right then.

“I know, baby,” Scott said, finally looking at me, a sincere look on his face.

“So… the twins…?” I asked, unable to avoid the elephant in the room any longer.

He nodded. “But back in the day, we all had our fun.”

And there it was. The sincerity was gone, replaced by the crassness that I expected from Scott. Under other circumstances, I would have wondered if that wasn’t a defense mechanism, but right then, I was too shocked to say or even think much of anything.

With a chuckle and a smile, Scott continued, “I remember some nights, we’d sneak a bottle of booze from the liquor cabinet and get shitfaced, and spend the whole night messing around.”

“Oh,” was the only response I could manage, and even that came out more like a squeak than a word.

“Taking turns with each other… sometimes sharing…” Scott continued, lowering his voice. I just squeaked again. Scott scooted closer to me, a hand on my thigh. “Now Dave… Dave loved to play the community bitch. Should’ve taken that as a sign, I guess. No straight guy I know loves being on his knees _that_ much.”

I was trembling all over, unsure if Scott was trying to shock me or turn me on… or both. I didn’t know what to think of anything he had said. My confusion only grew when he gave another soft chuckle, then leaned in and kissed my neck gently.  
“Good times,” he breathed out. 

“And y-you… you said _I_ was a twisted little fuck?” 

“Takes one to know one.” Scott smirked.

“Apparently,” I mumbled.

Scott responded by nipping at my ear. I wasn’t sure if he was trying to distract me, if he thought I was turned on by his story or if _he_ was turned on by it. Even if I had been turned on--and I might have been if he had shared it with me under any other circumstances or in any other way--I was too spent to do anything more.

I gave a little whimper, which caused Scott to pull back. Looking him in the eyes, I said, “Just for the record, I’m not fucking my other brothers.”

“Okay,” he said, chuckling. “Just the one, then?”

I nodded. “I think that’s enough for me.”

“Between him and me,” Scott corrected, and I nodded. “I’m glad you’re happy, Tay.”

I smiled, because in spite of any strange and shocking confessions Scott might have made, I _was_ happy. “I am… happier than I’ve been in a long time.”

“Good,” he replied, stroking my hair lightly. “You deserve it.”

“And I’m… I’m sorry for making you jealous when I kissed Zac…” I knew that bringing that up might have ruined the moment, but it needed to be said.

“It’s okay, Taylor,” Scott replied, but the way he sighed told me that it wasn’t really.

“That was, umm…” I began, sheepishly, “the first time I’d kissed him.”

“Oh.” Scott’s eyes widened. “Shit. I’m sorry.”

I shook my head. I hadn’t meant to make him feel bad; I just thought he ought to know. “S’okay. I think I made up for it later.”

“Looked like it,” he replied, a genuine smile on his face.

I nuzzled Scott’s neck and sighed happily. Maybe everything was okay. Maybe this arrangement between the three of us would work. Maybe I could help Scott with his issues, too… somehow. With that thought in mind, I decided it was probably time to share some things with him… things that I hadn’t given much thought to until lately, things I’d tried to ignore when they were happening.

“You wanna know something?” I asked, eying Scott nervously. “About how I realized I’m a sub?”

“Sure, babe.”

“Well, Zac and I used to fight a lot. Never like… serious fights, but they would get pretty physical. And he got big and strong _fast_ when we were teenagers.”

Scott nodded and smirked, and I wondered if he had figured out where I was going with this.

“And umm…” I felt myself blushing. “I kinda didn’t mind so much when he got strong enough to actually win the fights. So I’d start… like, picking fights with him.”

“Twisted. Little. Fuck.” Scott raised an eyebrow, as if he were daring me to debate what he said.

“It wasn’t like… sexual. I just wanted him to slap me around a little bit.”

“Do you hear yourself?” He asked, his eyebrow reaching new heights.  
“Yeah.” I sighed.

“And you don’t think that sounds just a little twisted?”

“Well, he’s wanted me since he was thirteen, so…” I huffed out, then paused. “He probably didn’t want me to tell you that.”

Scott chuckled. “Your secret’s safe with me, babe.”

“I know…” I replied. “I never knew, though. Didn’t have a clue he felt that way.”

“Yeah…” Scott replied, a faraway look in his eyes, and I wondered if he was thinking about his own brothers again.

“I dunno… I dunno what I would have done if he’d told me before now.” I stopped to think about that and giggled. “Well, I probably woulda picked a fight with him.”

Scott snorted. “And lost on purpose?” 

“Yes,” I deadpanned.

“Okay, so when did it become sexual?” He asked. “Like, when did you associated pain with sexual pleasure?”

That was a good question. I had never truly understood why I enjoyed fighting with Zac. I wasn’t the manliest guy in the world, but I knew it was normal for guys to fight, so I didn’t give it that much thought, at least not until it became clear that I liked _losing_ those fights. When I realized pain could be sexual, though... that was a slightly different story, and one that I had told Scott already, though I had glossed over a lot of the details then.

I took a deep breath. “I guess… umm, I kinda started to get the idea that it was a sexual thing too when I was maybe seventeen or eighteen. But I didn’t know for sure until… umm, my first boyfriend.”  
“Tell me about him.”

****

_**Scott** _

Tay sighed, and looked away; I could practically see his flimsy walls caving. I didn’t want to make him relive anything painful, but at the same time, I knew better than most how toxic some memories could be if bottled up.

“I met him… out in LA, when we were working on our third album.”

“Musician?” I asked, and he nodded. “What was his name?”

“Alex Greenwald. He was, um… a little older.”

“How much?” I asked with a smirk. I didn’t picture Tay going after the older guys, but he’d surprised me before.

“Well I was 18, and he was… 22,” Tay finished after thinking for a moment.

“That’s not that bad,” I shrugged, a little disappointed at his tame answer.

“Yeah, I guess not. It seemed like a big deal back then, though. And you know, also the fact that he was a _he_ ”, Tay added with a smirk that I copied. “I don’t even remember where we met… some party… and I kept seeing him everywhere. We’d go to shows together, and I went to a couple of his band’s shows.”

“Who’s his band?”

“Phantom Planet,” Tay sighed. The name sounded vaguely familiar, but not enough to put a face to the name. “Well, that was his band back then, anyway.”

“So what happened?”

“I didn’t really even realize what was happening at first, you know? Not until we were at this party after one of his shows, and he got me alone… Anyway, one thing lead to another, and we were… kinda dating, I guess. It was complicated.”

“Complicated how?” It sounded pretty simple to me. Pretty nice, actually; the way a relationship is supposed to start. It made me think about me and Tay for a moment, and it left me with a vaguely unpleasant feeling of guilt. 

“Well, I had a girlfriend. Umm… or two.”

I blinked; once again, he’d surprised me. He definitely didn’t seem like the player type.

“The one was just… just a tour thing, I thought. We fooled around and I didn’t really realize how much she… felt. Not until we got together again to record some songs.”

“Yeah… been there.” I winced, remembering a similar situation I’d been in. To say it ended badly was a hell of an understatement. 

“And the other one, well… I met her on tour, too. But she was more of a, um… groupie.”

“Whore,” I snorted, smirking.

“N-not really… she was kinda sweet and innocent, really.”

“I meant you,” I corrected, rolling my eyes. He pouted, but I knew I had him on this one. “Juggling three relationships at once?”

“Yeah, well,” he said dismissively, rolling his eyes back at me; I decided to let that one slide. “I did a great job of juggling them,” he went on with a sarcastic tone. “I mean, I tried to let Michelle down gently… Honestly, it was never… I thought it was just sex with her. And we parted ways again after we laid down a few tracks. We’re actually kinda friends now,” he added with a smile.

“Michelle? Like, Michelle Branch?” I asked, and Tay nodded. “So it is true then,” I chuckled. “Did she really write all those songs about you?”

“Yeah,” he sighed. “The whole album, actually.”

“Youch.”

“She even sent me a signed advance copy.”

“Double youch,” I laughed.

“But like I said, we’re friends. She’s married with a kid now.”

“Oh yeah? Well that’s good.”

“It didn’t end so well with Alex...” Taylor continued.

“Well I know the groupie got knocked up,” I interjected, and Tay nodded. “So how’d it go down?”

“You’ve been doing your research on me, huh?” Tay teased.

“A little,” I replied with a shrug; when we’d first started… dating? Being together? I hadn’t really thought about what to call it yet… But when we’d first started… whatever, I’d browsed the fan sites and gotten up to speed on all the gossip. Most of it was probably b.s., but apparently not all of it.

“Well um… Things were getting more serious with Alex, and basically all his friends knew we were together. We never really told them, but they knew. Natalie was back in Georgia, still in high school.”

“Jailbait?” my eyes went wide; so he definitely had more of a bad boy streak than he let on.

“She was about to graduate.”

“Was she eighteen?”

“When she got pregnant? Yes. Barely…” he added under his breath, but I heard it, and snorted. “Um, so she and I had kinda broken up… I mean, it had been on again, off again for a while. She didn’t like all my ‘California friends’,” he explained, complete with air quotes. “If she only knew…”

“Yeah,” I chuckled. I had a feeling Natalie would just _love_ to meet me.

“And Alex was talking about, you know, going public. Telling everyone. It… kinda freaked me out. And then Nat was begging me to take her back so… so I flew out to see her, and the rest is history.”

I nodded sadly; I couldn’t even imagine how that must’ve felt, being pulled in two directions like that. My heart hurt for him, and part of me wished he’d never had to go through that; but I reminded myself that if he hadn’t, he wouldn’t be with me now.

“Anyway, um...” Tay went on, sniffling a bit. “So Alex kinda liked it rough. But not like… not like us. We just sorta played around. And obviously, I broke up with him after I… proposed to Natalie.”

“Baby,” I said softly.

“Yeah?” He looked up at me, his eyes wet, and I could see, hell I could _feel_ the pain he was trying to hold back.

“You really loved him, huh?”

Tay sniffled again, then nodded. I pulled him close and rubbed his back; I felt a tiny twinge of jealousy, but it was shadowed by the need to protect him. I hadn’t felt that way in a long time, and it hurt, but in a good way… like a too-tight hug, painful and comforting all at once.

“D-don’t think he ever wrote any songs about me, though,” Tay said quietly. “Hell, I’ve only seen him a couple times since then. We sorta hooked up again when me and Nat were going through a… a rough patch…”

I sucked in a breath; hooking up with an ex worked out approximately _zero_ percent of the time. “How’d that go?”

“Fantastic,” he spat. “Found out I was gonna be a dad again.”

“Babe,” I chuckled sadly. 

“Alex dropped me like a rock that time,” he sighed; I held him a little tighter. “And I didn’t see him again until about two years ago.”

“And?”

“It was just at some festival we were both playing,” Tay shrugged. “We didn’t get a chance to really talk or anything. I mean,” he snorted, “we had time to fuck.”

“Glutton for punishment much?” I laughed, and Tay gave a sad smirk.

“You could say that. I was such an idiot though. Took a picture of us afterward and put it up on the website. I mean, we were fully dressed and everything, but still. That got the gossip flying.”

“Oh, baby,” I laughed. “It’s a good thing you’re cute.” It was probably wrong to tease him, but he’d honestly made some pretty dumb mistakes… not that I was one to judge. He scowled at me, and I gave him a soft kiss.

“I still don’t think Natalie really knows the truth about me and Alex, though. He’s just one of my ‘California friends.’ Code for ‘those people you used to do drugs with’.”

At that, my eyes shot open. Dumb relationship mistakes were one thing, but…

“I mean, um…” he stammered, glanced away.

“Taylor.”

“Y-yeah?”

“Explain. Now.”

“I… um…” His face paled as he started to answer, and I really hoped it wasn’t as bad as I was imagining. “What, didn’t any of your research include the part where I’m apparently a huge coke whore? I mean, I’m not,” he quickly added, but his words were already putting me on red alert. I sat up to stare at him.

“But,” he went on nervously. “Well, there may have, once upon a time, been a little truth to that rumor…”

I stared at him, feeling my blood boiling. He frowned, cowering a little, and he had good reason; I hadn’t been this upset when I’d thought he’d blown me off, either time. Of all the surprises he’d thrown my way, this was by far the one I’d expected, and wanted, least.

“The fuck, Tay?! You’re smarter than that,” I snapped angrily.

“I know, okay?” he sighed; I could almost hear an eye roll in there, but luckily for him he held it back.

“Do you still do it?”

“No,” he answered, his eyes going wide as if he was surprised by the question.

“When’s the last time?”

He hesitated, and I tightened my fists; I almost didn’t want to know, because the answer might’ve been enough to make me get up and walk away. That was the last thing I wanted to do, but even a washed-up dead-beat like me had standards.

“2006,” he finally replied, and I let out a relieved breath. I still hated the idea of him doing it at all, but at least he’d been clean for a while.

“You’re not going anywhere near that shit, ever again. You got me? That’s a deal-breaker.”

He nodded, trembling a bit; I ran a hand through my hair, trying to calm my nerves. On the one hand, I hated making him react that way… outside of scenes, at least. But this time I felt completely justified. 

The one time I’d ever tried it, it had ended almost as badly as it possibly could have. The guy I’d done it with… Well, for him, it had just… ended. Everything.

“That was it, right?” I asked.

“Well, I mean, I’ve smoked pot. It’s not like, a regular thing.”

“That’s no big deal; I’ve smoked now and then too.”

“Pot’s more Zac’s thing than mine. But that’s it, just the weed… and the coke.”

“Yeah, well it’s just the weed from now on.”

“I know,” he replied, nodding. “After I had to deal with this whole deviated septum thing it kinda made me reconsider the other habit.”

“Kinda hard to snort blow when your nose is already fucked up, right?” I remarked with a sneer.

“Yeah, something like that. I mean, it was obvious that was why my nose was fucked up, so even after I got the surgery… what was the point of just doing the same thing that fucked it up in the first place?”

I nodded, settling back down and putting an arm around Tay. I pulled him closer, letting out a breath. I was mostly calmed down, but the whole conversation had me shaken up, and it had really put things into perspective. I’d been trying not to focus too much on me and Tay’s relationship… what to call it, what kind of future we might have. But now I was having a hell of time not thinking long-term.

“Don’t wanna lose you, baby,” I said softly. 

“I know, I know,” he replied, cuddling up against me. “And it was never that bad, but I know it could have been. I was lucky I could just quit like that.”

“Damn right you are. You know what could’ve happened, right?” Again I thought about my… friend… and a chill ran down my spine.

“I know. I do. I’m not trying to just brush it off or anything.”

“Okay. Good.” I looked down at him, giving him a stare I hoped he understood. “I mean it. I don’t wanna lose you.”

He stared back up at me, surprised, almost in disbelief.

“This got really serious all of a sudden, didn’t it?” He asked quietly. “This… conversation, I mean,” he added, but we both know what he really meant.

“Is that a problem?” I shrugged.

“No, no it’s not… Guess I’m just used to you being all smirks and stuff. Or in Dom mode. Not… whatever this is.”

I looked down; I’d never been the best at showing how I feel. Hell, I wasn’t all that good at _feeling_. I’d never really thought of it as much of a problem; deep down, I knew it had been the cause of at least a few failed relationships, but I always found a way to lay the blame elsewhere. But with Taylor, I didn’t want to do that.

“I know… I don’t get emotional for just anyone. It’s been a long time since I’ve had someone worth getting emotional over.” I looked back up at Tay; he reached out, his hand trembling just a bit, and touched my cheek.

“And I’m not… trying to make light of that or anything. I guess it’s just a little overwhelming, how fast this has all happened. But it feels right.”

“It really does.” I smiled, leaning into his touch. “I don’t commit to someone unless I’m in it for the long haul. So I hope you understand what this,” I paused to tug on the lock that hung around Tay’s neck, “means for me.”

“I know,” he answered, nodding. “And I know I tend to jump into relationships quickly, but… this one is different. I know it is, and you know it is, and that’s all that matters.”

I smiled, leaning down to nip at his ear. My chest felt tight but in the best way. I could practically feel the words clawing their way out of me, and terrifying as it was, I wanted to say them. It was time.

“I love you, Taylor Hanson.” I hoped the teasing tone hid just how fucking scared I was, but as I looked at him, I had a feeling my eyes gave me a way. He let out an adorable whimper, his eyelashes fluttering a bit before he met my gaze.

“I… I love you, too, Scott Moffatt.”

Of all the amazing things I’d experienced in my life… playing sold-out shows, seeing the world, even the chemical high I’d been dumb enough to indulge in… all of that paled in comparison to the feeling that took over when I heard those words. Even hearing them from other people hadn’t left me feeling this euphoric. And that was a little terrifying, but that’s why I trusted it. 

Love’s not supposed to be totally comfortable; if it doesn’t scare the hell out of you, it’s probably just a crush. And maybe this had started out as a crush… but that was past. I loved him; I was ridiculously, pathetically in love with Taylor Fucking Hanson. I grinned, kissing him gently. For the first time in longer than I could remember, I couldn’t think of a single thing in


	18. Chapter 18

Oct. 21, 2013. Tour bus on I-75 South. 

**_Zac_ **

After the Scott… thing… things between Tay and me got better. Awkward, and still kind of tense, but it was a good tension now. Scott took off in the morning, and Tay and I got back on the bus, and the mood felt something almost like normal, for the first time since the tour started. I still didn’t totally get Tay’s relationship with Scott, but at least I had a bit better understanding of it. He made Tay happy; that was obvious enough, and that was all that really mattered to me.

I looked up as Tay came into the back room and sat next to me; I caught the slight wince, and smirked.

“Still a little sore?” I teased. He nodded, pouting adorably.

“S’not funny.”

“I’m sorry. Is there anything I can do?” I realized how sarcastic my comment had come out, even though it wasn’t intended that way.

“Well, you can’t unfuck my ass.” He threw me a smirk, and I rolled my eyes. Sometimes he could be almost as much of a smartass as me.

“Not like you were complaining.”

“Nope. Not at all.” He shifted in his seat and winced again; I giggled before I could stop myself.

“Hush,” he scolded, but I just stuck my tongue out at him. “If I weren’t comfortable, I’d get up and bite that thing off.” His threat just made me laugh more, but he leaned over and flicked my nose.

“Hey!” It hadn’t really hurt, but I scrunched my nose at the weird tickle it caused. He giggled and did it again; I answered back with a growl, which made him shiver. I smirked impishly and set my controller aside. “You like that, huh?”

“Apparently.”

I leaned closer, arching an eyebrow and growling again, low enough to feel it in my chest. Tay trembled, and gave me a soft nudge; I wasn’t sure if it was supposed to _dis_ courage or _en_ courage, but he’d started something, and I wasn’t planning on stopping just yet.

“Someone’s feeling a little frisky today.” He pouted as he spoke, but it didn’t look totally sincere to me.

“maybe.”

“Aren’t you tired?” he asked, looking almost hopeful. “A little sore?” 

It was a good question; logically, I should’ve been in almost as much pain as Tay. It’d been a while since I’d last used my toy, and Scott hadn’t exactly gone easy on me. I felt just fine though; okay, maybe there was a little discomfort, but the emotional high I was on made it easy to ignore. I didn’t want to tell him all that, though, so I just shrugged. 

“Why am I not surprised that you have the endurance of a teenager,” he deadpanned, rolling his eyes.

“Jealous?” I giggled as Tay huffed, crossing his arms and looking away. “Such a baby…” I tugged his ear, and he yelped.

“Zac! Meanie. Play nice, I can’t punish you right now.”

“I know,” I chuckled. His eyes narrowed, and I could practically see the gears turning.

“That’s why you’re being this way. You bastard,” he cursed when I gave him my best innocent smile. I laughed; it hadn’t been my intention from the start, but the thought had crossed my mind. He gave a tiny growl, and I blinked, giggling a bit.

“What’s so funny?”

“You.”

“What about me?”

“You’re not very intimidating, you know… ‘Bout as scary as a toy poodle,” I snorted.

“Yeah, well...” Tay huffed, scowling. “You’re not as scary as you think you are, either.”

That was news to me. I raised an eyebrow, calling his bluff, but he just smirked.

“Didn’t look very scary all tied up on the floor.”

I felt myself blush; I’d been hoping he wouldn’t bring that up, but I supposed I’d earned it.

“Didn’t look very scary with my cock in your mouth, either,” he went on, lowering his voice. I blushed harder, looking down. “Or Scott’s cock in your ass…”

I bit my lip hard. The memory of being dominated by Scott left me with all kinds of conflicting feelings, more of them good than not. I wasn’t interested in Scott in any kind of emotional sense; I could see how his relationship with Tay worked, but I had a feeling if I was in my brother’s position, I’d spend all our time wanting to deck the smug bastard. Physically, however… He wasn’t exactly my type, but I wasn’t exactly complaining, either. I wondered what it would be like to have him punish me, really _punish_ , like he did to Taylor, not just tease like he did me. 

“No biting,” Tay reminded me, running a finger along my lip; I nipped at him and he jumped back. I giggled, but he retaliated by flicking my ear. I flinched, sneering.

“Be nice,” he warned, but I just smirked.

“Or what?” All thoughts of the Canadian aside, he wasn’t the one I really wanted.

“I think it would be more effective to threaten _not_ to punish you,” Taylor said, rolling his eyes. I blinked, surprised at his logical insight. “Well, you like the punishment so much… clearly you’re just trying to earn more of it.”

“Maybe,” I mumbled, smiling sheepishly.

“Well, that’s just not gonna work. You’re kinda tricky,” he mused, tilting his head to think. “I’m just gonna have to find some other punishments for you.”

“Like what?” I smiled a bit, genuinely curious what he’d come up with.

“I’m thinking. Be patient.” After a minute, he smirked. “Well, you remember what Scott said about how often you’re allowed to jerk off?”

“Y-yeah?” My smile fell as I remembered the limit I’d been given. If Tay didn’t give me what I wanted soon, I was going to have to break that rule pretty quick.

“I like that. That’s a good rule for you. But I’m not sure it’s enough.”

My eyes widened; just how strict was he going to be?

“See, I don’t think you’ve been good enough to deserve any toys… Where is it?” he demanded. I blushed hard. I didn’t think he’d take _that_ away, but I probably should have expected it. “Zac,” he urged.

“D-duffel bag,” I answered quietly. “Under my bunk.” 

He nodded, standing up. “I’ll be right back.”

“But…” He was going to get it _now_?

“But what?”

“Nothing,” I sighed, setting my jaw. “Not like I use it that much,” I mumbled, but apparently not quietly enough.

“Well now you won’t be using it at all. Unless I say.” With a self-assured smirk he walked out of the room. I sighed, pouting as I waited for him to return. I really didn’t care that much; now that I’d had the real thing, nothing would compare. 

I looked around aimlessly, letting my thoughts wander. Where did Tay and I stand now? So much had happened, even beyond the sex. 

I remembered lying next to Taylor in the afterglow. The way he’d held me, asking if I was alright, whispering comforting words. The way he’d teasingly thrown my words back at me. And when he’d kissed me… maybe I’d been delusional, or just projecting my own feelings, but I could have sworn I’d sensed… something. I didn’t want to put too much thought into it, though; even if I was right, he had a wife _and_ a boyfriend.

He came back a few minutes later; I stowed the emotional thoughts as he sat next to me. 

“There. And you better not go looking for it.”

“Is that it?” I smirked. I knew I was asking for trouble, but we both knew what a glutton for punishment I was, literally, so why not?

“For now,” Tay answered with a shrug.

“Okay,” I snorted. 

“Hey, I’m new at this and you are not an easy sub to start with, okay?” Tay pouted, and I just smirked more. “Little bitch,” he huffed, crossing his arms. He glared at me when I chuckled, and I tried to look contrite.

“Sorry…”

“Yeah, I can tell you are.”

“So how’s Scotty?” I asked, rolling my eyes. I didn’t want to bring him up, but Tay’s face softened a little, and that’d been the point.

“He’s good… really good. Just don’t call him Scotty, apparently.”

“You know I’m gonna,” I snorted.

“Yeah well, have fun taking the punishment for it.”

I grinned, and Tay huffed again. I still wasn’t as big a Scotty fanboy as Tay, but he definitely knew what he was doing, I had to give him that.

“Guess it was more fun for you, though. You weren’t the one getting your dick bitten.”

“Yeah… sorry bout that. Reflex.” I still remembered the panic I’d felt when I’d heard Tay’s painful cry.

“Yeah, I know. You didn’t do half bad, though, besides that.”

“Yeah?” I smiled proudly.

“Mhm. If I didn’t know better, I’d think you had been practicing…”

I blushed, giggling a bit. Tay had been the first guy I’d ever given head to, technically…

“...You haven’t, have you?” He asked, but I just shrugged. “Zac”

“I might’ve… tried it… on one of my toys,” I said, looking down. “Just to see what it felt like.”

“Oh… okay.” Tay’s eyes widened a bit; I wondered if he was picturing it.

“Not the big one,” I clarified, but he giggled.

“With that mouth? You could take it. Hell, you deep-throated me like it was nothing.”

I felt my cheeks flush at the memory of it, the way he’d tasted; it was nothing like I’d imagined, soft, warm flesh instead of tasteless unyielding plastic. He nudged me, with a shy hint of a smirk.

“I definitely wasn’t that good my first time,” he admitted.

“No?” I tried not to wonder who he’d gone down on, even though I had a pretty good idea.

“Nope. Gag reflex. I got better, but it took practice.”

“Huh,” I mused, tilting my head. “Guess I don’t have one.”

“Lucky bitch,” Tay teased, and I smirked back at him.

“Well you’re the one that gets the benefit,” I reminded him, making him grin.

“True…”

I looked up and down his body briefly, my mind filled with images from the night before, and possible future activities. He raised an eyebrow, and I smirked shyly; it felt so strange to be able to look at him openly, after having to hide it for so long.

“See something ya like, Zaccy?” he teased.

“Maybe.”

“Not right now,” he groaned, rolling his eyes. “Gimme a little more time to recover, please.”

“Aw,” I cooed, giggling. “Wittle Tay too sore to come out and play?”

“ _Wittle Tay_?” he echoed, staring skeptically at me, but I ignored it, placing a hand on his thigh.

“Besides, I thought it was your ass that was sore.”

“Yeah, well, the rest of me is tired too,” he whined, pouting. 

I rubbed his leg slowly and leaned closer, lowering my voice. “You sure? I could make you feel better…”

“Right here? Back of the bus where anyone could walk in?”

“The door’s got a lock, doesn’t it?” I answered with a shrug. Yeah it was risky, but my head was swimming with the thought of being able to touch him again. 

“Aww, you don’t wanna leave it unlocked? Not as kinky as I thought you were…” He was probably kidding, but he should have known not to challenge me. 

“Fine,” I said simply, before dropping to my knees in front of him and kissing his neck.

“Well, okay then,” he gasped.

I felt him trembling, but I was on a mission. My fingers tore at the buttons on his shirt, and I covered each newly-exposed inch of skin with lips and teeth. I heard him gasp, and moan something that might’ve been my name; I bit down on one of his nipples and glanced up, relishing the meek whimper the action drew from him.

I wasn’t stopping there though; I kept moving lower, unzipping his jeans and tugging them down. I could feel the heat of his erection even before I saw it. When I did look down my mouth watered instantly; I looked up into his eyes, as dark with need as I was sure mine were.

“Already hard for me, hm?” It was a rhetorical question; I had a feeling he’d been aching for me since he’d entered the room, if not before. And the feeling was definitely mutual. I wanted to pounce on him, to take him in every way, but I also wanted to savor the moment. I still wasn’t entirely sure this wasn’t some hallucination caused by a batch of laced weed; even if it wasn’t, I had no idea how many chances like this I’d get. I had to treat every time with him like it could be our last.

****

**_Taylor_ **

All I could do was whimper pathetically and nod. 

Zac could veer so wildly from one end of the spectrum to the other--from sweet and innocent to the most depraved, sensual being I’d ever seen. Right then, he was on the latter end of the spectrum, his tongue swirling teasingly around the head of my dick before he dove onto it completely.

“Fuck, Zac!” I cried out, my hips bucking up off the couch. 

Zac moaned, sending pleasing vibrations through my body, and bobbed his head up and down quickly. His enthusiasm made it all the more enjoyable; it was fun to shame him, but it was a different sort of fun to see my brother come out of his sexual shell. And that, I supposed, was proof that I really was going to hell. 

“Suck it, Zac,” I groaned. Yep. Definitely going to hell.

He whimpered a little, but nodded; I wasn’t fully in Dom mode--if I even had such a thing--but Zac obviously understood that I had given him an order. See him on his knees did things to me, though. I wasn’t sure what Dom space felt like, but I thought I might have been drifting closer to it.

“Such a good little cocksucker,” I mumbled. When Zac stared up at me, seeming perhaps a little unsure of himself, I ran my fingers through his hair and gave him a smile. Lowering my voice a bit, I added, “Come on. Show me what you got.”

He obliged, taking me a little farther into his mouth, his tongue twisting and curling around me in a way that had me nearly screaming. I forced myself to bite back most of the obscenities I wanted to shout, knowing we couldn’t draw that much attention to ourselves. I couldn’t keep my hips from bucking up toward him, though. He pushed further and further until he was deepthroating me, and I watched his hand creep down to grip his own dick through his jeans.

I placed my hand firmly on his shoulder. “Did I say you could touch yourself?”

Zac’s eyes widened and he whimpered, but he didn’t say a word. At least he wasn’t arguing.

“Get me off first,” I said, giving him a little smirk, “and then I’ll see how I feel.”

He pouted a bit as he drew his hand back, but still, he wasn’t arguing. That was a victory for me. 

“Good boy,” I said, the words trailing off into a groan as he sucked harder. When his fingers brushed against my balls, my tone turned serious again. “That better be as far as you plan on going with that hand.”

He paused, seeming to contemplate what I had said, and for a moment I thought he would object. Finally, he nodded.

“Good,” I replied, grabbing a fistful of his hair. “Now fucking suck.”

The night before, I had been shocked at how good Zac was at giving head. It was, strangely, one of the things that surprised me most about the entire sordid scene. I didn’t think I would ever tire of seeing the depraved lengths my brother would go to, and right then, I was happy to take advantage of that depravity. As he continued to suck my dick for all he was worth, I could do little more than moan out words of encouragement.

“So close already…” My head fell back against the leather couch and I moaned loudly, past the point of caring if anyone heard.

Zac licked eagerly, his tongue lapping at my slit; I moaned his name loudly in response. I felt his tongue curling around the tip of my dick and once again I had to marvel at his natural skill. Shamelessly, I moaned out, “Zac… gonna come. You better swallow it all.”

He mumbled something that sounded affirmative, his hand reaching up to wrapped around the base of my dick and jerk what wasn’t in his mouth. My hips bucked up involuntarily as he sucked harder than before.

“Here it comes,” I warned him, the words trailing off into a groan.

He stared up at me, eyes wide and full of some emotion I couldn’t place, and that was all it took to push me the rest of the way over the edge. My hips bucked up again, pushing me further into his mouth, and my head fell back against the couch. A violent shudder ran through my body as Zac eagerly lapped up every drop I had to offer. He stayed in place, diligently cleaning up the mess he’d made.

“Fuck,” I said, panting too hard to say much more. “Good boy.”

Zac just smiled up at me and licked his lips.

“Damn…” I breathed out.

Zac climbed onto the couch and curled up beside me. “Was that good?”

With what little energy and motor skill I had left, I tucked myself back into my jeans. Wrapping one arm around Zac reassuringly, I replied, “Mhm. So good, Zac.”

“Good enough to earn a treat?” He asked, laying his head against my shoulder.

“Hmm…” I said thoughtfully, as though I really needed to consider it. “I think so.”

Zac grinned up at me, and without the context of our conversation, he would have looked so innocent. But he was anything but, and I was slowly learning that.

“Want me to show you how it’s really done?” I asked, smirking.

Zac raised an eyebrow. “Thought you said I was good.”

“You are, baby,” I replied, giggling. “It was a joke.”

“I like it when you call me that,” he said softly, a tiny smile playing at the corner of his lips.

“Yeah?” I asked. 

Zac just nodded and leaned against me. I held him tightly against my side, but inside a part of me was panicking over how emotional this was getting. I honestly couldn’t say how deep my feelings for Zac ran; he was my brother, of course I loved him. But did I _love_ him? Did he love me? Signs were pointing to yes for the latter question, and it scared me. I had to lighten the mood somehow, push things firmly back into the sexual category, because somehow that was better than emotional.

Leaning in closer to Zac, I lowered my voice and asked, “You want me to suck your cock, baby?”

He shivered and nodded, and that was a good enough answer for me. I nudged him out of my lap so that I could slide into the floor in front of him. He was still trembling, but there was a smile on his face, and that gave me the courage to continue. 

I positioned myself right between his legs and ran my hands up and down his thighs, feeling how strong they were, the muscles in them straining against his jeans. When had my baby brother gotten so muscular? I supposed that was the least surprising of the changes I had noticed in him recently. Still smiling, Zac reached down and ran a hand through my hair. Reveling in the feeling of such a simple gesture, I unbuttoned and unzipped Zac’s jeans and shoved them down his thighs just far enough to reveal the bulge in his tight black boxer briefs. I rubbed it lightly, just enough to make Zac moan and rock his hips up toward my hand.

That was the last little bit of encouragement that I needed. I pulled Zac’s dick out of the slit in his briefs and stared directly up into his eyes as I swirled my tongue just around the head. 

“Tay…” he whimpered, his hips just barely bucking--more of a twitch, really--upward. 

I smirked. “Yeah, baby?”

“Just… good,” Zac replied, smiling contentedly. 

“Yeah, I know I am,” I shot back, still smirking.

Zac rolled his eyes, and I knew I deserved that, because it really was such a cheesy comment to make. While he was distracted, I slid all the way down onto his length until he nearly bumped against the back of my throat. My eyes were trained on his as I bobbed my head up and down, building up a rhythm that made him gasp and tangle a hand deeply into my hair.

I whimpered at the feeling of him tugging on my hair, but it spurred me on, and I bobbed my head faster, hollowing my cheeks as I sucked harder. Zac only tugged harder on my hair, and I dug my fingernails into his thighs to try to gain some sort of purchase. Evidently, Zac didn’t approve of that--or perhaps he did--because he shoved my head down and thrust his hips upward at the same time. I had no choice but to go along with the pace he set and relax my jaw to take him as deeply as possible. 

But I couldn’t be totally compliant; he had to remember which of us was the Dom here. Even as he tangled both hands in my hair and thrust deeply, I drug my teeth along his length. I had expected some sort of protest, but was instead met with a moan. He arched his back off the couch and I suspected that he had in fact enjoyed it. 

Of _course_ he had.

Just to test the waters, I scraped my teeth down his length again, this time with a little more force. 

“Fuck…” Zac moaned out.

I pulled back, which wasn’t easy with the grip he had on my hair, and quickly replaced my mouth with my hand. “Yeah, you like that?”

“Y-yes…” He nodded.

I rewarded his quick affirmative answer with a grin, then leaned down and flicked my tongue against his slit, licking up the wetness that was already accumulating there, further proof of just how much he was enjoying this.

And since he was enjoying it so much, why deny him? I sucked him back into my mouth, shamelessly deepthroating him. I stared right up at him, because I was past the point of trying to forget that I was doing all of this with my brother. Looking at him, forcing him to keep my gaze, made it even more intense. 

I dug my fingernails into his thighs again, both to steady myself and because I knew he would like it, and sure enough, he was soon begging for more. I raised an eyebrow at that, and he pouted adorably. The blush on his face was cute, but I knew it was betraying the fact that he was still somewhat ashamed to ask for what he wanted. Still, I couldn’t give in so easily.

“More what?” I asked.

“Just… m-more…” He pouted.

I flicked my tongue at his slit. “That’s kind of vague…”

“What you were doing,” he whimpered, and I could feel him beginning to come undone.

“I was doing a lot of things,” I murmured, then drug my tongue slowly down his length.

“Your nails… and teeth…” He gasped out, his eyes fluttering shut.

Satisfied with that answer, and not sure that he could take much more teasing anyway, I took him back into my mouth fully and drug my teeth down his length as I did so.

“Yes… please…” He moaned out. Softly, he added, “Make it hurt.”

Although his need scared me, I couldn’t deny him. I scraped my teeth along his length and dug my fingernails into his bare thighs so hard that I was sure he would have marks for days. Zac was practically writhing beneath me, his back arching and his hands clawing at the leather of the couch. I dug my nails even harder into his thighs, mostly just to try to hold him in place. He cried out and I watched a tear fall from his eye and trail down his cheek.

He held my head in place with one shaking hand and tried to muffle his own cries with the other as he came in my mouth. I stayed firmly in place until I had swallowed every drop and he had collapsed limply back against the couch.

As I carefully tucked Zac back into his underwear and climbed back onto the couch, I realized that he was genuinely crying. His body was only barely trembling, but his tears were falling freely. 

“Baby?” I asked, curling up beside him.

Without a word, he clung to me, sobbing against my chest. Whatever was wrong, I was sure it was my fault, so I just held him tightly and let him cry. He clung to fistfuls of my shirt as his tears flowed and I wished desperately that I knew how to fix this for him.

“It’s okay, baby,” I murmured, rubbing his back. I was sure it wasn’t, but I didn’t know what else to say.

After a moment, his tears seemed to subside. I ran my fingers through his hair, trying to calm the tremors that were still running through his body. 

Sniffling and not meeting my eyes, he mumbled, “Sorry.”

“No, Zac,” I said. “It’s okay. I know; it’s intense. I just want to make sure you’re okay.”

He nodded. “You’re too good to me.”

“Well, I gotta take care of you,” I replied, giving him a smile. “It’s in the job description. Gotta take care of my baby brother.”

Zac’s weak smile faded away and he sighed. 

“I know, you’re not a baby,” I replied. When he just shrugged in response, I touched his cheek gently. “Is something wrong?”

“No,” he replied, but the way he tensed at my touch said otherwise.

“Zac,” I said, trying not to be _too_ stern with him, because I wasn’t sure it was what he needed right then. “Talk to me, please.”

“It’s just…” he began, trembling again. “I know you don’t feel the same, and that’s okay. It just hurts.”

I tilted my head to the side, not entirely sure I was following his train of thought. Didn’t feel the same about _what_?

“Doesn’t matter,” he said, sighing again and pulling away from me. “Forget I said anything.”

“Zac, please.” I scrambled to pull him back to me, but he had planted himself with such force that I might as well have been grasping at a brick wall. Sometimes I forgot his strength, especially when he was choosing to submit to me. But in spite of that strength, his face told a different story. His eyes were wide and brimming with tears.

“Zac…” I sighed out, still not sure what was wrong, but more certain than ever that it was my fault. “I’m so sorry, baby.”

His lip trembled as he spoke. “Remember when I was little, and you kept me believing in Santa Claus?”

I nodded. Of course I remembered. By the time Avery was born a toddler, Zac had started to figure out that Santa was really our parents. I already felt like we were forcing him to grow up too quickly with the band, and seeing him become disillusioned about the whole Santa Claus thing really drove that point home. I was sure that he recognized my handwriting in the note I left next to the empty plate of cookies after I was sure Mom and Dad had finished putting out the presents and gone back to bed, but he didn’t say anything. 

“And we both knew it wasn’t real… but you let me believe anyway?” He continued.

I nodded again, sniffling a little. 

“Can’t it be like that?” Zac asked, a few tears falling down his cheek. “Can’t you just let me believe?”

I looked down, unable to meet his eyes. I understood it all then--why he was crying, why he seemed so conflicted when I called him baby. While my feelings for him were obviously more than brotherly, it was crystal clear now that his ran so, so much deeper. How long he had suffered with those secret feelings, I wasn’t sure, but I was certain that he had indeed suffered. Even if I did feel same, love him the way he seemed to love me, how could I undo so many years of damage? 

“It’s okay,” he replied said, seeming to take my silence as some sort of answer. He stood up and finished pulling his jeans back into place and zipping them up. “Too old to believe in that stuff anyway.”

I sniffled, still unable to look him in the eyes. He sat back down and picked up his xBox controller like nothing at all out of the ordinary had happened, but I knew better than that. But whether I could fix any of this… fix _us_... I just didn’t know.


	19. Chapter 19

**Oct. 24, 2013. Acacia Ave., Glendale, CA.**

**_Scott_ **

Things were different. Not in a huge way; I still spent most days writing half-ass music for other people who cared more about who I used to be than what I wrote. It wasn’t fun by any means, and I always felt kind of cheap, but it paid the bills. Most nights I stayed home, drinking too much and trying not to think about why I’d split up the band; playing rockstar to a bunch of screaming groupies had to be better than nothing, didn’t it? 

It’d been about pride, but how much did I have to be proud of now? A borderline alcoholic with anger management issues, not enough skills to get a real job, and apparently not enough talent to make it on his own.

But things were different now, in little ways. I didn’t hate myself as much, for one thing. Yeah, I acted like it was the world I was pissed off at, but in all brutal honesty, I knew the real score. I judged everyone else, but I was way more harsh on myself. Until Taylor. He made me really think about stuff, about what I wanted, about how to actually get there instead of just pissing and moaning. He’d worked hard for what he had, fought tooth and nail. I wished I’d fought that hard. I wondered if I still could.

So I drank a little less, wrote a little more. Put more thought into what I sent out, and even more than that in what I kept for myself. And it felt good. It felt like progress. I still hadn’t actually finished a song, but I’d started plenty, and kept going back to a few. I felt like I was working on _something_ again, not just a collection of rambling, but a cohesive _thing_. Something I was almost tempted to call an album, even though I was nowhere near that stage yet. But I was getting there.

I scribbled a few chords in my notebook when my phone buzzed; I set my guitar aside and dug it out of my pocket, grinning when I saw Tay’s name. 

“Hey, baby.”

“Hey,” he said simply. It felt good to hear his voice; he’d gotten better about keeping in contact lately. Part of me wanted to tell him what an impact he was having, the way he was changing how I looked at everything... but I still had a reputation to keep. Maybe not the best reputation, but I wasn’t ready to change _that_ much… yet.

“How are things?”

“Pretty good. We’re almost done with this leg of the tour, so we’ll get a break soon…”

“That’s good. You gonna come visit?” I phrased it as a question, but we both knew better.

“Mhm, of course.”

“Can’t wait,” I replied, picking my guitar up and strumming a few notes. 

“Whatcha playing?”

“Nothing much; just trying to write.” I didn’t feel like telling him I’d been writing about him… wouldn’t want my sub getting a big head.

“You know, I don’t think I’ve ever actually heard any of your music… least not since way back in the day.”

“Yeah, well Chapter 1 kinda sucks,” I laughed, but inwardly cringed; I hated thinking about that album, and everything it reminded me of. “We were still doing the whole teenybopper thing. Submodalities isn’t bad though, you should check it out.”

“I will, and I’m sure I’ll love it,” he said, and I could practically hear him grinning.

“I did a few solo numbers too; never got around to writing a whole album though.”

“Yeah? Well, I’d like to hear that too…”

“Well when you visit, maybe I’ll play something for ya.” I smiled at the thought of him sitting there, his sweet smile as he listened to me serenade him.

“That would be great.”

“I haven’t written anything in ages,” I lied. I wasn’t… okay maybe I was a _little_ ashamed I was ghost-writing for other people. I’d used to say people who did that had no real talent of their own...

“No inspiration?”

“Not til recently,” I said smoothly.

“Any reason for that?” His tone suggested he knew the exact reason.

“Maybe…”

“Hm,” he mused, giggling. “I wonder what that might be…”

I thought about how to respond; my initial reaction was to say something sarcastic, but when I really thought about it, why not tell him? I was the one who’d said communication was the key, and it really wasn’t fair to him if I kept my mouth shut about how _I_ was feeling. So much for my reputation...

“You,” I said softly. 

“What, little ol’ me?” he giggled, either not catching my tonal shift, or ignoring it.

“Yes, Taylor. You.” We were quiet for a second, then he sighed happily.

“Well, I haven’t written anything about you yet, but I’m sure it’ll happen. Gets too busy to write much on the road, you know?”

“Yeah…” I knew, even though it’d been over a decade since I’d been ‘on the road’. “You really gonna write about me?”

“Why wouldn’t I?”

“Dunno… Gonna be some sappy love song?” I’d never admit it out loud, but I kinda liked the idea of him writing a ballad proclaiming his feelings for me. It was cheesy as hell… but it made me feel good.

“Well, I am pretty good at those…” he sighed, and I snorted; from what I’d heard, he was practically the king of the sappy love song. “You saying I’m not?”

“Oh no, you’re plenty good at _those_.”

“Just what are you trying to say?” he huffed.

“Well, just that your songs tend to be on the… safe side.”

“Yeah, I’ve heard that before…” I could just see him, rolling his eyes and pouting indignantly.

“I mean, what’s the raciest thing you guys’ve mentioned?”

“Oh we’ve written some racy stuff, people just tend to overlook it.”

“Oh?” This was news to me, but I was listening.

“Or the record company didn’t actually let us put it on the record… We slipped a few things by them on the second one, but apparently talking about lust and sleeping around was no bueno.”

“Just gotta choose your words carefully,” I chuckled. “One of our best songs is about…” I stopped, and cleared my throat. I hadn’t meant to dredge up _that_ particular memory, but there it was.

“About what?”

“Just… drugs and stuff. And groupies.” I hoped he wouldn’t push too much; I really didn’t want to think about what I’d almost brought up.

“We’ve got a few songs about drugs… Not very vague either, but most of those were released after we got away from the label. And there’s a lot more sexual stuff than most people even realize. It’s just… vague, usually.”

“I see.”

“Some of the songs we just released for the fan club are a little more… creative, though.”

“Oh yeah?” I smirked, trying to picture Tay singing anything remotely dirty.

“Mhm. They’re not supposed to be on youtube, but I bet you could look a few of ‘em up.”

“Will do.” I didn’t feel like telling him I’d already downloaded half their discography, I just hadn’t listened to it all yet. I did remember one or two that sounded a little on the dark side, though. “Wasn’t there a song about a suicidal dude?”

“Um… well, kinda? If you mean Believe, that’s off of our third album.”

“Yeah, that one was pretty good. Depressing as hell for the Mmmbop boys…”

“Yeah,” Taylor replied, without a trace of humor. I sighed heavily and pinched the bridge of my nose; we’d already opened the can, no sense in holding back now.

“You should look up Antifreeze and Aeroplanes.”

“Okay.” From his side of the phone I could hear the clicking of keys, and then the opening chords of the song; oh god, was he listening to it _now?_ I took a deep breath and closed my eyes; it’d been years since I’d listened to this song, and even when performing it I’d usually zone out. I wondered how deep Taylor would be able to read into it.

“Damn,” he said finally, after letting out a breath.

“Yeah,” I said softly. 

“Was that um… from experience?” Tay asked carefully. I could have lied, I could have told him anything; but I didn’t want to. I wanted him to know. That didn’t make talking about it any damn easier though...

“Sorta.”

“I see…” He was giving me an out, a chance to just drop it. Bless his sappy heart. I heaved a sigh and braced myself.

“The one and only time I tried coke… me and… a friend. It was his first time too.”

“Oh,” he said softly, no doubt filling in the blanks. I didn’t want to say another word. But I couldn’t do that to Taylor… or to him. 

“It was the last thing he did.”

“...Oh. Oh, Scott…” And there was the pity. I hated pity. I let out another shaky breath and curled my hand into a fist. “I’m so sorry…”

“I watched it.” I felt so pathetic, my voice breaking and trembling, but I couldn’t help it. “I watched him take his last fucking breath.” 

I could see it now, behind my closed eyes. A trashed hotel room; a broken tv in one corner, a lamp knocked to the floor in another. Two stupid kids trying to be cool, too dumb to admit how fucking terrified of it all we were. 

“I was fifteen, Taylor. Fifteen. Not even old enough to drive, and my…” I stopped, tried to swallow the lump in my throat. I couldn’t even think the word, let alone say it. “He died in my arms.”

“Oh, baby,” Tay whispered, sniffling. “I had no idea.”

“Yeah…” I cleared my throat, wiped my eyes. I’d told him, and now I just wanted to move on and forget it again. As much as I ever could, anyway. 

“So that’s why it’s a deal-breaker,” I told him; I figured he’d probably made that connection already, but I needed to say something to put a period on that part of the conversation.

“I understand,” he said softly. And I could tell that he did. “I wrote a song about my… my thing, too,” he said after a minute. “But you probably don’t wanna hear that.”

“Of course I do.” Why would he think I wouldn’t want to hear anything of his? Sometimes I wanted to smack him for how insecure he was… but that probably wouldn’t help.

“Got A Hold On Me. Believe is kind of about it too, but not as much.”

“Mhm.” I looked around my empty apartment; whether it was because of the stupid dredged-up memories or whatever, I really didn’t want to be alone right then. “Miss ya.”

“Miss you, too.”

“Thanks. For listening.” I guessed I did feel a little better, but I still hated that cold, dull ache in my chest. 

“Any time you wanna talk, about anything, I’ll listen. God knows you’ve listened to plenty of my shit,” he added with a chuckle.

“I know. Same goes for you too. And you know I don’t mind,” I reminded him, smirking.

“And I don’t mind listening to you. I like getting to know you… all of you.”

“Especially the part where I had drunken orgies with my brothers?” I teased. He gave a flustered, nervous laugh, and I smirked wider. Now _this_ was a conversation I could get into. I sat up, grinned, and lowered my voice.

“Turned you on, didn’t it?”

****

**Grand Floridian Resort, Orlando, FL.**

 _ **Taylor**_

I wondered if Scott was just trying to distract me from our more serious conversation. A part of me wanted to be annoyed that he couldn’t talk so deeply for very long, but I also knew the conversation had likely taken a lot out of him. Because of that, and the fact that with just those few words, he _had_ managed to turn me on, I decided to let his sudden subject change slide, and mumbled an affirmative response to his question.

“Just like it turned you on to get fucked by me and your baby brother?” he continued.

“Yes,” I replied, the word coming out in a pathetic whimper. If I were honest, I was still a little sore from that; if I were _completely_ honest, I didn’t mind at all.

“He’s not half bad, ya know,” Scott said. “Not as good as you maybe.”

“Thanks.” I giggled nervously, remembering what Zac had looked like with Scott behind him. “And yeah…. he’s pretty good.”

“Mouth made to suck cock,” Scott remarked.

I groaned at the recent memory of just that. “You don’t have to tell me.”

“Hell, he could probably suck both of us at the same time,” Scott continued, seemingly too lost in his fantasies to even notice how they were affecting me. 

“P-probably,” I whimpered.

“Tight little ass, too,” Scott added. “He been following your rules?”

“I th-think so…” I replied. “He’s a little bitch, though.”

“Yeah, he is,” Scott agreed, chuckling. If he only knew.

“I took his toy away,” I admitted sheepishly. Although we had talked over the last few days, it had mostly been very quick calls or texts; I hadn’t had a chance to tell Scott about that little encounter on the bus, and I wasn’t really sure _how_ to tell him.

“Really?” Scott asked, the word coming out in something of a gasp. “How’d he take that?”

“He didn’t seem all that upset, actually. But he’s like that. He’s just gonna keep acting out.”

Scott chuckled. “Might need to teach him another lesson.”

“Yeah… I guess,” I replied, knowing that was easier said than done for me.

“He still a biter?”

“N-no,” I replied, thinking that I had actually been the one doing most of the biting lately. “But he was trying to like… push me around and stuff.”

“Oh, really?” Scott asked. “Little bitch trying to get punished?”

“Definitely,” I replied, having already puzzled that out for myself and realized that Zac’s natural instinct was to push buttons until he got the reaction he wanted.

Scott chuckled. “So what’d you do to him?”

“I… well, I haven’t punished him yet. I will, though.”

“What’re you gonna do?” Scott asked. He wasn’t pushing yet… more like gently nudging, really, but it still felt like I was being made to play the role of Dom faster than I was ready for.

“Haven’t really decided,” I admitted.

“You figure out what he likes yet?”

“W-well… he’s really into pain,” I said, the words a severe understatement. “Like, really, _really_ into pain.”

“Really, _really_ , hmm?” Scott repeated, no doubt mocking me. “And how’d you discover that?”

“We were… we were kinda fooling around,” I admitted softly. 

Scott chuckled. “It’s okay, babe. You can tell me.”

“I know,” I replied, even though I wasn’t all that convinced that Scott was happy to hear about the things Zac and I did in his absence. Yet, I supposed it was better to tell him than to lie about it, even if it was just a lie by omission. “And, well, I was going down on him, and he wanted… nails. And teeth. Lots of teeth.”

“Hmm, kinky,” Scott remarked.

“And he just kept saying ‘more,’ you know? I was afraid I was really gonna hurt him, and not in a good way.” 

“Yeah, you need to be careful,” Scott replied, and I was glad he wasn’t dismissing my concern as just inexperience. “Sometimes a guy gets so deep he ignores his limits.”

“Well, he wouldn’t let me stop anyway,” I said. “Kept shoving me back down and shit. And yes, he’s going to be punished for that.”

“Made you his bitch, did he?” Scott asked, chuckling softly.

“Kinda,” I mumbled, not wanting to admit that but not having left myself room to deny it.

“Yeah, that is bad,” Scott agreed. “You’re my sub. Not his.”

“I know,” I replied softly.

“Might have to punish both of you for that.”

I whimpered at the thought of that. “Okay.”

“So eager to please,” Scott remarked, chuckling again. I mumbled my agreement, and after a brief pause, Scott suggested, “Think he might want to try a studded paddle?”

“He might,” I replied, swallowing hard. I didn’t think I needed to add that _I_ wanted to try one, too. The small stash of toys I kept at home were more novelties than anything really hardcore, and I was desperate to try something that might actually satisfy some of my urges.

“You should get one; try it on him,” Scott continued. “But… don’t tell him. Blindfold him first, and surprise him with it.”

“Oh… that’s kinda evil,” I replied. Sheepishly, I added, “I like it.”

“Thought you might,” Scott replied, and I could have sworn I could actually hear him smirking. “As for you… you ever thought about getting pierced?”

“Y-you mean… umm…” I stuttered out, fearing the worst. Of course Scott didn’t know I was somewhat afraid of needles.

“Just a nipple,” he replied. “For now.”

I let out a sigh of relief. “I… I could probably handle that.”

“Yeah?” Scott said. “Good. I wanna see it when you get here.”

“Okay,” I replied, suddenly realizing just how soon I would have a break from tour that would allow me to visit Scott. Remembering that made me relax a little. Softly, I added, “And I was thinking… that plug you left me…”

“Hmm, yeah?” Scott asked, a hint of amusement in his voice.

“Well, I thought that might be a good punishment for Zac, too. Just make him wear it around. All day. During a concert, even.” I giggled a little as I finished my train of thought.

Scott chuckled. “You are evil.”

“Learned from the best.”

“Flattery isn’t gonna save your ass. You know that, right?”

“I know,” I replied, not adding that I really didn’t mind if my _ass_ wasn’t saved.

“So, your first piercing, huh?”

I giggled. “No.”

“No?”

“Nope,” I replied. “Had my cartilage pierced before, when I was about sixteen.”

“Huh,” Scott said. “Full of surprises.”

“I guess so,” I replied, giggling again. “It never really healed well, though, and I had to take it out to get past this really pissy airport security guy. Couldn’t get it back in, so I just let the hole close up.”

“Wuss,” Scott remarked through a snort of laughter.

“Yeah, well, I was still in that ‘why do I enjoy letting my baby brother punch me’ phase then, too,” I replied, glad that I could actually joke with him about that, this thing that I’d kept hidden and never really understood myself. After Scott’s laughter died down, I added, “Always thought about having it done again, though. Or maybe piercing something else. Just couldn’t decide. And I’m not sure the wife would really approve.”

“Yeah, well, she can get over it,” Scott replied.

“I guess so,” I said, trying not to think about the fact that I would be seeing her very soon. In fact, I had to pick her up from the airport the next day. The thought must have exhausted me even more than I realized, because I let out a huge yawn that I was sure Scott heard.

“Aww, baby getting sleepy?”

“Mhm,” I replied honestly. “It’s been a long couple of days.”

“Yeah,” he agreed. “Get some rest, babe.”

I yawned again, then replied, “Okay.”

“Hey,” Scott said softly. “Love ya.”

“Love you, too,” I replied, sighing happily. I didn’t want to think about the next day, but just hearing those words from Scott made me forget for a moment. 

“Sweet dreams, babe.”

“Goodnight, Scott.”

After ending the call, I rolled over and pressed my face against the pillow. We were in the supposed ‘happiest place on earth’, and yet I was just this side of miserable. That was a bit of an exaggeration, but being away from Scott was a sort of hell I hadn’t experienced since the few bad comedowns I’d had before finally kicking the coke habit. The fact that I was at Disney without my family--at least for the time being--only made it feel even more wrong. 

It wasn’t exactly like I _wanted_ my wife and kids there, though. As soon as I had that thought, I hated myself for it. But being on tour, away from them, made it easy to forget all the things I was risking by being with Scott. Still, being alone in the Magic Kingdom made me just feel like a creepy old man. It was only for the next few hours, though; in the morning, Natalie and the kids would be arriving, and I knew that if I didn’t at least give her a phone call before I went to bed, I would hear all about it the next day.

With a groan, I pulled myself off the pillow and scrolled past all the calls to and from Scott until I found my wife’s name. It was an hour earlier in Tulsa and she was a last minute packer, so I didn’t worry about waking her up. 

“Hello?” She finally answered after several rings, sounding surprised. I supposed it had been a few days since I had called, but I had never been good at keeping in touch on the road.

“Hey, Nat,” I said softly. “Just wanted to check in, even though I’ll see you all tomorrow.”

She sighed heavily and I could picture her collapsing onto a couch full of toys that the kids were insisting she pack. “I would say it will be good to get away, but at this point, I think it will be more stress than staying here. But it will be nice to see you…”

There was just a hint of a guilt trip in her words, and I was sure that she knew I picked up on it. I shifted my phone from one ear to the other to keep her from hearing my sigh, then asked, “Is it still just you and the kids, then?”

“Well, Diana and Zoe are coming,” she replied. “And Nikki and the kids. But they’re all on a different flight, because something weird happened with my reservation. I don’t know. But the nanny has some big project at college that she can’t get away from, and Kate said Junia has come down with something awful. Some bug going around the preschool, I guess. I don’t mean to sound spoiled, but without her and Sarah, I don’t know how I’ll manage.”

“Hey, you’ll have me,” I said, somewhat teasingly. We both knew I would be too busy with the concerts to do much parenting, and I had never claimed to be a great father, anyway. When it came to discipline and child corralling, Natalie was the expert, not me.

“Maybe it will be good,” Natalie replied. “I mean, I know we’ll still have the kids, but maybe we can get some alone time…”

“Maybe,” I rasped out, my throat suddenly very, very dry. Even if that _were_ possible with five kids to keep up with, the levels of guilt that would cause me to reach might actually kill me. Whether I felt more guilty for cheating on Natalie or cheating on Scott--not to even mention Zac--I wasn’t sure.

“Is everything okay?” Nat asked. As always, she could read me so much better than I often wished, even when I said nothing at all. 

“Yeah,” I replied. “I’m just tired, you know? I’ll be ready for that nice, long break.”

“Well, you get some sleep, alright? I’m going to go take _all iPads away from all children in this house who should be sleeping!_ ” The last was, of course, not directed to me, and I pulled the phone away from my ear so as not to be deafened by it.

Chuckling nervously, I said, “I’ll see you tomorrow, Nat.”

“Goodnight, Tay.”

I hung up before she could say anything else. I didn’t need to be guilted, intentionally or not, into making emotional declarations that I just wasn’t in the right headspace to make right then. 

What I was in the headspace for… I wasn’t really sure. I was suddenly very, very antsy. Coming just this side of lying to Nat, thinking about all the ways I was letting her and Scott down--it made me get that familiar itch. I needed something to take the edge of, and since I’d given up the drugs, and my Dom--who made it very clear that he wouldn’t tolerate me going back to those drugs--was thousands of miles away, I didn’t have many options. I could go out on the balcony and smoke a cigarette or ten, but I didn’t think they would help. But I had a feeling I knew what would.

I hurried to put my pants back on, made sure I had my wallet and headed off to Zac’s room to see if he was up for a late night adventure.


	20. Chapter 20

Oct. 24, 2013. Fallen Sparrow Tattoo Company, Orlando, FL.

**_Zac_ **

I was just starting to fall asleep, right in that hazy place where you’re not totally convinced that trio of naked mermaids _isn’t_ really calling you to party with them, when someone knocked on my door. I sat up, blinked a couple times, and wondered if I’d imagined it, but it happened again. Grumbling and cursing early-morning sound-checks, I stomped over to the door and pulled it open. 

Well, it could’ve been worse.

“Hey,” I said after a second, a little surprised to see Tay standing outside my door, shuffling his feet and staring at the carpet.

“Hey. Um… can I ask you for a huge favor?”

“Yeah, sure. What’s up?”

Tay glanced around, and I wondered what favor he could need this late at night. “It’s, um… well, Scott gave me a… a new punishment.”

Of course.

“Oh,” I said simply, trying not to sound too disappointed.

“And I kinda… I kinda need someone to… to go with me.”

“Go where?” I asked, tilting my head. Tay turned a shade of pink and mumbled something under his breath. “Come again?”

“Tattoo. Parlor,” Tay said finally through gritted teeth.

“You’re getting a tattoo??” I practically shouted, but his eyes shot wide open.

“No! I… I’m getting my nipple pierced.”

“Oh.” I blinked, both loving and hating the mental images his words had conjured.

“And I just… kinda didn’t want to go by myself, b-but it’s fine… it’s fine if you don’t wanna go.”

I thought about it for a second; it’d be interesting to say the least, and if nothing else I could probably get a laugh out of watching him scream like a girl. And, there was an idea I’d been toying with for a while now.

“No, it’s okay. I’ll go.”

“Yeah? Thanks.” He smiled, visibly relieved.

“No problem.”

It didn’t take us long to find a place that was up to Tay’s standards. While he filled out the paperwork, I looked around at the pages of flash art hanging on the walls.

“Some of these are pretty neat,” I said off-handedly to Tay.

“Yeah?” He looked up at me, giving me a curious look.

“Mhm. Maybe I should get something while we’re here.” I smiled at the way his eyes widened.

“Like, a tattoo?”

“Why not?” 

“You’re not worried what Kate would say?” he asked, eyeing me skeptically; I just shrugged in response. “Then you’re a braver man than I am. Because I’m pretty sure Nat’s gonna kill me for this.”

“I heard if you use white ink it’s invisible.”

“Yeah, I’ve seen those kind of tattoos… you can still sorta see them, though.”

“Maybe an om,” I said, mostly to myself. I glanced over in time to see Tay tilt his head.

“Have you been thinking about this?”

“Maybe…” I grinned sheepishly; the idea had crossed my mind a few times in the past.

“Where do you wanna get it?” He asked, his mouth curling in a tiny grin. 

I thought about it for a second, then pointed at the center of my chest. “Right over the heart chakra, I think.”

“Cool,” he said after a moment of thought. I chewed my lip for a second; what did I really have to lose?

“Eh what the hell, why not.” Making up my mind, I went over to the desk to talk to the artist. After a brief description of what I wanted, I came back over to the worn leather couch and sat next to Taylor.

“Looks like I’m up right after you,” I told him.

“‘Kay… you nervous at all?”

“Maybe a little,” I admitted, looking him over. “It’s gonna hurt, right?”

“...Yeah.”

“‘Kay.” I gave a nervous smile, then turned my attention to the magazines scattered on the table in front of us. 

“Stupid of me to even ask,” he muttered, and I chuckled. “I practically cried like a baby when I got my ear pierced.”

“That’s because you are a baby,” I teased, rolling my eyes.

“Am not,” he pouted, shoving me.

“Are too,” I replied, shoving him back.

“Are not,” he insisted.

“Couldn’t even handle a little bit of teeth,” I reminded him, lowering my voice. 

He huffed, and his cheeks turned red. “That’s different.”

I just giggled; I was glad we could still tease each other about it. Just then the tattoo artist walked through the curtain to one side of the room and motioned to Tay.

“Looks like you’re up. Think you can handle it?” I asked with a smirk. 

He huffed again and glanced away, but a moment later turned to me again. “Will you come with me?”

I couldn’t help chuckling, but he glared at me, his expression a little bit threatening, and more than a little sexy. I blinked, and swallowed hard.

“Let me rephrase that,” he said, his lips curling a little. “You’re coming with me.”

“...’Kay.” 

“Thank you,” he said softly, the menace already gone. I followed him and the tattoo artist into the side room; Tay was instructed to have a seat and unbutton his shirt; I noticed he’d trimmed the patches of hair scattered across his chest. I smirked as I stood next to him, watching him tremble like a scared baby rabbit. He pouted up at me and motioned for me to stand closer.

“Left or right?” the artist asked; Tay chewed his lip a moment, then turned to me.

“What do you think?”

“Hm, tough choice…” I smirked, stepping closer and trailing a finger over his left nipple. He glared up at me, but the way his body shook told another story. I took the right nipple between my fingers and gave it a pinch. 

“This one, I think.”

“O-okay,” he squeaked, and nodded to the piercer. “Right.” He kept his eyes on me as the skin was sterilized and marked. He pouted, holding out his hand; I smiled, taking it in mine and giving it a light squeeze.

“Thank you,” he said quietly.

“Ready?” the piercer asked.

“Mhm,” Tay whimpered, looking away and squeezing my hand. His grip tightened as the needle went through, and I winced a bit. “Sorry,” he whispered, but I just shrugged.

“Okay, all done,” the piercer said, stepping back.

“See, no problem,” I told him. He looked a little pale, but he nodded. I smirked, touching the small ring, barely tugging on it, and he whimpered. The artist ran down the list of aftercare information with him, then told us to swap places. Tay hopped out of the chair, giving me a weak smile as he buttoned up his shirt. I pulled off my own t-shirt then sat down; Tay stood by me, placing a hand on my shoulder.

I couldn’t help grinning; I’d never told anyone, but I’d been thinking of getting a tattoo for a long time. The pain was probably part of it, but it was no secret I’d always been into art, and skin is just another canvas.

“Calm down,” Tay said, giggling a little and rolling his eyes. The tattoo artist showed me the design on a piece of transfer paper, and I nodded.

“Looks great. What do you think, Tay?” He didn’t answer right away, looking at the drawing, and then my chest. I felt a shiver as he looked at me, but mentally pushed it aside.

“I think it’ll look great.”

“Yeah, okay.” It took a few minutes to get the design transferred onto my chest, and to get the tattoo gun prepped. I eyed the machine, starting to feel a little nervous.

“Need me to hold your hand?” Tay teased.

“I got this,” I snapped, sticking my tongue out at him, and he stepped back. The tattoo artist moved into position, reminding me to hold still. I nodded and braced myself. There was no going back now.

****

**  
_Taylor_  
**

Zac was right. I _am_ a baby.

I couldn’t even look right at the tattoo gun. I couldn’t even pretend. I bit down on my lip and stared at a point lower on Zac’s chest, wincing whenever the tattoo artist’s movement or Zac’s blood dripping down caught my eye. Of course, Zac had gone into this with such bravado that I doubted he would admit it hurt at all, or if he did, he would just remind me that he liked pain.

When he actually held his hand out to me, fingers grasping at air because I wasn’t standing close enough, I felt just a little bit self-satisfied. Then I stupidly glanced at his chest and saw the bloody outline of the tattoo. Hoping I didn’t lose my lunch all over him, I stepped in and took Zac’s hand in mine. He let out a little whimper and squeezed it, his eyes clamped shut and his brow furrowed.

“You okay, b—Zac?” I asked, just barely catching myself before the term of endearment slipped out. I wasn’t entirely sure how Zac felt about it, although I wasn’t stupid enough to think his feelings were entirely positive, but I knew I couldn’t call him anything like that in public. Even in a tattoo parlor where no one knew who we were.

He glanced up at me, eyes betraying his nervousness, and nodded. “F-fine.”

Such a simple tattoo didn’t take very long to complete in spite of its size--just one color of ink and mostly outline work. It all went by relatively quickly. Before I was prepared for it, because I had enjoyed comforting Zac in what little way I could by just holding his hand, the tattoo artist was standing up and rattling off aftercare directions while he put his equipment away.

I didn’t let go of Zac’s hand, even though there was no reason to keep holding it. Zac didn’t seem to notice. He was completely blissed out, eyes half-shut and a tired, but sated, smile on his face. I didn’t need a verbal reminder that he did, indeed, like pain.

“You’ll probably wanna eat something soon, too,” the tattoo guy interrupted my thoughts, even though I was vaguely aware that he had been talking the entire time. “Recover from the sugar loss.”

“Th-thanks,” Zac replied, his legs wobbling as he tried to stand.

I wrapped an arm around him. “Am I gonna have to carry you back to the hotel?”

“No.” He pouted adorably.

“Okay, okay,” I replied, giggling.

As we leaned on each other and wobbled out into the lobby to pay, I realized that Zac wasn’t the only one who was a little blissed out. The effect wasn’t as strong for me, since I’d had to endure the sight of him being tattooed right after my piercing, but caring for Zac brought on another warm, fuzzy feeling that I liked almost as well.

The cab ride back to the hotel wasn’t memorable enough to penetrate the fog of endorphins surrounding us. I couldn’t speak for Zac, but I didn’t fully descend back to earth until we were comfortably seated on my hotel bed, some old movie on the television and room service spread out all around us.

I glanced over at Zac, one leg under the covers and one above, his shirt off as he leaned back against the headboard. “Can’t believe you got a fucking tattoo.”

He just chuckled and poked the gauze covering it. Immediately, he winced.

“Dumbass,” I remarked. “I’m pretty sure when the guy said not to scratch, he also meant not to poke.”

Zac shrugged, as though the pain of poking it really didn’t bother him. It probably didn’t. “I gotta put some of that stuff on it.”

“Alright,” I replied, noting the fact that he hadn’t moved an inch.

“Hey, Tay?”

“Yeah?” My stomach turned. I had a feeling I knew what his next question would be.

“Can you do it?”

“I… yeah, I guess.” I was right. And he was right to guess that I couldn’t say no. When Zac still made no move except to settle down further into my bed, I asked, “You’re supposed to clean it too, right?”

He blinked. “Oh, yeah.”

“Well, come on,” I said, nudging him and motioning toward the bathroom.

Finally he stood and walked into the bathroom. I followed a few seconds later and discovered him already sitting on the edge of the tub with a grin on his face. “Now. Wash me.”

“You’re gonna pay for this,” I said. “But you’re probably counting on that, aren’t you?”

His grin widened.

“Bitch,” I mumbled, but never the less began to gingerly peel back the gauze on his chest. I could feel my lips turning up in a snarl as the gauze resisted me a little before his tattoo was finally revealed. I eyed it for a moment before saying, “It… it looks good. I mean, it’s gonna look really cool when it heals.”

“Yeah?” Zac asked, then glanced down and scrunched up his nose in disgust.

“What, don’t you like it?” I asked breathlessly. It would be like Zac to get a tattoo on impulse, decide he didn’t like it, and expect me to fix it for him somehow.

“No, I do,” he said. “It’s just all… ick.”

“Yeah. I’m aware.” Still, in spite of the blood crusted over it, I could see that it did look good. It suited him. That didn’t mean I wanted to spend any great deal of time looking at it before it had healed, though. I turned to the sink and lathered my hands up with some soap, hoping that whatever the hotel provided was good enough. Once I was satisfied, I turned back to Zac and gave him a mostly fake glare. “You’re so going to pay for this.”

He just chuckled.

I continued to glare at him even as I rubbed my hands as delicately over the tattoo as possible. I tried to remind myself that I had nursed nastier wounds than this on my children. That thought did little to reassure me, especially when Zac winced.

“Shit,” I said. “I’m sorry.”

He gritted his teeth. “It’s okay.”

“It’s gotta be cleaned,” I said, making a concerted effort to rub as softly as humanly possible. “I’m really trying to be gentle.”

To my surprise, Zac moaned.

“Is… is that good?” I asked.

He nodded.

“Okay…” I tried to duplicate those motions, my touch as feather light as my big clumsy hands could manage. Zac moaned again and I let out a little sigh before asking, “How long had you been thinking about getting this done?”

“A while,” he whimpered.

“Yeah?” I asked, surprised. It had seemed so spur of the moment.

“Mhm,” Zac replied. “F-few years.”

“Wow. You never said anything.” Then again, how much went on in his mind that he never said anything about? I had known about his yoga classes and his passing interest in Eastern religions—something his devoted Orthodox wife was less than thrilled about—but like every philosophy he’d read up on over the years, I thought this was just another academic pursuit, just another whim. Apparently not.

Zac just shrugged, as if my surprise was unwarranted. “Wasn’t really serious about it. Not ‘til… ‘til recently.”

“What changed?” The question fell out of my mouth before I could stop to think. The answer was already in me—the answer _was_ me, I supposed.

He blushed. “Wasn’t scared of the pain.”

“Oh,” I replied, feeling my own cheeks heating up. Maybe it wasn’t _me_ , exactly, but I’d certainly had a role to play in it. I paused for a moment, then eyed the tattoo more closely than I had before. It was still red and irritated, but most of the blood had flaked off easily. “I guess it’s, umm, clean enough now.”

Zac glanced down and nodded, apparently pleased with my work.

I rinsed my hands off, then wet a hotel washcloth. Taking my seat in front of Zac again, I patted his flesh as carefully as possible. I had vaguely registered the tattoo artist instructing him not to scrub it, so I applied only the lightest touch, dabbing at what blood remained.

“Feels good,” Zac sighed out, swaying a little.

“Yeah?” I asked. I supposed the cool water probably did feel good on his heated flesh.

“Mhm,” he replied.

I made a few more passes over the tattoo, but it seemed as clean as possible now, devoid of both blood and soap bubbles. I almost hated to stop. With a little sigh, I stood up and traded out the damp washcloth for a dry one.

Sitting back down, I dabbed at his flesh gently. The tattoo really did look good. I couldn’t deny that. I also couldn’t stop myself from asking the next question that popped into my head. “So, any idea how the hell we’re gonna explain our sudden body modifications to our wives?”

****

**  
_Zac_  
**

I chuckled at first, but my smile fell when I thought about it. It was a legitimate concern for Taylor, but for me, not so much.

“I won’t have to worry about that,” I said quietly. “Kate never sees me shirtless.”

“She… what?” Tay turned to me, a puzzled expression on his face, but I just shrugged.

“She doesn’t like to look at me without my shirt. Says if I’m not gonna lose weight, I should keep covered.”

“That fucking bitch,” Tay said, his voice practically a growl. I looked at him for a moment, eyes wide; I’d known he wouldn’t like hearing it, but I hadn’t expected such an… aggressive response.

“I know I’m kinda pudgy,” I said, looking down and shrugging. “Even Scott said so.”

“Yeah well, Scott’s a dick like that. He was just trying to get under your skin.”

Again I looked up at him, surprised to hear him badmouth his lover.

“What?” Tay said, probably in response to my stare. “I know he’s a dick.”

“He’s not wrong, though,” I said, pouting and poking at my belly. “It’s not like I haven’t tried to lose weight.”

“Zac. Shut up. Scott was being a dick, your wife is a superficial bitch, and you are beautiful, whether you lose weight or not.”

I blinked. I couldn’t have heard him right. “W-what?”

“You’re beautiful, Zac,” he said again, quietly. “And if you tell me you’re not, or that I’m the only person who’s ever told you that, I’m probably gonna cry. And we don’t need that, okay?”

His words hurt, but in a bittersweet way. No, he wasn’t the only person who’d said it, but he was the only one who maybe, just maybe, I could actually believe. I felt my eyes watering as I looked up at him.

“And we don’t need you crying either, damn it,” he added, pouting. I looked down, but I could feel my lip shaking. “Come on,” he said, touching my cheek. “I gotta finish getting you all cleaned up.”

“You… you really think I’m…”

“Of course I do,” he insisted, frowning. “I wouldn’t lie to you, Zac.”

“I’m sorry. About… what I said.”

“What?”

I took a deep, shaky breath. I didn’t even like remembering what I’d said, how stupid I’d acted, but he deserved an apology.

“About wanting you to… to lie. About…” I sighed again, unable to say the words.

“I’m sorry, I wasn’t… I wasn’t even thinking about that. But just… believe me when I say you’re beautiful, okay?”

I looked down and nodded; I sniffled, willing myself not to cry. I felt so stupid, so… childish. But suddenly my chin was being lifted, and he was kissing me gently. I wasn’t going to waste the opportunity, so I kissed him back, but it was over far too soon.

“Okay, um…” Tay stammered, his cheeks red. “I still gotta, like… put that stuff on your tattoo.”  
I nodded, and sat back as he applied the cool gel to my chest. I shivered, closing my eyes and leaning into his touch.

“Is that okay?” he asked softly, and I nodded. “You know I’m not gonna do this for you every time, right?”

“Aww,” I pouted, but smirked.

“You can handle it yourself,” he said, rolling his eyes, and I giggled.

“But it’s so much better when you do it.”

“Yeah, well, what isn’t?” He shot back with a smirk of his own. We both giggled, and he gently patted the now coated tattoo. “Okay, there you go. I guess I should put a fresh bandage on…”

“Eh, just leave it for a while,” I said, looking down. The cool air felt good, and the tattoo artist had said to let it breathe.

“Alright.”

I looked up at him, smirking. We were in such a good mood, and he had already kissed me once… maybe I’d earned a treat.

“What?” he said, one eyebrow raised.

“Well, I’ve been following your rules. And I’ve been really good.”

“Have you?” he asked, an amused tone to his voice.

“Mhm.”

“Well, you’ve been good today, at least. You’ve still got a few punishments coming, though.”

“But I’ve been good, honest!” I pouted; it’d been hard, but I’d done my best to behave. “I’ve only jacked off once a week, and I…” I paused, blushing.

“And you what?”

“I haven’t even fingered myself,” I said, looking down.

“Well, good for you. Considering I forgot to tell you that, actually.”

“Kinda just assumed it went along with the no toy thing. But see? I still followed it anyway.”

“Good for you. But… I seem to recall you forgetting which of us was the Dom.”

I blinked. I’d honestly almost forgotten about that, and hoped he had, too.

“You… you liked it, though.”

“Th-that’s not the point. I might be a sub, but I’m Scott’s sub, not yours.”

“I know,” I sighed, my mood plummeting.

“I’m sorry, Zac. But you know the rules.”

“Yeah, yeah… At least I still get something out of it,” I added with a smirk.

“Yeah, well. We’ll see about that.” He stood up then, and held his hand out. “Come on, I’m tired. Let’s lay down.” 

It wasn’t what I wanted exactly, but I’d take what I could get. I took his hand and followed him back to the bedroom. He lay down and I curled up next to him, my back to his front. I guess I rubbed his piercing, because he whimpered a bit as he draped his arm over my waist.

“Sorry,” I chuckled, scooting forward a bit.”

“I’m fine. It’s just this piece of metal in my nipple, ya know. Still can’t believe I got my fucking nipple pierced, and you got a tattoo.”

“Yeah,” I sighed. “Good times, huh?”

“Yeah, I guess,” he chuckled.

“Hey Tay?” I said quietly? Sleep was already pulling me down, the high of the evening fading away.

“Yeah?”

“Loveyou,” I murmured, consciousness slipping.

“Love you too,” he said softly, pulling me tighter, then wincing. I smiled as I fell asleep, being held by the one I loved.


	21. Chapter 21

Oct. 25, 2013. Epcot, Bay Lake, FL.

_**Taylor** _

I woke up with a wonderful warmth surrounding me, and without even opening my eyes, I smiled. I tried to curl up closer to that warmth, but as I inched across the bed, my arms remained empty. Finally, I blinked my eyes open and saw that I was all alone in the huge hotel bed; the warmth I had felt was just the morning sun streaming through the window.

Zac had left.

I wanted to be angry, but I couldn’t be. From the bedside table, my phone dinged to remind me of Natalie’s arrival at the airport. At least I hadn’t overslept and forgotten her. I had no doubt Zac had woken up and remembered her imminent arrival, and so I couldn’t fault him at all for beating a hasty retreat to his own room.

Although the bed was still tantalizingly warm, I forced myself to get up and shut off my phone’s alerts. Knowing I had no other choice, I padded to the bathroom and began the process of getting ready for the day. I had to be at least vaguely presentable for my wife and children's’ arrival, and so a shower was in order.

It took a little effort to clean around that little piece of metal in my chest and dress myself without snagging it on the fabric of my shirt. For the first time since the high had worn off, I began to regret getting it.

What happened on tour never stayed on tour. Hadn’t I learned that lesson already? I was never the one who could manage a relationship at home and still do whatever I wanted with whomever I wanted on the road. Sure, I had tried once or twice, and it had always blown up in my face, on one memorable occasion culminating in the opening act leaving the tour early and Natalie temporarily moving back to Georgia.

How did I think I could juggle this? Not just one extramarital relationship, but two. And one of those with my own brother, who knew more of the awful truth about my marriage than I would have liked. He could see through me, though. Rarely could I hide the truth from him for long—hadn’t that been why this sordid affair between the two of us had started anyway?

Natalie, though… she usually chose to be blissfully oblivious. There were times when she tried to understand, tried to mold herself to be more like the people she knew I’d been unfaithful with. It was never really about them and what they could offer me that she couldn’t. Well, sometimes it was. There were certain obvious things she could never give me, but likewise there were things I couldn’t give her. Over the years, our fights had mellowed into resignation and acceptance; we couldn’t ever be truly happy together, but we could still have what was to all outside appearances a successful marriage.

Somehow, I didn’t think we could keep up appearances much longer. At least on my part, the cracks were starting to show.

A little less than an hour later, I was out the door, as presentable as I was going to get. Thankfully, Florida was still warm that time of year and I didn’t look strange wearing a loose, light button-up shirt that barely skimmed over my newly sensitive nipple. A baseball cap covered my still damp hair and made me feel slightly disguised; even though it had been years since getting recognized and mobbed in public was a genuine fear, the paranoia still lingered. As I stood in the airport, waiting for my wife and kids to round the corner, I knew I didn’t look all that great, but I was also confident in the knowledge that Natalie could never guess all the reasons why I was crumbling.

“Daddy!” A child’s voice cried out, and before I could locate the source of it, the tiny arms of my youngest son were wrapped around my legs.

Moments later, the rest of my family materialized in front of me—Ezra lost in his own world with large headphones on, River attempting to haul all their luggage on his own, Penny gingerly carrying just her oversized purse, and bringing up the rear, Natalie, our youngest daughter Willa strapped to her chest.

As I peeled Viggo off my legs and scooped him up into my arms, a pang of guilt went through my body, settling deep in the pit of my stomach. It didn’t matter that this wasn’t the happily ever after it was supposed to be. This was my family, and I was systematically, knowingly, destroying it from the inside out.

“Is everything okay?” Nat asked, her immediate concern for me only making me feel worse. “You look so tired.”

“I could say the same to you,” I replied, grabbing several pieces of their luggage and leading the way toward where our ride back to the hotel was waiting. “I don’t know how you manage traveling with them all on your own.”

She just shrugged. “You do what you gotta do. Are Diana and Nikki here yet?”

“I don’t think so,” I said as I handed the luggage off to our cab driver. “At least, I haven’t seen them. But I rolled out of bed and came straight here, so I haven’t seen anyone else this morning.”

“They should have gotten in an hour ago. I’ll have to go find them when we get to the hotel.” Nat looked thoughtful for a moment as she put the last bag into the back of the large van. “I should call Kate, too. See how she and the kids are holding up.”

There was something odd in her voice, a level of concern that didn’t seem quite right given what she had told me about the virus Zac and Kate’s kids had apparently picked up. I wasn’t sure how to ask the half-formed questions in my mind, though, so I settled for just helping her herd the kids into the van and enjoying the short, but noisy, ride back to our hotel.

The chaos level only increased when we arrived at the hotel and the kids realized just how close they were to the Magical Kingdom. My mom, youngest sister and sister-in-law had in fact arrived and were already in the lobby preparing to head over to the park. My kids immediately began begging to do the same, and I wasn’t going to say no, but I left the final decision up to Natalie.

“I suppose so,” she said, but she was smiling. Her expression turned a bit more serious when she looked back at me. “Are you coming with, or does duty call?”

I glanced at my phone to check the time. “Duty calls. I can head over with you all, but we have soundcheck in about thirty.”

Amazingly, we managed to get checked in, stow the luggage in the suite adjoining the room I’d stayed in the previous night and shepherd everyone over to the park just in time for soundcheck. If the goodbye I gave Natalie and the kids before making my way over to the practice space Epcot had set up for us was a little strained, no one pointed it out.

It wasn’t much of a soundcheck, because the park couldn’t spare a real theater for us to rehearse in, but it was better than nothing. The roadies were already nearly finished setting up our gear in the large banquet hall when I finally found my way there. Isaac was tuning his guitar, but he at least managed to raise his head and give me a nod when I walked in. Zac, on the other hand, seemed to be doing everything in his power not to notice I was in the room at all.

Something told me it was going to be a long day.

After an unusually quiet and unproductive soundcheck, we all went our separate ways to have lunch with our families before the first concert of the afternoon. I realized that left Zac on his own, since his wife and kids were back at home, and so I scurried after him as he practically sprinted out of the building.

“Zac, wait,” I said, grabbing his arm perhaps a bit more roughly than was necessary. Then again, maybe there was no such thing with him.

“What?” He asked, spinning around to glare at me.

“I just… I mean… well, did you want to get lunch with us? With me and Nat and the kids, I mean.”

His eyes narrowed. “Why would I want to do that?”

I stared at him for a moment and sputtered out a few not-quite-words. It occurred to me that I could order him to eat lunch with me. But should I? The look on his face, which was turning from a glare to something a bit more tortured, suggested that I probably shouldn’t. Why had I been stupid enough to think that would be a good idea? After everything I had learned about Zac’s feelings for me, why did I think he would want to be in the presence of my wife and so-called happy family? I wasn’t even sure _I_ wanted to be there.

“Nevermind,” I finally said. “Just… do whatever you were gonna do. Maybe we can talk after the show.”

“Yeah, maybe.”

The way he said it told me that we wouldn’t. I wasn’t sure why I had even suggested it in the first place. What did we have to talk about right then? Nothing that I could think of—at least, nothing that would accomplish anything more than just putting us in a bad mood. A bad mood was the last thing we needed before a concert; it was a miracle this tour hadn’t suffered yet thanks to everything happening in our private lives.

In the end, I didn’t get a chance to talk to him until after the second concert of the evening. There was only a small break between the shows, hardly even time for anyone who wanted to leave the audience to give up their seats to anyone new. Natalie and the kids didn’t make it out of their reserved seats stage center, but I did manage to poke my head around the side of the stage and give them a wave. Without them by my side, there wasn’t much standing between me and Zac. No reason for us not to talk.

Okay, there were plenty of reasons. But larger than that was our need to talk, or at least my need to talk to him.

“Hey, Zac,” I said softly, startling him a bit as he fiddled with one of his drumsticks, twirling it mindlessly. 

His other hand rubbed lightly at his tattoo, something that I was sure couldn’t be good for it while it was still so fresh. At least it gave me a fairly neutral conversation topic. “Is it still itching?”

“A little,” he said. “Is that why you wanted to talk? To check on how my tattoo is healing?”

“No,” I replied. “Well, yeah, I mean. Obviously I care. I’d help you take care of it if I could get away.”

“I bet you would.” There was something a little dark in his voice, but then he reached out and tweaked my newly pierced nipple. The smirk on his face said that whatever had put him in a sour mood was forgotten, at least for the moment.

“Cute,” I said, trying my best not to wince. It hurt, sure, but a wave of pleasure followed quickly on the heels of that pain. “Look, we’re okay, right?”

Zac blinked rapidly, his face a picture of pure innocence—a fairly convincing one, too. “Why wouldn’t we be?”

“I don’t know, I just… you know, with everything that’s happening…” I trailed off. I wasn’t sure where I was going with any of those scattered words anyway.

“Guilty conscience?” Zac asked softly, just a hint of judgment in his words.

“What?” I asked. “Well, I mean, yeah… having them all here is making me think. I’m not backing out of anything, it’s just—just thinking. That’s all.”

“Do too much of that and you’ll hurt yourself.” His sardonic smile hid any real emotions Zac was feeling, and I wasn’t sure I wanted to know them in the first place.

“Yeah,” I replied, my own lips twitching up into what felt like a smirk. “But you know I like the pain.”

Before Zac could respond to that, Bex walked by and called out how few minutes we had left until the next show was set to begin. Zac just slapped his hand across my chest as he walked past, his fingers grazing my nipple, and gave me a smile.

I had been the one to initiate that conversation, but I had no idea at all what to make of it.

The next several hours blurred together—one last concert, a late dinner with the entire family gathered together, and finally the struggle to get everyone back to the hotel in one piece. I didn’t feel like I could breathe again until we were back in the room. Natalie settled the older kids into the adjoining room, leaving the door between the two open, and I took a nice, long shower. It didn’t go very far toward washing away all of my sins, but it did soothe a few of my aching muscles.

“Tired?” Nat asked, glancing up from the book she was reading in bed as I walked back into the room wearing nothing but a clean pair of boxers. Her eyes widened until they were comically large, and I realized too late that nothing about the situation was funny. “What—tell me I’m seeing things.”

“Umm,” I stuttered out, then gave shrug and a dismissive smile. “Spur of the moment decision? You liked my earring, didn’t you?”

“We were teenagers then,” she replied. Blushing a little, she added, “And I probably would have said I loved it if you… I don’t know, shaved your head. Dyed your hair pink. You really think I would have criticized anything about you then?”

It was a revealing, personal admission, and it only made me feel worse. But I couldn’t be honest with her. Instead, I fell back on a weak attempt at a joke. “Maybe I’ll shave my head now and see what you think.”

“Is this an early midlife crisis?” She asked, somewhat teasingly, but her furrowed brows said she was genuinely worried, too.

“No,” I replied, finally climbing into the bed. “I don’t know. Maybe. Guess I just wanted to try something new or different or whatever.”

Natalie sat her book down on the bedside table and gave me a small smile. “Run those ideas by me next time so I can tell you how stupid they are, hmm?”

“That’s what wives are for, right?” I asked, grinning. “Telling husbands when they’re being stupid?”

“I suppose so,” she replied, but then giggled. To my surprise, she reached out and flicked the small ring, not unlike Zac had done earlier. The comparison made me feel a little sick to my stomach. “I guess you could have done worse things to your body.”

 _I probably have_ , I thought, but had the sense not to say. At least the whip marks from Scott’s last visit hadn’t lingered; he was practiced enough to know how to hurt without injuring. There was no way I could explain marks like that, nor could I explain the padlock that suddenly felt like it was burning a hole in my neck. At least it was tangled in with the rest of my necklaces so that she’d have to be looking for it to find it.

And after a decade of marriage, we had both learned there were some questions we just didn’t want to ask.

Natalie was just scratching the surface of all the bad things I had done during this tour; if she ventured much further, I was confident she would have the sense to realize it was time to stop. She was smart enough to instinctively know when I had been bad, but she was also smart enough to know when she just didn’t want to know the truth.

It wasn’t an ideal way to make a marriage work, but it was ours.

“Mmm,” she said softly, her hand venturing away from the nipple ring and tangling into my chest hair. “Well, this is fun… but I need to get these contacts out and get some sleep. It’s been a long day for all of us.”

She glanced over at our daughter in the hotel provided crib, already fast asleep. Whatever ideas my new piercing were inspiring in her, they probably weren’t appropriate to act out with a baby in the room. That was a relief, at least. While there would be other opportunities over the next few days together, I really couldn’t stomach the thought of playing my husbandly role that much right then. Zac was right. I was suffering from a major case of guilty conscience, and my nearly perfect wife was making it that much worse.

“I’ll be back in a minute, hmm?” Nat said, pushing back the covers and standing up.

She walked to the bathroom to start her nightly routine, leaving the bathroom door open as she tied her hair back and began pulling creams, soaps and contact holders out of her bag. I sighed and glanced around the room. It occurred to me that I hadn’t called or texted Scott. Natalie kicked the bathroom door shut, and I saw my opportunity.

My guilty conscience roared to life again and I tried my best to swallow it down, ignore it. I reached for my phone and scrolled through the recent texts until I saw Scott’s name.

_Hey, baby. Long day here at the happiest place on earth. I would be happier if you were here, though._

**You’re such a dork. Everything ok?**

_Couldn’t be better. About to go to sleep. But you know I had to check in and I thought you’d wanna see…_

I flipped over to the camera and took a quick selfie. It wasn’t my best angle, and the bags under my eyes were so big that no filter could hide them. But what mattered was that the nipple ring was clearly visible. I sent the picture off to Scott, then waited for his reply.

**Wanna see what??**

**Oh. Hello there. Lookin good, babe.**

_Thank you :)_

**Get some sleep. I know you need it. Love ya.**

_Love you, too._

I closed the texts, then on a second thought put the phone on silent and flipped it onto the screen before setting it back down on the bedside table and plugging it into the charger. Not going through each others’ phones was an unspoken rule in my marriage, but I still didn’t want to take any chances. If Natalie started to get truly suspicious, I didn’t want to think about what she was capable of, especially if she teamed up with Zac’s currently absent wife and her persistent jealousy and criticism... even though Zac actually was the perfect husband, unlike myself.

A moment later, Nat walked back into the room, her hair still in a ponytail and her face a little flushed and free of makeup. “You should be asleep already. You’ve got that interview tomorrow morning, don’t you?”

“I guess so,” I said softly, ashamed that she remembered my schedule better than I did, and ashamed that she’d said virtually the same thing Scott had said. “You know me. I’ll load up on caffeine and I’ll be fine.”

“You shouldn’t do that to yourself,” my wife said as she settled into the bed and pulled the covers over us.

“Yeah, I know,” I replied softly. There were so many things I shouldn’t do to myself; living on coffee was fairly low down on the list.

“Are you alright?” She asked, snuggling up close to me.

“Yeah,” I lied. “It’s just been a long tour so far. And we’ve still got nearly a month before we get a real break…”

“Don’t think about how long until the break,” she said, resting her head on my shoulder. “Just think about how good it will be to go home, get away from all of this for a while.”

“Yeah,” I croaked out. “Goodnight, Nat.”

“Goodnight, Tay.”

If only she had any clue. Maybe she knew more than she let on, though. She couldn’t know exactly how this tour had treated me so far, but I wore my emotions loudly. She knew something was up, something that I didn’t think going home for our short Thanksgiving break could fix.


	22. Chapter 22

Oct. 28, 2013. The Priory Hotel, Pittsburgh, PA.

**_Taylor_ **

Our few days in Orlando passed by quickly, like a dream. All too soon we were back in the real world, back to the regular tour grind. With our family gone and no one to really keep us apart, it should have been easier to start on Zac’s punishments, but I found myself delaying a bit. I told myself it was just to give us both time to heal from our recent body modifications, but I knew there was a little more to it than just that. If I were totally honest with myself, I was nervous. Just this side of scared shitless, really, to actually _punish_ him.

But I had to, I knew, to uphold the promises I’d made both him and Scott.

That was little consolation--none, really--but it was all I had. If I was going to be all in, I had to act like it. It was easier said than done. Finally, in Pittsburgh, I worked up the nerve to deliver the first punishment. We were sharing a hotel room that night, and so I sat on the bed and waited--impatiently--while Zac showered to deliver the news. 

He seemed to be taking his sweet time, probably because he instinctively knew that I was dying with anticipation of… something.

I didn’t even try to resist the urge to let my eyes travel up and down his towel-clad body when he finally emerged from the bathroom. 

“See something ya like?” He asked, smirking.

I grinned shamelessly. “You know I do.”

Zac stepped in closer to me, slowly, teasingly pulling the towel away from his body. “Yeah?”

“Yeah,” I echoed.

Zac’s only response was to lick his lips, then brush his fingers over my nipple ring. It was still incredibly sensitive, and I whimpered pathetically at his touch.

“You really like it, don’t you?” I asked, referring to the little silver ring.

“Mhm,” Zac replied, giving it a tug.

I gasped in both pleasure and pain, and Zac quickly dropped to his knees in front of me, placing a hand on my hip and leaning in to flick his tongue at my nipple. I let out a groan at that, my resolve faltering as Zac sucked greedily, a moan falling from his lips as well.

“Zac…” I groaned, mustering up all my courage to grab his hair and pull him back. “Not right now.”

“Aww.” He pouted, and again I felt myself faltering. I was weak and pathetic, no doubt about it.

“I still owe you a few punishments, you know…”

Zac blinked slowly, as though he were having trouble processing exactly what I had said. A tiny smile graced his lips, and I was sure that he did in fact understand my meaning, even if he didn’t know the specifics.

I nudged him aside as I stood up and walked across the room to my suitcase. As I rummaged through it, I spoke. “See, the problem with you… is finding a punishment that you’re not gonna just enjoy.”

Zac giggled, which was as good as agreeing with me. He knew I was right, even though I was constantly shocked by the depraved things he agreed to. If he had a limit, I hadn’t seen any signs of it.

“But…” I said, finding what I was looking for and heading back to the bed with the items in hand. “I think this will do.”

“Th-that’s…” Zac stuttered, his eyes widening comically.

“It’s what?” I asked, even though I knew perfectly well what it was. It was, in fact, the relatively small butt plug Scott and I had used on Zac during his last visit. Along with it, I’d grabbed a bottle of lube, because I didn’t want to _actually_ hurt Zac. I wasn’t so sure he would complain if I did, though, and that scared me more than I wanted to think about right then or ever.

Zac blushed. “He gave it to you?”

“Mhm.” I smirked. “Just… in case I needed it.”

Zac’s eyes fell, and I had a sinking feeling the mention of Scott and our encounter with him was part of the cause. I decided not to dwell on that, or let Zac dwell on it, choosing instead to keep the mood as light--relatively speaking, considering what we were about to do--and sexy as possible. 

“Now,” I said softly, “you took it before. I know you can handle it.”

He nodded. “Yes, Master.”

“Good.” I smirked. “Because you’re gonna wear it all day.”

Zac coughed and sputtered a bit. “All day?!”

“Is that a problem?”

He blinked. “B-but… you’ll take it out before the show, right?”

“What exactly do you think ‘all day’ means?” I asked him, not so sure he was just trying to be obtuse. There was genuine surprise on his face, and the tiny, dormant Dom inside of me pointed out that that was a good thing. 

His blushed deepened, but he didn’t respond. I chose to let that go unpunished, at least for the moment, because I knew I was already pushing him pretty far--farther, perhaps, than either of us was ready to go.

“You’ll take it out when I say you can,” I replied, doing my best to ignore Zac’s worried little whimper. “And then… well, we’ll just see how good you are all day.”

Zac pouted, and I felt my resolve wavering. I let out a sigh and tried to remember that his resistance was just part of the game. He wanted this. 

With as stern a look on my face as I could manage, I asked, “Is there a problem?”

“No,” Zac replied, but his pout remained firmly in place.

“Okay,” I said. “Hands and knees.”

He grumbled, but crawled onto the bed and assumed the position. His towel had fallen away completely, leaving him entirely naked for me. 

“I’m sorry, what was that?” I asked.

“Nothing,” Zac replied, still a hint of a grumble in his voice.

I smacked his ass lightly, barely more than just a warning. “Better be nothing.”

He whimpered, but didn’t reply or resist any further. That was good enough for me. I ran my hand up and down his back, just enjoyed the way his soft, smooth skin felt, then finally let my fingers trail further down, between his cheeks. Immediately, his hips rocked back, trying to bring me closer to him.

I gave him another smack with my left hand, one finger of the right just barely slipping inside, teasing him. “So fucking needy.”

Zac merely gasped, and I took that as encouragement.

“Such a little slut…” I slid my finger in and out as I taunted him. “No matter how much I give you, you always want more, don’t you?”

“Mhm,” he agreed, nodding his head.

I slid my finger out, grabbed the bottle of lube and gave the plug a liberal coating of it before pressing it against Zac’s entrance. “But the thing is… this plug isn’t really that big…”

Still obviously eager, Zac pushed his hips back again, a soft moan falling from his lips.

“See?” I asked, pushing just the tip of the plug into him; it met with hardly any resistance.“Not big at all…”

Zac shook his head, already breathing heavily, his chest heaving with the effort of it.

I pushed an inch or so of the plug into him; once again, it slid in easily. “Not as big as your toy…”

“No…” Zac replied.

“Not as big as Scott’s cock… or mine…” I continued, sliding it in and out of him, just playing with him.

“N-no…” Zac whined, rocking his hips back and forth, trying to imitate my movements. 

Finally done teasing him, because I wasn’t sure how much more _I_ could take, I slid the plug all the way in. “You can take so much more than this, can’t you?”

“Yes,” Zac replied.

“So this?” I leaned over him and lowered my voice, surprising myself with how deep and husky it sounded. “It’s just gonna be teasing you all day. Not enough to really satisfy you.”

His only response was a whimper.

“See?” I patted Zac’s ass. “That’s what makes it a punishment.”

He whimpered again.

I backed away from him and admired my work. I had to admit, this had been a good idea. I was already so turned on by it that I didn’t know how I was going to make it through the day, and I was sure it would be even worse for Zac. I may not have been a natural Dom, but it was clear enough that I was naturally pretty damn twisted. With a smirk on my face, I remarked, “Acting all pitiful isn’t gonna work on me, Zac.”

He glanced over his shoulder, giving me his best puppy dog eyes. They were good, but I had to be firm, no matter how difficult it was.

“Nope,” I replied, shaking my head. “You’re gonna wear it all day.”

Zac sighed. “Yes, Master.”

“Good boy.” With a grin on my face, I smacked his ass. “Now… get dressed. We gotta go.”

He gasped at the harsh touch, then carefully eased himself into a sitting position. His body tensed at the new sensations that caused, and I felt my grin growing as I watched his muscles contract.

“Oh, you’re fine,” I said.

Zac just rolled his eyes. I should have punished him for that, I knew, but I had a feeling that he was getting punishment enough right then. It was definitely going to be a long day… for both of us.

****

****  
_Zac_  


Sometimes I wanted to hate Taylor. This was one of those times. I’d been wearing the plug all day, like he ordered, and it was enough to get my motor running, but that was about it. I’d been on edge all day, and I knew it was showing. I’d barely said a word during our interview in the morning, and snapped at Ike during sound check. I needed to keep it together, but I didn’t know how long I could last.

The concert was a special kind of hell; all the moving and rocking and grinding I normally did while drumming was making everything feel ten times more intense, driving me even closer to the edge. And Taylor was showing off worse than ever, shaking his ass and throwing me teasing glances. He could tell how worked up I was, and was loving it. I knew it would be worth it, though; Tay would give me my hard-earned release if I could just hold out a little longer.

After the final bow, Tay pulled me offstage and dragged me into a secluded corner. The look in his eyes made me wonder which of us was more turned on by my punishment.

“How ya feeling?” He asked, as if I had no reason to be anything other than fine.

“Peachy,” I snarled. Snapping at him wasn’t going to help any, but I was frustrated, and not entirely in control of my emotions.

“Be nice,” he cooed, running a hand down my chest. “It’s not more than you can handle, is it?”

“No…”

“I didn’t think so.” His hand continued down its path, grazing against the obvious bulge in my jeans. 

Instinctively I leaned forward, grinding against him. “Mmm, and now you’re all worked up, huh?” He gripped me, not hard, but enough to make me whimper.

“Mhm…”

“But,” he said slowly, pulling back and smirking; I almost wanted to deck him for being such a tease. “Since it’s clearly not too much for you to take… I think you can stand to leave it in a little longer.”

I pouted, whining; I knew how desperate and pathetic I was acting, but I didn’t care. But of course, my reaction only made him giggle.

“Aw, just a little bit longer. You can take it out once we get back to the hotel.”

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

“Okay,” I sighed. 

He smirked at me, giving my ass a smack as he walked past me. Yeah… sometimes I really wanted to hate him.  
After that we got cleaned up and went out to greet the fans. The longer I had to wait, the worse my mood got. Time wore on, girl after girl after girl shoving cds, ticket stubs, and decades-old posters in front of me to sign. I wasn’t being as friendly to them as usual, and I knew they could probably tell; I felt bad, but I could barely think straight.

Every now and then I glanced over at Taylor, and every time I saw the same shit-eating grin on his pretty mouth. He didn’t always come out to meet the fans, and when he did he never stayed out this long. He was really getting into the whole torture thing, maybe a little _too_ into it. I started to envision tying him to the bed and fucking him myself if he didn’t give me what I wanted; despite this sudden power-trip, he was a sub at heart, so I doubted he’d complain _that_ much.

On the bus ride back to the hotel, I tried to corner him in the back lounge and demand my reward, but he conveniently got a phone call as soon as we started moving. I didn’t know if it was Natalie or Scott, and I didn’t really care. I sat in the back alone, sulking. I knew he wouldn’t keep me hanging forever, but I’d never been a patient guy. 

I heard him laugh at something, and pouted more. I didn’t like thinking about his relationships, but what hurt more was just how happy he seemed with Scott. It was immature and stupid to get jealous, but… I couldn’t help it. Still, at least I had him in some way, and I took a twisted pleasure knowing I got more of his time than both of them combined.

Finally we reached the hotel, and Tay had to say goodbye to whichever lover he was currently sweet-talking. I grinned a bit, that jealousy flaring up again; they saw him on breaks, but on tour he was all mine. And I couldn’t wait to take full advantage of that.

“You have fun talking to the fans, Zac?” He asked, still grinning like a cheshire cat; he was taking his sweet-ass time getting the door to our hotel open, pushing me just that little bit further.

“Yeah. Loads.”

“Aw, I know how much you love hanging out there, signing every single autograph, no matter how long it takes…”

“Pretty sure some of them doubled up.” I was positive I’d seen some of the faces more than once. I never said anything, but it always irked me a bit.

“Damn, they’re getting smart,” Tay laughed. “They get an A for effort, anyway.”

“Yeah…” I grumbled, kicking off my shoes and collapsing face down onto the bed.

“Aw, somebody tired?”

“Exhausted,” I mumbled into the mattress. All the sexual tension was starting to really wear on me, bordering on not even being enjoyable anymore.

“Well, I hope you’re not too tired,” Tay said quietly, sitting on the bed and rubbing my back; I turned my head to look at him. “I mean, you have been pretty good today. Took your punishment well.”

I nodded eagerly, hoping I’d finally get my reward.

“You think you’ve earned a treat?” He asked, and I nodded again. He ran his hand down my back slowly, barely grazing my ass. “Hmm… I don’t know…”

“Tay,” I whined, squirming.

“Yeah, baby?”

“Can I _please_ have sex now?”

“Well, since you asked so nicely.” He stood up, pulling his shirt over his head; I couldn’t have hid my grin if I tried, and I didn’t care enough to. “See you just gotta be good… now, hurry up and strip.”

I stood up and pulled my clothes off as quick as I could, almost tripping on my jeans. I watched as Taylor stepped out of his own pants.

“Good boy,” he said, smirking. “Hands and knees on the bed.”

“Yes, Master.” I nodded once, then got into position. I felt the mattress dip with his weight, then felt his fingers trailing down my back. I trembled slightly, his hand cool.

“How’d it feel, huh?” He asked, running his hand over my ass. “Wearing it all day…”

“It… it was okay.” It really wasn’t, but I supposed it could have been worse, and I didn’t want to complain and have him make me wait even longer.

“Just okay?” he asked, smacking my ass lightly.

“It… didn’t hurt. I guess it felt… I dunno, just okay…” 

“Just sorta teased you a little, huh? Left you wanting more?” Tay touched the base of the plug, the motion causing it to shift slightly.

“Mhm…”

“Yeah, you want me to give you more?” He began to tug on the plastic, pulling it out of me partly.

“Yes, please Master…”

He slid it in and out a little, kissing my back. I closed my eyes and gripped the sheets, trying to take in every little sensation.

“You have been a good boy today. I guess you’ve earned it.”

“Th-thank you,” I sighed, moaning as he removed the plug I felt his hands on my ass, rubbing it slowly, and his mouth, moving lower down my back. My eyes opened as I started to wonder how far he was going to go.

“Mm… Yeah, you’re all ready for me, aren’t you?”

“Y-yes,” I whimpered, trembling; I could feel his breath on me as he spread my cheeks. Suddenly I felt his tongue, just barely brushing against my opening, and I gasped. I’d never even imagined him doing _that_ , and didn’t even know it was something I wanted until he did it. But oh, it felt amazing, sending a shock of electric pleasure through me. 

When he spoke, his voice was low, his tone dark, and it made me shiver almost as much as the thought of what he was about to do.

“I said you earned a treat, didn’t I?”


	23. Chapter 23

Oct. 28, 2013. The Priory Hotel, Pittsburgh, PA.

**_Taylor_ **

There was a special place reserved for me in hell. I was certain of that. But seeing Zac like that, so ready for me and so needy… it just did things to me. He truly had taken his punishment well, and I couldn’t resist the urge to reward him for that. 

His voice went up an octave as he voiced his agreement that he’d been good enough to deserve something special, and I couldn’t help chuckling softly at him. That moment of amusement passed quickly, though, replaced by pure desire. I darted my tongue out again, letting it slide into Zac. 

“Tay!” He gasped out.

“Mhm?”

“D-do that again,” he replied breathlessly.

I chuckled a little, realizing this was surely the first time anyone had done such a thing to him--hell, it was the first time I had been on the giving end--and in his current state, it was probably just a bit more than he could handle. Still, I decided to give him what he asked for, letting my tongue slide in and out of him slowly at first.

Zac moaned loudly, rocking his hips back toward me. That only further encouraged me, and I picked up the pace until I was practically fucking him with my tongue. I couldn’t help letting out a moan of my own; I hadn’t given it much thought before deciding to try this out on Zac, but it turned out I really, really liked it, too… perhaps almost as much as he did.

“F-fuck, Ta… Master… please…” Zac gasped out, and from the corner of my eyes, I could see him gripping the sheets tightly.

I pulled back. “Please what?”

His only response was a whimper.

Giving his ass a hard smack, I repeated, “Please _what_?”

“I… I don’t…” He gasped out, his words barely more than whimpers.

“You don’t what, baby?” I asked a bit more gently, caressing the spot I had smacked. He had to be overwhelmed, I was sure, and I knew there was a fine line between pushing him and pushing him too far. 

“I don’t… I don’t know…”

“You don’t know… what you want?” I asked, trying to guide him toward an answer without prodding too much.  
He nodded.

I let out a soft chuckle, realizing that he was already very, very far gone. I didn’t know whether to be worried or pleased with myself that I had pushed him so hard that he couldn’t even make his own decisions and was entirely reliant on me… his master. “Oh, baby… you know you don’t have to pick, right?”

Zac merely glanced over his shoulder at me, a somewhat quizzical look on his face.

“Zac, I’m gonna fuck you. But…” I grinned, and flicked my tongue against him. “We can do a little more of this first.”

He let out a little moan, then said, “Th-thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” I replied, giving him a little smile.

He rocked his hips back in response, and I chuckled softly at his neediness. Nevertheless, I complied, leaning back in and swirling my tongue just around his entrance. I tried to steady his trembling with a hand on his hip as I pressed my tongue into him again. Once again, Zac rocked back against me, helping me to set a rhythm as I essentially fucked him with my tongue.

Zac glanced over his shoulder at me and a shiver ran through my body. I pulled back, breathless, and said, “God, Zac… I love your ass…”

I punctuated the statement by pressing a kiss to his left cheek, and Zac just blushed. I moved back in, but he finally spoke, causing me to pause.

“Tay?” Zac said, biting his lip as though he were nervous about what he wanted to say.

“Yeah, baby?”

“C-can you…” 

“Hmm?” I couldn’t even be annoyed; he was adorable, struggling to say what he wanted.

“Can you,” he began again, his voice lower, “fuck me now?”

“You don’t have to ask me twice,” I replied with a chuckle as I sat up and moved into position behind Zac. Without giving him a chance to say anything else, I thrust into him all at once, slipping easily in with just one thrust.

“Fuck!” Zac cried out, and I echoed the sentiment, my entire body shaking so hard I had to grasp Zac’s hips to stay upright. He glanced over his shoulder at me. “You okay?”

“Mhm,” I replied. “Been thinking about this all day…”

“Yeah?” Zac asked as I slowly began to thrust. “Me too.”

“Yeah, I bet you have been,” I replied. “Wishing it was me instead of that little plug…”

He mumbled his agreement, his entire body shaking as I built up my speed.

“Fuck,” I moaned out. “I oughta make you wear that more often, keep you all ready for me…”

“Yes…” Zac moaned.

I grasped his hips, my fingernails digging into his soft flesh, and pulled him back against me. “Yeah, you’d like that, wouldn’t you? You little slut.”

“Yes, Master,” he whined.

“Fuck,” I panted. “Love your slutty little ass.”

“Y-yes,” Zac replied. “Love your cock..”

“Yeah?” I asked, grinning as I thrust into him even harder. “Tell me how much you love it, baby.”

“Love it so much,” he moaned.

I grabbed his hair and pulled him upright, not breaking my rhythm at all. “Such a good little slut.”

“Yes, Master,” he replied, his hand reaching back to grasp at my hair. “So good for you.”

“Fuck,” I moaned out as he tugged at my hair, something I was enjoying too much to even think of punishing him for. Without thinking, I said, “Kiss me, Zac.”

He turned his head to blink at me, his eyes full of surprise. 

I took his chin in my hand, making sure he didn’t turn away even though I knew it wasn’t the most comfortable position for kissing. “Was that a question?”

Zac just whimpered in response, then leaned in and crushed his lips against mine. I nibbled on his bottom lip as I found my rhythm again. I felt dampness on my cheeks, and didn’t know what to make of that, but I was too far gone to really question it. 

I pulled back, somewhat reluctantly, from the kiss and rested my head against Zac’s.

“T-Tay…” he said softly, a sniffle escaping along with his words.

“Yeah, baby?”

“So good…” He replied.

“Mhm,” I replied, grinning with relief that he still seemed happy enough. “You sure are.”

“So good to me,” he clarified, kissing up my neck and nibbling on my ear.

I mumbled my agreement--at least, I was trying to be good to him---and dug my fingernails into his hips. 

“Don’t deserve you…” Zac mumbled, kissing my neck, my cheek, any patch of my skin he could find, it seemed.

“S’not true,” I replied, almost too breathless to speak. “You deserve to be treated so well, Zac.”

He sniffled and looked down, his dark eyelashes concealing his eyes so that I couldn’t even begin to guess what he was thinking or feeling.

I pulled back a bit and said softly, “Lay down, baby.”

Zac blinked up at me, confusion written all over his face.

“Lay down,” I said more sternly. “On your back.”

“O-okay…” Zac replied a bit nervously, but still nodded and laid down carefully. 

I climbed on top of him, nudging his legs apart and lining myself up. Instead of immediately thrusting into him, though, I leaned down and gave him a gentle kiss. This sudden need to shower him with affection was strange, and I wasn’t entirely sure I understood it. All I knew was that it seemed necessary to me right then. Maybe I needed it even more than Zac did. 

Even though he probably didn’t understand it either, he kissed me back. I cupped his cheek in my hand as we kissed, and slid into him gently. Zac whimpered, but gave little other resistance, and a moment later I felt his arms hesitantly wrap around me.

I built up a slow but steady pace, thrusting deeply into him each time until our moans mingled together in perfect harmony. Zac held on tightly to me and I felt those strange emotions bubbling up again.

“So good, Zac,” I breathed out.

“Yes, you are,” he replied.

I leaned down and nipped at his neck. “No, you are.”

Zac’s only response was a gasp, and that spurred me on.

“So fucking good,” I continued, punctuating the statement by nibbling on his neck again, then licking the spot I had bitten.

He just whimpered and tightened his grasp on me, as though he were afraid I would leave if he weren’t holding me in place. I rested my head against his, hoping he knew that wasn’t a valid fear, but the tears I felt rolling down his cheeks told me that he didn’t entirely believe it. When he placed a gentle kiss on the tip of my nose, I had to giggle, both out of surprise and relief.

“So fucking cute,” I said, smiling down at him.

Zac let out a sad laugh that I knew meant he didn’t agree with me.

“Hey,” I said as sternly as I could manage. “You are. Don’t argue.”

He sniffled, but forced himself to nod. His voice shaking a bit, he replied, “Th-thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” I replied

I leaned down to give him a kiss that I hoped would soothe his worries. I felt more than heard his shaky sigh, but he slowly relaxed into the kiss, although his grip on me only tightened as I deepened the kiss and rolled my hips harder against his. Again, I felt the tears rolling down his cheeks and pulled back, resting my forehead against his and staring into his beautiful, sad eyes. He stared back at me, one fat tear rolling down his cheek.

Was it me? Had I done something wrong, or was it just the emotion of the whole thing? I didn’t know. All I knew was that I couldn’t bear the thought that I might have somehow hurt him when all I wanted was to give him what he wanted and protect him at the same time. Maybe it was wishful thinking, but I had to try. Shaking a little, I leaned down and kissed every inch of his face, from his fluttering eyelids to his parted lips. Another fat tear fell from his eye and I kissed that spot, too, licking up the salty liquid. 

Zac gave a little gasp at that, and I could feel him shivering all over. I didn’t know what he needed from me, and chances were he didn’t know either, but I knew what I needed. I needed him to know how much all of this meant to me, how I needed this perhaps as much as he did, if not in the same way. 

Touching his cheek gently, I said the only thing that came close to expressing what I really felt. “Love you, baby.”

****

**  
_Zac_  
**

I stared up at Tay in shock. I felt my lip shaking; I really, really didn’t want to cry any more than I already had, but my eyes were hot and stinging. The words I’d wanted to hear from him for so long, the words I’d never thought I’d hear him say... and they hurt worse than I could have imagined.

“D-don’t.”

“What?” Tay’s brow furrowed; did he really not understand? I looked away, mentally cursing the tear that I could feel rolling down my cheek.

“Just… don’t. I…”

“Zac…”

“Don’t ruin it, okay?” I closed my eyes; I didn’t even want to look at him right then, because I knew if I did I would fall for it. I’d fall for his words and let myself believe the lie. And when the truth came crashing down… I didn’t know if I could take it.

“Yeah. Okay.”

I had to push my feelings aside and just enjoy what I had. I reached down to stroke myself, forcing myself to focus on the physical pleasure. Still, his voice rang in my head, the words echoing in the background, taunting me. I heard him sigh, and felt him speed up; maybe he wanted to hurry up and get it over with, and right then I was fine with that.

He felt amazing; it wasn’t hard to get lost in how he felt thrusting into me. I let out a soft moan, and heard him whimper. I looked up at him; his eyes were squeezed shut tight as he moaned. He looked so beautiful. I reached up to touch his chest; this was all I had, but I was still happy to have it. As my fingers brushed his skin he gasped, his eyes flying open to meet mine. His eyes were watering; why did he look like he was about to cry? I didn’t know, but just as I’d feared, I felt myself getting sucked in by their depths of emotion, feeling my own eyes watering again.

A couple tears fell from his eyes as he stared down at me; he bit his lip hard, and my mind registered how closely his expression mirrored how I felt. His words rang in my ears again… but no, he was lying. He had to have been. He loved Scott, not… I reached up to touch his cheek. He trembled, biting his lip harder, and the last shred of reserve I had dissolved. Even if he had just said it to please me, I didn’t care anymore.

I pulled him down and kissed him hard; he let out an adorable squeak that I normally would have teased him for. I felt tears on my cheek, and I didn’t know whose they were. I felt my chest heave as I sobbed, giving myself over completely. The physical pleasure seemed to amplify with the added emotions; my hips bucked against him as I held him tight.

“Fuck,” he cursed, his whole body shaking.

“T-tay…”

“Yeah…”

“S-so close.” I wasn’t going to last much longer; I didn’t want it to end, not now, but it was just too good, too overwhelming.

“Me too,” he nodded, whimpering again. I stared up at him, warring with myself over whether to speak what I felt or keep it in. Another tear rolled down his face, and I shivered, making up my mind. 

I braced myself and shivered as I said the words I’d forbidden myself from saying for so long “L-love… you.”

He closed his eyes, and I swore my heart stopped. That was it; I’d ruined everything. But then he spoke. “Love you too.”

That was all it took to send me over the edge. I gasped, trembling as I came harder than I could ever remember. He whimpered my name a moment later, filling me up and collapsing on top of me.

Before I could enjoy the warmth of the moment, reality came crashing back down. All my thoughts of him meaning what he said vanished, replaced with the cold, gripping knowledge that he could never really feel that way about me. And now on top of that, he had confirmation of just how fucked up I really was. 

I heard him sniffling a bit as he pulled out, but he stayed where he was, laying on me. Part of me, a big part, wanted him to just _go away_ and stop pretending, because it hurt worse than I ever thought it would. I turned my head away, not wanting to cry anymore but unable to stop. I heard him sigh as he rolled off of me, laying beside me. I curled up on my side, facing away. I couldn’t even look at him; it just hurt so fucking bad.

He held out a few tissues; I cleaned myself up quickly, staring at anything but him. A minute later I tensed up as I felt him curling up against me. 

“Z-zac?” Me said quietly, sniffling.

“What.” My voice sounded hoarse, and I hated it.

“Are you okay?”

“Fine.” What did he want from me? Why couldn’t he just leave me alone to sulk? The sadness gripping me started to twist into anger. 

“Zac,” he sighed.

“Why?” I deserved to know what I’d done to deserve this. I’d been good, done everything he’d asked. I felt horrible enough; why did he need to make it worse?

“Why what?”

“Why did you lie to me?” 

“Zac. I didn’t lie.”

“Yes, you did,” I said, raising my voice. “I just want to know why. Did you think it would make me feel better? Cuz it didn’t.”

“I didn’t lie,” he insisted, whimpering. 

“Stop it!” I yelled, flipping over to glare at him. He actually flinched away, like he thought I’d punch him or something. It could happen, if he didn’t stop lying.

“I get it,” I said, trying to keep my voice as calm as possible, which given my emotional state, wasn’t much. 

“You love him. You love me as a brother, but that’s it. I get that, and I’m trying to accept it. But then you pull this shit.” I felt my eyes stinging again, and I hated it more than ever; the last thing I wanted right then was to look weak. But I _was_ weak around Taylor, and always had been, so why should now be any different?

“If you want to fuck, that’s fine. But don’t try to pretend it’s something it isn’t. I stopped doing that.”

“Z-zac,” he tried again, his voice sounding weak, almost broken even. “You’re n-not listening to me.”

I sighed, but kept my mouth shut. Whatever he had to say, I didn’t really care anymore, but I’d let him try.

“I’m not lying,” he said again, his voice barely above a whisper. I eyed him, a chill running down my spine. I waited, but he didn’t say anything else, turning away and curling up.

“Tay,” I said softly. He looked so small, so vulnerable. Again, he looked like I felt.

“What?”

“I’m sorry I yelled.”

“S’okay…”

“I just… I mean, you said...” I sniffled, trying to put my thoughts into words. I was so confused; his words and his actions seemed completely disjointed. “

“I know what I said.”

“So then… how?” He wasn’t making any sense at all; in a way he was, but I couldn’t trust the train of thought my mind was on.

“How what?”

“People don’t just change their minds like that. Either you… you love someone, or you…”

“Or,” Tay said softly, “you fall in love with them without even realizing it’s happening?”

I blinked; wasn’t that exactly what had happened to me? Sure, it’d taken longer, but… suddenly it made sense, the conflicting messages he’d been sending. I felt a new surge of emotion come over me, the hope that maybe, just maybe, he really did feel the same. I reached out to touch his shoulder, but he flinched.

“Sorry,” I said, pulling away.

“S’okay,” he shrugged, and I sighed.

“Stop that. Stop just taking everything. I mean, I know you’re a sub, but come on.” It was probably the worst time to make jokes, but the tension was too thick, and heaven knew _he_ wouldn’t be the one to break it. He just groaned, though.

“What do you want me to do then?”

“You’re the Dom,” I replied, shrugging. Then, I got an idea. It was probably horrible, but I figured things couldn’t get much worse, so I gave him a tiny smile. “Make me believe you.”

I expected him to say something, or hesitate, but he just rolled his eyes and grabbed me, kissing me hard. 

If his words hadn’t convinced me, his kiss did. I moaned against his mouth, feeling everything he was pouring into it. I felt like crying, or laughing or both. I tangled my fingers in his hair, not wanting to ever let go. He slowly pulled away after a minute, though, nibbling on my bottom lip as he did. 

“Well?” he asked, panting and staring me down. I’d never seen him look at me that way before, and it scared me a little how strong and obvious the emotions behind it were.

“Hmm,” I said, smirking a little. “Not quite convinced yet…”

He groaned and rolled his eyes, and I giggled. After everything he’d put me through, he deserved a little teasing of his own.

“So… you mean it?” I pouted a little, still having a hard time believing this was really happening.

“I do,” he replied, nodding and pouting. For a moment I wondered what he had to be sad about, but then I realized. And just like that I was crashing again, so fast I felt a little nauseous. I looked down, afraid to ask, but I knew I had to.

“But what about Scott?”

“I don’t know,” he said softly. “I love him, too.”

I let out a shaky sigh. I was never going to have everything I wanted. But maybe that was for the best.  
“You should be with him then.”

“I am with him,” he sighed. “And it’s not like, I mean… We’re brothers, Zac. It doesn’t change how I feel, but…”

“I know,” I said, nodding. I gave him a smile, the best I could muster, but I knew it wasn’t much. “It’s okay. I can settle for being your sub.”

“Yeah?” He eyed me, sniffling again.

“Yeah. It’s better than nothing.”

“Okay… if you say so.”

He pulled me close, and I wrapped my arms around him. It wasn’t what I wanted, but it was the best he could offer, and it was more than I’d ever expected. He loved me; that was the important thing. No, we could never date, but like he’d said, it wasn’t like we could anyway. He loved me. And for that, it was worth taking what I could get.


	24. Chapter 24

Oct. 29, 2013. Acacia Ave., Glendale, CA.

_**Scott** _

I’d done it. I’d actually recorded something. It wasn’t much, just a couple demos, but still. It was the first time in a long time I’d had anything this close to a finished product, and it felt good… really good. I had Taylor to blame, I knew that for fact. He’d been the catalyst, the one who, whether he’d meant to or not, got me seriously thinking about what to do next. Thinking about the future. 

I ran a hand through my hair as I rolled my chair away from my desk. The future… It used to be something I was vaguely aware of, but avoided thinking too much about. Now, I couldn’t help it. I constantly wondered where I’d be in six months, in a year, in two years. It was looking more and more like music, the thing that used to be my entire reason for living, was starting to make a comeback. And then there was Tay.

If my personal future had been vague, any kind of future with another person was practically non-existent. But that was changing too. We hadn’t said as much, but it seemed like Tay and I were working towards… something. I didn’t know what yet, but something. It was scary as hell, but the good kind of scary, like being pulled to the top of a roller coaster. For the first time, I actually _wanted_ to think long-term.

I looked over at my phone at the sound of a beep; I took a swig of my beer and looked at the message. When it loaded, I damn near choked. Tay had taken a pic of himself sprawled out on his bed, wet hair splayed out around him, one hand playing with the silver ring on his nipple. The pic stopped just at his hips, but it was low enough to show what wasn’t there, namely clothes of any kind. His lips were caught between his teeth--naughty boy, breaking rules again--and his eyes stared up at the camera, all dark and hungry.

It only took me a second to dial his number.

“Hey, Scott.”

“Someone just sent me a very naughty picture,” I teased.

“Oh, really?” Tay giggled. 

“I love it,” I said in a lower voice. “Can’t wait to see it in person.”

“Can’t wait to show you. We get a break in two weeks, for the holiday.”

“Oh yeah?” You finally gonna come visit?” I asked.

“Mhm, I sure am.”

“I can’t wait, babe.” I grinned; I really was looking forward to seeing him, and not just the bits he’d snapped a pic of, although I was definitely looking forward to those, too.

“Me either… I miss you.”

“I miss you too,” I said softly, the tone of his voice turning my thoughts from erotic to sentimental. I was still getting used to thinking of anyone like that, but I had to admit I liked it.

“If we’re lucky, I can stay for a few days. I haven’t really figured out how to, um… get away. But I will.”

“Good,” I said. “No interruptions. Just you and me.”

Tay sighed happily. “Sounds great…”

“Yeah it does. So, I take it the piercing went well?”

“Mhm. It kinda hurt, but not too bad. I made Zac go with me…”

“Did he hold your hand?” I asked, chuckling. I could just imagine Tay sitting in the chair, squirming like a girl as the needle penetrated his skin… it was a pretty hot image, actually.

“Maybe…”

“Aw. How cute.” The addition of Zac to the mental image made it less hot, but only slightly.

“Yeah, well I had to hold his hand, too.”

“...Why?”

“The little bitch got a tattoo,” Tay answered, and I laughed hard.

“No shit, really?”

“Yup. Apparently he’d been thinking about it for a while, like years.”

“Wow. So what’d he get?” 

“An om. White ink, on his chest. It actually looks awesome.”

“Yeah, that sounds pretty cool,” I agreed, trying to picture it. Zac was pretty good looking already; a tattoo could only help his case, not that I was about to tell Tay that.

“I knew he had been pretty into the yoga thing for a while, but I had no clue he had ever thought about getting a tattoo,” Tay said. “I mean, he’s always drawing shit on himself, but it’s not really the same.”

“He’ll have to show me sometime.”

“I tried to get him to let me take a pic for you, but he’s kinda shy,” Tay said, giggling.

“Zac? Shy?” I said, chuckling. If there was a list of words I could think of to describe Zac Hanson, shy would be dead last.

“Well, about his body, at least,” Tay explained, and I nodded.

“Oh, yeah I guess so.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Tay asked after a second.

“Huh? Nothing. Just that I get being shy when you’re not exactly the typical _hot guy_ type.”

“And Zac’s not the typical hot guy type?”

“Well, not really,” I replied. “I’m not saying he isn’t good looking, just not in the usual way, you know?”

“No, I don’t know,” Tay sassed. I really didn’t like the attitude he was taking.

“I’m not trying to insult the guy. But you gotta admit, he doesn’t really fit the conventional idea of hot.”

“Yeah, well, neither do I.”

“Yeah, okay,” I snorted, rolling my eyes. Blond hair, blue eyes, and a body most guys would kill for… nothing conventionally hot about that. Of course, he was a little on the scrawny side. And maybe his eyes were just a little too feminine. “Okay, maybe you don’t. But that’s not a bad thing.”

“Well then it’s not a bad thing for Zac, either. He doesn’t have to be fucking perfect,” Tay spat.

“I never said it was a bad thing!” I shot back, frustration flaring up. “Jesus, I know you’re doing the whole protective bro thing, but relax.”

Taylor was silent for a minute, then he let out a heavy sigh “I’m sorry… It’s just, he’s a lot more sensitive about his looks than I knew.”

“...Did something happen?”

“Just something he told me, after he got the tattoo. I asked him how he was gonna explain it to his wife, because she’s… well, a prude. A huge prude. Like, world’s biggest prude.”

No wonder Zac had perma-bitch face, if he had a bitch for a wife. Especially now that I knew how twisted his tastes were; he probably wasn’t getting any kind of satisfaction at home.

“Apparently,” Tay went on, “it won’t be an issue, because she never sees him without his shirt. As in, she _refuses_ to see him without a shirt.”

“Oh. Wow.” Damn. Poor guy. That explained a lot about his self-esteem issues, considering how long he’d apparently been married.

“He probably wouldn’t like knowing that I told you that, but yeah. Anyway, it’s just another reason I don’t like that bitch. Never really have.”

“Yeah, I don’t blame ya.” If Tay got that defensive about what I’d said, I could only imagine how he felt about his bitch-in-law.

“She was kind of a package deal with Natalie, though.”

“Groupies… they travel in packs.” I remembered Taylor telling me about how he’d met his wife, at some mall concert back in the day.

“Mhm. It was pretty much a done deal that they were gonna get married once me and Natalie did.”

“That blows for him.” If there was one thing I could relate to, it was other people trying to make decisions for me. I’d fought it tooth and nail, but it’d cost me damn near everything to do so. In the position Zac’d been in at the time, I could understand not wanting to put up a fight and risk losing it all.

“Yeah… I never really did get why he puts up with her. Especially now that I know shit like that.”

“Yeah, well sorry ‘bout the comment, then.”

“Yeah, I wouldn’t really recommend calling him pudgy again,” Tay said in a warning tone that I’d normally call him out on. But in this case, it was understandable.

“Fair enough.”

“Anyway, I’ll try to get you a pic of the tattoo. But no promises.”

“Some Dom you are,” I snorted, and Tay let out an exasperated sigh.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m trying here.”

“Speaking of,” I said, remembering an order I’d given Tay, “did you punish him yet?”

“Um, well,” Tay stammered, stalling. “I did the one punishment. With the plug.”

“Mhm, how’d that go?”

“Oh, he was thrilled,” Tay snorted. “But… he was pretty good. He took it better than I expected.”

“Oh yeah? Did you make him wear it all day?” It seemed like Taylor need a distraction from the more serious discussion we’d been having. Plus the thought of Tay taking control over Zac like that was hot, to say the least. 

“Mhm. Even during the concert, and outside to greet the fans afterward.”

“Oh you are evil.”

“Yup,” he giggled. “And he stayed out there forever. Apparently some fans were doubling back to get more than one autograph.”

“He must’ve been on edge,” I said, chuckling. I could practically see Zac standing there, trying to smile politely while going silently insane.

“Oh, he was practically begging by the time we got back to the hotel.”

“I’ll bet he was,” I said, lowering my voice. “Did you give it to him right away, or did you tease him some more?”

“I teased him a little… not much. I mean, he had been pretty good and he was just so pitiful, whining and everything.”

“Needy little slut,” I murmured, chuckling. 

“He sure is.”

“So, gave the little bitch what he wanted, hm?”

“Yeah,” Tay sighed. 

“Tell me.” I seriously hoped my tone let him know that wasn’t a request, but an order. Something about hearing Tay talk about fucking around with his brother was way too hot.

“W-well, I teased him a little bit… sliding the plug in and out a little, talking about it.”

“Yeah,” I sighed, encouraging him to go on.

“And then I figured, you know, he’d been pretty good, so I’d try something a little new with him. Figured he’d like it.”

“Oh?” I asked, curious. “What’d you do?”

“Used, umm…” Tay mumbled, and I swore I could hear him blushing. “My tongue…”

“Ooh, dirty.” 

“Y-yeah, and he fucking loved it, too.”

“Mmm, I’ll bet he did, the little slut.” memories flashed behind my eyes for a moment, but I quickly pushed them aside, focusing on Tay’s voice. “Did you like it?”

“Yeah… He was just so pitiful, though. C-couldn’t decide if he wanted me to keep doing that or to fuck him. So, naturally, I did both.”

“Naturally,” I echoed in a mock-serious tone.

“B-but… Yeah, he took that punishment a lot better than I expected. He just got whiny, not bitchy.”

“Well that’s good,” I said, grinning. “Maybe he’s finally learning.”

“Maybe…”

“Can’t wait to see you. Maybe if you’re good I’ll lick your tight little ass again. Would you like that?” I asked. Tay whimpered, and I grinned wider, picturing him on his hands and knees for me.

“I’d love it,” he moaned.

“Alright then. Since you’ve been so good. You have been good, right?” I added. I felt like I could trust him again, now that I knew about the only possible distraction.

“Mhm, I’ve been good.”

“Good.” I paused, thinking. Zac wasn’t the _only_ other distraction, I reminded myself. “Hey babe, how often do you talk to the wife?”

“About every other day, I guess,” he said, and I nodded, chewing my lip.

“Can I ask you a serious question?”

“Yeah, of course.”

“I need you to be honest. Even if you don’t think I’ll like hearing it, I need truth on this,” I told him.

“Okay.”

I sighed heavily; I didn’t really want to ask this, but I had to know the truth. With all my thoughts about the future, I sometimes stubbornly--and maybe a little intentionally--forgot he was still technically married. But when I did remember, I hated the way it made me feel. I had to know if Tay and I were heading in the same direction. It wasn’t that I didn’t trust him; I just needed to know we were on the same page.

“Do you still love her?”

“No,” he said softly. “I haven’t for a long time.”

“Do you tell her you do?”

“As little as I can get away with, but… yeah.” 

I sighed again. I wasn’t surprised, and I didn’t really have a lot of room to be upset; he was still married to her, afterall.

“I don’t wanna ruin your marriage, not that it sounds all that happy to begin with…” I started, picking my words carefully. “I just don’t like the thought of you sayin’ those words to anyone else.”

“O-okay,” Tay replied.

“Do you think you could do that?” I asked quietly. I wasn’t asking much, but at the same time, I was asking a lot.

“I… I think so.”

I smiled. If he was willing to go that far… well, it had to mean something.

“I really do love you, ya know,” I told him. “Crazy as it sounds.”

“Yeah,” he agreed, laughing. “I know. I love you too.”

“I’ll see you soon, right?” I really wished he was there now, so I could hold him. Again, I wasn’t used to feeling so mushy. But with him, it felt right.

“Two weeks.”

“Good. Can’t come soon enough.”


	25. Chapter 25

Nov. 1, 2013. Hotel Le Crystal, Montreal, QB.

_**Zac** _

If there’s one thing my brothers should know about me, it’s that the more you try to keep something from me, the more I’m gonna want it. So of course it wasn’t long before I went searching for my toy. Not because I really wanted it; more because I wasn’t supposed to have it. I was rustling through Tay’s suitcase, positive I’d find it there, when instead I found… something else. Something even better.

I stared at the small black paddle. I ran my fingers over the leather-covered studs, the material soft and a little cold. I shivered and I closed my eyes, imagining how it would feel. I felt myself getting hard just thinking about it. This was a new level for us, and as physically exciting as it was, it made me smile for a different reason, too. If Tay felt comfortable stepping things up between us, it had to mean he was feeling more comfortable about our… relationship? It felt strange calling it that, but it seemed to me like the most appropriate label. And if he could juggle two relationships, why not three?

I considered my options, weighed the pros and cons of telling him I’d found it. He’d be mad at me for sure, both for looking for my toy and for going through his stuff. But that would just mean punishment, the perfect time to break in my find. But then again, if he was too mad at me, he might deny me, making me wait longer, or maybe even taking it away altogether. It wasn’t worth the risk, I decided, so I tucked it back where I’d found it. Besides, I wanted to see how Tay would bring it up, how he would set the mood. I could wait.

I ended up waiting a lot longer than I’d hoped.

A few days went by, and Tay barely threw me a second glance. It was almost like he was ignoring me, but that didn’t make sense. Was he just trying to build up the suspense? Or was he having second thoughts? I seriously hoped not, not after all the progress we’d made. I tried to be patient, but all I could think about was him bending me over in our hotel room or maybe even backstage, and tanning my hide. It was almost startling how much the thought consumed me, but I didn’t care.

It was pure torture. I couldn’t stand it. Finally, I came to a decision. If he wasn’t going to make the first move, then maybe I just needed to earn it. Can’t punish someone if they haven’t done anything wrong, right? So when we got to the hotel after our next show, I insisted on hanging out in his room, doing everything I could to push his buttons. He was being reluctant, but I was going to earn that punishment, damn it. 

“Want some?” I said around a mouthful of Oreos, holding out the bag to him. 

“...No.” He made a face, probably at the way I was spilling crumbs all over the blanket. I heard him sigh, and glanced over. He was glaring at me, but I gave him my most innocent smile. I wasn’t going to make this easy for him.

“What?” 

“Nothing,” he sighed, shaking his head.

“Oh by the way, I used all the towels; you’ll have to call up for more.”

“The fuck did you need _all_ the towels for?” he snapped.

“Well I was drawing a bath, but then my favorite episode came on, and I kinda got… distracted.”

“Oh for fuck’s sake, Zac…”

“Sorry?” I giggled, even though it was pretty obvious how not sorry I was. It was a total lie, but there had been times when I’d really done something similar in the past.

“Yeah,” he deadpanned, glaring at me. “I’m sure you are.”

I looked at him and sighed. This was getting me nowhere. I wanted him to play with me, not to actually get pissed off. I started to worry I’d picked the wrong way to go about this. Still, I couldn’t change tactics now without giving myself away.

“You’re out of pistachios, too,” I told him. “Thought it’d be only fair to let you know.”

“Oh, am I?” he asked, staring blankly at me.

“Yep.”

He sighed heavily and frowned at me. “What’s your problem lately, Zac?”

“Whatever do you mean, dear brother?” 

“You know what I mean. You’re being even more of a little bitch than usual.”

“Am I?” I grinned at him, hoping he didn’t see through me. I didn’t want to give myself away just yet, even though I could feel it coming. “Gee… I didn’t mean to be.”

“Really?” He stared at me, but I just nodded. “I just don’t believe that.”

“Aw… Well I don’t know what to tell you, dear brother. Maybe you’ll just have to… beat the truth out of me?” I was pushing the line pretty damn far at this point, but I needed to get him to understand. He could be so dense sometimes, and I had a feeling this time it was intentional.

“You’d like that, wouldn’t you? And what’s with this ‘dear brother’ shit?”

I batted my eyes at him. “I can’t be sweet to my brother?” I scooted closer; this wasn’t working, so I decided to just go for it. At this point I was willing to live with whatever came of it, as long as _something_ did. “Especially when he buys such nice things for me?”

His eyes widened with realization. “I… I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he stuttered, but it was painted all over his face that he was putting the pieces together.

“Have I told you lately how hot you are?” I asked, looking him up and down.

“No. No you have not.”

“Quite a… stud?” I tried to suppress the smirk, and the giggle as he stared me down.

“Zac. You went through my suitcase.” It wasn’t a question.

“Yes?”

“You went through my suitcase?” he repeated, his tone bordering on whining. I looked down, unable to wipe the grin from my lips. 

“You should learn to hide stuff better.”

“ _You_ should learn not to go through other people’s shit!” he snapped. I stared at him, one eyebrow raised.

“How long have we been brothers?” I snapped back. After a drawn-out pause, he sighed heavily.

“Long enough that I should be used to you going through my shit,” he muttered. “I thought you grew out of that.”

“Keep dreaming,” I replied with a snort. He groaned and turned away from me, crossing his arms. I pouted as I stared at his back; this wasn’t how it was supposed to go. 

“Tay…”

“What.” His clipped tone made me wince, and I started to think I really had gone too far.

“C’mon, don’t be like that. I mean, I was gonna see it eventually, right?”

“Well, actually… you weren’t supposed to see it.” He glanced back at me, turning his head only slightly.

“Aw, did I ruin the surprise? I’m sorry. I really am. I promise to act surprised,” I told him, but he shook his head, pouting at me.

“S’not the same. I was supposed to blindfold you and everything.”

I pouted, now really wishing I hadn’t ruined the surprise. It felt like accidentally finding your ‘From Santa’ presents as a kid.

“I’m sorry,” I said softly.

“It’s not your fault… Well, you shouldn’t have found it, but I should have just done it already.”

“You could do it now… I’ve done a pretty good job of earning it, right?”

“Yeah,” he sighed, “you have.”

“I probably shouldn’t be proud of that, huh?” I giggled, and he eyed me.

“Probably not.”

“Oh well.” I leaned closer to him, nuzzling his neck. “C’mon Tay… please?”

It was his turn to giggle then. “I don’t think it really works as a punishment if you’re begging for it.”

“Don’t care,” I said, nipping at his neck. “Pleeease?” Now that it seemed like I was in the clear, my mind was snapping back to more carnal thoughts.

“Zac,” he groaned, nudging me away, but I caught his earlobe between my teeth, making him yelp. He dug his nails into my side and I gasped, grinding my hips against him.

“Zac!” he said again, and I pulled away.

“Tay? Did I do something wrong?” 

“No,” he sighed, but I wasn’t so sure. 

“Then… why?” I thought for a moment, and then it hit me. I felt like an idiot for not realizing it sooner. “Is it because of Scott?”

“What about Scott?”

“I don’t know,” I said, looking away and shrugging. “Just… we were fine a few days ago.” It was the only thing I could think of, the only thing that could’ve come between us. Maybe I was an idiot, or kidding myself, but for a little while I’d actually started to believe what Tay and I had was on the same level. But of course it wasn’t; how could it ever be?

“If you changed your mind...” I said quietly, not wanting to finish that sentence.

“I didn’t… change my mind. It’s not… You’re not the problem, okay? It’s me.”

I looked at him, pouting again. “Tay… please?” I wasn’t even sure which I was begging for anymore, the physical connection, or the emotional one.

He sighed and frowned, but didn’t give me any more response than that. I curled up to his side, hoping I hadn’t ruined the night.

“I know I wasn’t supposed to see it, but now that I have, I can’t stop thinking about it. Please, Taylor…”

“How the hell am I gonna explain this to Scott,” he mumbled, but I heard it loud and clear. 

I sighed heavily, pulling away. “Just forget it.”

“No, it’s… I mean, if I don’t, he’ll have to punish me.”

I tilted my head, not getting it. Why would Scott punish Tay for not punishing me? How would he even know about it?

“Th-the paddle was his idea for your punishment for… before. The whole ‘forgetting who was the Dom’ thing.”

“Oh.” I felt myself blushing as I remembered that night, but then the pieces clicked into place. It was Scott’s idea. Not Tay’s. It wasn’t the next step in our relationship; it was just a step in _theirs_. 

I felt a sharp pain in my chest, and suddenly I didn’t want to play anymore. “Just forget it then.”

“Well that’s the problem. I can’t. ‘Cause he’s gonna ask if I did it…”

“So just tell him you did,” I said, shrugging. “Whatever.”

“Yeah, because I’m so good at lying.”

I looked at Tay through narrowed eyes. “So tell him the truth and get punished. You like it, so what do you care?” I was getting irritated with him really fast, even though I knew it wasn’t really him I was mad at. But everyone around me knew how short a fuse I had, and this had been one hell of an ignition.

“Yeah. Tell him the truth. That’s a _great_ idea.”

“Whatever, Tay,” I snapped, my voice rising in volume. “Do whatever you want. I’m going back to my room.” I got up and headed for the door. I didn’t want Tay to see me like this, hurt and upset, especially not over him.

“Zac… please. I’m sorry?”

“For what?” I spun around and stared at him, fists clenched. I could feel heat behind my eyes, wet and angry, but I fought it back. 

“For… for not being a better Dom… and just for getting you in the middle of… all this.”

“Yeah,” I said, glaring at him. “Me too.”

“Zac, please. I don’t know what to do to… to fix this.”

That was the big question, wasn’t it? Could our situation even _be_ fixed? I realized with a sickening certainty that it probably couldn’t.

“Nothing,” I said, shaking my head. Just like that, all the anger, all the energy in general was sucked out of me. I felt so tired suddenly. “Just forget it, okay? We… we never should’ve started this.” 

“Are you saying you want out?”

I sighed, looking away. I couldn’t let him see how hurt I was.

“Zac…” he said softly, and I felt something inside me break. I closed my eyes, afraid that if he saw them, he would see how much this was killing me. 

“I don’t want out,” I said quietly. I took a deep breath, forcing myself to voice the truth I’d been ignoring this whole time. “I was never really in to begin with.”

“If it wasn’t what you really wanted… you should have told me. I never would have let it get… this far.”

“Did I say-” I cut myself off with a frustrated sigh. I didn’t need to worry about him seeing my pain; he was clueless, same as he’d always been. I should have known better. “Nevermind. Look, we’re still brothers, still friends, still partners. That’s all we should be, though, and you know it.”

I glanced at him, some tiny part of me hoping he’d protest, but he just nodded and let out a sigh. Somehow, that hurt even worse.

“Right,” I said, steeling myself. “No hard feelings then?”

“Yeah. Right.”

“I’ll see you later, Tay.”

“Later,” came his soft reply, but I was already halfway out the door.

I held it together all the way to my room, but as soon as the door clicked shut behind me I collapsed to the floor. I pulled my knees up to my chest and buried my head in my arms, hoping to muffle the sound of my sobs, violent and angry as they were. I was angry at him, at Scott, but mostly at myself. I was the sick one. I was the one who’d started us down this road to ruin. It was for the best, I told myself, over and over. For the best that we stopped now, while we had some slim chance of returning to some semblance of normalcy. For the best that things ended before my own twisted, fucked-up emotions ruined things between us for good. For the best. 

Maybe if I repeated it enough times, I’d believe it.


	26. Chapter 26

Nov. 2, 2013. Acacia Ave., Glendale, Ca.

_**Scott** _

I stared at my notebook, smiling. _Studio City Sound - Monday - 9:30._ I could hardly believe it, but there it was. I was going into a recording studio to lay down the beginnings of an album. I snapped a pic of the scribbled note and texted it to Taylor, then dialed his number.

“Hello?”

“Hey babe,” I said, grinning. “You get the pic I sent?”

“Yeah… Is that what I think it is?”

“Yep. Going in to lay down a few tracks. Nothing final, but hey, it’s a start, right?”

“I can’t wait to hear it. I… I mean, if you wanna share.”

“As if I’d let anyone else be my guinea pig,” I replied, lying back on the couch. “Speaking of, you’re still coming, right?”

“As far as I know, I am.”

I really was looking forward to seeing him. I knew our relationship wasn’t the best, with him being married and all, but it meant a lot to me that he was willing to put all that on the line. To be honest, it meant a lot more than I wanted him to know. It was almost scary sometimes, how deeply my feelings for him ran. I hadn’t felt like that for anyone in a long time.

“What’re you gonna tell the warden?” I asked. 

“I was thinking… last minute band stuff? Comes in handy having a second band sometimes,” he added with a weak laugh.

“Think he’ll buy it?”

“I… oh,” he said after a moment. “You meant… umm.”

“Your slave,” I finished for him in a low tone.

“Please… don’t call him that,” Tay replied, his voice shaking, and my mind shifted gears, alarms going off.

“Why not?”

“Because I’m pretty sure he’s not. Not anymore.”

“Oh.” I let out a breath. “What happened?”

“I don’t even know,” Tay said, sniffling. “I mean, I know I was having a hard time with the punishments. It’s… It’s not going to come easily to me. But then he just… he wanted out.”

I let out a long sigh. I couldn’t honestly say I was surprised, but that didn’t mean I didn’t feel for Tay. 

“Babe…”

“I don’t know, maybe if I’d been a better Dom or whatever…” He paused, sniffling again.

“Hey, no. Don’t do that.”

“But that’s what it boils down to, isn’t it?” he said, his voice shaking a bit. “He wasn’t getting what he wanted, so he wanted out. _I_ didn’t give him what he wanted.”

“Babe, come on. Don’t beat yourself up. That’s my job,” I added with a chuckle, trying to lighten the mood.

“Yeah, yeah…” he sighed.

“Seriously, though. It wasn’t your fault. And honestly…” I paused, giving a short sigh. “It’s probably for the best. Shit like this can cause all kinds of hell… You don’t want to throw away everything you guys have worked for, and neither does he.”

“I guess if anyone would understand, it would be you, huh?” He gave a weak laugh, and I made a mental note to swat him for that, even if he was right. “But it’s just… I’ve always tried to protect him, but more than that… do everything for him, really. And I know this is something I really shouldn’t do for him, shouldn’t give him…”

“I get it,” I cut him off. “You’re a sub. Textbook sub. Subbiest sub to ever sub,” I laughed. “Not everyone can just switch it up. Like, me? All Dom. No one’s ever been able to top me, and ain’t nobody got the balls to try. There’s nothing wrong with being true to who you are.”

“Well, yeah,” Tay snorted. “But I guess that’s part of the problem, too. I want to give him what he needs, and if I can’t… Well, clearly I can’t. I just don’t know how to go back, now that we’ve crossed that line.”

“Wish I knew what to tell ya there, babe…” I let out a long breath, thinking of my own fucked-up past. “Lord knows I’d go back if I could. Sometimes you just can’t, though,” I said softly, more to myself than him. “But you guys are tight; I think you’ll be fine. Just give him some time to cool down.”

“It’s an understatement to say there’s a lot we’d both like to go back and do differently, isn’t it?” he asked.

“Ain’t that the truth. But then… brought us together. Not all bad, right?” I said softly.

“No. Not bad at all.”

“I can’t wait to see ya, babe.” My chest felt tight; the emotions were almost too much to bear. I’d been doing a lot of thinking lately, about Taylor, my feelings for him and where we were headed. Maybe this was a good time to test the waters. “Got a few presents for ya.”

“Presents?” he echoed, his tone more cheerful.

“Mhm. Gotta keep my slave happy, right?”

“I could definitely use that right now… This week with you can’t come soon enough, Scott.”

“Ditto,” I said, ignoring the way my name on his lips made me feel. “So, babe… you said you never got too deep into the lifestyle, but you’d read up on it, right?”

“Yeah, most of my knowledge until recently has just been theoretical.”

“‘Kay. Well, what do you know about…” I paused to clear my throat. “Collars?”

“Um… not a lot, really?”

“How much is ‘not a lot’?”

“Um… well, I know they’re a thing some people do. And they can mean different things, I suppose.”

“Mhm… like what?”

“Well, just… decoration, I guess. But there’s more than that, right?

“Yeah,” I said, chuckling a bit. “There’s a lot more than that.”

“Are you going to tell me what, or am I supposed to figure that out for myself?” He asked, his tone teasing.

“Hm, decisions, decisions…” I teased back.

“Scott,” he whined, and it was too adorable to resist.

“Okay, okay. Let’s see, how to put this…” I chuckled, but inside I was way more nervous than I cared to admit. “Well, you remember what I told you when I gave you the one you’re wearing now? How serious a decision it was?”

“Yeah… I remember,” Tay said quietly, and I could practically see him playing with the lock.

“Well, think of that as the first… level.”

“Oh… okay.”

It’s like any other piece of jewelry, really. Upgrade the piece, upgrade the meaning. Get it?”

“Like, say… an engagement ring versus a…” Tay trailed off, but we both knew how that sentence ended.

“Exactly,” I breathed.

“I… I think I understand.”

“Do you?” I asked, holding my breath. As soon as the words left my mouth I realized the double meaning… but I didn’t regret it. This was the most serious relationship I’d ever been in, and what I was implying was kind of terrifying. But I knew what I wanted. 

“Yeah, Scott. I do.”

I let out a shaky breath, my head almost dizzy.

“I love you,” I whispered. I didn’t throw those words out carelessly, and I seriously hoped Taylor knew that.

“Love you too, Scott,” came his reply without hesitation, followed by a nervous laugh.

“Why don’t you… do some thinking. About that.”

“I think… I think I will,” he replied softly. “Probably a lot of thinking.”

“Yeah…” I took another moment, then cleared my throat. I could only handle so much emotion at once. “Don’t think too hard, though. You’re gonna need your energy.”

“Yeah, I just… I need to see you. I really do. This break can’t come soon enough.”

“I’ll say. Can’t wait to watch you try your presents,” I added, lowering my voice.

“I just can’t wait, period. I need a break, and I need… you.”

“Likewise, babe.” Sometimes he frustrated me, being all emotional when I was trying to take our conversation down a different path. “Surprised you’re not asking what I got ya.”

“I’m sorry, I know I’m being kind of a downer today. I promise I’m excited about it. It’s just all a lot to think about. But I bet you’re not going to tell me anyway, are you?”

“Oh, I dunno… Depends how good you’ve been, I guess.”

“Well,” he snorted. “That probably depends on your definition of good. I don’t _feel_ very good lately.”

“Guess I need to do my job then. After all, I’m supposed to make you feel good,” I chuckled.

“You do, Scott. At the risk of sounding totally pathetic, you’re about the only thing that does anymore.”

I paused, thinking. It physically hurt to hear him so upset, but there wasn’t much I could do, except maybe…

“Here, let me put you on speaker for a sec,” I said, hitting the button and setting my phone down. “Can you hear me okay?”

“Yeah, you’re coming through loud and clear.”

“Okay, good.” I leaned over and picked up my guitar, then took a deep breath. “Just… don’t judge too harshly, okay?”

“I won’t,” he said, his tone sincere.

_I breathe in slow to compose myself_  
But the bleeding heart I left on the shelf  
Started speeding round, beating half to death  
Cause you’re here and you’re all mine 

_So I press my lips down into your neck_  
And I stay there and I reconnect  
Bravery I’ve been trying to be perfect  
It can wait for a while 

_Scared of the hope in my head it’s been making me sweat but it turns out_  
You’re here with your head on my chest  
I should’ve guessed 

_The world will turn and we’ll grow, we’ll learn how to be  
Incomplete_

_I breathe out now and we fall back in_  
Just like before we can re-begin  
Let your lungs push slow up against my skin  
Let it all feel just right 

_Gone is the emptiness_  
We just take what’s best and we move on  
All of the hurt gets left  
I should’ve guessed 

_The world will turn and we’ll grow, we’ll learn how to be_  
Incomplete  
This here now, it’s where we touch down  
You and me, let’s be incomplete 

_How’d we go without_  
I don’t know but it looks like we’ve made it again  
Tell me you’ll never look down, down 

_And the world will turn and we’ll grow, we’ll learn how to be  
To be incom…_

_I don’t wanna look down_  
I don’t want us to break up in the clouds  
All I want is to stay us, to stay with you now 

_I don’t wanna look down_  
I don’t want us to break up in the clouds  
All I want is to stay us, to stay with you now 

_And the world will turn and we’ll grow, we’ll learn how to be_  
Incomplete  
This here now, it’s where we touch down  
You and me, let’s be incomplete 

As the last chord faded out, I sat staring at the phone, my heart racing.

“Scott,” he breathed finally. “That was… That was really, really good.”

I let out a sigh of relief. It wasn’t that I had expected him to not like it, but hearing him say he did reassured me. I put my guitar aside and picked the phone back up.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. I really mean it, you know I do.”

“I know, babe. It feels good to have something finished. I’m not exactly working towards a deadline or anything, but I am working. And that’s more than I’ve been able to say for a while.”

“Well, maybe I can provide some… inspiration… when I visit,” Tay said slyly, and I chuckled, my mind crashing back into the gutter. 

“Oh I’m sure you can.” The emotional outpouring was exhausting, and making me a little uncomfortable, so I was eager to focus on our more… primal feelings for a while. I thought about the shopping trip I had made just the other day, to the darkly-lit shop downtown. “Speaking of… here, sending you a pic.”

“Oh? A pic for me?” Tay giggled adorably. I got up and headed into the bedroom, grabbing the new leather restraints I’d bought and laying them out on the bed. I snapped a picture and sent it, then laid on the bed.

“...Oh. Oh, I think I am definitely going to enjoy this visit.”

“Mmm, I bet you are. That’s not all I got, either.”

“And do I get pics of those, or are you going to make me die from the anticipation?”

“Well, I could show you… or…”

“Or make me wait,” he cut me off. “Which is evil. So that’s what you’re gonna do.”

“ _Or_ ,” I said again, firmly, then lowered my voice. “I could tell you.”

“You could…”

“Like, I could tell you how much I can’t wait to tie you down…” I said slowly, loving the whimper I received in response. “Blindfold you…”

“Mhm…”

“Take this pretty little knife with your name all over it… maybe leave a few marks.”

“Oh,” Taylor moaned. “I… um, that’s… that’s new.”

“Do you trust me?”

“Of course I do,” he replied instantly, and I smiled. I still couldn’t understand just why he’d placed so much trust in me so quickly; it was humbling and maybe part of why I’d fallen as hard as I had. I’d never had anyone trust me so completely, never given anyone reason to, in longer than I could remember. Knowing he put that much faith in me made me determined not to let him down.

“Good. You know I’d never really hurt you, babe.”

“I know.”

“So, like I was saying… mark you up good. Scratch my initials in that pretty little ass of yours.”

“I… okay.” Tay whimpered again, and I wondered if he was getting as much enjoyment out of this as I was; I sure as hell hoped so.

“Don’t worry, I’m not gonna brand you or nothing. Unless you want me to,” I added under my breath. We were pushing some limits here, but better to test by talking than by doing.

“I’m not so sure that’s…the best idea. You just took me a little by surprise there.”

“Hey, if I ever cross a line, or start doing something you’re not comfortable with, just tell me. Got it?”

“I will, I promise. I don’t think I even know where those lines are, though,” he added, and we both laughed.

“Well, you never know what you like til you try it, right? Of course, I’ve got plenty other things we can try.”

“I’m sure I’ll like all of it. Haven’t found much of anything so far that I don’t.”

“Well, let’s see, what other toys did I pick up…” I sat up, looking over at the bag at the foot of the bed. “If you don’t like the knife, maybe heat things up with a little wax?”

“Wax is good,” he sighed, and I grinned.

“Is it now?”

“I mean, or so I’ve heard…”

“Right,” I chuckled. “Then, there’s always the other extreme.”

“Mhm?”

“Nothing feels better after a burn than some cold, wet, ice.

“That’s… that’s true.” Tay’s tone was a little breathless, and I got a wicked idea.

“I wonder…”

“Hmm?”

“Oh… just thinking,” I replied, trying to sound innocent. “I seem to remember stashing some… popsicles.. in the freezer.”

“P-popsicles?”

“Mhm. They’re not bad… probably taste better being licked off your body, though.”

Tay whimpered again, enough to make me curious.

“You bein’ bad over there?” I knew he was, I could tell by the hitch in his breath that he was jerking off. I wasn’t even upset, despite the rule I’d set in place. The mental image of him lying in his bunk stroking himself was making me think about doing the same thing. Still, I wanted to hear him say it.

“H-how much trouble would I be in if I were?”

“Tell you what. I’ll let this one slide… if you tell me what it is you’re thinking.” I grinned, waiting for Tay’s response. 

“Just… just imagining everything you’re saying. And maybe I wouldn’t mind earning a little bit of punishment this time.”

“Oh yeah? Well if that’s what my baby needs…”

“It is,” he answered, a bit too quickly. I had a feeling I knew why.

“So maybe I won’t be so gentle when you get here then.”

“You know you never need to be gentle with me…”

“If it’s what you need, I do,” I said softly.

“But not… not right now, Scott.”

“You talkin’ back to me?” I growled. I wasn’t actually upset, but right then he obviously needed Dom Scott.

“I didn’t… I didn’t mean to, no. S-sorry.”

“Yeah, well maybe sorry’s not good enough. Maybe I should forget the wax, try out your other toy.”

“M-my other toy?” he panted, and I chuckled.

“I’ll give you a hint.” I got up and put the phone on speaker again, then grabbed the cat o’ nine tails from the bag. I held the phone out as I brought the leather down hard against the edge of the bed.

“Oh!” He gasped. “Oh, I think… I think I’m going to have a new favorite toy.”

“Yeah? You want me to tan your ass?” I asked, smaking the bed again. “Maybe leave some welts?”

“Yes,” he moaned loudly. “Ugh, please, Scott…”

“Yeah, I’ll whip you good,” I said, getting into a rhythm. “Won’t be able to sit down for a week when I’m through with you. You like that?”

“Oh god, yes.”

“Yes _what_?” I growled.

“Y-yes, master?” he panted. “That sounds s-so good, Scott.”

“Damn right it does. You know what else sounds good?”

“Wh-what?”

“Me tasting that sweet ass of yours.”

“Oh god, Scott. Sounds so good…”

“Yeah? Want me to lick you all over?”

“Yes, please. Please, l-lick me.”

“Such a dirty little slut,” I chuckled. “Aren’t you?”

“Yes,” he whimpered. “Yes I am. _Your_ dirty little slut, Scott.”

“Damn right you’re mine.” I paused long enough to take the phone off speaker, drop trou and lay down, taking my aching hard-on in hand. “Gotta get you nice and wet so I can fuck you, right?”

“Yes, oh god… Please, fuck me, please.”

“No one gets this ass but me. You’re mine, aren’t you?” I stroked myself furiously, lost in the thought of slamming into him hard and fast, his loud moans spurring me on.

“Yes! All yours, Scott.”

“Taylor,” I growled, climaxing. His breathy squeak told me he was hitting his at the same time. We both fell silent for a minute, our heaving breaths the only sound. After a few moments I sighed, smirking.

“All mine, huh?”

“I am, you know I am,” he replied softly.

“Yeah. And… you know.” 

“I do, I know.” 

“You feeling a little better now?” I asked, his contented sigh answer enough.

“I am, thank you.”

“Hey, that’s my job. How ‘bout I let you get some rest now?”

“Mmm, I think I need it,” he chuckled.

“Yeah, I wasn’t kidding about needing your energy. And hey, don’t forget… homework.”

“I’ll get plenty of rest, I promise,” he laughed, then fell silent for a moment. “And I’ll do my research. I just… I really can’t wait to see you.”

“I know babe,” I said softly. “Me too.”

“Just two more weeks,” he sighed.

“Hey, Tay?”

“Yeah, Scott?”

I took a shaky breath. It felt strange to be so nervous, especially considering I wasn’t saying anything we didn’t both already know. But somehow voicing it made me feel more vulnerable than I was used to.

“You know I’m yours too. Right?”

“I do, Scott. I know.”

“Right,” I said, trying to hide the fact that I was grinning like an idiot. “Well, get some sleep, babe. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

“Goodnight Scott,” he sighed. Then, in a softer tone, he added, “Love you.”

“Love you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song lyrics used in this chapter were not, in fact, written by Scott Moffatt. The song is "Incomplete" by James Bay, who a lot of people say sounds like Taylor, but we happen to think he sounds more like Scott.


	27. Chapter 27

Nov. 14, 2013. Fredericton International Airport, Lincoln, NB.

_**Taylor** _

The end of a tour is always bittersweet, and that was truer than ever before when it came to this particular tour. It had begun like any other, but in a few short months my life had been turned completely upside down. I felt like a teenager again, torn between so many people who wanted so many different things from me. The difference this time, however, was that I wasn’t a teenager anymore, and physically, I felt even older than my thirty years. Any more of this back and forth and I might lose my fragile grip on sanity altogether.

At least one of the people I’d been engaged in emotional tug of war with had seen fit to let go. Somehow, that wasn’t as much of a relief as it ought to have been. It wasn’t like a normal breakup. Zac was my bandmate, my coworker and my _brother_. Not all ties between us could be severed. Still, he had done his best to avoid me for the last two weeks of the tour. I wondered what he thought and felt, and what he did at night when I could swear I heard him leaving the hotel so late. But I didn’t dare ask any of those questions; he’d built up such a huge wall between us that I knew I wouldn’t get any answers.

How had any of this happened?

It wasn’t the first time I had cheated on Natalie; that part didn’t surprise me at all. I knew me. I knew my weaknesses. Scott hit all of those weak spots, and I think he knew that, too. But Zac… that was something different, an entirely different weak spot that went so much deeper than I realized. What I felt for him had never been sexual or romantic before, but was it really so surprising that my obsessive, protective feelings for my baby brother could get so twisted? When I thought about it that way, it made a strange sort of sense.

And it was equally unsurprising that something so twisted and wrong would blow up in our faces and burn out as quickly as it began.

In just two short months, everything had changed, and now we were expected to return home like nothing at all was different. Whenever I thought about it, I felt like I was suffocating. How could I go home to Natalie now?

I wasn’t, though.

I had promised Scott I would come visit him during our break in the tour, and I was going to do exactly that. My plan had more holes in it than Swiss cheese, but it was too late to back out now. I had changed my flight a few days ago from Tulsa to Los Angeles. When we arrived at the airport, I went for a coffee first before getting in line, allowing a buffer to build up between myself and the rest of the group so that no one would realize I was lying when I told them the flight had been overbooked and I was being moved to a different connecting flight.

It was a horrible plan. I knew it was. But it was all I had. By the time anyone realized I had lied, I would be long gone and I wouldn’t have to worry about the fallout until I returned to Tulsa… whenever that would be. I still hadn’t booked a flight home.

After getting my new boarding pass and checking my bag, I headed through security and found the rest of our group. It was a small airport, so they weren’t exactly difficult to locate.

“Okay, I think the ticket thing is sorted out,” I told them, trying to sound appropriately exasperated. “Good news, I have one now. Bad news, they couldn’t get me back onto the same flight to Tulsa as you guys, what with the different connecting flight. So I’ll be here until this evening, I guess.”

Zac, I was sure, could see right through me. Even if no one else in the group could, he would be the one. I hurried away and took my seat, just one gate over from theirs. It was going to be a long, awkward wait, but somehow I would have to survive it. I pulled out the book I had bought in the gift shop, just to buy myself even more time before facing them all, and flipped to the first page.

Only a moment later, I saw Zac out of the corner of my eye. He plopped down right next to me, but pulled out his phone and thumbed through it. I thought he wasn’t even going to speak to me, but then he asked, “So, you’ll be home late?”

“Yeah…” My eyes flickered to him for just a moment, then back to my book. “They’re rerouting me through Montreal instead of Toronto.”

Zac nodded, but seemed far more interested in his phone than whatever I was saying. Maybe I was wrong; maybe he didn’t suspect anything. Who knew what was going through his mind these days? Certainly not me. All I knew was the he looked tired, as tired as I felt if not more so. When had my baby brother started to look so old and so like he was carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders? I supposed I was to blame for that, like I was for everything else. 

He glanced up at me and scowled. “Do you mind?”

“I’m not… I wasn’t doing anything,” I replied, frowning. How had we gotten to this point, where we couldn’t even have a civil conversation?

“Right,” Zac replied, rolling his eyes. “Just keep your eyes to yourself, right?”

His eyes went straight back to his phone, and it only made me more curious what he was looking at. He could have been texting Kate, I supposed, but I wasn’t even sure how often they talked these days. He rarely mentioned her in conversation—what little conversation we shared—but that wasn’t unusual. The two of them were always strangely private about their relationship, I suppose because they didn’t have as much to prove as Natalie and I did… or so I thought. I wasn’t so sure anymore.

“I wasn’t trying to be nosy,” I finally replied, shifting to the other side of my seat, putting as much space between us as possible without actually moving to a new seat.

Zac snorted. “There’s a first…”

“Zac, I’m not…” I began, then sighed. What was the point? It was clear that he just wanted to argue, even when it didn’t make any sense. “Just… can we not do this? Can we just… not argue, please?”

“If that’s the way you want it, fine,” he replied, his lips turned down into a deep frown.

I pinched the bridge of my nose, feeling a headache coming on. I knew it was one of my own making; when it all came down to it, I was the one who put us in this position. “Zac. Maybe you haven’t noticed, but this is the longest conversation we’ve had since… you know.”

“No kidding,” he replied, heaving a sigh. He glanced down and mumbled, “Maybe I did overreact a little…”

“You… you think so?” I asked, purposefully looking just past him rather than at him.

He shrugged, picking up his phone again. “You know me…” 

I wasn’t sure anymore if we were talking about how he had snapped at me just then or how our entire ill-fated relationship had gone off the rails, but I decided to take a chance and assume that it was the latter. Looking away from him entirely, I said, “Yeah, well… it’s not like it should have gotten that far. We knew that from the beginning.” 

Zac nodded slowly, then to my surprise looked up at me with what I could only describe as hope on his face. It was the closest to happy I had seen him look in weeks. “Why don’t we go out when you get home? Grab burgers and beers, just… you know, hang out. We haven’t done that in a while.”

If my heart hadn’t broken when he walked out of my hotel room, I was sure that it did right then. I wanted so badly to take him up on his suggestion. There was still some hope that we could be brothers, normal brothers, again. I could see that so clearly.

Except… I wasn’t going to be home. And I couldn’t tell him that.

Our last hope to fix what was left of our relationship, and I had dashed it without even knowing it. I wanted so badly to run back to the ticket counter and tell them I had to get to Tulsa, even if it meant they shoved me in with the luggage. I had to get to Tulsa and salvage my relationship with my brother before it was ruined forever. 

But I couldn’t. I had made my bed and I had to lie in it. And I had to lie to Zac.

“I… umm,” I stuttered out, doing my best to fake a smile. “Yeah, if I can get away from Nat and the kids…”

Zac rolled his eyes and smirked. “Like that’s ever been a problem for you. So… tomorrow or Saturday? Just you and me?”

There was so much hope in his grin, and it crushed the shattered pieces of my heart. I nodded weakly, feeling my own smile turn to something more like a grimace. “Y-yeah, sure. You and me.”

“Awesome,” he replied, giving me a huge smile and a nudge.

A shrill voice came over the PA system to announce that flight 5612 with service to Toronto was boarding.

“Well, that’s me,” Zac said. “Give me a call or a text when you land?”

“It won’t be until around eleven Tulsa time, I think,” I replied. It was a weak excuse, and I was sure Zac knew it, even if he didn’t understand why.

“I’m always up late, you know that,” he replied, his voice going a bit more serious. 

My lies and excuses were starting to fail, I was sure. It was only a matter of hours before they failed entirely.

“Yeah,” I replied, giving him what I was sure was the world’s weakest smile. “We’ll make plans, alright? Probably Saturday night.”

Zac bite his lip, and I wanted to crawl under my chair and die. “Promise?”

Biting my own lip so hard I was afraid I would draw blood, I nodded. I couldn’t speak, but I could taste the lie in my mouth and it made me sick.

Zac stared at me, his smile faltering a bit. “’Kay… well, I’ll have my cell on when we’re not in the air. See you soon.”

“See ya, Zac,” I replied, my voice barely above a whisper.

He stared at me for a moment, and I braced myself. He could see right through me, I was sure. Of all the people in the world, even after all we had been through—or perhaps because of it—Zac would be the one to see right through my lies. After a moment, though, he just shook his head and walked away.

I was off the hook… for now.

I should have been relieved, but I knew the worst was yet to come. Everything was going to come crashing down around me, but it was too late to stop it. I could practically see my life flashing in front of my eyes. The worst part was that I knew even if there was a way to stop it, even if I could pinpoint one moment in time to go back and change my fate… I wouldn’t.


End file.
